Read Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission Online
Authors: Gloria G. Brame,William D. Brame,Jon Jacobs
Tags: #Education & Reference, #Health; Fitness & Dieting, #Psychology & Counseling, #Sexuality, #Reference, #Self-Help, #Relationships, #Love & Romance, #Sex
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (77 page)
I find that women’s clothing is designed to be alluring and to accentuate those parts of myself that are sexy and attractive. Cross-dressing
to me is actually a bit more than sensual pleasure in the clothes themselves. I have a lot of androgynous qualities. My sexuality is not divisible into male and female. When I cross-dress, feminine aspects of myself emerge into the spotlight. It’s almost, but not entirely, a different identity
.
—R
OBIN
Y
OUNG
There are, more or less, two clinical theories on transgenderism: Either it is created, or it is inborn. These same two schools contest the roles of nature and nurture in other matters of psychology, biology, and human destiny. Perhaps the answer eventually will be found through holistic investigation, which considers factors both environmental and biological.
Many researchers hold that gender is learned in early childhood. It may derive from traumatic experience or may result from the circumstances of one’s relationship with a parent. In the case of transsexuals, for example, Dr. Robert Stoller has suggested that in childhood they develop an irregularly close, perhaps inseparable, identification with the opposite-sex parent. But there are significant flaws in the theory that gender identity (or any sexual orientation) is solely a matter of nurture.
I … had the opportunity to check on other therapists’ results, and the general impression, based on statistics and accumulated experience, is that deconditioning does not work, whatever the specific technique. If variant sexual behaviors cannot be removed by deconditioning, they are unlikely to have arisen by conditioning
.
—V
ACLAV
P
INKAVA
4
Others advance the theory that a transsexual’s gender bias is determined
in utero
when a kind of “chemical accident” occurs. Similar theories concern the presence or absence of chromosomes. Genetic research has opened new areas of inquiry to support speculation that there is a physiological basis for at least some aspects of transsexualism. But these theories tend to see human behavior as the unique result of a mechanical-biological process. To reduce human beings—or any complex organisms—to their chemical properties seems oversimplistic.
While transvestism has given rise to vast quantities of research and theorizing, scientists have not established its origins, either. The impulse to cross-dress usually begins in youth and becomes a permanent feature of a TV’s erotic personality.
Often [the transvestite’s] need surfaces at an early age. However, he quickly learns that his feelings are socially unacceptable, so he hides this behavior from most people
.
—R
OGER
E. P
EO
A majority of TVs recall experimenting with their opposite-sex parents’ clothing sometime during early puberty; some also recall episodes in childhood.
My first memories of cross-dressing were when I was [about] two [years old]. I wandered into a closet and was looking up into some of my mother’s petticoats, which were in vogue in the ’50s. I was quite entranced. I remember it very vividly. I had some other memories when I was six or seven. I used to sing a little ditty to myself over and over and over again as I was lying in bed waiting to go to sleep: “All dressed up in a petticoat. ”
—C
HERYL
H
AGGERTY
Why a child is disposed toward transvestism remains a mystery. The absence of a medical explanation for transvestism may add additional pressures to the cross-dresser.
There seems to be more social acceptance of transsexuals than cross-dressers. In part, I think this is because there is a medical intervention that lends an air of credibility to [transsexualism]. Also, the average transsexual, when “complete,” blends into society in the chosen gender role
.
—R
OGER
E. P
EO
HAT
D
O
T
HEY
D
O?
Although transsexualism is extremely complex, the typical reason why a TS wishes to live as a member of the opposite sex is fairly simple: The TS does not feel comfortable in the body of his or her birth. For the TS, gender exploration is not a question of choice but an imperative. The TS is a bit like the fairy-tale prince trapped in a frog’s body, waiting for the magical moment of physical transformation. The internal reality already exists. The cliché “a man trapped inside a woman’s body” remains the single most direct description of this phenomenon. The TS tries to live as authentically as possible in accordance with his or her gender identity. A TS’s erotic life most often resembles that of the sexually conventional person, with the caveat that the TS may not yet have the biological equipment to match her or his psychic reality.
Kelly has charge of my sexuality completely. I’m not interested in sex as a female in any way now
.
—K
ELLY
T.
Some transsexuals gravitate to the D&S communities, where they may pursue any combination of the interests discussed throughout this book. Although a significant percentage of TVs is interested in some type of alternative sexuality, few practice it. But because acceptance for transgenderists is much higher among D&Sers than among the sexually conventional, some vanilla TVs and TS’s have found a home in the D&S communities.
I don’t have any involvement in D&S outside of being dressed. [But] I like to get together with other folks who are on the more fetishistic fringe of things, including D&S. I also like to get together with other TVs who are interested in outlandishly ultra-exotic feminine activity
.
—C
HERYL
H
AGGERTY
Since TVs usually comprise both masculine and feminine personae, cross-dressing fulfills a profound personal need to explore the “other” side of the TV’s personality.
