Diary of a Dieter (16 page)

Remember when I asked if my life could get any worse? Well, apparently it can. Never tempt the universe or call it out to challenge you because it would seem that it has a habit of biting you in the arse or kicking you hard in the crotch. I was feeling a little of each right now.

Walking into the apartment with my hand over my eye, I scanned the room. Adam wasn’t in the lounge, which I was thankful for, but I could hear music coming from his room, and the light was streaming through the gap of his slightly opened door. Maybe I could just clean it up myself and it would be fine. I could give it a good scrub and no one would have to know!

Marching across the lounge, I hurried toward my room but as I passed the sofa, I didn’t notice the snoozing feline on the floor beside it and promptly stepped on his tail. Screeching and darting into Adam’s bedroom, Jacob hissed and growled in outrage.

“Charlie?” Adam called from the bedroom.

Closing my eyes tightly, I threw myself onto the sofa.

“I’m in here.”

His door opened and light began to fill the room.

“Oh, please close the door. Darkness is very much my friend right now.”

Adam’s tall, broad frame cast a large shadow over me as he stood in the doorway. My hand still covering my eye, I sniffed a little as tears slid down my cheek.

“Charlie? What’s wrong? Why are you covering your face?”

Marching over to me, he tried desperately to remove my hand from my eye.

“Charlie, stop it! Did someone hit you? Let me look!”

He was panicked and furious.

“No, I’m fine. No one attacked me.”

He furrowed his brow and kneeled in front of me.

“Then why are you hiding?”

I took a deep breath and slowly, embarrassedly, and with trepidation, lowered my hand. Lifting my chin, Adam examined me.

“I need to turn the light on to look at you. You look sore and a little red. Did you get something in there?”

Oh, boy did I. Getting to his feet he walked over and turned on the main light. As it filled the room, I squinted.

“Holy shit, Charlene. What the hell did you get in there?”

I groaned and picked up one of the throw pillows to bury my face in. I mumbled into the pillow.

“Charlene, I can’t hear you. What is in your eye?”

I mumbled louder. Grabbing the pillow from me, he snatched it away and scowled down at me.

“It’s cum!” I shouted.

He raised a brow.

“You mean …”

I nodded and turned beetroot red. “Yes. Spunk, semen, cum, love juice, jizz, or whatever you want to call it; it’s in my eye. I
really
don’t want to talk about.”

A smile played across his lips, and I could tell he was trying desperately not to burst into laughter.

“I see. Well, I’ll just … get some gloves.”

As he left the room, I could hear him chuckling.
Arsehole
. When he returned, he was wearing a pair of medical gloves and carrying a small bottle of clear liquid and some swabs.

“I won’t ask how it happened, but looking at that fuck me badge on your neck, I’m assuming you had a good night?”

I snorted loudly.

“Hardly. You’d think, considering my current state that I at least got some enjoyment. But, no. Can we
please
not talk about it?” I was getting desperate.

Adam poured some of the liquid onto gauze and dabbed at my eye. The sting was instantly soothed, and the stickiness was now also subsiding. Able to fully open my eyelids again, I blinked several times. Adam smiled at me and shook his head.

“Close your eye. I need to clean it.”

I nodded and resting my head back against the sofa cushion, I breathed deeply as Adam dabbed the swabs on my face. Tears were still dripping down my cheeks.

“There, all done.”

He was quiet, and as I lifted my head to look down at him, he gave me a rueful smile.

“I shouldn’t have laughed. Sorry.” He handed me a tissue and as I took it, I scoffed.

“Why? My whole life is a joke. Look at me.”

Lifting my chin with his knuckle, he shook his head lightly.

“I
am
looking at you. I’m always looking at you, and do you know what I see?”

I shook my head.

“I see a fun, gorgeous, sexy, and incredibly amazing woman.”

I sniffed into my tissue and gazed at him through my tears.

“Really?”

He nodded.

“Well, if everyone thinks I’m so damn hot and sexy, why can’t I see it, and why the hell am I still yet to get laid?”

He chuckled. “You
are
hot, sexy, and incredible. I have no idea why you don’t see it. As for why you haven’t gotten laid, the guys you’re choosing clearly have no idea what they’ve got in their hands.”

