Diary of a Dieter (19 page)

“Charlene? Hello?”

Regina waved a hand in front of my face and snapped her fingers. “You are away with the fairies sometimes, I swear. So, what are you thinking?”

I pushed my chair away from the desk and crossed my legs. Picking up a pen, I mindlessly nibbled on the end.

“I’m thinking … I’m going to get laid.”

Regina threw her head back and laughed. “Good girl! It’s about time you had some fun and took some risks. Safe isn’t always the best option in life. Believe me.”

I smiled up at her. “I guess it only has to be complicated if we let it get that way.”

She nodded. “Exactly! Now, go have some lunch, take all the time you need, and if I don’t see you for the rest of the day, I wouldn’t sweat about it. Though I’m sure you’d be doing enough sweating and panting for both of us.”

Winking at me, she walked across the office and shut the door behind her.

I couldn’t help but smile. She was right. I did need some fun, and if Adam wasn’t worried about it, then I shouldn’t be either. Glancing up at my office door, I spotted him marching toward it through the glass. Oh God, he’s here already. Oh God. Here we go.

There is something to be said for the health benefits of sex. It’s a stress reliever. A tension dispeller and a serious sleep enhancer. In the three weeks since our arrangement had been finalized, Adam and I had been at it like rabbits. I’m talking hopped up on Prozac, humping bunnies, and I was feeling … amazing! My work was becoming less stressful every day. I was sleeping better than I had in months, and what’s more, I had dropped another six pounds. Happiness was making me slimmer! My obsessive need to eat my emotions and swallow my anger was completely eradicated with a few hot and heavy sex sessions with Adam and multiple mind-blowing orgasms.

And it worked the other way, too. Only the previous night, Adam had come home extremely tense and yelled for an hour about his apartment. It seemed the fumigators had caused a slight problem with the building’s insulation, and the whole place had to be gutted out and redone. It would be weeks before he could go home again and he’d already been with me for several. I reassured him that he could stay as long as he needed, but it didn’t calm his irritated nerves. I got the feeling there was also something else bothering him, but he refused to discuss it. I got a simple, “It’s work stuff.” And that was it. Deciding that his mood was not welcomed in my apartment that night, I had slipped into a silky nightdress, and as he sat in front of the TV with his shirt unbuttoned, I was on my knees relieving his tension. His hand fisted in my hair as my mouth worked his rigid and solid cock. I could feel the stress and worry of the day washing away from him with every roll of my tongue and as he thrust his hips upward, forcing himself deeper into my mouth, he groaned loudly. I felt powerful, sexy, and in control. I’d never felt that way before.

After he climaxed, he lifted me onto the couch and reciprocated. Now, usually, I hate oral sex. It makes me uncomfortable. Not only do I feel totally on edge at the thought of being so exposed, but I spend the entire time worrying about the smell, taste, and appearance of my lady flower. Yes, I said lady flower. I know what you’re thinking, there was nothing flowery or fragrant about that particular area of the body, but mine certainly opened seasonally!

But with Adam, I just … didn’t worry about it. It didn’t seem to matter. I lay back as he hooked my legs over his shoulders and licked me like an ice cream cone. Adam had some serious skill. How he’d learned it all and kept it so secret was a mystery. He’d certainly never been given tips from his brother. They hardly spoke. I could only assume that he’d had more practice than I’d thought. There was me thinking he was a quiet, reserved, and sensitive type, and all along he was a sex bomb waiting to explode all over me! Metaphorically speaking, of course.

He was right about my body hang-ups. And it seemed that Adam really was the cure I needed. Every time I tried to cover up, hide myself by wrapping my arms around my body, or even just closed my eyes when he would undress me, he would immediately stop and address what I was doing. During the couch coitus, I was so embarrassed with him being down there that as his lips trailed over my stomach, I flinched and tensed. Lifting his head, he caught my hands, intercepting my next move.

“Stop it. You’re gorgeous. I don’t know why you hide.”

My throat was dry, and my voice a little horse when I answered him. “Because I have so much jelly on my belly.”

He chuckled and placed a light kiss over my belly button.

