Discovering You (26 page)

“Neighborhood looks expensive,” Rod said.

“It is,” she admitted. “We paid $1.5 million for the house, and it's only eighteen hundred square feet.”

“Wow.” He seemed suitably impressed. “Must be hard to move to Whiskey Creek after living like this,” he said. “The pace of life, everything, is so different.”

She could tell the differences bothered him, made him feel he was at a disadvantage. “I'll be happy if I can just survive the next few weeks and months and begin rebuilding my life.”

“Understood,” he said.

She wasn't quite sure what he understood. He seemed to think she'd warned him off. She supposed, in a way, she had. But they didn't have the chance to talk about it. A woman dressed in workout clothes and pushing a stroller came jogging down the street. India recognized her immediately and wished she'd driven away a few seconds earlier, because now it was too late to escape without being seen. Ellie Cox, the friend who'd left her that message, was out for an afternoon run.

“Oh no,” she muttered.

“What is it?” Rod asked, but there was no time to explain. Ellie was approaching her window, so she lowered it.

“India!” Ellie cried. “How wonderful to see you again!”

India masked her true feelings with a smile. “Great to see you, too.”

Pressing a hand to her chest, Ellie took a moment to catch her breath. “So where are you living these days? I tried calling, but I'm not sure I have the right number anymore.”

India stated her name on her voice mail greeting, but she didn't point that out. Neither did she specify her new location—although Ellie might already have heard she was in Whiskey Creek. “I got your message, but life's been so hectic for me, what with all the changes. I haven't had a chance to get back to you. I'm sorry.”

“No problem. I was only checking in, making sure you were okay.”

India didn't believe she cared. Not for a minute. She'd done nothing to support India through the trial, had distanced herself as much as her husband, Mitchell, had. But for the sake of avoiding confrontation and being polite, India played along. “I'm fine. Thanks.”

Ellie's gaze shifted to Rod. “Is this...a friend?”

“My new neighbor, Rod Amos,” she said, then introduced Rod to Ellie.

“Nice to meet you.” Ellie's words were polite, but her voice seemed to say, “Look at you...with another man already.”

Or was that India's imagination? She had to admit she'd become sensitive to criticism.

Rod dipped his head. “My pleasure.”

“It's great that you're meeting new people,” Ellie said.

India curved her fingernails into her palms. “Yeah. Having a friend has made the transition a lot easier.”

Ellie's eyes flicked to India's wedding ring. “I'm happy to hear that.”

India turned her attention to Ellie's baby, who was gnawing on his chubby fist. “Grant's getting big.”

“He's a handful. He was
such
a colicky baby.”

Knowing Ellie, that meant he got up once a night. Ellie had never been one to feel she should have to sacrifice. “He's darling.”

“We think so.”

The sight of her friend's child reminded India that she and Charlie had been planning to have another baby. They'd initially wanted only one, which was why they'd waited. But about a year ago, India had changed her mind, and Charlie had slowly warmed to the idea...

“How's Mitchell?” India asked.

“Busy, as always. You know Mitch. He's as much of a workaholic as Charlie was.”

The mention of Charlie hung so awkwardly in the air that, for a second, India wasn't sure how to react. She felt like a completely different person than when she'd been married to him. As if the murder had somehow exposed her for the pretender she'd been, white trash living a fairy tale with her heart surgeon husband. As if she'd never had the right to live in this house or be friends with Ellie or the other residents on the block.

She started the car. “Sorry to rush off, Ellie, but we're heading over to Charlie's parents' and don't want to be too late.”

“You're taking Rod to meet Charlie's parents?” she asked in surprise.

Definitely not. Rod had agreed to hang out at an internet café, where he could grab a bite to eat and surf the web during her visit with Cassia. She'd intended to minimize the fact that she was with another man. Ellie couldn't make a big deal of it if Rod was going to her in-laws' place with her. “Of course,” India said. “Why not?”

“No reason,” Ellie replied. “Tell them I said hello. It was wonderful to see you.”

“You, too.”

“Call me soon. We'll do lunch.”