I gave a halfhearted smile. “I don’t know about that. Maybe I’m just doomed to be sexless and alone forever. I mean, who wants someone who is riddled with self-esteem and body confidence issues? I know
I
wouldn’—“

Cutting me off, Adam lunged forward and pressed his lips firmly against mine. I blinked rapidly at him in total shock.
Oh, my God!
His hand slid up my thigh as the other slid behind my neck, pulling me closer. My mouth opened instinctively to allow his tongue to slide inside.
Is this actually happening?
Adam, my Adam, is kissing me and … I’m letting him. I closed my eyes as my body gave in to the wonderful sensations. His touch was gentle, attentive, and the feeling of his hands on my flesh was so foreign yet thrilling. It was forbidden fruit and I tasted it with every stroke of his tongue.

Pulling away from me sharply, he ran his fingers through his hair and winced.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just that you’re so …”

I didn’t let him finish. My insides were on fire, and my sexual desire was burning like the sun. I needed him; I wanted him. Hell, I just wanted a man to touch me, caress my body, and drive me crazily to orgasm! Reaching out, I grasped a fistful of his shirt and dragged him onto the sofa. He gawped at me as I quickly pushed him down and climbed on top of him. Straddling his hips, I hurriedly unbuttoned his shirt as his own hands glided up and down my thighs before reaching around and grasping my behind. Tearing his shirt from his body, I stared at him. Adam was … gorgeous! When did he get a body like that? Why the hell had he been hiding it, and how the hell did I not notice it ‘til now? His broad shoulders, thick muscular arms, and perfect abs had me salivating. The deep Apollo’s belt that led temptingly into his trousers was simply begging to be licked!

Lifting himself up, he wrapped his arms around me and gently tugged at my halter-top. I immediately took it off and as my flesh slid out from beneath it, Adam’s hands cupped over my bra and massaged my breasts. I moaned deeply. His lips trailed sweet and gentle kisses from my cleavage to my neck, up my throat, before resting on my lips again. My head was spinning with everything that was happening. I was turned on, hot, and completely aroused, but I was also scared, worried, and my brain screamed at me that we had to stop. But my body was on a mission. My hips were grinding, and I slid my hands over his chest, down his body to his trousers. He smiled against my lips as I unzipped them.

His fingers fumbled nervously with my own zipper and buttons. Everything I was doing was purely based on instinct. I couldn’t think; if I did, then I might come to my senses and put a stop to this, but every inch of me was screaming that this was right.

Adam’s tongue brushed against my collarbone, and I moaned, biting my lip. I could feel myself becoming wetter as his erection pressed against my clit. I was a starving woman at a buffet of hot, sexy, muscular man meat! I wanted to grab him with both hands and tear him apart with my teeth! Pushing me backward, he laid me on the sofa with my back resting on the plus cushions. He gazed down at me, his eyes sparkling, and an intensity in them made me catch my breath. He reminded me of a predator stalking its prey. His fingers dipped inside my jeans, and he pulled them off with achingly slow care. The fabric glided over my hips and lowering himself, Adam’s lips kissed down my thighs, following my jeans inch by inch as they slipped from my body.

Tossing them away from us, Adam sat back on his heels and stared at me. His eyes dragged from my feet all the way up ‘til he met my own gaze. I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes. My embarrassment and insecurity over how I must look consumed me. I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin, and even Adam’s gentle hands on my own, brought me no relief from my hatred of my body. His fingers entwined with mine and he lifted my hands gently to his lips.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was beaming at me. I’d never seen him this way. But then, I’d never felt so exposed to him. Oh, I’d been semi-naked with him before, but this was different. I wasn’t just opening my legs and body to him; I was giving him a piece of me that for twenty years had been the one thing in our relationship that was missing. I wondered if he also felt this as I watched him slide down his jeans and shorts. He swallowed
hard and took my hands in his one again. Pushing them up above my head, his grip tightened. He was nervous. But it didn’t last long. Trailing his fingertips down my pale skin, he hooked his thumb on the crotch of my underwear and pulled them aside.

I hitched a breath, and my head fell back as Adam’s full, thick, and solid length slipped inside of me. It was beyond anything I could describe. All you need to know is that it was good. His hands explored every curve of my body before tangling in my hair. My eyes stayed closed as his hips grinded, rolled, and he thrust inside me. I could feel my orgasm teasing, coming closer and closer with every touch of his lips on mine. His scent was intoxicating, and I could hardly control myself. I moaned, groaned, growled, and purred like a kitten who had desperately wanted the cream. The low, deep, and erotic tones of Adam’s own sexual satisfaction were filling the room, and as he dropped his hand between us, his thumb rubbed against my clit. My nails gripped into his back, my legs tightened, and my entire body shook as my orgasm came rumbling through me. I cried out, loudly, and was joined by the Afghan hound across the street. It felt as though I was soaring. My eyes flew open, and with my mouth open, panting, I watched as Adam bit down on his lip. He was close.

