Discovering Dalton (Manchester Menage Collection #2) (28 page)

There was always a stream of druggies in and out of the flat. It was dirty and stunk of piss and it was full of rats and the biggest cockroaches he’d ever seen. There was nowhere for the kids to play, and if you did dare go out, there were gangs ready to beat you up and take the clothes off your back. Liam once saw a group of ten year olds beating the shit out of an old age pensioner for the small amount of cash he got from the government every week. It was rabid and dangerous and Liam could have been one of those kids if Social Services hadn't taken him away at the age of seven.

“Liam.” Dalton took hold of his hand. “You got out.”

“Yeah, barely. You don’t know how though.” Liam ran his fingers through his hair and sat back. “I wasn’t a good kid, Dee. I’ve got a juvie record as long as my arm. My mum was in and out of the nick all the time, and I was passed around neighbours till she got out. Then the drugs and the fights would start up again. It was my life, and I didn’t know how other people lived until Social Services took me away.

“She was going inside for a long stretch and they had to rehouse me with someone.” Liam laughed. “Shit! The first time I got into a proper house, and it would’ve still been a shit hole compared to where you will have grown up, but to me, it was like a palace. It had clean sheets to sleep on, no rats, no cockroaches climbing over you while you slept, and there were no drugged up people banging on the door, either asking for drugs or demanding money for the ones she’d used and not paid for.”

“Like you said, it was all you knew. You're not to blame. How old were you? They demolished them ages ago, so you had to be young.”

“I was seven when they took me away.”

“Seven, and with a record that long. I'm impressed.”

“Hey, that was short compared to most kids. I was a good lad who stayed out of trouble, you know.” Liam grinned at him.

“You know… I believe you. I've been there. I heard what it was like when I joined the force. Horror stories about going in there.”

“Scarier from the outside, huh?”

“Yeah, you could say that. I don’t blame you for enjoying getting out of there, Liam.”

“I wouldn’t go back to her, to that place, not even when she got out three years later and moved somewhere nicer. Said I'd rather die and ran away four times from her new flat. Eventually she just handed me over to social services and I stayed in foster care. I moved around a lot, but then Terry found me. He took me and T in from the same hostel. We were both trouble causers and he had a firm hand. He sorted us both out. I owe him so much.”

“I bet he was proud of you.”

“Yeah, both of us.” Liam smiled softly remembering him. “See, I talk about stuff.”

“Oh, yeah.” Dalton laughed, those blue eyes sparkling. “Liam, you surprise me all the time.”

“You don’t think you should run off and never speak to me again? I’ve got a record, you know, and you're this upstanding member of the community, a police officer to boot.”

“That was a long time ago. You were a kid. Who you are now is all grown up and from what I know of you, a very upstanding member of the community yourself.”

“Well, thanks.” Liam smirked, his hand still holding Dalton's on the table top. “We should shut up and eat this food or your aunt will be on my tail about wasting food.”

“Does she still bug people about that?”

“Yeah, she made me sit back down and eat everything.” Liam tucked into his beef and grinned. “She’s a pushy one.”

“You can say that again.”

Chapter
30

A
fter dinner, and saying their goodbyes to his uncle and aunt, Dalton suggested they ride to a nearby clearing. He wanted to talk, but having a private conversation with his family hovering around them and butting in every ten minutes wasn’t right, so the peace calmed them both down and they sat on the bench under the night sky, stars above them, the cool air chilling them down from the roaring fire in the pub. They talked briefly when they arrived, and Dalton could tell Liam knew he was playing for time, but he still found the words difficult to voice out loud.

“Liam…”

“Just spit it out, you're killing me here, Dee.” Liam placed an arm around his shoulders.

Dalton leaned into him, despite wanting to keep his head and stay distant while he got his muddled brain to figure out how to phrase the confused thoughts running around in it. “This thing between us… it was all new and a bit… Well, you know what I went through, what I'm still trying to figure out, but it was confusing to say the least, and not just the whole man thing, but meeting someone and it being so different to anything else I’d ever experienced.”

Dalton took a moment to slide his eyes to Liam and found him half smiling, just looking out across the darkness and the fields hidden beneath it. “Well, you and I agreed no relationship, just friends with benefits, and that was…” He sucked in a deep breath. “It wasn’t me. You know I've only been with Kelly, and well, things weren’t high intensity. I thought I could do this. I thought I could give playing the field a go. Do the whole sex thing and nothing more because a relationship, then—and still is—not what I’d been looking for, but… Recently…”

Liam shook him gently before placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “Recently you’ve been thinking about a relationship, or you’ve been thinking of pulling back, which is it?”

