Dirty Little Secret (11 page)

“Turn around, Cailin,” he said again.

Chapter Eight

She shook her head, refusing to look at him.

Alex stepped into the room, the sound of the door clicking shut behind him clanging like a death knell. Cailin turned then and brought her hand up to ward him off. At the sight of her barely covered breasts, however, Alex’s control seemed to break into a million tiny shards. He charged, his eyes wild, his big body a two-hundred-pound semi headed straight for her. With heart-stopping speed, he was on her, his hands lifting, carrying, until Cailin found herself against the wall, her back arching away from the tiles’ air-conditioned coolness, the force of Alex’s chest shackling her in place anyway.

“Ale—”

His tongue was in her mouth before the word was complete. Helpless, completely overtaken, Cailin surrendered. The vague sensations of limbs moving, fabric whispering, all of it was lost in the sheer relief of having his body against her, his mouth fused to hers once more. She’d felt like she would die without him, but here he was, filling her up, consuming her, bringing her to life once more. When his bare chest slammed into hers, she moaned, straining, needing to get closer. She needed to fuse herself to him, be one with him. Know he would never leave her again, not even for—

“Alex, where are you?”

The words rang in some distant part of her brain, but Alex’s lips were sliding down her neck, his mouth latching on to the lace-covered, supersensitive tip of her breast, and she was too busy squirming and thrusting her nipple deeper between his lips to pay attention to anything else. Just a little harder, a little faster. Just one more deep suck and she just might explode.

Alex growled, the sound vibrating down her nerve endings and detonating between her legs. Cailin screamed, the pleasure blinding, all-consuming, closing out everything around her—including the
click
of the doorknob as it turned.

“Alex, are you… Oh!”

When his mouth left her breasts, Cailin grabbed his head, trying to bring it back, needing to prolong the ripples of pleasure traveling through her body. She needed—

“Cailin!” The harsh word acted like a slap in the face. She surfaced, startled, and stared into Alex’s angry brown eyes. What had she done wrong? Another spasm jerked through her, and what seemed to be disgust twisted the corner of his mouth. Cailin turned her head, desperate to avoid the look that was seared into her eyeballs.

And met Sara Beth’s confused gaze.

Oh…God. Oh no. No. She hadn’t. She wouldn’t… But she had. A devastated sob burst from her; she tried to catch it with her palm, slapping it over her mouth to control the sound, but too late. It lingered there between the three of them, evidence of her guilt. Her humiliation. Her sick need for a man who didn’t belong to her. Closing her eyes against Sara Beth’s pain protected no one, but Cailin did it instinctively, like a child covering their eyes so an adult couldn’t find them. Her mind knew Sara Beth still stood in the doorway, gaze taking in her husband holding another woman—a mostly naked woman—but logic fled, and all she could do was hide, even if only behind her tight, wet eyelids.

“Cailin, shhh, it’s all—”

No, she couldn’t take that from him. She had to get away, get out of this room, get covered. She began to fight him, clawing like a wildcat, twisting, desperate to escape, to lick her wounds in private.

“Alex.” Sara Beth’s voice.

Cailin felt his head turn. “Out,” he yelled. The sound froze Cailin into stillness, as if the lack of movement could hide her as well as her closed eyelids had. Alex never yelled at Sara Beth. She was too sweet, too delicate. She didn’t deserve to be yelled at, not like Cailin.

“But—”

“Please.” The word was milder, entreating. “I’ll join you in a moment.”

Silence. Then the door clicked closed. Alex sighed, his breath gusting across the exposed skin of her shoulder, the upper crest of her breast. The betrayal of her nipple puckering in response nauseated her. How could she? How could she?

Alex stepped back, his hands releasing her, his support gone. Cailin let herself fold down, arms wrapped around her knees, her forehead coming slowly to rest on top as she tried to meld her back with the cold tile wall behind her. There was nowhere to run, to hide. All she could do was cover her body and pray he left before her mind totally shattered.

Minutes later a warm, fuzzy white towel settled around her back. Alex’s hand skimmed her wet, swollen cheek. She jerked back. She deserved this. She’d lusted after a man she’d known was married, had allowed him to touch her after she’d known he was married. She deserved whatever she got. She just prayed, for Sara Beth’s sake, that what she’d done had not destroyed the other woman’s obvious love for Alex completely.