“If I’m in a restaurant, and I order steak, I expect to dine on a juicy piece of meat. I don’t want to gnaw on a bone. You, Charlie, are a feast for my eyes, a succulent sexual fulfillment for my appetite, and if you would just be quiet and stop fighting me, I’m about to enjoy some dessert.”

My pulse leapt. Adam always said the perfect thing. He was such a vast contrast to Brad. Brad had always insisted we turn off the lights, and some nights he would even request that I wear a nightshirt or something. At the time I thought he was respecting my body confidence problems, but in hindsight, he just didn’t like to watch me wobble around. Not that you can do much wobbling in six and a half minutes. Two pumps and a squirt was pretty much all I could hope for during a night of passion with my germaphobic lover.

But Adam was incredible. All of my inhibitions melted away and I could just … be me. It sounded cliché and completely ridiculous but I’d forgotten how much fun sex could be.

After three orgasms and a quickie on the carpet, we both settled down to watch TV and talked about our plans for the weekend. I’d promised my mother that I’d visit for my grandmother’s birthday in a couple of weeks, and that meant spending my weekend shopping with the girls for the perfect gift. Adam would be working long hours again. His boss really was a bitch, but I was still pretty convinced that she was into him.

* * * *

Sitting at the kitchen counter eating my breakfast, I smiled over at Adam who was sleepily pouring himself a cup of tea.

“So you and the girls are shopping all day, huh?”

I nodded as I shoveled another spoon full of Cheerios into my mouth.

“Sounds fun. I’ll be working late so I probably won’t see you. If I get in at a reasonable time, are you opposed to being woken?”

He winked at me playfully. I shook my head and pushed my bowl away. “Nope. Well, unless of course I have company in there. You never know what the day will bring.”

Adam’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at his teacup. “So you’re still looking for Mr. Right?”

“Of course. I’m sure he’s out there somewhere. And now that sex isn’t my biggest goal, I can actually think straight for a change.”

Walking to the sink, I patted him on the behind. “I have you to thank for that.”

He gave me a half smile and nodded gently. Dropping my bowl into the empty sink, I grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

“So I’ll see you later?” I asked as I pulled the front door open. He nodded again, but said nothing.

“Great. Have a good day.”

Closing the door behind me, I couldn’t help but feel that something between us had just … shifted. Trying to put it out of my head, I made my way to the train station to meet the girls.

* * * *

“So the two of you are still banging each other’s brains out then?” Ness asked as she browsed a menu. We had been shopping all morning and decided to stop at a local café for some lunch. Scouring my own menu, I tilted my head and pressed my lips together. “You know we are. I don’t know why you keep asking.”

Dana dropped her menu on the table and rested her elbow on the edge. She leaned her chin against it.

“And things still aren’t complicated?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Things are fine. In fact, I even told him that I’m still looking for Mr. Right, and he was fine with it.”

They both eyed me curiously. “Really?” they asked in unison.

“Yes. I told you, we’re friends that fuck. That’s all. We’re not in a relationship for God’s sake. We’re adults.”

Ness nodded slowly. “And if he happened to also start fucking someone else, you’d be … okay with that?”

What kind of question was that?

“Of course!” I said a little louder and more enthusiastically than I had intended. “He’s free to fuck whoever he wants, and so am I. In fact, he could shag the entire female population of London if he wants.”

Dana snorted at me. “Whatever you say, Charlene.”

Now I was irritated. “I know you think I’m crazy, and I know you think the two of us are supposed to be destined for some whirlwind romance or something, but life doesn’t work like that. I hate to break it to you, but there’s no such thing as happily ever after. It’s all bullshit. Life is full of disappointments, and you should get your rocks off as often as you can because you’re a long time dead.”

Ness sniggered. “You are such an idiot. You really are blind, aren’t you?”

Slamming down my menu, I glared at her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Slamming down her own menu, she met my stare. “You know exactly what it means. God, Charlene, you’re so busy looking for Prince Charming that you completely missed the hot doctor that’s been pining for you for years! You can deny it all you want, but you know that your feelings for each other run deeper than you’re both willing to admit.”

