Dirty Truths (13 page)

Wade moved his hand and pushed his hips against her. A second rush of heat overtook her as he lifted her bottom to bury himself into her with thrusts that quickened while the sound of his breathing grew ragged. He stared down at her, his face so open, without his usual control. Shocked, she clung until his body shuddered and she tightened her legs around his waist as he buried his face in her neck.

“Promise me you won’t regret this,” Wade murmured in her ear as he lay against her atop the pool table’s rough surface.

“I won’t.”

“I can’t let you go now. No matter what happens. You know that, right?”

She nodded and kissed him before they moved off the table.

Wade pulled on his pants and winked. “Come on, I’ll take you home and we can do this properly.”

CHAPT
ER 15

Kristina woke to a pounding in her head like a mallet making mush of her brain. She opened her eyes, groaned, and pulled the pillow over her face to block out the bright sunlight bent on tormenting her. In the corner, by the dresser, the fan hummed as loud as a jackhammer slamming into the floor. Every muscle ached and her mouth felt furry. If the awful taste on her tongue was anything to go by, her breath probably smelled like death.

She turned over and pulled the sheet up over her shoulders, wincing at the ache between her legs. A slow smile tugged the edges of her lips. Her mind drifted to the night before, to Wade and the line they’d not only crossed, but completely erased.

Shifting uncomfortably in the bed, Kristina remembered his flushed face and the way he’d stared at her, as though he’d never seen anything so beautiful. Never in her life had she felt so… cherished.

His voice had played through her dreams all night.

Promise me you won’t regret this. I can’t let go of you now. You know that, right?

The night before she hadn’t given much thought to those words, but now, in the quiet of the morning, when she had time to filter the events through her mind and weigh everything she’d done, they haunted her.

Wade had watched her dress, his stare making her uncomfortable and self-conscious. Then he’d driven her home and followed her inside.

Heat suffused her face and she managed a shaky breath, remembering how Wade hadn’t given her time to close the door before his arms circled her waist and he pushed her inside. They hadn’t made it to the bedroom, falling in a tangle of arms and legs on the stairs. Kristina reached under the sheet and rubbed her back, wincing at the sting of her touch. Yep, that would hurt for a while.

Sighing, she forced herself to push the pillow away and sit up. The room spun and she rubbed her eyes before standing. On wobbly
legs, she took a few tentative steps to the dresser. Her stomach seemed okay, but her head felt heavy and full of rocks. She didn’t know how people drank every weekend; it would kill her if she did.

After pausing to grab some clothes, she stumbled to the bathroom. A hot shower would make everything better. The regret she promised not to feel settled in while the hot spray of water cascaded over her skin. She looked down at her body and ran her hands over the red welts left by Wade. A lump formed in her throat and nausea settled into her belly.
What have I done?

She reached around, pushed the tap and the water stopped. Trying not to cry she reached out for her towel. When she stepped out of the shower and onto the soft mat, she choked with sobs.

She loved him, and the realization hurt worse than every blow she’d ever taken from Daniel. He would never be free to be with her and she’d never be able to wake to his face in the morning, to fall asleep in his arms at night. This is why she’d kept her distance, why she’d told herself it was a bad idea. Kristina tossed the towel aside and pulled her clothes on. Her trembling hands made it difficult and her frustration grew. A twisting, painful feeling took over her chest and she blinked to clear her eyes. She couldn’t stand the thought of Wade lying next to Amy every night. He should be here with her, that’s how love worked, wasn’t it? Stupid. Beyond stupid.

Possessiveness was a trait she’d never have attributed to herself. She didn’t recall feeling anything like this with Daniel. Even when she’d found out about Desiree, she hadn’t felt the gnawing ache inside she felt now. She’d been angry, but not as though something belonging to her had been ripped away. She wanted all of Wade, not just the parts she could steal in secret. Kristina didn’t know how to handle this burning jealousy.

They couldn’t do it again. If she hoped to keep her sanity, and her heart, she had to tell him she’d made a mistake. She’d forget his hands, the scent of his skin and the words he’d whispered in her ear. They meant nothing. He’d done the same with a hundred other women. She wasn’t special, no matter what his eyes said to her last night. What they did would be best left in the secret place deep in her soul. To be taken out now and then when she felt alone and needed to visit him again.

***

Her mother brought Cadence home later in the morning, and had paused for a moment, studying Kristina a little too closely for her liking.

