Discovery of Desire (19 page)

After Seth had been gone five minutes, Mina dressed in her chemise and made a cup of tea. Tea was familiar; waiting naked in a man's bed was not.

What was taking Seth so long? Paying Mr. Rivers for his information should not take a half hour. The door opened and she sighed with relief. She hurried to take Seth's hand. “Are you all right?”

“Don't you worry about me, pretty.”

But his smile was wan and his face pale. The devil take Colin Rivers, and the sooner the better.

“Will you have some tea?” She pulled him to his chair at the table.

“You're a great one for tea and biscuits, Minnie.” He sat, his eyes evasive.

Something was wrong. Rivers must have said something to upset him. “I know you prefer coffee.”

He eyed her chemise and clasped his hands on the table. “Aren't you cold?”

She blinked, automatically looking at her clothes folded at the foot of the platform bed. “I knew you were coming back, so I didn't bother to dress.”

Blunt, Mina.
And not at all flirtatious or enticing or—

“Minnie.”

He looked at her and her heart skipped. There wasn't a man alive with eyes that crinkled like that.

“Minnie…I was thinking, maybe I shouldn't love you.”

Fire ignited in her cheeks, even as her heart shattered. “Oh,” she said quietly. It took her a moment to know what to do next, but she jolted to action when the thought came to dress. “Of course. I shouldn't have asked. The timing is so thoughtless of me—”

“That's not—”

“I'm just not brave.” She couldn't seem to speak over a whisper. “That's why I asked you, Seth. I'm a coward. India will give me a husband and a home. Even now I'm afraid.” She fumbled, tugging on her blouse. “If I weren't…I'd marry you.”

The chair scraped across the floor and, in an instant, she was crushed against his chest. His heartbeat pulsed under her ear and she pressed closer.

“I'm not”—he pushed out a breath—“I'm not all that brave right now, either, Minnie.”

She breathed deep and pulled out of his arms, needing distance. “I have a sister. Mary.” She moved to stand by the window, wrapping her shirt about her. “I wasn't brave with her, either. I left her. In London.”

Seth sat on his bed but said nothing.

“She married a man without a penny to his name. He loved her, he worked, but there was never enough and nothing to save. But they were young and so happy.” She paused. “Frederick died when Mary was pregnant with their son, and then she had nothing. And none of us had anything to give her.”

Seth nodded. “I'm so sorry, Minnie.”

“I begged her not to marry him, but she was in love.”

“She's in London, with her son, isn't she?” Seth's jaw tightened. “In Bethnal Green.”

Did he know that slum? And what that might mean for a penniless widow with a child?

“It's common in London,” she said, “for women who need a little extra money to stand on the street and sell anything they can. And she—”

“I know it.” He stood and pulled her against him, into his arms.

And she could tell him what she'd never told anyone. “Mary said it was only twice. The men frightened her.” Seth's arms tightened. “They wouldn't have been gentle or kind like you. And I wanted to know what it's like to be with a man who cares for me.” It was so easy to say the words. After all this time. “I'm so sorry, Seth, that I can't marry you—”

“Don't, Minnie.”

“Because I love you.” Seth was very still, and instantly she regretted her words. “It doesn't matter—”

He bent and scooped her off her feet.

“
Seth—
”

“Probably shouldn't be doing that,” he rasped before setting her down on his bed. “I don't mean to be picking you up without a by-your-leave, Minnie, but I love you, too.” His throat bobbed with a swallow. “And I'm thinking of how little time we've got left. And if you're afraid…well, I'm afraid, too, but I'd never want you to be.”

He sat on the bed, and his weight dipped the mattress and toppled her onto her side. But he didn't notice the clumsy roll, his eyes intent on hers. “You really love me, Minnie?”

God, yes.
She pushed up onto her elbows and nodded. And she was sadder than she ever remembered being. “I do. I love you.”

Seth blinked rapidly, a muscle jerking in his cheek, but his eyes were latched on hers. “Thank you, pretty.”

