Dial L for Loser (12 page)

“Tell Cam I’ve been trying to call him but the time difference keeps messing things up.” Claire’s throat tightened when she said his name. She reached for a gummy worm but opted for the soap instead.

“I can’t believe one of you will be in
Dial L for Loser
,” Dylan whined. “It’s so not fair.”

“Weh hea,” Emma announced while she waited for the driver to open her door.

“Ehmagawd,” Massie gasped. “Gotta jump.” She snapped her Razr shut.

“Who’s ready to be a star?” Emma asked with a wink and a nod.

“Me!” Claire shouted.

But Massie and Alicia shouted louder and drowned her out.

L
OS
A
NGELES

G
ELDING
S
TUDIOS

Monday, March 16th

12:30 P.M.

The tall gates that separated Gelding Studios from the rest of the world parted as the Escalade rolled on in to what
Entertainment Weekly
coined “a billion-dollar playground for movie maniacs.” Claire moaned.

“I should have shaved!” She stroked her shin. “It looks like I’m wearing yellow fleece tights.”

“You could always audition for Big Bird’s stand-in,” Massie offered while finger-combing her extensions.

“Point.” Alicia rubbed a dot of rosy tint on each of her cheeks.

Claire crossed her legs and turned toward the window.

A row of palm trees lined the center of Easy Street, the main roadway that led to different soundstages and sets on the lot. And gigantic movie posters of the studio’s block-busters towered above them like Manhattan skyscrapers.

Emma tapped on her window. “On the right, heh, you’ll see Horr-ah Road. All the scary movies ah shot theh. The house from
Blood Bahth
is a little ways in, and behind it is the black pond from
Snake Lake
.”

Claire stuck her camera out the window and took a picture of the narrow wooden house that was surrounded by tombstones and fallen branches. It looked just like the poster in Cam’s bedroom, minus the blood gushing from the windows.

“I slept in my parents’ bed for a week after I saw that movie.”

Massie and Alicia giggled.

“Same,” Emma joked.

A golf cart filled with three astronauts zoomed past them and turned down Milky Way.

Massie gasped. “Ehmagawd, were those—”

“Yup.” Emma nodded. “Those were the stahs of
T-Minus 3
. They built a huge moon set and, get this, a zero-gravity chamber.” She faced them and lowered her voice. “I heard two of the stahs, Jayne Sauceland and Perry Most, were caught naked in theh last Friday night. The machine was tuhned up too high and instead of floating they weh plast-ehd to the wall and their bottoms were mashed up against the windows.”

The girls burst out laughing.

The Escalade made a left down a nameless street that had a quaint sign that said
WELCOME TO LAKEVIEW
sticking out of a manicured hill.

“Here we ah,” Emma announced.

Suddenly, as if transported by time machine, they were coasting down a winding neighborhood road. Each house had a landscaped front yard and a driveway with a basket-ball hoop, a hockey net, or a minivan blocking the garage. It could have easily passed for a normal suburban community if it weren’t for the cranes and lights above every home.

“This is the make-believe town where
Dial L
is set.” Emma unplugged her phone from the car charger and dropped in it her blazer pocket. “It’s called Lakeview.”

The Escalade turned into a crowded parking lot loaded with golf carts, utility trucks, snack-mobiles, and three long trailers. Straight ahead was a low, windowless football-field-size monstrosity of a building.

“This is Lakeview Middle School,” Emma announced.

The driver turned off the car.

“Ew!” Alicia squealed. “This is even worse than ADD.”

Claire’s stomach clenched.

“The set is inside.” Emma smiled as though she had built it herself. “It’s really quite lovely.”

Pick up your phone.… Pick up your phone.…

Claire pulled her Nokia out of her orange Kipling Fresh clutch. Her hands shook as she checked the display.

“Oh, hey, Layne.” She groaned, unable to hide the fact that she had been hoping for Cam.

“Did you audition yet?”

“Soon.”

“Break a leg!” shouted a bunch of people.

“Thanks.” Claire smiled. “Who’s there?”

“Everyone!” Layne sounded pleased. Claire could picture her narrow green eyes twinkling with delight. Her hair was probably scraggly and tangled. And her outfit was most likely a blinding combination of polyester prints and plaid man-pants. Not that it mattered. Layne Abeley was so much more than the sum of her outfits. She was a true friend, someone who loved to see her BFFs succeed, not fail.