“You okay?”

“Mom, I’m hung over. Of course I’m not okay.”

“That’s all?” her mother stood at the door, one hand on the knob.

Kristina forced a smile, although she knew better than to try to fool her mother. The woman could usually read every thought before Kristina knew it herself.

“I’m a little sad. Just tired of Daniel’s shit… of being alone,” her voice cracked and she looked away.

Footsteps on the carpet and then her mother’s arms encircling her, squeezing her pain to the surface. Hot tears welled up and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

“It’s going to be okay. Things will get better.” Her mother whispered before stepping outside.

“Well, they can’t get any worse, can they?”

***

Kristina stretched, moving away from Cadence’s crib. Her body still ached despite sharing a nap earlier with Cadence. She felt more human though, and the headache that haunted her all morning no longer pounded her brain. She crept out of Cadence’s room and down the stairs. The living room was dark, and she knelt at the bottom of the stairs to switch on the lamp next to the couch. The phone rang, startling her.

Stealing a glance toward the stairs, she rushed to answer it before it woke Cadence. “Hello?”

“Are you alone?” Wade’s deep drawl filled her head.

Tightening her grip on the phone she searched for something to say, the words on the tip of her tongue just wouldn’t come. She should tell him no, but her heart wouldn’t allow it. “Yes, are you?”

“Not for long.” He hung up.

A door slammed outside.

Kristina spun to look out the window. A shadow passed. She hung up the phone and stood frozen in place while listening to his footsteps as he ran up the walk. The knob turned and Wade stepped inside. He smiled, pushed the door closed behind him and turned the lock.

Kristina’s lips curled into a grin.

He crossed the room.

She walked into his arms and he kissed her hard before lifting his head to stare at her. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“You just saw me last night.”

“Not enough of you. I think I missed a couple of inches here and there.”

He pressed against her and they stumbled to the couch.

Kristina fell back to lie on the soft cushions.

He climbed over her, kissing her neck, her mouth, her ear.

She drew a shaky breath and ran impatient hands over his back, tugging at his pants.

“I’m too old for this shit,” he murmured and slid his hand under her shirt.

“Then go home, old man.”

“There is not a force on this earth that would take me from you now,” he whispered.

CHAPT
ER 16

Wade groaned at a vibration in his pocket. Kristina smiled and scooped Cadence into her arms, leaving him to talk with whoever the caller was. He never asked her to leave, but she did, without comments or questions. He pulled the phone out and checked the number. Flipping it
open, he put it to his ear and waited.

“You called?”

“Yeah.” Wade walked toward the stairs, away from the kitchen where Kristina busied herself making lunch for Cadence.

“And?” Thomas sounded annoyed, but Wade didn’t care.

He could be as annoyed as he wanted, Wade needed answers. “What’s the tail about?”

“The tail?”

“Fuck off, don’t play dumb with me. Kristina’s got a shadow. I want it gone.”

“Kristina, is it? Pretty name for a pretty girl.”

“You already knew her name, jackass. So stop with the games. Leave her alone, she doesn’t know anything.”

A sigh issued from the phone.

Wade ground his teeth. The Brotherhood had been having trouble and tightened security. He carried out delicate jobs. Profitable but dangerous, and anyone associated with him had always been closely watched. For years they’d kept one eye on Joe, Kristina’s dad. He knew it and it never bothered him. Joe even messed with them a couple of times, spending the day driving all over town, down back roads or going in and out of the same stores several times. Kristina wouldn’t be as understanding.

Wade had visited her practically every night the past two weeks, first making sure she was alone and then leaving early in the morning. Several times he spotted the tail, but knew better than to approach the guy. Now that he’d made him, Wade figured he’d be replaced. Had Wade tailed her, no one would have noticed. The Brotherhood had nothing but amateurs anymore.

“First, remember who you’re talking to.” Thomas warned. “I do what is necessary to keep our friends safe, and I don’t need your permission for a damn thing. Which brings me to the reason for my second point; I can’t call off the tail. If I do, I can’t guarantee her safety. You were warned.”

Wade closed his eyes.

Thomas continued, “Someone’s been making calls and I don’t mean just pain in the ass bullshit calls. This person knows details. The tail is to keep her breathing, as well as for our peace of mind. If our friends see a weakness, they’ll jump all over it. You want her defenseless?”

“They don’t even know about me. No one does.”