The TVs that I know [who] aren’t involved in S&M cross-dress because they like the clothing. They like the dresses. It feels like they’re putting on a whole different persona
.
—T
RUDI
Cross-dressers often pursue a flawless verisimilitude, for which perfecting the dress, makeup, speech, and gestures of the opposite sex is critical. For male-to-female TVs the clothing and attitudes are typically as relaxing as they are erotic. Some male-to-female TVs’ greatest pleasure is to be treated as the sister, girlfriend, or lover of a beautiful woman who will take them shopping, dress in similar outfits, and indulge in playful experiments with makeup, wigs, and other feminine accessories.
I call these men “she,” dress them as girls or women; teach them how to walk, stand, sit, and gesture. I correct their mannerisms, and may treat them in a strict but affectionate manner, like a combination of big sister and drama coach
.
—M. C
YBELE
TVs frequently re-create through dress the type of opposite-sex person they find most attractive, embodying the characteristics they associate with the opposite sex.
There’s a certain satisfaction to being able to create [an] illusion. Not that I would ever really be able to pass in public, but I do a pretty good job. There’s a satisfaction in [what] I guess you could call a job well done
.
—D
EIRDRE
Becoming an opposite-sex person—whether for an hour, a day, or a week—means permitting oneself to express otherwise contained aspects of one’s personality.
Cross-dressers want to pamper themselves, take a bubble bath and not be called sissy, or to put makeup on [and] look soft and feminine. It allows them to be the passive person. [In] my age group, men are supposed to be the strong ones and not allowed this side of themselves. When they’re dressed as females, they can be submissive and soft and teasing
.
—G
YPSY
Even while cross-dressed, heterosexual TVs usually prefer heterosexual encounters. Many male-to-female TVs, for example, will roleplay as lesbians with female partners. Some, however, have the potential for a bisexual experience when dressed. Several of our interviewees described themselves as “trisexual,” to denote their ability to pretend that they are heterosexual women engaged in sexual acts with heterosexual men. (A full discussion of the types of D&S erotic activities that TVs enjoy is presented in the
next chapter
.)
INTERVIEWS
R
. R
OGER
E. P
EO
To understand transgendered persons (transvestites, cross-dressers, and transsexuals), it is necessary to define some terms:
Gender Identity:
a person’s
internal
sense of being a man or a woman.
Gender Role:
a person’s
behaviors
that define him or her to society as a man or woman.
Sex:
the physical state of being male or female. There are many different aspects, e.g., genital, chromosomal, hormonal, and reproductive. Not all of these match in everybody.
Sexual-Partner Choice:
this is a person’s choice of the same or other sex for personal interactions.
It is critical to understand that it is possible to find
any combination
of the four categories listed above. With these simplified definitions, it is possible to describe various forms of transgender behavior. I am excluding all persons who have a measurable or identifiable biological problem, such as hermaphrodites and those who suffer from chromosomal or hormonal abnormalities.
Transvestism
is primarily found in males. Clinically, a transvestite is a man who likes to wear clothing socially reserved for women. It has been estimated that 0.1 percent to 1 percent of the male population has this behavior to some degree, but there are no observable physical or hormonal irregularities that could account for this behavior. The average male cross-dresser is heterosexual and presents a masculine gender role except when he is cross-dressed. His gender identity is mostly to exclusively masculine; however, when cross-dressed, he may say he “feels female.” In the beginning cross-dressing often has a strongly erotic component. Later the erotic feelings may diminish and cross-dressing becomes a way to temporarily escape from the masculine role. The thought is, If I am dressed as a woman, then I no longer have my masculine responsibilities.
Women who are transvestites or cross-dressers would have the same psychological characteristics as described above for men. Women who wear masculine-style clothing but who are “obviously” women do not fall into this category. Cross-dressing is a gender statement with erotic overtones, not a fashion statement. I estimate that the number of women who fit this definition is vanishingly small, perhaps one ten-thousandth of a percent of the female population.
There are many other reasons for adopting the clothing of the other gender. For example, theatrical productions may use cross-dressing for comedic or sinister effects.
Some Like It Hot
and
Psycho
are two classic films that employ this technique. Also, there are female impersonators for whom cross-dressing is an integral part of their act. Sometimes cross-dressing is used as a disguise to commit a crime or [to] hide from the law. Lastly, there are gay males who use “drag” as a way to attract sexual partners. None of these examples fits the
clinical
definition of cross-dressing.
Gender dysphoria usually defines only a severe clinical dislocation of a person’s gender identity. Many people who cross-dress are not gender dysphoric in that sense. Anecdotal data suggest that there are a large number of male transvestites who never have felt the need to go to a clinician, or who have gone once and found that the average clinician is unable to help. For example, the obsessive nature of transvestism can be very disruptive in their life and relationships. Generally, those who come to clinical settings do so because of the problems that cross-dressing causes in their life.