“I will,” India lied and, with a wave, drove off down the street.

She'd driven three blocks before Rod said anything.

“Is that what you want?” he asked at length. “To be like Ellie? To lead the type of life she does? To have what she has?”

She understood what he was asking. He wanted to know if what she dreamed and longed for was something he'd never be able to give her.

She considered the implications. Did she need San Francisco, with all the people and connections it offered? The abundance of art? The culture? The wealth and prestige Charlie had afforded her?

No. She could live a much simpler life and be happy.
That
wasn't the problem.

Reaching over, she took his hand. “I wouldn't mind the baby.”

23

C
laudia couldn't even manage a smile when she opened the door. “India! What are you doing here?”

“I came to the city to do some shopping for the new house and I couldn't go back without saying hello.”

“Oh.” There was a marked hesitation, but then she stepped back. “Would you like to come in?”

“Mommy!” Cassia came running the second she heard her mother's voice.

India scooped her up and held her close. “Mommy has missed you
so
much, little girl.”

“Miss you, too, Mommy,” Cassia mumbled, locking her arms tight and pressing her face into India's neck.

Charlie's father got up from his recliner. The coloring books scattered on the floor indicated Cassia had been coloring while he watched the news and Claudia made dinner. India could smell garlic and other aromas drifting out from the kitchen.

“Why didn't you call?” he asked. “Let us know you were coming?”

“I thought it would be fun to surprise you,” she replied.

He and Claudia exchanged a look, but India ignored their displeasure. Rod had been right. She'd needed to see her daughter and was glad she'd come. “What have you been up to, Cass?” she asked, pulling back to peer into her daughter's face.

“Making you a picture.” She wriggled to get down so that she could lead India over to her spot on the floor.

“Wow! That's beautiful!” India exclaimed as she examined the partially colored butterfly. “You do fabulous work.”

Cassia dropped the coloring book and began to tug India toward the back door. “Papa and Mimi bought me a trampoline. Come see.”

“A
trampoline
?” India echoed. Wasn't that sort of a large present?

“She's had so much fun with it,” Claudia said. “And, of course, it's good exercise.”

India couldn't help noticing that neither Claudia nor Steve had really welcomed her. They hadn't embraced her, hadn't asked how she was doing or how she liked Whiskey Creek. They'd said none of the things they would've said back when Charlie was alive, and coming to this house had been such a pleasant experience. “You don't mind having a trampoline in your yard—even though she won't be here that often?” she asked.

Claudia averted her gaze when she responded. “It'll give her something to look forward to when she does come.”

The terrible feeling India had had since Charlie's death—the feeling that his parents thought
they
should raise Cassia—made the hair stand up on her arms. Surely that was paranoia talking. They wouldn't even
consider
it... Would they?

The trampoline was huge, a full-size one that took up a large portion of the backyard. “You know the plants below the bed will die from lack of sunlight,” she said to Claudia, who'd followed them out.

Cassia scrambled up to demonstrate how high she could jump.

“We don't mind.” Claudia checked over her shoulder, as though she expected her husband to back her up, but Steve had stayed in the house.

Again, India told herself it was just her own insecurities, but Steve acted as if he could hardly stand to be around her.

“Jump with me, Mommy,” Cassia called out, and India took off her shoes. She'd always loved trampolines, and this one was the best money could buy. They played on it for almost an hour before they were too exhausted to continue. By then Claudia had gone in to finish supper—and hadn't come back.

“Are we leaving now?” Cassia asked as they went inside. “Should I get my clothes?”

India glanced at the table. Claudia had set only three places. The Sommerses weren't going to invite her to join them for dinner. “Not tonight,” she told Cassia. “But you'll be coming home soon. In about twelve days.”

Cassia's face fell. “No!” she said. “I want to go now.”

“But you've been having so much fun with Papa and Mimi. They just bought you that tramp. You don't want to leave it this soon, do you?”

Cassia threw her arms around India's legs. “I miss
you
.”

India bent to kiss her soft cheek. “I miss you, too. We won't be apart much longer. I promise.”