“Charlie, I need to come.”

We hadn’t used a condom. Holding him by the shoulders, I stilled him and pushed him away. Sitting up, I lunged forward and took him in my mouth. I don’t usually indulge in oral sex, but there was something so tempting about Adam’s delicious cock that called to me. His hands grasped at my thick red hair, and he began to pant, hard. I could feel him getting closer. Rolling my tongue over the tip of his cock, I sucked, licked, and teased him. His head fell back and breathing erratically, he came. The salty liquid slid down my throat, and as my hands gripped his thighs, I felt him shudder.

When he opened his eyes again, I couldn’t take mine off of him. What would we do now? What happened next? Sliding downward to lie flat, he grinned down at me.

“I’ve never done that with
you
before.”

I nodded and smiled up at him with my chin resting on his stomach. “Mmmm.”

He laughed again. “Can’t do that again.”

I shook my head and giggled. Biting my lip, I gazed up at him with mischief.

“Wanna do it again, stud?” I teased.

Bolting from the sofa, he stood, scooped me into his arms and kissed me.

“Oh, God yes!”

The hound across the street began his morning song and as I opened my blurry eyes, light began to filter through partially opened curtains. I hadn’t drunk much at the bar, but it had been enough to leave me with a slightly dull headache. The type of headache that settles right between your eyes and requires some painkillers, total darkness, and an entire reservoir of water. My mouth was so dry it was akin to Jacob’s litter tray. Turning over to face the door, I felt movement behind me. I was suddenly wide-awake. A strong arm was wrapped around my waist. Panic set in as the events of the previous night began flooding back.

Oh God! Oh God! What have I done? What have
we
done? Flailing my arm across my face, I flinched as it brushed against my sore eye. Ah, yes. The friendly fire incident. This wouldn’t have happened at all if I had just stayed home in my pajamas! I could have slipped myself into another sugar-induced coma, but no! Adam sighed in my ear. I stilled, worried he might wake up, and we would both be forced to have a very awkward moment. If I was going to have
that
conversation, I at least wanted to be dressed.

Gently lifting his hand from my waist, I tried to ease it down onto the bed and off of me, but as I turned over and successfully freed myself, he too rolled over and right onto my outstretched arm. I had a habit of shoving one arm beneath a pillow at night to enjoy the coolness of the unused, un-drooled upon, fresh cotton. Now, I was discovering the hazards of sleeping in such a position. Rolling my eyes and groaning under my breath, I contemplated chewing my arm off. I had another one, would I really miss it? I wasn’t hoping to be a world champion tennis star or anything, and robotics was coming on in leaps and bounds these days!

Deciding my arm was far too precious to be amputated, I forcefully slid it out from beneath the pillow. Finally free, I grinned in triumph ‘til I realised I had yet to get out of the room undetected. Swinging my feet out of bed, I placed them silently on the floor and began tiptoeing my way out of the room. The door was open and as I reached for the handle, I let out a long breath with pure and utter relief. It was short lived. Springing out from behind the sofa, Jacob came hurtling at my feet with a dead rodent hanging from his jaws. I jumped and held my hand over my mouth to hide the screech that was begging to be released. Jacob quickly placed the dead animal at my feet and paraded around the lounge like a warrior bringing back the spoils of war. I glared at him before casting my eye back at Adam. Silence. Thank God!

Pulling the door behind me, I crept out of the room. All I had to do was close it, and I was home free! Well, for now. The click of the lock echoed through the apartment, and I winced. Hurrying to my bedroom, I closed the door quietly behind me and flopped back against it, sliding all the way down to the floor.

“Morning, Charlie,” Adam’s voice echoed through the wall. Damn it. So close.

I rested my head in my hands.

“Morning,” I yelled back. Smooth, Charlene, very smooth.

