Discovering You (12 page)

The way she looked at him these days...

“What is it?”

She slipped inside the room and closed the door behind her. It was too dark to see what she was wearing, but when she came closer he recognized one of his old T-shirts. He knew that was what she normally wore to bed. She snagged various shirts out of the laundry, but he'd noticed that they always belonged to him.

“Something wrong?” He couldn't help wondering what she was wearing
underneath
that T-shirt. He hoped she had on a pair of panties almost more than he hoped she didn't...

“We have only two months left,” she said.

We?
“Until you leave?”

“Yes.”

He cleared his throat. “You excited?”

“No. Why would I be?”

“Because college is...college. It's supposed to be a blast. And you're the only one in the family to have that opportunity.”

She fidgeted with the edge of his blanket. “I don't care.
You
won't be there. That's all that matters to me, so it doesn't sound like fun at all.”

His heart began to knock against his ribs. “You might find it hard to be away from home at first, but you'll get used to it.”

“Are you even listening to what I'm saying?” she snapped. “I don't care about leaving
home
. I care about leaving
you
. You're all I want, all I've ever wanted.”

What could he say to that? “Natasha, stop. Don't make things weird between us. Our parents are married.”

“So what? We were both adults when that happened. Absolute strangers when we met two and a half years ago.”

“
I
was an adult. You were sixteen.” That was the other problem... Maybe she'd just turned nineteen, but the age difference hadn't narrowed.

“Almost seventeen. I know what I feel. Know
who
I want. Don't treat me like a baby. You've never done that before.”

“Listen, it's just a crush,” he said. “You'll meet someone else once you get to school.”

For a long time she said nothing, merely kept her head bent as she stared at the carpet. “So you don't love me back.”

Those six words hit him like a fist to the gut. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. “Natasha, this isn't about love. It's about—”

“What?” she broke in. “That we've lived together for two years because our dysfunctional parents happened to find each other on some website and wound up getting married? Why should that keep us apart? We're no more related now than we were then. It's not like your father raised me—or my mother raised you.”

“Trust me. It matters, whether we want it to or not,” he said. “Besides, you're too young for me.”

“At
nineteen
?”

“Nineteen is too close to eighteen! There's someone else out there for you.”

She stood up. “That's not true. There's
never
been anyone else.”

“There could be. I've seen the way guys look at you. You've had plenty of interest.”

“I've never been interested in
them
.”

Mack's chest constricted, making it tough to breathe. “Good. Wait until you fall in love. Sex is much better if there's love involved.”

“Stop it!” she yelled. “Just...stop! I hate that you won't listen to what I'm saying.”

He said nothing. She might be only nineteen, but she was the oldest nineteen-year-old he'd ever met. With a mother like Anya, she'd seen it all growing up, could never be called naive.

“Whether you want to hear this or not, I'm in love with you,” she whispered harshly. “I'd give
anything
to be with you.”

There. She'd said the words. What they'd both tried to ignore for months and months. And now that it was out, how was he going to avoid her for eight more weeks? Avoid giving her what she wanted—what they
both
wanted?

“You're too young to even know what love is.” He knew that would start a fight. She'd never stand for such patronizing bullshit. She'd already called him on that kind of behavior once in this conversation. But he also knew if she didn't leave right now, he'd pull her into his bed and show her that she wasn't alone in what she was feeling.

She stepped closer to him. “Can you honestly say you view me as your little sister?”

“Yes. Of course,” he lied, because it didn't matter how
he
viewed her. They lived in a small town. He couldn't embarrass his brothers by getting involved with the girl they'd been calling their stepsister. After what his mother had done, and then his father, his brothers had been through enough. They'd finally gained some respect in this community. He wasn't going to undermine that.

She reached over and turned on the lamp. Then she yanked off the T-shirt she was wearing and tossed it on the floor. “Say it
now
,” she said, standing before him in nothing but a pair of lacy panties. “Tell me you don't want to see this, that you don't want to touch it.”

He couldn't. He told himself to look away, to look at
anything
except what she'd just revealed. But it was impossible. Several seconds passed before he could subdue the desire that welled up and nearly choked him. “Put your shirt back on,” he said when he found his voice.