Thomas laughed, a little too hard for Wade’s liking. He glanced to the kitchen and caught Kristina’s worried frown. She stood at the table, Cadence in her high chair. She couldn’t hear him but could read his face.

“Come on W, they know you exist. Maybe not what you do
exactly
, but it’s not a huge secret you’re one of us.”

“Okay, fine. Just make it clear to everyone she knows nothing and never will know anything. I don’t want anyone touching her before you talk to me personally. I’m not making a demand. I’m asking as your friend.”

“Sure and W?”

“What?”

“You might want to worry about the wife, not the girlfriend. The tail we put on her is wired. I’m sure you get my meaning. He’s been ordered to take care of things the minute he smells a rat. And your wife seems fond of cheese.”

The phone went dead and Wade flipped it closed. Amy? They hadn’t bothered with her for years. She wouldn’t snitch, she knew better. Didn’t she?

A crash and a colorful curse in the kitchen. He smiled and shook his head. He should be honest with Kristina, although he suspected she knew about his connections. No, she was aware of some of it. Loving someone meant trusting them too, and Wade really wanted to trust her. But part of him screamed she would walk away if she knew all he’d done. If she turned from him, he didn’t know how he’d deal with it. Kristina was such a sweet, honest person and what he did was anything but sweet or honest. He didn’t regret any of his choices. The side of him that did those things enjoyed it, needed the rush and the challenge. It’s not as if he’d ever taken a life that wasn’t already worthless. Most of the time he did everyone a favor. Take William Allan; the world was better off without people like him. For Wade, what he did for the Brothers was as natural as breathing. He only wished she could understand.

“Do you have to go?” Kristina called from the kitchen.

Wade walked to her voice.

She was sweeping the remnants of a coffee cup into a blue dustpan. “What happened?”

“They call me Butterfingers,” she joked.

“I’ve heard rumors.”

“So? Do you have to go?”

He shook his head

Cadence banged on her chair.

Wade turned and picked her up, tossing her into the air to her slobbery delight. He glanced at Kristina, catching the wistful smile she quickly turned into a stern frown.

“You’ll have her puking,” she warned.

“She likes it.” He lowered Cadence and bounced her on his hip just in case. Her tiny fingers traced the tattoo on his arm, her mouth forming a tiny ‘o’.

“That’s a python, a big strong snake,” he laughed when she raised her eyes to his and gurgled. “Maybe I’ll get you one someday.”

“Not likely,” Kristina grumbled.

“Not a real one, just the tattoo.”

“Forget it. Real or tattoo, they’re both a horrible idea.” Kristina pushed him aside and took Cadence from his arms.

“You don’t like my tattoo?”

“That’s entirely different.”

Wade chuckled at her flushed cheeks. “Isn’t it almost time for her nap?” He winked.

Kristina smiled. “She just got up, and you have to go home at some point you know.”

“I’ll be back after work.”

He’d given her a night off, hoping he could regain some control. Every time he looked at her, the way her eyes changed color, darkening just at the edges of the iris, telling him just what she was thinking, he wanted to pick her up and carry her off.

Twice last week he’d left Sheila looking after the bar and snuck into the cooler behind Kristina. Later, he cursed himself for being so reckless; anyone could have walked in. Kristina had been horrified. Of course, after a few minutes, horrified wasn’t what he’d have called her. He smiled and winked again.

She blushed. “I’ll be here.”

***

Listening to Wade’s heartbeat, Kristina dozed. The house was silent, Cadence finally slept through the night, and she felt safe for the first time in a long time. She rubbed her cheek against his chest, the soft covering of hair tickling her skin.

His fingers touched her face. “You asleep?” He traced her jaw and then her neck.

“Sort of.”

“I should go soon.”

Kristina opened her eyes and looked at the clock. 2 a.m., yes he’d have to go soon. She never asked him to, but he always left before the sun came up to avoid gossip. He parked his truck on a different street each night and walked to her house. She loved him for that, and hated herself for not having the guts to live her life without worrying about other people. She’d resigned herself to the reality that if she wanted him, it had to be this way. It hurt to watch him leave before the sun rose, more than she’d ever admit to anyone, but as long as he remained a married man, they couldn’t be open about their relationship. She’d seen enough pity in people’s eyes through her life with Daniel. She didn’t need their scorn too.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” He paused, ran his fingers through her hair and took a deep breath. “I just don’t really know how to start.”