I waited for him to say something, but as silence fell on the apartment once more, I took the opportunity to make a dash for my bathroom where I would soak, scrub, and try desperately to wash away my sins of the previous evening. I’m not saying it was bad. Oh, dear heavens no! It was amazing. It was the best sex I had ever had, and that included the intense and mind-blowing orgasm I had experienced the first time I had self-indulged with my battery-operated
boyfriend. He had a twisting shaft for optimum pleasure and bunny ears for clit stimulation. It had been bliss, but what Adam had done to me last night was like nothing I had experienced before. It was rainbows, unicorns, and leprechauns. It was the stuff of legends and myth! I’d heard of this kind of sex being had by people, but I figured it was hype to encourage us women to keep at it with a guy, give him the chance to improve, and to get men to try harder! Adam didn’t need to try harder. He was there with bells on!

I shook my head at myself as I slid into the hot and wonderfully lavender-scented tub. It didn’t matter how hot, sexy, erotic, unbelievable, heart-stopping, leg-trembling and body-shaking the sex had been. We shouldn’t, couldn’t, and wouldn’t be doing it again! It was insanity to have done it at all. Not only had we broken the cardinal sin of friendship, we’d done so twice! Loudly!

This was a complete mess.

* * * *

Standing in the kitchen, I stirred my freshly brewed coffee. I must have been doing it for a good ten minutes, mindlessly twirling the spoon in my fingers as my brain buzzed and hummed with pain, anxiety, worry, and the stupidity of our actions.

“Morning.”

Coming out of my trance, I turned around to find Adam sitting on a stool at the counter. His sweatpants were hanging low on his hips, and the deep V of his pelvis had me instinctively licking my lips. Damn it!

He was shirtless, and his hair was slightly damp from his morning shower. He wasn’t wearing his glasses either.

“Morning,” I managed to choke out in a half whisper and half cough.

He gave me a small smile.

“Charlie, I … I mean, we … wow this is awkward.”

Taking a deep breath, I held my hands over my face and groaned.

“Adam, last night … I want to apologise” I started, but he immediately interrupted.

“No, no, don’t apologise. I mean … we were both there. And I’m not saying it wasn’t—“

“Amazing” I offered.

“Exactly. It’s just that I need to tell you that—“

I shook my head and held up my hands, signaling for him to stop.

“It’s okay. I don’t hold you responsible, Adam. It was the heat of the moment. Fueled by my despair, alcohol, and unsatisfied sexual needs. I just think we should try and put the whole thing behind us. We’re friends, and I don’t want this to change that. I adore you, and to lose you because we can’t get past one night would be a real shame. I’m so sorry that I caused this tension between us, but I promise, it won’t happen again.”

He stared down at the counter and nodded gently before looking back up at me.

“You really feel that way?”

I bit my lip. Sex with Adam was incredible, but there was no way that we could do it again. It makes things complicated, and my life was complicated enough!

“I do.”

Smiling, he stood, ran his fingers through his damp hair, and nodded slowly.

“Okay. I should probably go and get dressed. I have a heap of errands to run before work tomorrow. You have plans today?”

Picking up my coffee, I took a sip and smiled at him. “I’m just gonna go see how Ness and Dana did last night. Catch up on some reading later maybe.”

Wow. This was so … unnatural. Talking to him had never felt so forced and uncomfortable. He nodded before holding up his hand in a sort of goodbye wave and walked to his room, closing the door loudly behind him. The sound of Smokey Robinson and The Miracles echoed through the door. Shit. Adam’s go-to when he was pissed off or upset was to put his father’s old records on. In this case, since all of his stuff was in storage while his place was cleaned, he would make do with CDs and a loud sound system.

Slumping onto the now vacant stool, I folded my arms on the counter and dropped my head onto them. My forehead hit the cool surface, and the dull ache I already had throbbing between my eyes was joined by the sharp pang of the counter. Was I doomed to be just one huge fuck up? In my entire life, I had never been in so much shit. And why? What had I done to deserve it? I’d been faithful, doting, hard working, and loving to one man for five years, and where had that gotten me? Jilted, dumped, and shelved! Then, I played the sex siren. Cool, sassy, and outwardly confident, and that had resulted in a vagina full of dental glue and an eye full of semen! And now, to top it all off, I had gone right ahead and fucked my best friend. My life, my body, my self-esteem, and my relationships had all inevitably ended up the same way … broken!

Picking up the phone, I dialed Dana.

“Hello?”

She sounded raspy and a little horse.

