Dirty Tackle: A Football Romance (10 page)

It was typical of the Rosewood community. You would think that when someone died, their next of kin would be the first one to be notified. But then again the coach was strict about keeping all media away from the team for at least two hours prior to the game. Outside of sanctioned interviews with any news outlets, they weren’t allowed to be on their phones or have any kind of distractions from the outside.

“I’ll find a way to tell him,” I said. My mind was already racing.

“Okay honey. What time to think you’ll be home?”

“I’ll text you,” I said before shutting off the phone. I couldn’t even think about coming home. The only thing I could think about was Shane. I wondered if it would be possible that he would be happy about the news. No, that felt wrong. No matter what his father had done to him, Bob had still been his father.

I felt like a zombie walking back out onto the field. I looked up at the scoreboard. Our team was in the lead by three points with a field goal, but the Cowboys came right back and answered with a field goal of their own.

I watched for the next thirty minutes as the game when into overtime. I clapped when the crowd clapped. I even cheered a little bit when the crowd cheered. And just as I expected, the game-winning touchdown sailed in Shane’s very capable hands in the end zone to win the game.

The team began to celebrate wildly on the field. It had been two weeks since they had a win. They were poised once again with this victory to chase the Super Bowl.

“Everything okay?” I looked up at the very tall figure of Marvin standing next to me. “Yeah,” I said. As I scanned the field, I wondered where Shane was.

“He’s over there talking to Coach,” Marvin said pointing in that direction. It didn’t even bother me that he knew I had been watching for Shane.

I nodded gratefully at him and gave him what I thought might’ve been a smile, but it could’ve been a grimace. I wasn’t quite sure how to process saying the words I would have to say to Shane. They felt even more difficult than the ones that I had been practicing for the last eight years.

I quickly made my way over toward Shane. He was talking with the coach, and I could see a reporter from one of the local news stations waited expectantly for them to finish. I thought about the fact that the news about his father’s death might have already made its way to the media. If that happened, and the reporter caught him off guard, it would be devastating. I quickly shoved my way into the crowd.

I got to Shane and put my hand on his arm. He looked at me and gave me a quick nod, but there was barely a flicker of any recognition on his face.

“I have to talk to you,” I said to him. I tried to keep the urgency out of my voice while still sounding firm about my request.

His eyes flickered towards me again. “Not now,” he said. His voice was harsher than I remembered. It made me want to shrink into myself. I realized it was all my fault. I was the one who had made him like this toward me by continuing to push him away.

I took a deep breath. I couldn’t back down now. “I need to talk to you,
now
,” I emphasized. I shrugged apologetically at the coach. “I think I might have seen something during that last play that might affect Shane’s performance next week. I want to get it looked at as quickly as possible.”

I had the coach’s attention then. “Whatever you say. Keep my star player in tip-top shape.”

I grabbed Shane’s arm and dragged him off the field as he sputtered the entire way.

We managed to get into the locker room before any of the rest of the players. “I need you to come to my office please,” I said.

“So you can take a look at my bullshit injury? You haven’t wanted to talk to me for five days and now you can’t wait thirty minutes?” Shane said. I understood he was angry with me, and I understood why. But this was too important. I couldn’t let his harsh words hurt my feelings.

I didn’t answer him right away. We made our way into my office, and I shut the door behind me.

“If you just wanted to get me naked, that could have waited until tonight,” Shane said sarcastically.

“Shane, it’s about your dad,” I said quickly.

He paused his tirade. “What about my dad?”

I felt myself shrink under his hard gaze. I could also feel the welling of emotions inside of me. My mind raced with how to tell him the news.

“Shane, my mom called during the game. It’s all over Rosewood. Your dad was in a car accident last night. Apparently, he didn’t make it.”

Shane’s eyes widened. I wondered if he was going to smash something. I wondered if he was going to yell or tell me that I had my facts wrong.

“Was he drunk?” The question was so quiet that I barely heard it.

I could feel my heart breaking for him. “Yes, I think so,” I said.

I saw his shoulders begin to slump. It was as if all light when out of his face, and then he began to crumble. I didn’t hesitate for a moment. I flew across the room to him and pulled him into my arms even as he began to weep.

I wasn’t sure how long I cried in Maddy’s arms. I never expected news like this. And even if in some part of the back of my mind I imagined that I could get this kind of news, I never anticipated that I would have this kind of reaction to it.

My father had been a shitty father. There were a few memories from my early childhood where I remembered him smiling and throwing a football around with me in the yard. But those kinds of memories were few and far between. What I remembered the most was the yelling and the drinking and the stench of alcohol that permeated every corner of our house. It was why I preferred to spend as much time as possible at my friends’ houses as I grew older. After my mom was gone, it seemed as if the man became even more surly towards me.

I finally pulled away from Maddy. I stared down into her eyes and saw tears there as well. I wiped them away even as she wiped mine off of my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Shane.”

I had been so mad at her, at the way that she had thrust herself in front of me and demanded to talk to me right after the game. I had been in a completely different headspace ten minutes ago. I had been on top of the world, putting a W in the win column for my team. It was crazy how quickly that ground beneath my feet could feel as if it had opened up and threatened to swallow me whole.
 

“Please come home with me,” I said to her.

She nodded mutely. “Of course,” she whispered.

I made my way around her and felt the calming sense of her presence behind me. It was as if I needed to know that she was there to ensure that I didn’t completely fall apart. I could just imagine what kind of questions would be asked as soon as the media caught wind of all of it. The last thing I wanted was for there to be any kind of speculation as to the strained nature of our relationship.
 