God, when had she pierced her nipples? And who the hell had done it? She was too young for that! But she'd always been wild, and it was partly that edginess that got to him. He wanted to protect her, make her whole. Not that he could act on that desire. It wasn't his place. Eventually some other man would see her the way he did, and he hoped to high heaven he'd be able to tolerate that when it happened.

He watched her throat work as she swallowed, could tell by the way she set her chin that she was close to tears. “That's all you're going to say?” she asked.

What else
could
he say? That she was perfect? Every bit as beautiful as he'd imagined? That he was only a heartbeat away from taking her into his bed?

He got up to retrieve the shirt so he could hand it to her. He had to cover her up, before he did the opposite and removed the tiny scrap of fabric that was left. Did she have any idea what she'd just done to him? How much more difficult it would be to sleep, now that he had that image of her in his mind?

He didn't think he'd
ever
forget the sight of her standing there almost naked, glaring defiantly at him as if she knew in her heart what he wouldn't say...

“Fine. If you don't want me, I'll find someone who does,” she said and, grabbing the shirt he held, stormed out of his room.

Mack felt sick to his stomach. Turning her away had to be hurting him more than it was hurting her. At least, he hoped that was true, because he couldn't bear the thought of causing her pain.

He almost went after her, but he stopped himself. That would only make matters worse. But he wished he
had
gone after her when, five minutes later, he heard the roar of an engine outside and the squeal of brakes as she tore out of the drive.

11

R
od dropped India off at her house and told her to pack a few essentials and come through the door off the deck, since she didn't want his brothers to know where she'd be sleeping. He doubted he and India could keep it secret for long, but he didn't mind giving her a few nights to get acclimated.

He went in through the front, to say good-night to anyone who might be up. He couldn't go straight to his room, though, when he found Mack sitting at the kitchen table in the light that spilled from the entry, drinking a beer. His brother had obviously come from bed. He was wearing nothing except a pair of boxers—another reason Rod was glad he'd told India she could use the deck entrance. But Mack half-naked wasn't the problem. Mack being upset was.

“What's going on?” Rod asked. The TV wasn't even on in the other room. Why was his youngest brother sitting alone in the dark?

“Nothing.”

Something
was wrong. He studied Mack, looking for clues, but couldn't figure it out. His hair was mussed, as if he'd been running his hands through it, and he seemed to be in a bad mood, which was unusual for him. But...why?

When Mack offered no explanation, Rod walked over to the fridge to get himself a drink. “You don't want to talk about it?”

Mack took a long pull on his beer. “There isn't anything to talk about.”

“You're pissed off.” Or maybe he'd had his feelings hurt, but Rod wasn't going to suggest that. It was the least attractive option for someone like Mack—for any of them—to admit to. “I think I know you well enough to pick up on that.”

“Just can't sleep.”

He sat down across from his brother. “Because...”

Mack's broad shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Too hot, I guess.”

Hot?
The air conditioner was chugging along. Rod thought it was actually a little chilly in the house. But he didn't contradict him. He cracked open his own beer. “Grady still out?”

“No. Came in a couple of hours ago. He's in bed now.”

Rod paused before bringing the bottle to his lips. “His truck isn't in the drive.”

“Natasha took it.”

“When?”

“About ten minutes ago.”

“Did Grady tell her she could?”

“Doubt it.”

Rod took a swallow of his beer. “So where'd she go?”

“No clue.”

That was surprising. Mack usually knew where Natasha was. That was one of the things that made Rod uncomfortable. His youngest brother kept close tabs on her—like the other night, at Sexy Sadie's. Mack was the one who'd noticed that Liam was bothering her. And once Natasha decided to leave, Mack didn't stay much longer. It was almost as if he got bored when she wasn't around.

Rod checked the time on his phone. “It's after midnight.”

“I know.”

So
that
was it. Mack was worried about Natasha. Maybe they'd even had a fight. “You don't think she's in any kind of trouble...”

Mack stared at his bottle as he turned it around and around. “Who knows?”

“Well, she's not old enough to get into the bar. They only allow eighteen and up on Fridays, when they have certain bands. So she can't be at Sexy Sadie's.”

“If they figure they can get away with it, they let hot chicks in, anyway.”

“Those would be hot chicks from out of the area. Everyone knows how old Natasha is. So where else might she go? A friend's?”

