Dimitri's Forbidden Submissive (Submissive's Wish) (50 page)

A girl standing in line behind Shan whispered to her friend in a snarky tone, “Is she wearing her Halloween costume? Did I miss the email we were supposed to wear costumes today?”

Her friend told her to shut up, and Shan pretended not to notice. It seemed like because she was a short Asian girl people expected her to dress up in pastel froofy dresses and giggle a lot. The fact that she loved gothic clothes and elaborate makeup just didn’t mesh with preconceived notions, so people stared. She had long ago perfected her sneer of disdain and a list of cutting remarks that embarrassed even the most ignorant people, but she just ignored the crowd while she stood in line. The last thing she wanted to do was piss off Aphrodite and have her sex life cursed any more than it already was.

Maybe she had gone a bit overboard with her 1940s pinup girl look today, but she had just broken up with the latest in a string of controlling asshole boyfriends and needed the pick-me-up she got from looking nice. Or at least she thought she looked nice. Her ex-would hate her outfit and makeup. At first he’d seemed to like her style, but slowly he’d begun to manipulate her into dressing how he wanted. When she resisted, they had horrible fights, but when she gave in, he was so nice to her that it was hard to remember what a douche he could be. In an effort to please him, she had pretended to be someone she wasn’t. The final straw came when he demanded she remove the blue streaks in her long black hair and get a French manicure before he would introduce her to his parents. After that she’d finally dumped him and a day or two of crying later she realized she was a lot happier without him.

To celebrate her independence, she had dressed to please herself, picking out a vintage Dior black polka dot dress with a full skirt and shiny black patent leather belt. Thigh-high black patent leather boots disappeared beneath the knee-length hem of the skirt. In an extra little bit of
“fuck you”
to her ex, she had added a cobalt blue patent leather choker that matched the streaks in her waist-length black hair. She’d also gone heavy on her eye makeup, accenting her exotic eyes with dark eyeliner and wearing bright red lipstick.

The crowd murmured as the line moved forward. Aphrodite’s Temple was always a popular stop in the Greek Temple District. Everyone wanted to have a good love life, and gods knew she could use the help. Her choice in men seemed to be going from bad to worse. The elderly man in front of her received his blessing to enter the temple, and the Novice guarding the entrance turned to her with a smile.

“Good afternoon, Shan,” the bronze-haired novice said in a pleasant voice. Her white tunic emphasized her breasts and a wide leather belt around her waist made the tunic flare around her hips in a pleasing manner. Shan was amused to see the tips of the novice’s pink sneakers peeking out from beneath the robe.

“Hi, Alyssa. I’m here to see Daisy.”

“She’s waiting for you in the Reflection Room.” Alyssa gently took her hand, turning her wrist and admiring the skull and crossbones charm bracelet. “Did you make this?”

Shan grinned. “Yep. On Saturday I’ll be selling my jewelry at the Egyptian Temple Bazaar. If you want, I can bring one with me.”

Someone behind them cleared their throat, and Alyssa blushed. “Thanks.” Closing her eyes, she took Shan’s hand, put it over her chest, and said the ritual words. “Welcome to the Temple of Aphrodite. Enter with an open heart.”

Shan shivered as the incantation worked its magic and allowed her to step through the heavy wards that guarded the inner sanctuary of the temple.

Her boot heels clicked on the cream marble floors as she walked the familiar path to the Reflection Room. Daisy’s mother was the High Priestess of the temple and Shan had spent a great deal of time here while she was growing up. While she wasn’t drawn to Aphrodite’s worship, the temple still filled her with a mellow peace. It was impossible to be surrounded by this much divine energy and not absorb some into your soul.

The doors leading to the Reflection Room opened with a smooth hiss, and she couldn’t help but smile at the sight on the other side—Daisy reclined on a mound of oversized pillows at the other end of the room like an ancient Greek sculpture come to life. A long and shallow pool of clear blue water shimmered in the sunlight coming through the clear glass ceiling. Potted plants grew thick and lush between alabaster statues of couples in erotic poses.

Shan shut the door behind her and hurried across the room. Despite her tough and put-together exterior, her heart was easily wounded and her latest ex had left his mark. She needed the unconditional love of her best friend, and a good bitch-fest about what a loser he was and how better off she was without him. A conversation they seemed to be having with disturbing regularity. She pushed these thoughts out of her mind and forced a smile as she reached the spread of pillows.