“Who’s everyone?”

“Me, Meena, and Heather.”

Claire giggled. “Thanks, guys.”

Massie and Alicia leaned against the Escalade, their eyes closed and their faces tilted toward the warm sun.

“Now remember one thing when you’re auditioning.” Layne sounded serious. “Don’t
think
about the character,
become
the character.”

“Got it.” Claire closed her eyes, sealing the advice in her brain. “Thanks, Layne.”

“Ew!” Alicia opened her eyes and pushed her wraparound Ralph Lauren tortoiseshell sunglasses over her nose. “That’s Layne?”

“We thought you were talking to Cam.” Massie lowered her aviators from the top of her head. “Emma, we can leave.”

“Very well.” She began making her way across the parking lot toward the entrance.

“I better go,” Claire said to Layne.

“Break a leg!” shouted the chorus.

“And call when you’re done,” Layne insisted.

“I will.” Claire hung up the phone, then scurried to catch up to the others.

“Yoh audition is in an hour.” Emma wrapped her hand around the door handle. “Use the time to familiarize yourselves with the script.”

“Exactly what I was thinking.” Massie twirled her charm bracelet.

Script?
Claire was overcome by intense thirst. It felt like the inside of her mouth had been blasted with Massie’s fifteen-hundred-watt hair dryer. In fifty-nine minutes they’d be standing in front of Rupert Mann auditioning for his movie. And she couldn’t have felt less prepared.

“Um, can I ask a question?” Claire raised her hand tentatively.

Emma nodded.

“I was wondering if you could tell us about the character. You know, that we’ll be reading for.”

“Bloody ’ell.” Emma’s face flushed. “Did I not tell you?”

Claire shook her head.

“I’m glad one of us is thinking today.”

“It’s funny.” Massie covered her heart with her hand. “I was about to ask the same thing.”

“Me too.” Alicia nodded.

“You’ll be auditioning for Moh-lly Reynolds. An aww-kward but cunning thirteen-year-old los-ah who hires someone to teach her how to be popular.” Emma put her hand on her heart. “That’s wheh yoh acting skills will come in. Because something tells me you three have no idear what it’s like to be Moh-lly.”

Massie and Alicia snickered.

Emma yanked the door open. “Welcome to Lakeview Middle School,” she gushed. “Cool, roi-ght?”

The girls were standing in the middle of a hallway lined with green lockers and glass cases filled with photos and trophies. Hand-painted signs reminding students about the upcoming dance hung from the ceiling, and Xeroxed flyers backing Marc Cooper for class president were scattered across the floor. It even had the same pencil-eraser-meets-tuna-sandwich smell that real schools have. Claire took out her camera and snapped a few shots for Cam while Emma got their VIP passes.

“Follow me.” She handed them each a white-and-gold Gelding Studios sticker with their names on it, perfect to hang on their bedroom doors back home.

They followed Emma down the hall into one of the class-rooms. But when they stepped inside, they were no longer at Lakeview Middle School. They were back in Hollywood, surrounded by lights, cameras, and coils of thick black wire.

“This way.” Emma led them into a small pantry. A fresh pot of coffee was brewing and a full box of doughnuts had been left beside it. “Help yoh-selves. I’ll be right back with the scripts.”

Claire went straight for the watercooler.

“Ehmagawd,” Massie whisper-screeched. “Look!”

“Ehmagawd,” Alicia echoed.

Claire almost spit up Poland Spring.

Right outside the pantry, with an unlit cigarette dangling from his fifteen-year-old lips, was
the
teen dream and renowned Hugo Boss underwear model, Conner Foley, typing a text message into his Sidekick. He had black spiked hair, olive-green eyes, and the tiniest hint of stubble on his face. He was just as good-looking in person as he was on the billboards in Times Square.

The hair-dryer thirst returned and Claire lifted the cup of water to her lips.

“Hey, Conner! Over here!” Massie shouted; then she and Alicia ducked behind the door. Conner turned and locked eyes with Claire. The water went down the wrong pipe and Claire started choking.

The actor yanked the unlit cigarette from his mouth, threw it on the studio floor, and crushed it with the heel of his black motorcycle boot.

“Conner’s coming!” He rushed inside the pantry and began slapping Claire on the back. She wanted to tell him to stop but her mouth was full. The next slap did the trick. A stream of warm water shot out and soaked Claire’s pink T-shirt.