“Why can't I come home?”

“Because we have so many things planned.” Claudia spoke from where she stood at the stove. “You don't want to miss out. Papa promised to take you to the Monterey Bay Aquarium to see the octopuses and the sharks and the eels, remember?”

“Why can't Mama take me?”

“Your mother has to work.”

That wasn't strictly true. India could go to the aquarium; she worked for herself. But apparently she wasn't to be included in
any
of their adventures. “Papa and Mimi have been looking forward to visiting with you for a whole month. I can't disappoint them by taking you home early.” She smoothed her daughter's fiery-red hair, hoping to calm her, but Cassia wasn't so easily put off.

“You're
leaving
?” she cried as soon as India straightened.

“I have to,” India replied.

“No! I want to go with you!”

Claudia's scowl hit India like a dart to the chest, made her hyperaware of her mother-in-law's disapproval.

“I'm getting ready to open my pottery store, remember?” she told Cassia. “That takes a lot of time.”

“I'll help you,” her daughter promised.

“When you get back.”

“No!” she said and started crying. “I want to go!”

Claudia pushed the skillet she'd been using to sauté asparagus spears off the burner and trudged over to peel Cassia away. “This is why we'd rather you'd called,” she murmured. “She was doing fine. Why'd you have to upset her?”

“That wasn't my intention.”

“Don't, Mimi!” Cassia tried to squirm away from her grandmother. “I'm going with Mama!”

Steve entered the kitchen, lifted Cassia into his arms and carried her down the hall, away from India. “Don't be naughty,” India heard him say. “We still have lots of things to do. You'll be glad you stayed.”

“I'd rather not leave you with a crying child,” India said when her daughter was out of earshot. “I'm happy to take her home with me, if that would be easier. I could always bring her back next week, when she'd probably be excited to stay again.”

“I can't believe this,” Claudia said. “That's what you were hoping would happen, isn't it? You thought you'd come here and get her all riled up, then you'd take her home early. You couldn't back off and give us one month with our granddaughter, despite the fact that we just lost her father eleven months ago.”

So many retorts rose to India's tongue she almost couldn't decide which one to use. “I don't mind sharing her, don't mind letting you enjoy her. That's why I agreed to ‘Mimi's Camp' in the first place, Claudia. I was just...missing her. So I came for a visit.”

“Why couldn't you have waited two more weeks and saved us this upheaval?”

“I needed to see my daughter!”

“Of course. And, as usual, you put your own feelings first.”

“As usual?”
India gaped at her mother-in-law. “I'm sorry about the loss of your son.” She kept her voice low so Cassia wouldn't hear—although there was little chance of that because she was crying louder than ever. “But I've lost everyone who's ever mattered to me. If you think, for one second, that you've had it harder than I have, perhaps you should consider
my
losses. And I know you don't believe it, but I didn't do anything to hurt Charlie. I
loved
him. I still love him, will always love him. So I'm as much of a victim in this as you are. Maybe even more. The last time I checked, there was no one pointing a finger at you, blaming
you
for his death!”

Rearing back as if she'd been slapped, Claudia looked stricken. She almost crumpled, almost moved to hug India. India could see her emotions waver, just as she could isolate the moment Claudia realized she couldn't quite overcome her doubts. What she'd heard in court had destroyed all the love and trust that had once existed between them. “I wish I could believe that,” she said.

“This isn't what Charlie would've wanted,” India whispered. “Please. You're letting Sebastian take even more from us than he already has.”

Tears sprang to Claudia's eyes, once again revealing the vulnerability that had threatened to come out a few seconds earlier. “You're right,” she said. “I'm
so
sorry. Sometimes the grief gets so bad, and I miss him so much, I...I get angry, need to find someone to blame.”

“
I
didn't hurt him,” India insisted. “I was telling the truth in court. I was only trying to help Sebastian get to LA, where his mother was, so he could receive the support he needed.”

Her torment showed in her eyes. “But why'd you have to do that? He isn't worth your time or effort.”

