Read Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission Online
Authors: Gloria G. Brame,William D. Brame,Jon Jacobs
Tags: #Education & Reference, #Health; Fitness & Dieting, #Psychology & Counseling, #Sexuality, #Reference, #Self-Help, #Relationships, #Love & Romance, #Sex
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (52 page)
Despite the proliferation of relatively sophisticated options, many D&Sers prefer a homey alternative: the humble spring clothespin. Clothespins may be used sparingly or may be lavishly clamped over large areas of the body, usually the fleshy parts of the chest, the buttocks, and the thighs. Dominants arrange clothespins in rows or in other patterns.
I love having clothespins put on me, and clips and clamps. We’ve gone up to 50 clothespins so far. I’m waiting to do 100. I like them on my arms, on my nipples, on my thighs, anywhere where my lover wants to put them. At a D&S club we’ve done some scenes with clothespins. [Once] I was talking to some people while he prepared everything. I was dressed sexily; plus I had cuffs on my wrists and ankles. He put some tables together [and] lit some candles. Then he made me kneel on two chairs that were pulled together [and] lie on my back across the tables. He attached ropes to the legs of the table so that he could bind my wrists and my ankles spread-eagle. He pulled down my bustier and blindfolded me. He started talking to me very softly to reassure me [and] caressing me with some feathers and getting me to relax. Then he took out the clothespins and the clamps and started working on my breasts. He took some alligator clips with the teeth shaved down and black plastic [insulation] on them so that they don’t hurt my breasts. He put one on each nipple and then worked his way around the aureole of each breast. I had about five clips on each. There was a chain attached to the nipple clips, so that he could pull on it when he wanted to. He worked on my upper arms and then on my inner thighs. Occasionally he would stop and caress me and relax me and let me know that he was still there. He’s very loving and gentle and has a very delicate touch. It feels really wonderful. One feels very trusting; at least one should. To me, it’s actually lovemaking. While I couldn’t see what was going on, I could feel it. Finally he was done. I was in a rather agitated state, because when you have clips and clamps all over, you start moving out of body. He took out a vibrator and pressed it up against my clit. I got very excited. He gave me permission to come, and as
I did, he took off the clips on my nipples, so that the orgasm was even larger. It is like being in bed with someone and they play with your nipples while you’re coming. It’s the same sort of sensation
.
—V
ICTORIA
While many D&Sers enjoy clamps or clothespins on the labia, this can get tricky, as female lubrication may cause even tight clamps to slide off, especially when tugged or weighted.
Hot wax, hot ash, and compression play may also be incorporated into
cock-and-ball torture
and
tit torture
, known colloquially in the D&S community as CBT and TT. The basic principle of CBT and TT is to impose deep sensation directly to erogenous zones.
The intensity of CBT and TT activities range from fairly mild to very heavy. Great care is taken to ensure that only desired pain is inflicted. Genitalia and nipples are susceptible to irreversible damage under even moderate punishment, and D&Sers are cautious about these types of play. Some dominants may prefer to have the submissive’s pubic region shaved in order to avoid mishaps with trapped hair.
CBT and TT are usually an aspect of a broader scene, however, many men (and some women) are specifically aroused by genital punishments (also known
as genital torture
, or
genitorture
), and some dominants focus on this aspect of play for an extended period. The majority of adult toys for CBT and TT are manifestly fabricated with male genitalia in mind; male genitalia are simply better suited for accessibility and accessories.
For those who enjoy genital compression, modifications are made to clamps to combine pinching with pulling. For example, a leash may be attached to the chain connecting strategically situated clamps and tugged. D&Sers sometimes attach weights to these chains, causing varying degrees of distention and discomfort. Those who are interested specifically in distention may use a
parachute harness
. This broad, circular swath of thick leather is snapped into place around the top of the scrotum, and weights are suspended from it to force the testicles downward and away from the penis.