“Hello, sweetheart.” Daisy rose and pulled her into a hug. Tall and thin, Daisy would have fit on the cover of any fashion magazine if it wasn’t for her long blonde dreadlocks and the sparkling diamond of her beauty mark piercing above her upper lip. She wore a white robe that hung off one slender tattooed shoulder, secured with a simple bronze pin. When Daisy achieved full status as a Priestess, she would get to wear a silver seashell broach in the pin’s place. “You look amazing. Love those boots, very fierce.”

Shan kissed her cheek, careful not to smear lipstick on her friend. “Hey, sugar. What’s so important that you had me drag myself out of bed before noon?” As an artist, Shan had the luxury of making her own work hours. Not that her life was easy. She pushed herself hard and rarely took a day off.

Shan took a seat on a fuchsia pillow across from Daisy then let out a long sigh as the peace of the temple sank into her soul. She had always loved this room. Outside, it was the middle of October and the leaves were changing. In this magical space, summer reigned eternal.

Taking a deep breath, Daisy looked her in the eyes and squared her shoulders. “I’m staging an intervention before you commit emotional and sexual suicide.”

It took a few seconds for her words to get through to Shan’s stunned brain. “You’re what?”

Smoothing her hands on her robe, Daisy took on the serene look that Shan thought of as her “Priestess face”. As a favorite of her goddess, Daisy had a deeper connection to Aphrodite than the average worshiper, and the goddess often used the stunning blonde to bring love to those who needed it most. “Aphrodite wants me to help you find yourself.” Daisy’s blue eyes sparkled as she added, “And I want you to stop dating arrogant, narcissistic, controlling, self-centered, overbear—”

Shan put her hand over Daisy’s mouth. Great, she’d been hoping for Aphrodite’s help, but this was a little much. Her parents’ warning about being careful what you prayed for made her grimace. “I know I’ve made some bad relationship choices, but—”

Daisy removed Shan’s hand and smiled gently. Something other than Daisy,
more
than Daisy, looked out from her bright blue eyes as she said in an unexpectedly lyrical voice, “Shan, stop lying to yourself. Embrace who you are, and wonderful things will happen.”

Divine energy moved through the air like a perfumed breeze, and Shan hugged her knees to her chest. “I know who I am.”

Daisy considered her. “Would you like to know what I see when I look at you, Shan?”

“No.” She hadn’t seen this coming and felt trapped. One of the last things she wanted to do was piss off a goddess, bad things always happened when someone did that. The sound of Daisy’s chuckle raised the hair on her arms. It caressed over her body and sped her heartbeat. Power, as rich and warm as melted butter, rolled over her.

“I see a woman who craves dominance but is afraid to surrender herself to a worthy master. I see a woman who fights who she is and mistakes submission for weakness. I see a woman who deserves the love she needs but is afraid to ask for it. What you need to ask yourself is; How do I want to live my life? What’s important to me? Who loves me? Is it some man you hide the dark side of your passion with? Or will you admit to yourself that you like spice with your sex, it’s no big deal, and you’ll be with some hung like a bull man, blissfully happy in the kind of relationship that will always challenge her with someone she trusts with everything she has.”

Shan’s breath left her body in a rush, and a tear trailed down her cheek as her hidden needs were brought into the light by the gentle touch of a Goddess. Denying her dark needs, those forbidden and perverted desires she hated herself for craving, was less than useless. Good girls didn’t want their boyfriends to hit them. Nice girls didn’t masturbate to BDSM erotica. Her parents had raised her to be a strong woman, to take pride in who she was, and to never, ever, let a man abuse her in any way

As these thoughts raced through her mind, Daisy watched her without judgment, only compassion so immense Shan had trouble meeting her gaze. She lay open, exposed to the core, before a hint of the divine.

“There is no shame in your desires. It is who you are.”

“I don’t want to be like this,” Shan said angrily and dashed away her tears. “I wish I could make love like normal people, but I can’t orgasm without pain”—her voice dropped to a whisper as she confessed her darkest secret—“without being owned. It’s like I was born to be a victim.”

Daisy smiled and patted her hand. That touch soothed Shan and chased back the shame with understanding and endless love. The touch of someone communing with a goddess was a small reflection of being in the presence of the divine, and Shan’s heart lightened, some of the sorrow from her breakup easing, leaving her feeling remarkably clear headed. “You’re only a victim if you allow yourself to be. You can be strong and fierce to the outside world, but submissive and cherished in the security of your relationship. Submissive doesn’t mean weak.”