“You might have noticed she doesn't have a lot of friends,” he said with a degree of sarcasm. “None she's particularly close to, anyway. She's never really fit in with that giggling group she's had over a couple of times or anyone else at the high school. She mostly hangs out with us.”

Rod
had
noticed. He also felt he knew why. “If she just left, it's too soon to panic. Maybe she'll be right back.”

Mack began to peel the label off his beer. “I don't think she will.”

“Then...what do you want me to do?” Rod could tell he had something in mind.

“Any chance you'd be willing to go out and drive around? See if you can spot Grady's truck?”

As concerned as he was for his brother, Rod's first thought was of India and the fact that she'd soon be in his bed. “Why don't
you
?”

When he looked up, Rod realized that Mack
wanted
to go after her. He was holding himself back, afraid of what might occur if he found her.

“Should I ask what happened between you?”

“No. I will tell you that I didn't touch her, though. I swear it.”

“Okay.” He didn't press for more of an explanation.

“Will you go?”

India was only coming over to sleep. Rod supposed she could do that without him. Chances were good she'd prefer some privacy. Being alone in his room would give her a chance to drift off in a safe place without feeling she needed to be wary of him. “Sure. I'll see what I can find out.”

“Text me when you have news,” Mack said, looking up as Rod stood. “But don't mention that I was the one who...who needed to know.”

Leaving his beer on the table, he squeezed his brother's shoulder. As he'd guessed, the poor son of a bitch was so emotionally distraught he couldn't tell which way was up. “I will. Finish that for me, huh?” Rod gestured at what was left of his beer.

“Yeah.” Mack tipped back his own bottle. “I plan to drink everything in the house.”

Rod paused for a second. He almost said that time and separation would help. He'd never met a woman he couldn't get over. But he wasn't sure he'd ever really been in love. And he hoped love wasn't what Mack was grappling with now.

Nonetheless, he wouldn't be doing Mack any favors by putting it into words. So he walked out and started his truck. Then he texted India to let her know he had to run an errand that might take an hour or so.

* * *

India received Rod's text while she sat on the edge of her bed. Although she'd already packed a pair of pajamas and a few toiletries, she'd been wrestling with herself about going over there. She felt too vulnerable in her own house, so the safety appealed to her. Other aspects did, too. That was what stopped her.

She couldn't turn to a man like Rod, couldn't allow herself to lean on him, not without inviting other problems into her life. It wouldn't be fair to him if she did. She wasn't
his
responsibility.

Then she received word that he wouldn't even be there when she arrived—and that made the decision for her. He'd come home later, of course, but as long as she was asleep, it wouldn't matter. She'd have one night during which she could rest peacefully, one night when she wouldn't have to listen for someone breaking in. Later on she could decide whether she should return to Rod's bed tomorrow night or the night after.

No problem
, she typed and sent her message.

A ding alerted her to his reply.

You're coming though, right? I don't want you staying in that house alone anymore.

He was the kind of man who took charge and felt comfortable doing it. But India didn't mind. She liked the way he'd jumped in to help. That, along with the confidence he'd cobbled together simply by proving himself over the years, was part of her attraction to him. Maybe he wasn't highly educated or someone who would've made the contributions Charlie could've made, but, other than what he'd received from Dylan, he'd had very little support in life. Rod was street-smart—a self-made man who didn't seem to be afraid of anything because he'd already fought his way through so much. She figured there were worse things than falling under the protection of a guy like that.

She slung her bag over her shoulder and stood up.

I'm coming.

Good. Get some sleep. I'll be there soon.

She heard his truck start and wanted to ask where he was going, but he would've mentioned it if he wanted her to know.

She hoped it wasn't out to buy condoms...

Shifting her mind away from
that
possibility, she went around to all the doors and windows to make sure they were locked. Then she let herself out the back and hurried across the yard.

* * *

Natasha leaned against the brick wall of the high school gymnasium, hugging her knees to her chest as she stared out over the matted grass between the buildings. She was no longer a student here, had never fit in to begin with, so she found it ironic that this was the only refuge she could think of. But where else was there? She wasn't old enough to get into Sexy Sadie's tonight, and most other places in Whiskey Creek weren't open late. It wasn't as if she had any girlfriends she could turn to. Boyfriends, either. The guys she'd met in high school had never held any appeal.