Dalton stood up, rubbing his face roughly before looking directly at Liam and going with the easiest option. “You're not
into
relationships. You’ve made that clear, and you also made it very clear you're not
into
monogamy and all the other stuff which comes with relationships, so, I guess what I'm saying is… I met someone who is and although neither of us are really ready for a full on relationship, I'm pretty sure if it works out and we both keep moving ahead slowly, it could be good. So… even though what we had wasn’t anything official or anything, I thought I should talk to you. I mean, I have no idea what I'm doing, or even if it’s going to be worth the effort of trying, but what I feel with him, it’s different. He’s… he’s special, Liam.”

Liam sat still, glaring right into Dalton’s eyes. The night and lack of light were hiding a lot of his features, but Dalton would know that silent frown anywhere and he knew Liam was pissed.

“Talk to me, Liam.” Dalton moved closer, not wanting to hurt or anger Liam in any way, but needing this conversation to happen for his own sanity. “What’s happening with us?”

Liam stood up, quickly turning from him and standing looking at his bike on the road, hands on hips, stoic and unemotional. “You met someone? When did this happen? In between your dad’s funeral and you mourning him? Not a good time, Dee. And who the hell is he? Where did you meet him?”

“I know the timing sounds bad, and yes, I get you would think it’s me being fucked up, but how
we
met, the timing wasn’t exactly great either, Liam. I'm more controlled than I was when we started this whole thing.”

“Who is he?”

“Why does that even matter?” Dalton touched his shoulder, getting a gruff shake before Liam stepped toward his bike, leaving Dalton alone. “Liam, what do you want? What do you
really
want from me? Because sometimes I get this feeling I'm all you want and you need more, but then I wonder if it’s just the sex you need or me in general. I don’t know what’s going on in your head.”

Liam sat astride his bike, playing with the handlebars and then gave him a sly look out of the corner of his eyes.

“You're not interested in more and I have a chance at maybe finding that with someone else. I've never been the type of person to get involved sexually with someone I don’t feel for, and I feel for you, Liam, I do, but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know if this is how you treat all your good friends—minus the sexual stuff, obviously, but I mean how you take care of me, how you want to help. These are great qualities. Qualities I admire and respect, I owe you a lot, more than I can say right now, but I'm not…” Dalton growled and threw his hands in the air.

“How can you connect with this guy so soon? Have you known him before and just flicked from friends to possible boyfriends?”

“No. I met him about a week ago. I know how this sounds, Liam, and I'm not here to say this is what I'm doing, I'm here to ask your advice. I trust you, above anyone else I could ask. I’m here with you because you're the only person I want to talk to. I don’t want to lose our friendship. You’ve always said no matter what happens, we would be friends. So here I am, asking you to be my friend, to help me because I don’t know what I should do.”

“If I said I wanted more, if I offered you a relationship, or the chance of one, would it change anything?” Liam played with the zip of his leather jacket.

“Are you offering me that, or is that a rhetorical question?”

“You said you connected with this new guy, that he was special. You’ve spent how long with him exactly?”

Dalton sighed. “Hours really.” Liam flashed his eyes to him and Dalton shrugged. “I know, but it was instant. Not attraction—okay, there
was
attraction. I'm not going to lie. This guy is beautiful, but he’s more than his looks. When we touched, it was like liquid heat rolling over me. He felt it too. It was this connection. I feel like I'm drawn to him.” Dalton walked to Liam, tilting his head back and looking into his brown eyes, so deep and warm. “It’s different from us, but, Liam… I want you. I mean, I
really
want you. You don’t know how difficult it is not giving up everything I have to you when we meet, but you don’t want what I need from you.”

“And this guy does? You talked about all this with him, have you, in the few hours you spent together?” Liam swiped off Dalton’s hand, reaching for the spare helmet he loaned to Dalton and thrusting it into his hands. “I don’t know what to say, Dalton, I really don’t. I don’t believe you can have that type of reaction, and I don’t think you're in the right head space to be considering giving this a go with him, with anyone.” Liam met his gaze and they both held it, not moving away, both just breathing hard, feeling the weight of that stare like a ton of bricks on Dalton’s shoulders. “I've never pushed. I've given you space because you need space, Dee. If this guy’s asking for—”

“All he's asked for is space.” Dalton rolled his shoulder.

“Well, so it’s you who’s pushing for more, then?” Liam shook his head, zipping up his jacket and taking hold of his own helmet. “You want him, you want more with him, you connect. He’s special, you say. I guess no one can tell you how to feel or who for. It’s not right for me to tell you to step back and not go for it. Even if I did, would it really change anything?”

Dalton moved closer, taking the helmet from him and placing it on the bike before holding Liam’s face in both his hands, forcing Liam to look at him. “Liam… what do you want from me?” He straddled Liam’s thigh, working his way closer, running his arms around his neck as they held the gaze. “I don’t want this thing to end, but I don’t want to mess you about either. I have no idea where this guy is going to take me, but I'm guessing neither of you are willing to share, not even if we’re just testing the waters and not actually being exclusive.”