Shan clenched her hands into fists as she struggled to keep her frustration under control. “I’ve tried that! I’m so sick of either being with a nice guy and faking orgasms because I’m afraid to let him know what I need or putting up with an asshole because he gives me what I want.” Her anger drained away as Aphrodite’s power soothed her and she took a deep, shivery breath as she struggled to control her rage. She’d always had a bit of a temper and it got worse when she was stressed. If thinking about her love life wasn’t stressful, she didn’t know what was.

“Look, the pretending? It never works. Any guy who gives me what I require in the bedroom tries to run my life or turns out to be an abusive douche bag.”

“That’s because you choose unworthy men.” Shan couldn’t argue with that, so she kept her mouth shut and watched the sun shimmer off the water. “You need to find the right Dominant. One who will love your fierce spirit and cherish it instead of trying to break you.”

Shan crossed her arms and looked back to Daisy. “Yeah, ‘cause guys like that exist outside of books.” She flushed and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I really do want your help. It’s just…hard.”

“I understand more than you know, Shan.” Daisy ran her knuckles over Shan’s cheek and gave her a gentle smile that warmed Shan from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. “You don’t have to do this alone. Let me help.”

She would have to be a fool to turn down an offer like that, even if asking for help from anyone made her feel weak. “I’ll do my best.”

A bit of Daisy surfaced through the sparkling energy in her eyes. It was odd, like watching an ocean of power drain from her pretty blue eyes until only Daisy’s joyful spirit shone through. “Besides, I’m tired of having to sit through endless rounds of drinking wine and watching ‘80s movies every time you break up.”

“You love
Pretty in Pink
!”

“I loved it the first five times I watched it. Not the twenty times after that.”

Sighing, Shan played with her hair. “It’s a classic.” Daisy raised an eyebrow and waited for Shan to stop avoiding the issue. “So how do I find the right Mas—guy?”

An odd sense of the pressure in the air lessening around her made her body feel lighter somehow and the power that had filled the room slowly drained away like water pouring from a glass. Shan couldn’t help but let a small sigh of relief escape. While having the attention of a goddess was wonderful, it was also terrifying. One wrong word and Aphrodite could have smite her, though considering how bad her love life was, she couldn’t imagine it getting much worse. Knock on wood and all of that.

“I’m going to help you find a Top,” Daisy said in a peppy voice that broke Shan out of her morose daydreaming like a slap in the face.

“You’re what?”

“I’m going to help you get comfortable with your submissive side.” Daisy practically vibrated with excitement. “I’m not naturally dominant enough to be a true Mistress, but I can teach you about BDSM and help you until you find the right Dominant. I’ll give you what you need in order to relax and take your time finding the perfect Dom, inside and outside of the bedroom.” Daisy grabbed her hands and gave her puppy dog eyes. “Please, Shan. I’ve been researching it, and I apprenticed with a fantastic Mistress.”

Shan jerked her hands away and said through clenched teeth, “How long have you been planning this?”

Daisy avoided her eyes and looked at the wall behind Shan while toying with the clasp on her gown. “My mother—”

“You told your mother about this! Your mom knows I want to be spanked while I have sex?” Shan buried her face in her hands. “How the hell am I supposed to ever look at Nina again knowing that she thinks I’m a pervert?”

Daisy snorted. “Shan, I hate to break this to you, but my mom is the High Priestess of a Sex Goddess. Being a submissive doesn’t even come close to being perverted. Besides, it’s not like we discussed your crappy sex life in detail.” She ignored Shan’s glare and gave her a hopeful smile. “You’re…you’re my, ah, final test for making full Priestess.”

Shan narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms again. “I’m your what?”

Daisy held her hands out in a pleading gesture. “Well, I’m supposed to help you find love. Erin… you remember Erin, right? You met her at the harvest party my mom threw last month, beautiful blonde with the body of a porn star and the face of an angel? Anyway, Erin said if I can’t help my best friend find love then I need to spend more time learning how to recognize love in all of its forms, to help those who have a hard time seeing it. If I fail at this, it’ll be another ten years before I can try again. I don’t want to push you—you’re like my sister, and I love you to death—but I really
really
think I can help you.”