How could they? They seemed so young and immature compared to Mack.

She pulled out some of the blades of grass around her. She'd earned a 4.0 GPA her senior year, something she'd never dreamed she could do. Maybe that was why she'd come here. To pay tribute. To remember that she had that small bit of success to build on. She was going to college as a result—had received a partial scholarship as well as a grant from the government. It had simply never occurred to her that college would be in her future, not with what she'd experienced in the past.

But the thought of how well she'd done in school brought her back to the Amos brothers. She wouldn't have been able to do it without them and the stability they'd introduced to her life. They'd stepped in and provided a unified front, protecting her from all the crazy shit her mother used to subject her to. She'd known, almost from the beginning, that even if her mother divorced their father, she'd have a home with them until she graduated.

She was grateful for that, loved every single one of them like a brother—except Mack. The way she loved him was different. She'd never felt anything so powerful in her life.

But women in general loved Mack. While she'd been waiting to come of age, he'd entertained one woman after another. Watching that hadn't been easy. Just looking at him made her ache to touch him, and not in the way he'd always touched her, with that careful, platonic embrace—if he allowed himself to embrace her at all. She knew he felt more than he'd ever admit, could see how he tensed whenever she got too close and how his gaze trailed after her when he thought she wasn't looking, even when he had another woman over. Sometimes that was when he treated her the most warmly, as if that other woman acted as some sort of defense against his own feelings.

Too bad none of that mattered. She'd been labeled his “stepsister” because of a piece of paper that had joined her mother to his father less than three years ago, and that was all there was to it. He felt he
had
to leave her alone. He'd be too ashamed to do anything else.

A pair of headlights swung into the lot. Natasha peered into the darkness. Part of her hoped it was Mack, that he'd changed his mind.

But it wasn't. She recognized Rod's blue truck as he parked. No doubt he'd noticed Grady's SUV in the lot.

With a sigh, she stood and wiped off her bottom, which was wet from the dewy grass. She was still wearing nothing but her panties under Mack's T-shirt. She'd rushed out of the house without a thought for anything except escape, hadn't even asked to take Grady's truck. She'd found his keys on the counter and scooped them up. But as long as she didn't get into a wreck, she didn't think he'd mind. And the T-shirt was big enough that it hit her midthigh, so it wasn't as if she was any more naked than if she'd been wearing a skirt.

“Over here,” she said once Rod had jumped out and started calling her name.

He stopped on the blacktop and rested his hand on his hip while he waited for her to come out of the shadows. “You okay?” he asked, looking her over carefully the moment she was standing in the moonlight and he could see her clearly.

“I'm fine,” she lied.

“What are you doing
here
?” He gestured to the school with his cast.

“Just thinking.”

“About...”

“I'm considering leaving Whiskey Creek early,” she told him. “If I move to Utah right away, it should be easier to get a job. You know, before all the other kids arrive for fall semester. Might as well get settled in.”

She could tell when he didn't argue with her, didn't mention the job she had here, that he had some inkling of what was going on. She wondered what Mack had told him. Mack must have said something. Otherwise, Rod would've gone to bed without thinking twice about the fact that Grady's SUV was gone. The brothers came and went all the time without anyone really keeping track, and they tried to ignore J.T. and Anya altogether.

“That might be for the best,” he agreed.

When he said that, it felt as though he'd plunged a fork into her heart. She swallowed hard and blinked rapidly but couldn't overcome the tears that welled up.

She thought he'd ignore them. She wanted him to. She wished she could be as stoic as the rough-and-tough Amos brothers. No one dared to mess with them; they could take care of themselves in any situation. Besides, they weren't comfortable with displays of emotion, which was part of the reason she never let them see her cry.

Rod wasn't any different from his brothers in that regard, but he didn't ignore her tears. He pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head.

“I've never felt
anything
worse than this,” she admitted as he held her.

He didn't request an explanation. “It won't always be this bad,” he said simply. Then he released her so they could head home.

* * *

It didn't take Rod more than a few minutes to realize that he'd overestimated his ability to share a bed with India. He'd been gone long enough that she was dead to the world when he crawled in. He'd expected that, thought it would put a decisive end to the evening and he'd have to settle for just being close to her.