Disclosures - SF4 (41 page)

Jamie considered this information and thought for a moment. The extremely dark-complected African American woman was rather short, had very wide hips, didn’t look very athletic, and her head was nearly shaved. "Is that really true? What was so compelling about her?"

"I don’t know. It was just chemistry, I guess. But I was wet and ready ten minutes after saying hello every time we went out. We just clicked, Jamie, and it didn’t matter that she didn’t possess one item from my usual list. Robin was tremendously attractive to me, and that’s all that mattered." Ryan rolled her eyes, finding the explanation for her reactions elusive. "It’s a waste of time to worry about one type of woman that I might be attracted to. I can find something attractive in almost every woman, and I can be terribly turned on by a wide variety of looks. Attraction and arousal are very, very complex, Jamie. All I know is that you are more than your outward appearance. You are the sum of all of your fantastic qualities. There is a glow that just radiates from you, and it pulls me right in. I can't explain it, because I don't understand it. But something about you calls to me like the sirens of ancient mythology." Ryan leaned in and wrapped her arms around her partner, whispering into her ear, "I honestly find you irresistible."

"I want to believe you, Ryan," she murmured, trying to accept her partner’s assurances.

Ryan sat up and wrapped an arm around her partner, drawing her tight against her chest. "Let me say it this way. I freely admit that I used to treat women like they were photographs. I admit that I used to just want to be with them for the packaging. I didn't spend nearly enough time getting to know most of the women I was with, and sometimes when I met someone who had a better package, I was more than willing to go after her."

Jamie nodded, the flyaway strands of her hair tickling Ryan’s chest. Ryan ran her hands over the silky wisps, brushing them tenderly into place. "That’s not how it is with you, Jamie," she insisted. "I got to know you, and I grew to love you. You're so much more than a body to me, Love. I love your body, but I also love your soul. You are everything to me, Baby. It hurts me when you don't believe that."

"I normally do believe it," Jamie said quietly. "I just got thrown off track by Sara showing up. I know you loved her too, Ryan. She wasn't just a body to you."

Ryan took a breath, nodding her head as she acknowledged the truth of the statement. "That's true. I did love her. I’m sure that part of me always will. The 17-year-old Ryan still loves the 18-year-old Sara. But that’s not who either of us is any longer, Jamie. It's impossible to go back and try to reclaim something from so long ago. We'd both have to be willing to throw those old images away and try to start over. It would be like dating a stranger in a way. So the question becomes, do I want to look at every woman that comes along and decide if she might be just a touch better than what I’ve already chosen?"

Jamie just looked up at her partner, still having a difficult time of it, desperately wanting to be reassured.

"That's not what I want, Babe," she said emphatically. "And as far as I am concerned, there is no one better than you. I have pledged my fidelity to you, Jamie. I want us to spend the rest of our lives trying to love each other better, day by day."

Jamie nestled her head up against her lover's chest and closed her eyes as she breathed in her reassuring scent. "You’re right, Babe," she murmured. "I want that too, but it’s gonna take me a while to get over my insecurities about this."

"If the situation was reversed, I'd feel the same. What happened with Sara scared me. I promise I'll try to never again be in a situation that has the possibility of being that dangerous."

Jamie gave her a firm squeeze, grateful that Ryan had not been defensive about her fears. "Thank you for acknowledging that it scared you. It really shook me, Baby, and I don't want to have to go through anything like that again."

"I guarantee that Sara was the only woman who ever had that kind of pull for me. I never cared enough for anyone else for them to even make me turn my head." She leaned over and placed a few kisses on Jamie's mouth. "I believe you asked me a question a while ago, and I'm ready to answer it now," she said with a grin.

"What's that?"

"I want to show you what I like about your body," she murmured, giving Jamie a look that suggested the little show-and-tell was going to be a very pleasurable experience.

Jamie flopped down onto the bed in a completely submissive pose, "Have at it!"

Ryan moved around until she was sitting cross-legged on the bed. She rubbed her hands together and licked her lips in an exaggerated bout of lasciviousness as she gazed at the expanse of golden-toned skin. "I guess I'll start with the wrapper," she said with waggling eyebrows. "I absolutely love your skin. I’m quite sure I’ve never known a woman that had such beautiful skin." She ran her hands slowly over her torso and down her legs. "I can't even begin to describe the color. It's not pink and it's not quite cream," she mused, staring intently. "I guess the closest color would be a soft peach. Where your skin is exposed, like here on your arms, it nearly glows. It honestly looks like spun gold in some light. I never tire of just looking at your skin and trying to describe it to myself."

"I never knew you felt that way," Jamie said shyly, blushing fiercely under the scrutiny.

"That's because I've been extremely remiss in telling you how I feel about you," she said sincerely. "But I intend to remedy that oversight from this day forward. Now let's start at the top. I've decided that I don't want you to grow your hair long. Even though wrapping my hands in it in a fit of passion does sound appealing, I just love the way it frames your face when it's short. It serves as a beautiful gilt frame for your lovely face." She ruffled her fingers through the short, blonde tresses and elaborated. "When I was little, there was a copy of a painting by Botticelli in our church. I don't know the name of the piece, but there were these gorgeous cherubs surrounding the Virgin Mary, who was holding Jesus. They had the most beautiful golden hair," she said, shaking her head at the memory. "I used to sit there and stare at them through the whole Mass." She lovingly ran her fingers through the golden tresses again. "Yesterday morning, when I came out of the shower, I took a quick glance to make sure you weren't up yet. The sun was just beginning to hit the bed, and it was glinting off your hair. I was immediately struck with the memory of those lovely angels," she said with a small smile. "So, you see, I haven't always been partial to brunettes."

Jamie sat up and wrapped her lover in her arms. "That was so sweet," she whispered tenderly. "I'll always remember that, Ryan," she said as she began to kiss her.