She stared without any notion what to say. “You're welcome,” she whispered.

A small grin tugged at his lips. “And I'm real sorry we were interrupted.”

That made her smile—a small, weepy smile, but perhaps that was all right because Seth smiled wider. She sat up and brushed an unruly lock of hair from his brow. “I'm sorry we were interrupted, too.”

* * *

She loves me.

Seth inhaled deeply. No…no, no, he had to hold his nerve. She needed him. What would Shakespeare say? “Screw your courage to the sticking place,” he murmured.

Her hand paused in stroking his hair. “What?”

Little flecks of amber glowed in her eyes. So damn pretty. “Shakespeare.”

“Oh.”

There was so little time now. And he was going to hurt her. “I love you, too, Minnie.” He said it softly, like a promise. And like a prayer.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. “You're always going to call me Minnie, aren't you?”

I'm always going to call you mine.
“Always.”

“Thank you, Seth.”

She whispered the words in his ear, but damned if that didn't shoot straight to his roger. Tensing all over, he set her a little farther back on the bed so he could think. Did he make love to her first?

Or did he tell her about Emma first, and what he just did?

But the way Mina looked at him…and the temptation of her round breasts under her thin chemise…the dizzying scent of rose luring him… His hands reached for her before another dilemma could enter his brain. “Minnie…”

In the next instant, she was under him and their lips reunited. And there weren't words or reasons why they should or shouldn't. There was only this woman, one precious woman in all the world that he loved. And who loved him. “I'd never want you to be afraid.”

Her eyes were soft and glazed, and he clenched because she was stroking his back—damn, that was nice. “And like I was saying before”—he shifted so his weight wasn't crushing her—“it's more for a man's pleasure.”

“You pleased me before.”

“I'm real glad, but that wasn't… It's just I'm not normal-sized. Well, you can see that, but don't be afraid because I'll be fast, meaning I'll not be a month about it. And if you're not comfortable—and you
won't
be”—his throat tightened—“just know another man might be more agreeable to your body. Not that you're doing anything wrong,” he hurried to add.

She squinted at him, her mind flipping through all his words. Then she raised one brow. “Do you think your male organ is too large for intimacy?”

Well.

So damn awkward—

“Seth, I'm not afraid of your size.” She was tugging off his coat and shirt. “I'm a woman of average proportions—”

“I'm thinking you're not—”

“And you may be large and strong, but you're more gentle and careful than other men. The way you lower yourself in a chair.” She untied his neckcloth. “The way you enter a room like you expect the ceilings will be too low.” She unbuttoned his collar. “The way you touch me, like I'll bruise if handled.” She unbuttoned his shirt and trousers. “No woman would ever be afraid of you. Will you take off your boots and trousers for me?”

He blinked, waiting for his brain to be of some use so he could speak. And when it seemed he might be waiting a time, he mutely removed the rest of his clothes and lay down.

Mina moved atop him, her body warm and light, and locked her gaze with his. Her lashes were pure black. Why did he think they were dark brown?

“Are you grateful again?” she asked.

He nodded. Those long lashes fluttered closed, and she kissed him, warm and wet and soft, until his head was swimming and he was hard and throbbing against her belly.

And he was too damn big.

Mina wanted him to be the first…didn't want to be afraid…

“Minnie.”
Forgive me.
He kissed her as tenderly as he could, rolled her under him, and—
please, please, please don't hurt
—entered her in one smooth thrust. The small resistance, the tight channel, and then the heaven of her snug heat cradling him.

He held his breath.

She tensed, but the cry of pain didn't come. Or the bite of nails on his back, like Sofia. Or the squirming and hissed curses, like Raissa.

He must've hurt her—
he must have
. He eased up onto his arms to look her in the face. “Minnie?”

A dark tendril of hair spiraled lazily along her flushed cheek. Brown eyes glittered under heavy lids with what was looking like desire. And a small smile was on her lips. His hips tightened with pleasure, with lust, but he didn't dare move. Not when she was looking perfect like that.