“Cailin.” When she didn’t raise her head, Alex forced her chin up with uncompromising fingers. He stared deeply into her eyes, unreadable, unblinking. After several minutes he said, “Come into the office after you clean up.”

She shook her head. She couldn’t; she wanted escape.

“Yes, you will. Don’t worry about the gala; I’ll take care of it. Now clean up and come to me.”

The slow, simmering burn of resentment rose in her belly, but Cailin nodded. If it would grant her a few minutes alone to gather the shards of her heart and pride, she would agree. Nothing else could carry her through the humiliation waiting on the other side of that door.

Alex gave her chin a hard shake. “Answer me.”

“Okay,” she snapped as she jerked her chin out of his hold, narrowly avoiding banging her head into the wall. Looking at him again—no, she couldn’t do it. She just needed a few minutes. Then she’d face the music like a good girl. She’d never known how to be anything else until she’d divorced Sean. Until she’d met Alex.

His satisfaction worked its way under her skin even though she couldn’t see it in his eyes. The hand hovering near her face dropped to her arm, gave a slight squeeze, and he was out the door, the sound of it closing the most comforting thing she thought she’d ever heard.

Taking another deep breath, Cailin steadied herself, stood, and started to dress.

ALEX STARED AT his shaking hand as he closed the door to the bathroom. Instinctively his grip tightened on the doorknob, his only connection to the woman on the other side. Cailin had stolen his control faster than he’d ever dreamed possible.

“God, Alex, I am so, so sorry.”

Rubbing his other hand roughly down his face, then back up to partially cover his eyes, he turned to Sara Beth. Words couldn’t express the jumble taking over his head right now, nor did he want them to. All he could do was shake his head back and forth, hoping his complete lack of…anything…communicated its way to her.

Sara Beth seemed to get it. Of course, she usually did. Walking over, she grabbed his still-quivering biceps and firmly dragged him away from the door. Once they reached the opposite wall, where their conversation wouldn’t filter through the door and upset Cailin further, she hugged him. “I couldn’t find you. Ian went ahead to the dinner, and I told him we’d follow as soon as you came back. But you didn’t.” Now it was her turn to shake her head. “I would never have done that to Cailin.” She peeked up at him, arms still wrapped around his churning gut and the lifeless limbs dangling at his sides. “You, maybe, but not Cailin.”

Alex didn’t laugh. He couldn’t even smile. His mind remained across the room, in that bathroom with Cailin.

“Alex.” A rough shake caught his attention. “Get a grip. She’s gonna be out here any minute. You’ve got to tell her.”

Again with the head shaking. Where had all his smooth words fled to?

Sara Beth donned that stubborn face he knew from vast experience didn’t bode well for whatever he decreed. “Look,” she growled, “either you tell her, or I will.”

“Tell me what?” a wobbly voice asked behind him.

“Cailin.” Alex turned to face her. The sight of her, pale and stricken, tackled him to the ground and practically wrestled him into submission. The need to make it all better rose with every thump of his heart. He strode across the room, hands outstretched, but the minute he stepped into her space, she jerked away. Venom flashed in her eyes. She turned not to him but to Sara Beth, who looked on with compassion.

Cailin’s words came out as stiff as her spine. “Please don’t touch me.”

It was the “please” that gnawed his heart in two like a dull knife. Raising his stare to the ceiling, he clenched his teeth and tried to breathe. Helplessness was not in his skill set. There had to be some way to fix this.

Sara Beth stepped toward them. “Cailin—”

The woman next to him tensed even further, brittle enough to break, and he had to reach out to touch her. He couldn’t help it. That imperative, protective part of his brain refused to let her suffer this alone. His brain zeroed in on the thought, focusing, and he felt the rightness centering him deep inside. The chaos fell away; determination settled in its place. The decision was made, for good or bad. Either way, he was about to find out if the truth would damn him.

He encircled her wrist, ignoring her instinctive jerk away. “You’re right, Sara Beth. We have to explain. It’s not fair to do anything else.” He gestured toward the sofa arrangement at one end of the office suite. “Come sit down, sweetheart.”

Refusal immediately blanketed her face.

“Sit down, Cailin.” He could practically see several choice words gathering behind her lips. Hoping to forestall them, he added, “Please. We won’t hurt you.”
At least, not any more than I already have.

