Dirty Little Secrets (Dirty Little Secrets #1) (22 page)

He presses his lips together, then looks down at the floor. “I do, of course I do. But I don’t want to give it to you.”

“What if I asked you for it?”
 

I see just the hint of a smile, before Caleb answers. “I still don’t want to give it to you.”
 

“You know that makes me want it even more, right?”
 

“So,” he replies, twining our fingers together. “Say I give this opinion to you. What happens in the future if things don’t work out the way you hoped or expected them to, and you resent me because you feel like my opinion swayed you one way or the other?”
 

“Caleb,” I sigh. “I could never resent you.”
 

“You know who has said that before?”
 

“Who?”
 

“A person who resents another person.” He brings my hand up to his lips, and gives me a kiss. But he’s grinning at me, and that’s a good sign. “I want you to come back to New York, Mia. I want you to live with me, and I want us to have a home and a life together, and that’s what I can promise you right now. But that’s what
I
want. If that’s not what you want…I realize this involves uprooting your life.”
 

“I already uprooted my life.” The fact is, I’ve already moved to New York, I’ve already changed everything. I just have the option of undoing that now if I want to.
 

“That was because you didn’t have a choice. If you’re going to do it this time, willingly, I want you to do it because that’s what
you
want to do, not because it’s what I want you to do.”
 

“Thank you for that. And thank you for telling me.”
 

Caleb leans in and kisses me. “Thank you for asking my opinion.”
 

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” I ask. “Or we could find a hotel, if you want to.”
 

“I want to stay here tonight.”
 

That’s the answer I was hoping to get, so I can’t help but beam at him. “Good.”
 

“What are your plans for the rest of the day?”
 

“I’d like to go see Marcus and Amelia,” I tell him.
 

“I think that’s a great idea.”

“Would you like to come with me?” I ask hopefully.
 

I can tell from the look on his face that he’s struggling with an answer. At least, struggling to figure out a way to tell me his answer.
 

“I think you should spend some time with your friend and his mother. I don’t want you to feel like you have to invite me because of everything that happened. I think I’d probably be a third wheel.”
 

Sliding my fingertip along the placket of Caleb’s shirt, I say, “Marcus is going to want to thank you, you know. I told him about everything you did for us. He hates Jack Kemp as much as I do.”

The corner of Caleb’s mouth quirks up. “I like him already.”

“You’re going to like him a lot,” I promise.
 

“You go alone. How about we have a late lunch with Marcus?”
 

I nod, smiling. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
 

I didn’t cry when Caleb and I walked down my street, and I didn’t cry when we walked into my apartment, but when Marcus wraps his arms around me for the first time in what feels like forever, that’s when the tears finally break free. He holds on tight, like he has since we were younger, and whatever awkwardness there is between us for what I’ve done for him and his mother, it’s gone for the time being. It’s just the two of us, without the weight of responsibility between us.
 

“I’m so glad you’re back,” he says, as I reach up to wipe a tear from his cheek. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’m glad I’m back, too. I didn’t think…I didn’t think I’d ever be able to show my face here again.” I didn’t think I’d ever talk to Marcus on anything other than an untraceable cell phone again, either.
 

“So…that’s it?” he asks, leading me to a quiet corner at the end of the hallway in his mother’s care facility. “It’s all over now?”
 

I told him the details of the deal Caleb made with Jack Kemp over the phone, but it’s still hard to believe. I understand why he wants me to say the words again. He’ll probably ask me again at some point; I know I had to ask Caleb more than once if it was true.
 

“It’s over. Your mom’s going to be taken care of, and this isn’t going to happen again. Not to anyone who lives in any of his other buildings.”
 

Marcus grins as he lets out a breath of relief. “I’m going to need you to tell me that again sometime.”
 

I laugh. “I know.”
 

“I’ve got to meet the guy who pulled this one off. Is he here?”
 

“No,” I reply, shaking my head. “I think he wanted us to have some time just the two of us. I think there’s another part of him that’s just really modest, and was worried about what it might look like if he showed up here. I think he didn’t want you to feel like you owe him anything.”
 

“Mia,” Marcus says incredulously. “I owe him everything.”
 

“He’s weird like that,” I reply with a wide smile.”
 

Marcus’s eyes widen, and he smiles. He looks lighter, happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. I’ve almost forgotten what he looks like when he’s happy. “You’re in love with him.”
 

“Yeah, I am.” I’m not even going to try to deny it.
 

“Who would’ve thought? When you took off that night, who would’ve thought this could happen?”
 

“Not me, that’s for sure,” I say, laughing.
 

Marcus wraps his arms around me, giving me another long, tight hug. “I can never thank you enough for what you did for us.”

Even though it was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done, I can’t find it in myself to regret it. It led me here, to this point. “How is she doing?” I ask, motioning toward the door that leads to Amelia’s room.
 

“She’s doing okay. She had another operation yesterday, and her doctors have her in a medically induced coma. She’s probably not going to be awake for a while.”

I ask the question that I’ve been avoiding for a while, but I just have to know. “Is she ever going to get out of here?” This is a really nice facility, but I can’t imagine spending an extended period of time in a hospital, no matter how nice it is. Knowing Amelia—as independent as she was—she wouldn’t want that, either. She’s always been so bright and full of life, and all I want is for her to get back to that point, or as close as she can get to it.

Marcus looks down at the floor, where he shuffles his feet. “It’s going to be a while, but the doctors are hopeful. The only reason she’s gotten as far as she has is because of you, and I…” He bows his head as he trails off. I step up, and hug him.
 

“I know,” I say soothingly. “I know.”
 

“You want to go see her?”
 

I nod. “Yeah.”