Strong, slim legs climbed his hips to wrap his waist and urge him deeper. He groaned as he sank a little farther, but he didn't allow himself to be embedded to the hilt. “Ah, love. Be careful.”

Her eyes widened; her fingers gripped his hair. Small, panting breaths fanned his face and her lithe torso was tense everywhere he touched. He didn't move…waiting. She writhed under him. Was she hurting? Was she—

“I love how they crinkle,” she whispered.

Hell—
she was addled with pain
.
He hurried to slide out of her, but she gripped his arms, so he froze.

“
No
,” she breathed. “Seth?”

“You're hurting.”

“No.” She looked down at her body, appearing puzzled by his words. “Only a very little. And I wasn't… I'm not.” Her legs tightened, coaxing him closer.

He groaned, holding his weight off her. “I'm too heavy.”

“You're not.” She brushed his hair from his brow. “You're perfect.”

Perfect?

“You're perfect,” she whispered.

She tightened herself around him, and his body shuddered with pleasure. “God, Minnie,” he growled. “That feels…”

“How does it feel?” The sultry way she watched him nearly finished him.

He was going to collapse on her. Clamping her against him, he rolled onto his back. “That feels so right to me, so much like heaven.” He watched her. “I'm not hurting you?”

Shaking her head, she leaned close to him, her cheek against his. He was almost afraid to touch her, so he placed his hands on the small of her taut, slender back. And as if she knew, she moved on him exactly like he'd dreamed. And again, and again, finding her pleasure.

“Oh, Seth,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

God, no woman had ever loved him like this. How did she know to do this? He held her hips, wanting to slow her, wanting this to never end. But she only strained harder and deeper, struggling to capture a rhythm. He nuzzled her neck and that calmed her for a moment.

She raised her head and kissed him. “One place…in all the world.”

What was she saying? He couldn't think, not with his heart pounding and his lungs working as hard as hers. Holding her tight against him, he thrust gently into her.

Small, whimpering moans rose with each push. Her panting lips hovered over his, and her golden-brown gaze sharpened on his. Tears sparkled in her eyes, but she was smiling. “I love you,” she breathed.

“I love you.” He gasped the words as the pleasure rose between them. The sweetest he'd ever felt.

He gripped her tightly, careful not to bruise her soft skin. “Minnie…ah, love.” God, this was loving. This was how it was supposed to be. He kissed her firm, round breast, the nearest, sweetest part of her he could reach. And he was going to come hard. Her body was slick with the effort of their coupling, and a grunt of approval escaped his lips.
Don't hurt her…don't…

He clamped down and thrust deep and slow, the sensation spiking—

“
Oh God!
” she cried, finding her completion and he groaned with her.

A powerful, shuddering quake wracked him and, before it was too late, he lifted her off him and spilled into the sheets.

His heart pounded against his ribs, and with his last ounce of strength, he pulled her into his arms. And Mina flowed over him, soft and warm and fitting against him like God made her just for him.

And He must have at that. He must have.

She was quiet. And that was all right. There wasn't anything to say.

She breathed deep, and the sound wasn't steady. He tried to look at her but she hid her face. His hand stilled on her head, where he'd been stroking her hair. “Minnie? Are you sure I didn't hurt you?”

“You were wonderful,” she whispered. “I never imagined how wonderful this could be.”

“It was never going to be right,” he said. “Not until you. I know it now.”

She pushed up on her arms to look at him. “Seth…I don't think you hurt those other women.”

He shook his head, not wanting to think about them.

“Are you certain that you did?”

“Minnie—”

“You can talk about them. Did you make love to them like you did to me?”

“They were nothing like you.” But Mina waited. She was patient like that. He blew out a breath. “They weren't virgins, but I was still nervous. I was careful with 'em, too. But they, uh, thrashed around a lot more. They spoke Portuguese but I understood
muito grande
and calling for Jesus and God. And
mais rápido
—which means ‘faster,' like they wanted me to hurry and finish.”