“Dana?”

“God, I hope so.” She yawned. “What time is it?”

“After ten,” I groaned.

“What day?”

I chuckled lightly. “Sunday. Are you at home?”

She yawned again.

“Yeah. You?”

I paused a moment before speaking, wondering if I should tell her the events of last night over the phone. I decided it was better left for a face-to-face conversation. “Yeah. Actually, I was wondering if I could come over.”

She yawned down the phone, a little louder this time. “As if you needed an invitation. See you in an hour.”

Hazarding a glance at Adam’s door, I rolled my eyes. Maybe a little space to get our heads back in the right place would help. I grabbed my coat and bag and headed out.

* * * *

For a woman who claimed to have drank seven vodka and cranberries and at least a dozen shots of tequila, Dana looked astonishingly bright when I arrived. Dressed in a pair of blue
sweatpants and a white t-shirt, she pottered around her kitchen making coffee while filling me in on her eventful night.

“He was incredible, Charlie. I knew he was trying to get me wasted, but I honestly think I wouldn’t even have needed the booze! He was super cute, very sexy, and an amazing kisser!”

I smiled and nodded as she handed me a steaming hot cappuccino.

“So did you come back here or go to his place?”

Sitting down beside me on the sofa, she let out a long sigh.

“No. I came home alone.”

I gave her a puzzled look. “But you said—“

She growled a little and picked up a cushion before burying her face in it and screaming. The muffled sound was that of a woman in sincere pain. Pulling it away from her, I urged her to continue.

“It was your fault, Charlene! All that talk of Kieran got me feeling all love sick! After that, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Sam was great, but he never stood a chance once Kieran was back in my head.”

I furrowed my brow and opened my mouth in feigned shock.

“Oh, please! He’s never out of your head! You know the real reason you couldn’t be with Sam last night is the same reason you haven’t been with any guy since Kieran left! You’re still madly in love with him! God, why don’t you just admit it? We all know the truth anyhow.”

She scowled at me. “Because I can’t love him! It hurts to love him because he’s not here. I can’t do long distance, and I’m too jealous, selfish, and needy to be able to trust he wouldn’t stray. I can’t do it. I spent too long wallowing over him, and it still hurts. Surely, you of all people understand that.”

I scoffed loudly at her. “Seriously? You think I’m the authority on heartache? Dana, I did trust my man. I trusted him so much that I didn’t notice the skank he had been banging for weeks. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the same country, town, or even apartment. If a man is going to cheat on you, he will. He doesn’t have to move away to do it.”

Flopping back against the sofa, she twirled a finger in her hair mindlessly. It was her tell. Dana could never be a professional poker player.

“I know. I’m just trying to make myself feel better. Anyway, you haven’t told me about your night. I saw you and Anton in the bar, and you two were practically ripping each other’s clothes off as you left.”

I winced at the memories. Dana stared at me, waiting for an explanation and no doubt the juicy details of my sexual encounter. Saved by the bell. Dana’s doorbell chimed loudly in the hall and rolling her eyes, she left to answer it.

“Is that the same dress you were wearing last night?” I heard Dana ask with a distinct tone of disapproval.

“Hell yes it is!” Ness snapped back.

Waltzing into the lounge, Ness paced back and forth like a proud peacock.

“It was amazing! Mind-blowing and awesome!”

Dana and I gave each other a knowing look. Here she goes again.

“His name’s Henry. He’s a very successful chef, and he recently opened his own restaurant. And oh my God, he knows his food. I spent half of the evening drizzled with something sticky
that he could lick off or being fed something utterly delicious while blindfolded. Though, I have to say, his very own sausage was a delightful main course.”

I cringed. Sausage? Really?

“It was magical. I’m talking sparks flying and Earth moving.”

Dana nudged me. “More like knickers flinging and legs spreading.”

I giggled and held my hand over my mouth as Ness continued to gush about her amazing night of passion. Dropping onto the sofa between Dana and I, she sighed with contentment.

“So, how was your night with Anton? I see a hickey, but what the hell happened to your face? You look like you have pink eye.”

Ever the tactful one, Ness stared at me expectedly.

“I’d been meaning to ask about that eye actually,” Dana added.

Covering my embarrassed face with my hands, I took a deep breath.

“I got semen in it.”

Ness and Dana looked confused. “Uh, honey, I’m no expert but—“ Ness began.