Dirty Lay (2 page)

       “Cause you got a strange smell coming from under that lil gown you keep twistin’ in front ma face,” I said.

       She laughed like I had said something funny but it was a nervous laugh; you know the kind where you know what that person talkin’ bout but you tryna play stupid.

       “Excuse me!” she said putting her hand on her chest in a surprised dramatic fashion.

       “I’m just saying yo, if that’s you smelling like that, something ain’t right with yo pussy yo!” I yelled as I got up off the sofa.

       “What the fuck you mean?” she asked.

       “Man are you so used to dat smell that you can’t tell something wrong with yo shit?  I bet when you pull yo panties down them thangs dirty!  I ain’t finna stick ma dick in dat pussy!” I said.

       “Why are you being mean?” she cried.

       “I’m not but something is seriously wrong with yo insides, fa real yo!  Yo shit fucked up!  You need ta make an appointment to get that shit checked!  Just the fact that you don’t smell it lets me know you been smellin’ that shit for way too long yo!” I said as I made my way towards the door.

       “Where are you going?  I thought we was gonna chill!” she continued to cry.

       I looked at her as she threw a tantrum like a two year old and couldn’t believe this chick thought I was gonna still sit and chill with her.  My nose was starting to burn because she kept moving and I guess her pussy was getting hot or something.  I don’t know but something wasn’t right with that pussy.

       “Chill?  You know what?  I think you’re a really nice chick but you need to take care of yo pussy yo.  You got a sick kitty so take care of that shit and then maybe we can chill,” I said patting her on her head.  

       I opened the door to leave and she asked, “Can I have a kiss at least?”

       This chick had some real shit with her!  I didn’t even bother to respond as I chose to just walk the fuck up outta there.  I don’t care if she had that pussy sanitized by HazMat she was never gonna catch me here again!

         And now here she was smiling in my face and flirting like we were best friends.  Something was definitely wrong with homegirl; she had a few screws loose or something but she wasn’t right.

       “Yea you were supposed to call me so we could go out again, remember?” she leaned in and whispered to me, “I took care of the problem.  It was just a little yeast infection.”

       Shaniqua just burst into laughter so I know that she heard what ole girl said.

       “Uh, is this your lil sister?” Danayja asked turning to Shaniqua with an attitude.

       “Nah, this ma lil lady right here,” I said as I wrapped my arm around Shaniqua’s shoulder.  She linked her hand with mine and gave Danayja an award winning smile.

       “Yo lady?  Oh well, she looks young enough to be your lil sister.  Let me find out you,” she said but I jumped in and interrupted her ass.

       “Let you find out what?” I asked as I got up all up in her damn face.

       “That you molesting that young girl when you can have a real woman,” she said with more attitude.

       “Are you kidding me right now?  Sweetie, why would he want someone wit a funky bag of stale cookies when he could have a virgin?” Shaniqua asked.

       Danayja looked at me and said, “I can’t believe you told her that about me!  That was my personal business and you had no right to tell it!”   

      “Is there a problem Miss Shepard ?” the store manager asked.

      “Uh,” Danayja stumbled.

       “Naw, no problem.  Me and MY LADY just looking around,” I said as we made our way to the women’s handbags.

       “Who was dat?” Shaniqua asked.

       “Nobody you need ta worry bout?” I said.

       “Oh I wasn’t worried.  Dat bitch was bout ta get her ass whooped, believe dat!” she said as her and Caramel slapped hands. 

       “Is dat right?” Shine asked.

       “Hell yea dats right!  Y’all don’t know how we get down but y’all betta ask somebody!” Caramel said as we all laughed out loud.

       “Ooooohhh I like this fuckin’ bag yo!” Shaniqua said grabbing a pink and beige Bleecker Sullivan Hobo handbag.  It was a nice bag and I could see why she liked it.  Her face was all lit up like a kid in a candy store.

       “You really like dat bag?” I asked her.

       “Hell yea!  This shit is hot!” she yelled excitedly.

       “Yea that shit is tight yo!” Caramel said.

       “Then it’s yours and you can get the black one too,” I said.

       “What!  You shittin’ me right?” Shaniqua asked with her mouth wide open like she couldn’t believe I was fixing to buy her those two handbags.

       “You didn’t even check to see how much they are!  These bags ain’t cheap!” Caramel said.

       “Well I ain’t shittin’ you and money is not a problem, trust.  If you want the bags they’re yours.  Let me grab a couple of things and we can be out,” I said as I headed towards the men’s department.   I grabbed a leather belt and a Bleecker leather wallet and headed for the cash register.

       “Yo Shawty you want something up in here?” Shine asked Caramel.

       “No thanks, my dad gave me some money to buy what I wanted,” Caramel answered.

       “Well why don’t you let me buy you something and you can keep Big Daddy’s money for something else?” Shine suggested.

       Caramel thought about what he asked for all of three minutes as she flashed a dimpled grin and said, “Okay, you talked me into it.”

       “So pick the one you want so we can roll out,” Shine said.

       She picked a brown Bleecker Sullivan Hobo bag and handed it to him, “I want this one!”

       “You can carry it to the counter.  I’ll buy it for you but I ain’t no punk so you gon have to carry it yo self!” Shine said as they burst into laughter.