We walk into the room, and I’m struck by the sight of Amelia, laying still in her bed, wrapped from head to toe in bandages. She’s attached to so many tubes and machines, and all I can hear in the room is the steady beeping of her heart monitor, and the gentle whoosh of the machine that’s breathing for her.
 

I have to swallow down the lump that’s rising in my throat. I can’t cry, not now. How many times has she held it together while sitting by my bedside, trying to make me feel better? Even if she can’t hear me, I have to be here for her now. So, I do what she always did for me. I pull a chair up to the side of her bed, and gently wrap my hand around the tips of her fingers, which are bandage-free.
 

Then I lean forward, and start humming.
 

Later, after the hospital nurses kick Marcus and me out of the room so that Amelia can get some rest, we meet Caleb at our favorite pizza place. Like I expected, Caleb and Marcus hit it off instantly. We’re sitting in the corner of the restaurant, and Caleb is nursing a beer while Marcus regales him with tales of my most embarrassing moments.
 

“She what?” Caleb asks, laughing so hard that he’s almost doubled over.
 

“She shoved it right up her nose,” Marcus replies. “And it fit! Her nostrils are huge.”
 

“What?!” I cry, completely offended. “They are not! And it was one of the plain candies, not the kind with peanuts in it. It’s not like it took a lot of work to get it up there.” God, why am I helping them with this? “I was a curious kid, okay?”
 

If anything, Caleb looks at me like these stupid, embarrassing stories have made him fall even more in love with me. I’m glad that it’s going to end whenever we leave, it’s not like I’m going to reveal any of these things about myself. This must be what it feels like to have your mother sit down with your boyfriend and show him your baby photos. I suppose if there’s a positive to having all of my embarrassing baby pictures incinerated in an explosion, it’s that they can’t ever be used as ammunition for embarrassment.
 

Laughing, Caleb leans forward and kisses me. “I love you,” he says. “But I guess I’m going to have to watch you around the bite-sized candy from now on.” I give him a light smack on the wrist, and glare at Marcus, who’s cackling.
 

When the laughter dies down, Marcus turns to Caleb. “I can’t thank you enough for what you did for my mother and me, what you did for Mia, and what you did for all the other tenants in Kemp’s buildings who don’t have any way out of that situation. None of them know that you probably just saved their lives.”

Caleb gives him a warm smile, and simply says, “You’re welcome.” No long speeches, or heartfelt anecdotes. “I hope your mother gets better, and I hope that you’ll keep me updated.” He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a business card, and hands it to Marcus. “If you need anything, my number’s on there. Or, you can let Mia know. I’ll make sure that it gets taken care of.”

Marcus is visibly touched, and he’s fighting through the emotions he’s feeling. He and I aren’t the kind of people who have ever had someone go out of their way to care for us. It’s a difficult thing to accept, and it’s hard to do gracefully sometimes.
 

“I will do that,” Marcus finally replies, his voice wavering. “Thank you so much.” I see Marcus’s gaze move to where Caleb is holding my hand on the table, and he gives me a smile.
 

Caleb’s phone rings, and he quickly pulls it out of his pocket, his eyes narrowing when he looks at the screen. “This is rude, I apologize, but I need to take this call.”
 

Marcus nods. Caleb kisses my cheek, then squeezes my hand as he leaves.

“You’re going back to New York with him,” Marcus says. There isn’t any sadness in his voice, just…happiness. For me.
 

“I haven’t decided yet,” I reply, twisting my fingers together.
 

“Yes you have. Do I really need to say it?”
 

“Say what?” I ask.
 

“This isn’t where you belong anymore.”
 

* * * * *

After Caleb and I leave the pizza place, we take a tour of
my
Chicago. We walk past my high school, the playground where I broke my leg jumping off of the swing set when I was 12. We get a cupcake at my favorite bakery, and dip our feet into my favorite fountain. As we walk around, I realize that despite how much I love this city, and the fact that it holds countless dear memories for me, it doesn’t feel like
home
. Not anymore.
 

We meet a few of my friends for drinks at bar I worked at during summer break before my last year of college, and Caleb charms them all. I haven’t told anyone that I’m leaving for good, but all of them seem to know that I’m not coming back. They say their goodbyes, one by one, as they clear out of the bar.
 

Later, when Caleb and I are lying naked on my sheets, a cool, gentle breeze blows through the open windows. My bed is nowhere near as comfortable as Caleb’s is. It’s a little too small, and the sheets are a little too scratchy, but being in it with Caleb feels right.
 

I’m lying on my stomach, my head resting on a pillow, facing Caleb.
 

Caleb’s on his side, watching me, sliding his fingertips up and down my spine. Each pass makes me shiver, and Caleb grins every time I do it.
 

“I like Marcus,” he says. “I can see why you were willing to do what you did for him and his mother.”
 

“I love him,” I reply. “Things are a little weird between us now. Not all the way off, but not the way that they were before. I crossed a line for him, and now things are strained, and I’m not sure if they’ll ever be the same again. I mean, it’s not like we can’t be friends anymore, nothing like that. Just…different, I suppose. Like a piece in the puzzle popped out a little, and neither one of us can put it back. Does that make sense?”

Caleb leans down and kisses my shoulder. “It makes sense to me. You went above and beyond, and he feels like there isn’t any way for him to make it up to you.”
 

“Maybe,” I say, giving that some thought. He doesn’t need to make it up to me at all. “I think he feels like what I did for him changed my life. But after meeting you, I think he realizes that it’s a good thing.”
 

“Is it?”
 

“Yeah. It made me realize that this?” I say, waving my hand in the air. “It’s my house, but it’s not my home.”
 

He smiles, knowing exactly what I’m getting at, but needing to hear it just the same. “What are you saying?”
 

“You know what I’m saying,” I tease. “What you said earlier about building a home with you, it sounded really good, but-”

“But?” His eyebrows practically raise up to his hairline.