After several minutes of slowly building passion, Ryan pulled away and protested, "I've only gotten to your hair! I've got at least 35 more things I want to tell you about."

"Later," she breathed, desire beginning to suffuse her body once again. "We've got our whole lives to get through the list."

Thursday dawned foggy and cool, and Ryan shivered mightily as she slipped out of bed. It was just 5:15 when she checked her watch, and she reconsidered her morning run for just a moment. Her routine won out, though, and she decided to do a shorter-than-normal loop just to get the cobwebs out.

They had gone to bed early the night before. Actually, they had ordered Chinese food, and when it was delivered they ate it in bed, essentially not leaving the confines of the cozy king-sized space after 3:30 the previous afternoon.
I have never spent so much time in bed
, Ryan mused as she smoothed a pair of Lycra tights over her legs.
Not that I’m complaining, of course
. She felt pretty good, all things considered. Jamie seemed to have gotten past the worst of her anxiety, and the anger Ryan had expected had never materialized. Ryan was confident that they were back on track, even though she realized that they would feel the aftereffects for a long while.
I learned my lesson through all of this
, she thought with a shiver.
I will never—ever—let an ex-lover in the house with me alone. If I see Sara again, I’m gonna have her come to the house in Noe Valley on a weekend with the entire family present!

She spent the first mile of her run saying her morning prayers, but her mind kept drifting to her old friend. She was unsure if she even wanted to see her again, given the pain that her visit had caused Jamie. But there were so many questions that Ryan had not had time to ask that she really wished they could talk again.
Better to have a bucket full of questions than cause Jamie another sleepless night
, she decided.
At least I know the answer to the most important question. Sara did break my heart—there’s no denying that. But she didn’t betray me. That’s been the worst part of the whole incident for me to reconcile. Now that I know she didn’t tell the people at school, I think I can put it away and just forget about her role
. A determined look crossed her face as she vowed,
But neither Mrs. Andrews nor Coach Ratzinger is getting off that easy. Those two have got some serious explaining to do
.

By six o’clock she had whipped out a quick three miles and was back in the kitchen, looking for nourishment. Not wanting to spend the time cooking a hot meal, she had a bowl of mixed cereal, one of her small quirks.. She liked several brands of cold cereal, but she didn't like any one of them well enough to make an entire meal out of. When she was young, her father bought industrial-sized boxes of cereal, often containing three different brands shrink-wrapped together. Since being a picky eater was never an option, she usually mixed them all together, a habit she continued, to Jamie’s amusement. Today she had Cheerios, Frosted Flakes and Kix with a sliced banana and milk.

Partially satisfied, she decided to take a shower in Mia’s bathroom to avoid waking Jamie, who was obviously trying to set some sort of record for lying in a horizontal position. Grabbing her shower supplies, she let the warm water rejuvenate her. She spent a few minutes brushing her teeth while the water beat down on her back, smiling a little when she considered how much her habit amused her partner. Ryan just didn't see the point of showering, then brushing your teeth, since there was a good chance of getting toothpaste all over your chin. Doing both at the same time just seemed more efficient. Even though Jamie teased her about it, she honestly thought that she like it, since she often licked her chest and stomach, trying to find a small hint of Crest on her body.

Ryan was debating going back to bed but realized that she was still hungry, so she went downstairs and ate a beautiful, ripe peach while she waited for some bread to toast. When it was ready, she spread it with some wild fruit preserves that Jamie had purchased.
Ohhh, this is mighty tasty,
she thought appreciatively.
I know another few places that I'd like to spread this on,
she added with a chuckle.

When she was fully fed, Ryan figured she may as well help Jamie set her record, so she went back upstairs and slid back into bed, barely causing a ripple in the sheets. Moments after her arms slid around Jamie she felt the first stirrings of wakefulness. As was her usual habit, Jamie made some cute little noises while she slowly stretched and opened her eyes. A delighted grin crossed her face when she realized that Ryan was still in bed. "Hey, it's almost light out. What gives?"

"Can't I choose to stay in bed once in a while?" she asked with a sweet smile.

"Sure you can, but you never do," she teased. "So, what gives?"

"You know too many of my tricks already," she said with narrowed eyes. "I can't get away with anything."

"Try to remember that the next time an ex-lover shows up at our front door," she said with a smile, but Ryan knew there was still some hurt behind the jest.

"I'll never even give my address to another ex-lover," she said sincerely. "They can go to Noe and let Da take over. They’ll never get past the front door with him on guard."

Jamie patted her partner’s cheek, pleased that her pointed comment had not dampened her mood, but gratified that Ryan didn’t just brush it off. "So, for the third time, why aren't you running? You aren't sick, are you?"

"Nope. I did go running, I’ll have you know. I was just about to start dinner, but you looked so cute and cuddly I just had to come back to bed."

"Very funny, Tiger. It’s not even seven o’clock, you goof."

"You’ve got me there," Ryan agreed, glad that the sparkle was back in her partner’s eyes. "I want to go work out with the team, but they’ve decided to start meeting at ten o’clock. They’re apparently not early birds," she said with a mock aggrieved look.

"So if we're not going running, what should we do for the next three hours?" Jamie asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Ryan had actually been planning on catching up on her e-mail and newsgroups, but the unspoken invitation to stay in bed was not the sort of thing she was wont to refuse, particularly now, with Jamie still showing signs of uneasiness about Sara. "I was thinking of doing something horizontal," she replied softly, with a seductive gaze. She slid closer and placed several soft kisses on and around Jamie's mouth.

"Ohhh, you've already showered. And I think," she said as she licked all around Ryan's mouth, "that you've had breakfast."

"You are very perceptive," she replied with a grin. "Guess what I ate?"