       We paid for the items, handed the girls their handbags and headed towards the exit.  As we were leaving the store Danayja was giving us the evil eyes and I just put my arm around Shaniqua’s shoulder again, this time giving her a kiss on the forehead.  Danayja’s mouth opened and I knew she wanted to say something but she needed her job and since I was one of their regular customers, she knew better.

CHAPTER THREE- SHANIQUA

       I could not believe this dude had bought me not one, but two handbags!  I was really feelin’ him now!  As we made our way to the exit, I saw that hoe lookin’ at me from around the corner.  I gave her a smirk and that look that let her ass know that she could come and get it whenever she was ready.  Ant draped his arm around my shoulder and even kissed me on the forehead just to make her mad.  I should have let him kiss me on the lips but didn’t wanna look all fast and shit.  Ole girl looked like she wanted to say something and I wish she would have so I could have wiped the floor with her stinky ass.

       Once we got outside the store Caramel’s phone began to ring and we knew it was her mom because it was almost six o’clock.  She picked up the phone, “Hey Mom.”

       After a few minutes Caramel hung up the phone and said, “She’s waiting for us outside and she said we better hurry up.”

       “Oh y’all gotta go?” Shine asked.

       “Yea my mom is here and she be trippin’ when she have to wait too long.  Thanks for the bag though and I had fun hanging with y’all,” Caramel said.

        “Can I get your number or give you mine?” Shine asked Caramel.

        As the two of them exchanged numbers Antoine was asking me for my number.  Of course I gave it to him because his ass is fine.  I didn’t know if he would call or not but I he had the number so I was gon just have to wait and see.  We said our goodbyes and Caramel and I made our way to the exit where her mom was waiting.

       When we got in the car Ms. Tracy asked, “What the hell took y’all so damn long?”

       “Mom c’mon please don’t start.  We didn’t even take that long,” Caramel said.

       “Don’t tell me y’all didn’t take that long when I was out here for a good ten minutes!  Next time y’all asses can take da damn bus!  You know I got a card game tonight, shit!” she said as she pulled off.

       “Shiiiiidddd!  I know I ain’t takin’ no bus,” I said while laughing.

       “Well I don’t know how you gon get here next time cause I sho ain’t bringin’ y’all lil asses.  How bout dat Miss Smart Ass!” she said directing her question towards me while giving me the evil eye in her rearview mirror.  I didn’t want no trouble from Ms. Tracy so I quickly zipped my lips.

       We rode in silence for about ten minutes while Ms. Tracy listened to her ole skool music.  Finally she asked, “What’d y’all get?”

       “I got two handbags,” I answered excitedly.

       “I got a handbag too,” Caramel said.

       “What da hell is ah handbag?  Y’all mean ah purse?” Ms. Tracy asked.

       “Nah Mom dem handbags; ain’t no purses cost dis much!” Caramel said.

       “What kinda purse y’all get and how much dem thangs cost?” Ms. Tracy asked.

       “Handbags Mom and we got dem from the Coach store!” Caramel answered.

       “What!  How the hell y’all get bags from da damn Coach store?  Dem bags ain’t cheap and Mel I know you ain’t spend all dat money yo daddy gave you on no damn purse!” Ms. Tracy said looking at us through her mirror.

       “No Mom I didn’t,” Caramel said.

       “So how much did that purse cost anyway?” her mom asked.

       “Four hundred and eighteen dollars,” Caramel answered.

       “So you did spend all the money yo daddy gave you on that damn bag!  He gon make you shit!  Yo daddy work hard for his money and he sure didn’t expect you to blow it on dat fuckin’ purse!” her mom fumed.

       “And how the hell can you have two of those damn bags when yo mama on food stamps?  What the hell you do, rob the store?” Ms. Tracy said.

       “FYI Ms. Tracy, I don’t have to rob no stores to get what I want!  My friend bought them for me,” I said getting irritated that she was all up in my damn business.  Maybe next time I would take the fuckin’ bus because it would sho be better than listening to her damn mouth!

       “Don’t you fuckin’ disrespect me lil girl witcha damn FYI shit!  What the fuck dat mean anyway?  It better not be no new lil cuss word y’all picked up because I will tag yo ass!” she yelled looking at me through her rearview mirror again.

       “Didn’t nobody cuss you Mom.  FYI means for your information,” Caramel explained.

       “Well next time y’all lil smart asses gon take the damn bus, now FYI dat shit!” she said as she continued driving.  She turned the music up and I was glad because that meant she was done talking to us.  I hated going anywhere with Caramel’s mom because she was always so damn extra.  I don’t know how her and my mom could be best friends because they were nothing alike at all.  My mom was calm and mellow, whereas Ms. Tracy was boisterous, opinionated and loud as fuck. 

       We finally made it to my house and I scooted out the car and said, “Thanks for taking us Ms. Tracy.  Caramel I’ll call you later.”

       Caramel answered, “Okay,” but her mom didn’t say anything.  From the way she burned rubber I guess she was still upset with how I spoke to her.  Oh well!

CHAPTER FOUR-CARAMEL

       My mom is crazy as fuck yo; she be bugging’ all the damn time and she wonder why I never wanna go nowhere with her ass.  As she continued to drive and sing her ole skool music I just thought about what a great afternoon me and Shaniqua had.  I was pissed when she first wanted to chase after those dudes but hey, I got a four hundred dollar handbag outta that so I was Gucci.  I was definitely gonna call or text Shine’s sexy ass when I get home.  Any man that would spend that kinda money on me after only knowing me for a lil while was definitely worth my time.