Perhaps the most popular male adult toy is the
cock ring
, the descendent of the ancient Chinese silver penis clasp whose “purpose was to prolong erection by preventing the blood from leaving the engorged organ.”
2
The contemporary version is a ring—usually made of steel, rubber, or leather, flexible or rigid—which is secured around the base of a flaccid penis. (Some
interviewees reported that they have also experimented with rubber bands.) As the penis becomes engorged, the ring grows tight and prevents blood from draining back into the body. Cock rings have a dual effect: Erection is prolonged and sensitivity is enhanced. Both dominants and submissives may wear cock rings because of this serviceable duality.
Baroque refinements of the cock ring include a series of graduated rings known as a
cock cage
. Some cock cages are equipped with miniature hardware to lock the equipment in place; the dominant keeps the key. Variants of the cock cage are made of flexible leather or rubber straps.
A spectrum of leather gloves designed alternately to stretch and to confine genitalia are also popular. These gloves are usually leather sacks contoured so as to contain the testicles, the penis, or both. Some feature lacing meant to squeeze the penis and lift it away from the scrotum; some “ball sacks” are equipped with weights, and other models are studded with tiny metal spikes in the lining. The results can vary from a sensuously snug sensation to a mildly vertiginous squeeze.
In addition to the wearing of any of the plethora of custom equipment, CBT or TT includes all rough play directed to the erogenous zones. As noted in
Chapter 12
, small whips are used to concentrate pain in small areas. Some TT enthusiasts use the suction cups from snakebite kits to sensitize and engorge male nipples. Pinching, prodding, pricking, biting, tugging, slapping or spanking, abrading, and applying unguents such as mentholated balm that cause a burning sensation are all aspects of this play.
I’ve asked myself [why I like CBT]. I think the idea of torturing someone’s genitals is so outrageous; it’s such a personal, private, intimate part of the body. In psychological terms, it’s the fear and humiliation and the helplessness. I don’t think that attention to any other part of the body carries as great an emotional impact. Also, the balls are sensitive to crushing or to blows in ways [that] nothing else [could be]! I don’t think that a woman could ever imagine what that feels like. Even when it’s not painful, it has a whole-body effect on me. Interestingly, one of the first things that we did [was my wife] slapping my balls with her hand. The reason that it went as well as it did was, I think, because she had no conception of how intense that feeling was. She was unwilling to hit me with a whip or paddle because it would be too painful; yet she could slap my balls! … Restraints [put on when I’m flaccid] can cause very intense sensations when I get an erection. What may start off as nothing much can build—with no change in the force of the blows—into a most intense sensation.… Genital whipping has formed the heart of a
plurality of my fantasies for close to 40 years. The single most fundamentally arousing] image is being bound and helpless with legs widely separated and being whipped aggressively directly into the crotch. Nothing else has quite this place in my pantheon of masochistic urges. When I have experienced genital whipping with a partner, it has been among the most intense of activities
.
—J
OHN
M.
Fisting is primarily but not exclusively popular in the gay and lesbian communities. The dominant slowly works first fingers and then hand into either the anus or vagina of his or her partner. Some feel that it is a safe-sex alternative when the fister wears a latex glove. Fisting is by no means limited to D&S partners and is seen by some as just a more intense type of penetration.
A growing number of bisexual and heterosexual D&Sers, and particularly those who have learned from gay and lesbian D&Sers, are experimenting with this activity. With adequate lubrication, fisting does not necessarily entail pain, but this depends on the recipient’s ability to relax the appropriate muscles. Indeed, the goal is not so much to inflict pain as to induce ecstasy through this radical form of penetration.
Introducing
anything
into the anus however is a high-risk activity that may result in serious injury and hemorrhage. Torn tissue—not uncommon when the anus is invaded—is highly susceptible to infection and the transmission of disease.