Massie and Alicia cackled like witches.

Conner lifted his leather jacket and dabbed Claire’s cheeks. The Mercedes key chain that hung from a belt loop on his customized CF jeans swayed.

Claire wanted to push him away from her and run back to the Escalade. Once he told Rupert what an unglamorous dork she was, Claire would have no shot at the role.

“Are those tears, babygirl?”

“No,” she lied. “It’s from the coughing.”

He dabbed some more. “Poor thing.”

Conner’s face was so perfect, it hurt to look straight at it. Claire had to lower her eyes, as if staring into direct sunlight.

“Ehmagawd, are you okay, sweetie?” Massie put her arm around Claire.

“C’mere, you.” Alicia held out her arms.

“I’m Massie, by the way.” She held out her hand. “And you are?”

“I’m Conner Foley.” He shook her finger. “The star of this film.”

“Really?” Alicia batted her eyelashes. “We’re auditioning.”

“Oh, you’re the nobodies Rupert is testing.” He backed away from Claire. “I’ll be running lines with you in an hour. I wanted my stand-in to do it, but you know Rupert: Everything has to be so friggin’ real.”

“That’s so Rupe.” Massie rolled her eyes.

“What’s the scene about?” Alicia asked, batting her long lashes.

“I think it’s the part where Molly tells Brad she’s in love with him.”

“Great,” Claire groaned. How could she possibly face Conner again after spitting in his face?

“Oh, wun-dehful, I see you’ve met.” Emma handed a script to each of the girls. “I mahk’d the pages you need to lehn. Rupert will be ready foh all of you in thurdy minutes. I’ll be by to pick you up then.”

“Thanks,” the girls replied at slightly different times.

“Conner better cruise.” He knocked the hollow wall, then turned on the heel of his motorcycle boot. “Later, babygirls.”

“See ya,” Massie chirped.

“Bu-yyyye,” Alicia called after him.

“Ehmagawd!” They grabbed each other’s wrists once he was gone.

“Did you really not know who I was?” Conner poked his head back in the room. “Or were you just playing?”

Massie and Alicia immediately let go of each other.

“We were just playing.” Massie winked.

Conner bit his bottom lip and shook his head. “Oh, you
are
a devilish one.” He shook his finger. “I better keep an eye on you.”

“Yes.” Massie batted her eyelashes. “You better.”

“And on me too.” Alicia stood up straight, revealing her ample cleavage. “I’m devilish too.”

“Yes, you are.” Conner popped another unlit cigarette in his mouth and turned down the hall.

Once they were certain he was gone, Massie and Alicia locked eyes, flapped their wrists, and silent-screamed for a good five minutes while Claire fanned her wet shirt with a Dunkin’ Donuts box.

G
ELDING
S
TUDIOS

R
UPERT
M
ANN’S
O
FFICE

Monday, March 16th

1:30 P.M.

The inside of Rupert’s office—which happened to be the house used in
Cellar Dweller
and
Cellar Dweller 2
—was more like a tribute to the director’s career than a place of business.

“Look.” Massie lifted a floppy straw hat off the “lucky bowling ball” that had been used in
Gutter Snipe
and put it on her head. “Who am I?” She tried to break into a model’s strut but her path was obstructed by an eighteenth-century sofa, a cluster of beanbags, and two park benches. So she struck a pose instead. “Anyone?”

Claire and Alicia remained seated on the taxi seat used in
Roadblock
, their spines stiff and their eyes focused on the scripts in their hands.

“Come awn, you know this!” Massie took off the hat and put it on her head again.

Alicia looked up. “Uh, Jan Dandy from
Country Roads
.”

“Yup.” Massie put the hat back on the ball and scanned the room for another distraction.

There was a shelf full of rubber masks pinned to Styrofoam heads by the window, but she didn’t feel like stepping over the piles of old
Variety
magazines to get to them. The last thing she needed was more sweat to roll down the backs of her knees. Why had she worn velvet pants on such a hot day? And why did Rupert insist on keeping his windows closed and his blinds open? She felt like she had been locked in a tanning booth. If Rupert didn’t get back from lunch soon, the wax on her hair extensions would melt.

Massie brought her pinky to her lips, then lowered it before doing something she’d regret to her perfectly even nails. “Aren’t you guys hot?”