Kristina propped her head on her elbow and stared at his face. Darkness shadowed most of his features but there was fear in his eyes, something she never thought she’d see in Wade. Was this it? Would he tell her he couldn’t see her anymore? He could tell her anything but that, and she’d try to understand. She couldn’t believe he didn’t care. Wade rarely lied and what she felt from him had to be real. She had to stop doing this to herself and trust him. This was as hard on him as it was on her.

“I wanted to talk to you too.”

“Okay, you first.” He waited.

She struggled to voice her uncertainty, “I wondered about you staying here so much, all this time away from Amy can’t be helping your marriage. I’m sorry it’s so hard for you to be with me.”

“You think I care about my marriage? It was dead long ago. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”

“But doesn’t she ask? Get upset? I’d be angry if my husband were gone nearly every night, even if we were having problems.
Especially
if we were having problems.”

“And that, among other things, is the difference between you and Amy. There’s no marriage left. We’re done but for the paperwork. Even if she did care about me, I can’t trust her, which is a deal breaker for me.” Wade shifted.

Kristina rolled away, giving him room to sit up.

“Why?”

“When we were first married, Amy told me she couldn’t have kids. She cried and apologized and I bought it. I was so sorry for her, I told her not to worry, we could adopt. Then, about a year later, I was going through some old papers, looking for a receipt or something and I found a letter, a reminder for a doctor’s appointment Amy had. It was a follow up for her surgery.”

Kristina held her breath, knowing what he was going to say, but hoping she was wrong. How could Amy do that?

Wade fidgeted with the sheet, bunching it in his fists. “She had her tubes tied; I don’t know what they call it. One month after we were married. She lied, and made sure she wouldn’t get pregnant. When we dated, I told her I wanted kids. I love kids, always dreamed of having two or three. She took the choice from me. Why? Because she didn’t want to get fat, or some stupid shit like that. Can you believe it?”

“No,” Kristina touched his hand.

He didn’t look back. “At the time, I was willing to work things out. People make mistakes you know?” He glanced at her and she nodded. “Well, turns out some people just pile on mistake after mistake.”

“Why not just get a divorce? Surely Amy wouldn’t be stupid enough to lash out over you ending a dead marriage.”

“Amy knows a lot of stuff about me, bad stuff that could put me in jail for a very long time. She likes the life she has. Money, a nice house, status…. She won’t give it up. Even if she wanted to, I don’t think they’d let her.”

“Who?” Kristina tried to catch his gaze.

He lowered his head. “The people I work for sometimes. You know who I mean. But it doesn’t matter. The point is I can’t leave her. She’d blow the lid on everything. I’m not worried about going to jail; if it meant we were through, it would be worth it. I’ve survived it before and I can do it again. But she might die for it and I don’t want that on my conscience.”

“But it’s not like she can prove it was just you. Unless she has evidence of what you’ve done, what can she really do? Jesus, she’s as guilty for keeping it quiet and spending your money, isn’t she?”

“I’ve done some bad things, and it’s not drugs or guns. Those are small time.” Wade ran a finger down her cheek. He stared at her for a long moment before taking a deep breath. “Amy knows where the bodies are buried. Know what I mean?”

A chill crept down her spine at the look in his eyes. She mulled over his words. Of course, he must mean metaphorical bodies, not murder. Wade wasn’t capable of murder. Kristina smiled and shook her head. “I think you worry too much.”

“It doesn’t bother you? What I’ve done I mean. You don’t hate me for it?”

“I could never hate you.” Her heart clenched at the moisture welling in his dark eyes and she reached out to wipe the tears that formed near the corners, unable to speak.

“Promise me someday you, me and Cadence will take off together. Run away from it all,” he murmured.

“I’d love to,” Kristina said.

He pulled her over his chest. “And I love you.”

***

The front door closed quietly and Kristina lay staring up at the ceiling. She thought about their conversation, how Wade worried she would hate him for selling drugs. Her chest ached as she recalled the tears in his eyes. She promised herself to never let him down. If they had to live this way forever, she’d do it. If they could get rid of Amy, things would be so much easier. The coldness of the thought troubled her. She paused. No, she didn’t mean literally get rid of her, just make her go away and leave them alone. Closing her eyes Kristina pictured lying on a beach somewhere far away. She heard the surf and tasted the salt in the air. If only life were simple.