Participants say that fisting is spiritual, sensuously profound, and even mystical because, as one D&Ser put it, “It’s like reaching inside and grabbing someone’s soul.” Fisting has numerous psychological components: It may convey a sense of violation, erotic humiliation or helplessness. The fist is, symbolically and literally, a power symbol whose introduction into a body cavity has an enormous emotional impact and corollary sexual charge. And, unlike inorganic toys (such as dildos or anal beads), the hand’s dexterity provides a unique thrill.
A very experienced partner can control his muscles to the point that there is an interesting sensation to my hand—which leads to a pleasurable sensation to my brain. I have a little playmate who likes to put his hands in my ass. He likes to be dominant over his partner, and he wants the partner to feel some pleasure. It is, when done properly
, safe,
as compared to anal intercourse, which could be a transmitter of the HIV virus. That’s why he got into fisting. It is best
to do it with latex gloves, not only because it can get a little messy, but because of the possibility of HIV infection. Cuticles have small cuts, and a person may bleed during the scene; how heavily depends on the person, the experience, how big the hand is. The more relaxed one is, the less problems you have
.
—J
EFF
B
RITTON
I haven’t fisted a man yet, but I have fisted women, vaginally and anally. The power and the eroticism behind that act is personally overwhelming to me
.
—L
AURA
A
NTONIO
NYTHING
E
LSE?
Numerous other forms of intense stimulation have gained currency among D&Sers. Among them are the use of nettles (to sensitize skin) and stinging unguents (applied to erogenous zones). Two specific forms of intense stimulation deserve special mention. Although they arouse heated debate in the D&S communities because of their potential health risks, both are widely practiced esoterica. These controversial activities are play piercing and electrical stimulation (also known as electro-torture).
Unlike piercing to modify the body, play piercing is temporary and is always performed in an erotic context. In a play piercing, sterile needles—often hypodermic needles—are usually inserted into the top layers of skin. These wounds heal without leaving permanent marks. The exception may be a play nipple piercing, where a slender sterile needle penetrates the nipple and is later removed without emplacement of jewelry. In S&M erotica—particularly in Japanese and German videos, which generally depict much more extreme and dehumanizing play than their American counterparts—the temporarily pierced submissive is usually identified as a “needle slave,” and the piercings may be a form of punishment or may be symbolic of servitude. The term “play” is used only to distinguish it from more permanent piercings. “Play” does not, however, imply that such piercings are done casually. All penetration of skin entails the potential risk of infection or trauma and requires extreme caution.
In addition to play piercings to the erogenous zones, aficionados may want to feel the pricking sensation over wider expanses of skin, and some even prefer that the erogenous zones be avoided. Multiple piercings are
common, sometimes arranged in patterns. The needles are left in place for short periods of time. Some dominants manipulate the needles with their fingers or attach strings to the needles and control the submissive’s movements as a puppeteer would manipulate a marionette.
A moderately popular play-piercing device for male submissives is the
butterfly board
—a plank of soft wood placed under the scrotum with an opening for the genitals. Needles are passed through the skin of the scrotum and foreskin (not the underlying organs) and then are pinned to the board.
With play piercing you don’t get a heck of a lot of pain. Somebody who’s scared of needles would say, “Oh, God!” but realistically, they’re not that painful. It happens in just seconds. Most people in play piercing want the needles to come out as quickly as possible. I want the needle to come out extremely slowly. I enjoy the feeling of the needle being taken out of my body. I almost consider permanent piercings mutilating your body.… I’ve had needles on my thighs, on the outsides of my arms, all around my breasts. I’ve had needles through the outer bottom edges of my nipples. Once somebody took a bunch of needles and created a necklace that started from my shoulders, went down around my chest, and ended at the other shoulder. She had me look in the mirror, and then she took them out. It came as a total surprise to me that I would be turned on by something like that
.
—J
EAN
L.
For safety reasons many D&Sers object to the introduction of electricity in erotic play. The risks are obvious: High voltage to the body will cause a fatal shock, and electricity—even of a low voltage—applied to the torso may interfere with normal heartbeat or cause a heart attack. Nonetheless, some D&Sers experiment with low-level electrical stimulation because of the unique sensation.