“God, no. Please, Cailin,” Sara Beth pleaded.

A reluctant nod. A careful step, as if the ground would fall out from beneath her at any moment—or already had. Cailin made her way toward the love seat and settled herself in the middle, leaving no room for someone to sit with her. Alex discounted the obvious message and sat on the coffee table facing her, his knees caging hers, eliminating the possibility of escape. Sara Beth took the end position on the couch, kitty-corner to them.

“Caili—”

Sara Beth stopped as Cailin bent at the waist, her face coming to rest on her knees, and burst into tears. Alex reached out, hands hovering, uncertain what to do. Sara Beth shook her head. They both leaned forward, their heads coming together close to Cailin’s. Her words were mostly lost in the sobs, but Alex understood enough to guess it had all become too much for her. If she’d been as stressed as he had this last month, the situation tearing at her as it had at him, then the pain and humiliation of being walked in on—the cryfest made perfect sense. He almost wished he could join her.

“I tried… And Sara B-B-Beth… And I had… And you… I’m an ad-dulter-ress-s.” She choked. “I-I never…”

Alex held out trembling hands as she rocked forward, then back, seriously wondering if he would have to catch her at any minute. A desperate glance in Sara Beth’s direction showed the other woman in tears as well.

God Almighty, get me out of here
. He had to do something, or he was going to lose it.

Grabbing Cailin’s arms, he shook her gently. “Cailin! Get it together. You’re not—” No, that would take a bit more explaining. “It’s all right. Stop, sweetheart. Listen to me.”

If his words registered, there was no sign of it. They registered with Sara Beth, though, because she glared at him and slapped his hands away. He sat back, hiding his sigh of gratitude that someone knew what to do. He certainly didn’t.

Ignoring the fact that there wasn’t enough room for her, Sara Beth shoved her pixie-sized body into the tiny gap on the love seat and forced Cailin into her arms. She rocked the other woman, murmuring soothing sounds. Alex waited. As the sobbing lessened and Cailin calmed, so did he. Witnessing her pain, he called himself ten kinds of asshole. How in hell would he ever repair what he’d allowed to become so irreparably broken?

When only the sound of ragged breathing filled the air between them, Sara Beth finally spoke, her tone brooking no argument.

“Cailin, I want you to listen to me. It’s all right. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Cailin raised a heavy head. “But—”

“I’m a lesbian.”

Cailin’s double take would have been comical if not for the tear tracks ruining the usually pink-and-cream perfection of her cheeks. “You’re a what?”

Now it was Sara Beth’s turn to stiffen. Alex knew she hadn’t shared this information with more than a couple of people, himself included. The sensitivity was expected.

“Sara Beth isn’t in love with me,” Alex explained. “She likes women, not men.”

“But…so…” Cailin’s caramel-colored eyes brimmed with confusion. “Why…?”

“My father,” Sara Beth said, apparently following Cailin’s stuttered train of thought better than Alex. “He’s very…traditional. I’ve been groomed since I was a teen to have some role in the company, but Dad refuses to allow anyone of the female gender”—her fingers crooked into air quotes—“to lead his precious empire.”

“Without a marriage, Sara Beth stood no chance of inheriting as she deserves. In fact, John threatened to leave a hundred percent of his money, not just his company, to someone else if she didn’t have a ring on her finger by the time she turned thirty-five.”

Cailin seemed to find her tongue. “Why not just let him?”

Sara Beth shrugged. “I could, and if it were just the money, I would. But not the company. Too many people depend on my family, on
me
to support them, to take care of their families. I can’t allow that responsibility to go to just anyone after my father retires. I need to take care of them myself.” A tiny smirk tilted the edge of her mouth. “And because I’m too damn stubborn to accept the word ‘no.’ I’ve pushed myself to be the best, to earn the right to run the company I love. I won’t let the fact that I have the wrong private parts stop me from fulfilling that dream. But Dad refused to give me a chance. He wanted a man to run the company. He wanted a ring on my finger, so we gave him one, sort of.”

Cailin looked at Alex. “So you…”

Alex allowed his fingers to finally tangle in the blonde snarls outlining her face. “I volunteered.” No way in hell would he have let Sara Beth do this alone, or risk her future on some other man.