“I once cared about him. And I was in a better situation than he was. I felt it was my duty to help an old friend. That's all. But feeling responsible—for allowing Sebastian back into my life—only makes what I'm going through worse. Can't you understand that?”

Tears began to slip down Claudia's cheeks. “Of course I can,” she said and pulled India into her arms. “We'll get past this,” she whispered. “Somehow, we'll heal and learn to live without him.”

* * *

Since India was smiling when she drove up, Rod could only assume the visit with her daughter had gone well.

“You look happy,” he said as he got in.

“I am. You were right. Although the visit got a little rocky there for a while, it also brought all the tension to a head and gave me the chance to tell Charlie's mother—again—that I had nothing to do with her son's death. And she needed to hear it.”

“Was she receptive?”

Her smile broadened. “Yeah. She even hugged me before I left.”

He squeezed her arm. “That's nice. How's Cassia?”

“Great. They've been buying her toys,
expensive
toys, and taking her all over the place—basically spoiling her rotten. But I guess that's what grandparents are for.”

“Then you didn't mind leaving her...”

She merged into traffic. “You thought I might bring her with me?”

“I was sort of hoping.”

“Why?”

Because the question of whether she'd ever be willing to include him in her family would've been answered. As long as she kept Cassia separate, she kept part of herself separate, too. But he didn't say that. “I don't like the way they make you feel,” he told her, and that was also true.

They came to a stop at the light. “I decided it wouldn't be wise, not with what we're trying to do right now,” she said.

“She could hang out at the motel with us, go swimming during the day, to the park.”

“But having her means so much to them. I felt I should let her finish out her stay. It was tough to leave her, though, especially when she started to cry.”

“I can imagine.” Was there more to her decision? Like the fact that she was with him?

She threw him an accusing glance. “You don't think I should've left her.”

“I think it's fine, as long as it was your choice and not theirs.”

The light switched to green. “My relationship with the Sommerses has taken a turn for the better. I'm feeling encouraged.”

Despite those words, Rod sensed that she was experiencing some regret at leaving Cassia, maybe even some fear that they'd be unfair in the end. “At least things are moving in a positive direction.” He looked at his watch. “Did they feed you? It's nearly seven. I'd like to head back to the motel, unless you're hungry.”

“I can wait.”

“You haven't eaten?”

“Claudia was cooking dinner, but she didn't invite me to stay.”

“Why not?” How hard could it have been to include one more person—the mother of their grandchild?

“I'm sort of wondering myself. They had plenty. But by the time we had our little...talk, I'd said goodbye to Cassia. Claudia probably didn't want to start that whole mother-parting-from-child process all over again.”

Rod tried to give the Sommerses the benefit of the doubt, but he wasn't pleased that they hadn't treated India better over the past several months. “We can stop somewhere. What would you like to eat?”

“I'm not that hungry. I'm still high on relief,” she said with a chuckle. “I'll get a quick sandwich from this little place I know after you go to Frank's.”

“Okay,” he said.

They were busy navigating the traffic vying for the Bay Bridge when India's phone rang. She glanced at her car's computer screen at the same time Rod did, so they both saw Sebastian's name.

“What should I do?” she asked.

“Ignore it,” he replied.

“Maybe I could find out where he'll be tonight so you can run into him.”

“No. I don't want you to have any more contact with him.”

She nodded and they waited. After the call transferred to voice mail, they listened to Sebastian's message.

“What was going on with you last night? You were losing it, babe. I'm worried about you. You okay? I'm doing better now. I can help if you need anything. Call me. Let's not go on like this. You know I'm not a bad person, that I'd never intentionally hurt anyone.”

India shook her head. “Can you believe that? He's acting like we're
friends
. As if nothing happened. As if he didn't shoot my husband in cold blood.”

The nerve Sebastian had making that call, on top of everything else, infuriated Rod. He thought he could get away with murder. But Sebastian wouldn't continue as a free man. Rod was going to see to it that he was taken out of India's life for good. “I'm glad he's confident,” he said. “Confident people are seldom as cautious as they should be.”