“Has he said he wants you and him to be exclusive while he sorts out if he wants you or not, because that’s what it sound like to me, Dee.
He’s
not ready for you.
He’s
not sure.
He
wants to take it slow.
You're
the one asking for more and wanting it. Maybe this isn’t what you think. I don’t want you to get hurt. T has one bad relationship after another, and no matter how much I tell him to stay away from rebound relationships, that’s all he seems to have. If I could handcuff him to the bed and keep him with me, I'd do it.”

“To the bed? With you?” Dalton narrowed his eyes. They were only foster brothers after all.

“That’s not what I meant.” Liam’s honey coloured eyes burned brighter and Dalton rolled his thumb over those thick lips. “Dee, look…”

Dalton leaned in, placing their lips against each other’s. He wanted to be reminded just how good it felt to be with Liam, to see if he had a strong connection and he’d been imagining what happened with Troy. Yes, when they connected, it was there, the heat, the instant longing and craving, the desire to straddle his thighs and claim every inch of the man, the way Dalton felt held in those powerful arms, the sense of being protected and safe, the scent and familiar body against his own—it made them both react and quickly.

It was different, so very different from Troy, but there was something, something which Dalton couldn’t put his finger on. The way Liam caressed him, the way he felt like the only thing left in the universe when he was held by him. “Liam… what do you want from me?”

“All I've ever wanted was you to be happy, Dee.” Liam pulled him onto the bike, Dalton sliding his leg over it and sitting facing him, his legs now on top of Liam's and their bodies flush against the other. “I don’t know if can do that. I want to. I really fucking want to, Dalton. You're the closest I've ever come to giving up my way of life and going for it, but I can't… I don’t know what would happen at home, with T, with… He’s not… Things don’t work out with relationships. We don’t…” Liam broke off, grinding his jaw while he thought.

“Are you single because you want to be, or because
he
wants you to be?”

Liam met his eyes and Dalton saw the truth in them shining like the sun.

“Because
he
can't let you be with anyone, is that right?”

“It goes both ways, Dee. You don’t know how close we are, what we’ve gone through. We’re all we had for years, and that’s fucking hard to let go. We depend on the other. We’re one package and people can't cope with that, so they leave when they see how we are. You'd get hurt, and I won't hurt you.” Liam brushed his finger over Dalton's lips. “All I've really wanted was to see that smile on your lips, and when I'm the one who’s put it there, it’s a great feeling. I want you, Dalton. I… You're special. I always said that, and I meant it. You make me feel a lot where guys I've been with for a lot longer have never made me feel anything. Apart from T, you're the only man I've cared for like this. I wish… I want to make you stay, I want to take you home and never let go of you, but how can I when… You don’t connect with me like him, do you? Be truthful and tell me.”

Dalton held him close. He felt so much for Liam, but Troy had been this supernova. “It was different, but you're both so different, Liam. I don’t know how to describe what I feel for both of you. I feel more for you, and I know you more. I connect to you and I'm drawn to you. I feel like I'm a moth and you're this raging inferno burning me up. I feel like I won't survive if I'm too close, but as soon as I leave your light, I'm lost and on my way back. I need you, and I don’t know if that’s a healthy sort of need or a dependant insecurity thing.”

“I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I don’t want to lose you full stop.” Liam’s grip was so tight it hurt and Dalton kissed his neck, easing him a little. “Maybe we don’t have to stop this. Guy’s aren’t all like you, Baby. He could be cool with you dating other people, or, you know, doing sexual stuff until he’s willing to try out the whole more thing with you.”

Dalton sat back, playing with the zipper on Liam’s thick leather jacket, slowly meeting his eyes. Liam snorted, capturing his face with those big hands of his and smiling softly.

“You won't be though. You want all or nothing, right?”

“I guess so.” Dalton closed his eyes. The realisation he would never be the type of person to mess around and have sex without emotionally attaching himself to the other person shouldn’t have been a shock, but it was and he smiled to himself. “I don’t want a relationship, but it seems I'm not the only one, because all the men I meet don’t want that either. I should be happy with that, but I'm not.”

“I want you, you know I do, Dee.”

“But you don’t. You're not willing to risk your life changing to include me. You're not even willing to try.”

“That’s not how it is. I said I wasn’t willing to hurt you. I’d drag you home right now and give it a go. I'd be with just you. I'd try. I'm just saying…” Liam growled, his hand tensing on Dalton’s back. “For it to work, I'd have to give up a lot, and I'd have to hurt someone I love. Someone who right now… He only has me, Dalton, and he needs me. I'm all he's got. I don’t know how you'd deal with it, and I don’t want to hurt you. Even if it wasn’t for T, I don’t know how to even…” Liam buried his face in Dalton’s neck and just breathed him in. “You don’t know what I'm giving up by saying this because you don’t understand, no one understands. I don’t… you don’t know how difficult this is for me, but I can't do this.”