We were going to have to sneak out the back of the stadium. I gathered my things quickly just as my teammates were starting to enter the locker room. I could see their inquisitive stares in my direction. They expected me to be slapping their hands and telling them it a was a good game. But all I could think about was getting home and getting away from all the noise and distractions. I needed time to process this news.

I gave a quick wave to my coach and cocked a thumb towards Maddy. He gave me a quick nod. That was all it took. If there was any even possible threat of something being wrong with my physical condition, Coach would bend over backward giving Maddy as much latitude as she needed in order to make me better. In this instance, it provided the perfect alibi for allowing us to leave without any questions asked. I led her out into the tunnel and toward the back of the stadium.

I found my car quickly, and Maddy got in beside me. We didn’t speak as I drove back to my condo. It wasn’t until we were safely ensconced inside and the door was closed taking the rest of the world away that I felt like it was safe to speak.
 

I immediately moved to the bar and poured myself a tall glass of scotch. I didn’t even bother with the ice. I knocked back a long sip in the back of my throat. It burned going all the way down. I thought briefly of how many laps I was going to have to do around the outside of the stadium to make up for that taste, and the multitude of glasses that would surely follow it. Then I realized I didn’t care. A man’s father only died once. I knocked the rest of the liquid back.

I felt Maddy’s presence next to me even before she spoke. “You might want to take it easy on that. I don’t think that will help,” she said softly.

Of course, it wasn’t going to help. My dad was dead. I was never going to speak to him again. For the first time in my life, I was an orphan, twenty-eight years old and both of my parents were gone from this earth. My mother had been taken from me far too young, in my opinion. My good for nothing father now had joined her. Then I laughed to myself ruefully. No. My old man wasn’t going to heaven. I hoped that my mother had. There was probably a special place reserved in hell for men who were abusive towards their children.

“I never called him, you know. Once I left. I didn’t really see any need to call him.” My words drifted out of my mouth, and I didn’t even know what they were until they were there out loud. I supposed they made sense. I was starting at the beginning of a story that she knew parts of, but she didn’t know all of it.

“You said your relationship never got any better after high school the other night,” she said. “I didn’t want to pry.”

I walked over to the windows. I looked out at the city skyline thinking about how it always made me feel like I was the king of the world. But whenever I thought about my dad, I couldn’t help but feel like I was a snot nosed kid all over again. “No, it didn’t. But then again, I never tried to make it better either. He would call me every now and then because he needed some money. I knew he was using it for booze. I never tried to help him with that, though.” That was my dirty little secret. I just paid him to go away.

She was next to me again, and she put her hand on my shoulder. She touched me gently as if she was afraid that I was going to shake her off. In all reality, she was the only thing keeping me together. I would take whatever form of human touch she gave to me.

“You can’t think that any of his problems were your fault. Your father was a grown man, Shane. He had a drinking problem. There was nothing that you could have done about that.”

I knocked back the rest of my second drink. Then I looked at her. “I never even tried, Maddy. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Yeah, I knew he had a drinking problem. But isn’t there a saying they have in AA? Once you're drunk, you’re a drunk? Are you born that way or some shit like that? So you can’t use that as an excuse not to get better?”

I saw her eyebrows rise. I realized what I had said, and the secret that I had revealed. I hung my head in shame. “Okay. I tried once. I looked into it. I found a local meeting. It’s held a town over from Rosewood. I even went a time or two to see what it was all about. I thought if I said I would go with him, he would go. But, when I offered that up, he backhanded me. That was when I was seventeen. Just a couple months after mom passed away. After that, I basically said good riddance. He was on his own. Now, I wonder if that was a mistake. Maybe I should have tried harder to get through to him.”

She put her arms around my shoulders and rested her head against my chest. It felt good. It felt right.

“I’m sorry, Shane. I know this has got to be so hard for you. You can’t blame yourself for his problems. You did the best you could when you were just a kid. Don’t take that weight on your shoulders. You don’t deserve to carry around the burden of ‘what-ifs.’ It will drive you crazy. Believe me, I know that from experience.”

I took her shoulders then and pushed her away from me but didn’t let go. I stared deep down into her eyes. “What do I deserve, Maddy?”

Perhaps it was a rhetorical question, but it was something that I wanted to know. I desperately needed to know how she felt about me. It could it be that it was one-sided, but I refused to believe that. I softly leaned down to touch my lips to hers. There was a slight hesitation, but then she put her arms around my neck, and I was lost.

I felt so much pain inside of me, but she was like a soothing balm for me. I needed to be closer to her. I needed to drown in the goodness of her to take away the taint of my father’s memory.

Moments later, it seemed we were fully naked standing there. I pulled her towards the deep plush rug in front of the fireplace. I could’ve taken her to my room, and I probably should have, but I felt this need for her. I needed to be complete with someone. I needed to feel like I mattered to someone. I needed to feel like there was meaning and sense in the universe.

She didn’t resist me. She met my every kiss and every touch with her own. Her touch felt open and accepting. I appreciated this more than she could ever know.

When I sank my cock deep into the silky folds between her thighs, it was as if I had come home. I stared into her eyes even as I thrust inside of her. Her eyes were open and filled with tenderness. There might have been a spark of pity there as well, but I knew it was just because she felt so deeply for my situation. Perhaps even for me.