I shook my head, angry with her and her stupid assumptions. How dare she assume she knew what Adam felt or better yet, what I did? I was not in love with Adam! “You have no idea what you’re talking about. If that were true, why the hell would we have stayed friends for all of these years? You really believe Adam is the type of guy to just pine over someone? Especially someone he knows he could never have? Of course not. He’s not an idiot.”

Dana groaned. “Charlene, of course he would. He’s completely besotted by you. Do you really not see it?”

I shook my head. “You’re both crazy. Even if it were true, which I’m not saying it is, but if I did have feelings for him, I wouldn’t act on them. I’m the queen of rotten judgment, and I’ve
won every award for bad decision-making. I’ve done the broken heart, falling in love and getting stomped on thing, and I’m finished with it all. Been there, done that.”

Ness scoffed. “So we’re just imagining the way he looks at you? The way you look at him when he smiles, and how the two of you can’t seem to exist without each other? When are you both gonna grow up and own up to how you feel about one another. There’s no shame in falling in love! And you two have got it bad. You have for years.”

I held my head in my hands. Looking up at them again, I rolled my eyes. “You know what, since you two seem to know me so much better than I do, why don’t the two of
you
shop for my gran’s gift, and I’ll sit here, drink tea, and think about my awful negligence of Adam and his intense love for me. I’ll sit here and pine over my unrequited love.”

Okay, I was being sarcastic and a little bitchy, but they were pissing me off. There was nothing wrong with the relationship I had with Adam, and their interference was totally for their own selfish reasons. Interfering, nosey, matchmaking, do gooders!

“If that’s how you feel, Charlene, then fine! You made your bed, and now the two of you can go fuck yourselves and each other in it. Just don’t come crying to us when the shit hits the fan. You are in love with him. Just say it and fucking deal with it.”

Getting up from her seat, Ness tugged on Dana’s elbow. Giving me a regretful look, she stood and together they walked away into the crowd of people making their way down the busy London street.

A waitress brought over a small white pot of tea and a cup. I took it from her with a halfhearted smile and poured myself a large cup. This was a nightmare. Not only had I just fallen out with my girls, but I was now in turmoil over Adam. Ness was wrong about him—she had to be. Someone that in love with another person didn’t agree to a no-strings and just sex relationship. It would be heartbreaking, surely. But that didn’t explain why I was the one with the ache in my chest. My stomach was churning, and my throat was dry. Ness’s question was replaying over and over in my ears. Would I really be fine with him seeing some other woman? Would I really just be pleased he’d found someone? The answer was unsettling. No. I wouldn’t be okay with it. But that was just because the sex would stop, and I’d be back to my dry spell and poor self-esteem. That was all. I thought. I hoped. Oh, God help me!

Stirring my tea mindlessly with one hand, I rested my chin on
the other as my elbow pressed into the tabletop. Could things possibly get any worse?

“Charlene?”

Turning my head, I gawped in horror. I have to stop asking myself if things could get any worse. Because it seemed every time I did, the universe screwed me over.

“Brad!”

He gave me a small smile, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t return it. My insides twisted with rage as hate began boiling my blood as it flowed through my veins.

“Hi
, Charlene. How are you?”

I glanced around to ensure I wasn’t heard and lowered my voice. I didn’t want a scene. Reaching up, I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and yanked him downward to me.

“How am I? Are you fucking serious?”

Pulling himself from my grasp, he pulled out a seat and sat opposite me.

“I know, I don’t expect you to want to talk to me, but I couldn’t just walk by and say nothing.”

I glared at him with hatred. “Really? Because I doubt you have anything I want to hear.”

He nodded gently. “I deserve that. I do. I did a horrible, horrible thing, and I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you.”

I interrupted him abruptly. “Pain? You think it was pain that I felt? It was a lot fucking more than that! I was humiliated, heartbroken, devastated, and completely betrayed! You called off our wedding, Brad. The day that’s supposed to be the happiest in a girl’s life, and you did it over the phone! You didn’t even have the nuts or guts, both of which I’d like to hack apart with a rusty knife, to tell me to my face that you were screwing some tart at your office!”

He looked down at the table, and for the first time, he actually seemed ashamed.

“I know. I am so sorry. I don’t deserve forgiveness, God knows I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way now.”