Devoted (6 page)

J
ake had
no idea what to wear on his wedding day.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t have the perfect outfit set aside in his mind. A classic tux. Black jacket and slacks with a dark blue vest and a blue tie. He’d have to rent it, of course, because he didn’t own anything like that. But he’d always imagined finding the perfect shop with the perfect tailor who would understand just what he needed and why it was so important to him.

Of course, he’d also imagined his wedding as somewhat… different. Not necessarily in a church, unless his groom wanted it to be. Outdoors would be nice. Small, with mostly family and friends in attendance. They’d skip the extravagant wedding and start setting money aside to start a family.

Or continue the one they already had.

None of that was happening today, though. He’d taken a long lunch, telling Lynn he needed to head to the DMV. She didn’t expect him back any time soon, which was just as well since the courthouse was packed. He drove around for ten minutes just looking for a place to park, and finally settled for a garage five blocks away.

Jake checked himself in his rear-view mirror. He’d shaved that morning, but whiskers were already growing in, casting a shadow over his jaw. His hair was serviceable; gently styled and still holding its form. And his clothes… well, they were a far cry from a tux.

After debating it for hours, he’d worn a slate-grey button-down shirt and black trousers. The kind of clothes he’d normally wear under his white coat. He didn’t need Lynn poking holes in his story. She definitely wouldn’t let him go through with his if she knew.

In so many ways, this was just another day. But in his pocket, Jake kept something he would have brought to his actual wedding. Something deeply personal: His parents’ wedding bands.

He’d fought to get them. He hadn’t even known they existed until he contacted his birth grandmother, who said his uncle had pawned them after the funeral. Then it had been a five-year search from pawnbroker to pawnbroker, until finally he tracked down the people who’d eventually bought them.

But they were worth every ounce of time and money he spent on them. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled one of the bands out and held it up to the light. They were simple things. Not engraved with something cheesy like “forever yours.” Just regular gold bands that his parents had probably been able to scrape together just enough money to afford.

They were a symbol, and one he’d always wanted to share with his partner. Today, he’d share it with Russ.

It would likely kill him when they took the rings off after the ceremony, since he’d promised his friend this would be low-key. But at least for a few minutes, he’d be able to see that ring on the finger of the man he loved.

Putting the band back into his pocket, he headed toward the courthouse. With heavy traffic it took about ten minutes just to walk there, and when he checked his phone he found a text from Russ. Apparently he was already there.

Jake saw him on the steps, and his heart leaped into his throat.

Russ wasn’t wearing the jeans and t-shirt he normally wore in his shop. He wasn’t even wearing a collared shirt with pants. Instead, he wore a nice suit that made the broad expanse of his shoulders seem even broader. It was off the rack—Jake could tell that immediately—but Russ’s chest filled out the breast of it nicely, and it wasn’t immediately obvious that it was a size too big.

Russ had worn a suit.
It wasn’t a tux, but then he hadn’t expected one. He didn’t have to dress up, and Jake found himself wondering just why his friend had gone to such trouble.

It was something his heart would seize on later, no doubt.

“Shit. Am I overdressed? I didn’t know if they’d take us seriously if we… I mean, I just wanted to…”

He was cute when he was flustered.

“You’re fine. If anything, I’m under-dressed. I just didn’t want to tip Lynn off. I told her I was going to the DMV today.”

“Good idea. Ryan’s in school ’till three, so I’m in the clear. I’ll be back home before his bus drops him off, and I can change easily enough.”

If this wasn’t a shotgun wedding, Jake didn’t know what was.

“You ready for this?”

Russ laughed nervously, making Jake’s heart flutter. “Yeah. Sure. Just stop me if I look over my shoulder to see if any cops are watching us, okay?”

Right. He was nervous about getting caught, not about getting married. Perspective. Jake needed to have a bit more of it if he was going to make it through today.

“Relax. Everything’s going to go exactly like I said. We’ll get a number, wait in a long-ass line, talk to the clerk for our licenses, and get in another long-ass line to get it done.”

“I hope you’re right,” Russ said.

He hoped so, too. But he also hoped those long lines were longer than he’d expected. It was completely selfish, but he wanted to be seen with Russ like this. He wanted people to wonder about them. To see them go up to the clerk together and leave together.

That, of course, was Russ’s worry.

But as they headed through the metal detectors and into the waiting area, Russ seemed to calm. After a cursory look around the room—presumably to see if he spotted anyone he knew—he settled in to the chair beside Jake and pulled up his phone.

But while Russ’s nerves were letting up, Jake’s were just beginning to set in. The fact that this was a fake wedding evidently hadn’t registered with his endocrine system. He felt that flush of nervous and excited energy, and it was everything he could do to keep his shoe from tapping on the marbled floor.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to focus on a magazine or even his phone, so instead he watched people as their numbers were called. He fixated on a young man and a young woman—definitely no older than twenty—who went up to the window together. They held hands the whole time, stood close together, and they positively beamed when the clerk handed over what he could only assume was a marriage license.

The cynical side of his brain said they were rushing into it. They were young and probably going against their parents’ wishes; they’d be divorced within a year.

But Jake wasn’t cynical. Not really. When he saw that young couple, a far more insidious emotion took hold: envy. They were young and in love. They’d figured out the hardest part of their lives already. From now on, they’d both have a partner to make everything that much easier. Someone to lean on, someone to confide in.

Jake glanced at Russ. He’d been that for his friend, and Russ had been that for him, too. But it wasn’t the same.

“Now serving C two-hundred and thirteen,” the automated announcement said.

“That’s us.” Russ stood almost immediately, obviously not as distracted as Jake thought.

He stood, too, smoothing down his shirt and wishing he’d brought something to check his appearance with. It was unlikely he’d managed to look like a complete ragamuffin between the car and the courthouse, but it
was
a five-block walk, and he was about to get married.

Russ made it up to the counter first, his manila folder of paperwork in hand. Russ was uncharacteristically well prepared for this, but for the fact that, as he stepped up to the window, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Can I help you?” a middle-aged man asked.

Russ didn’t say anything, and Jake had to step up to the window with him. “We’re looking to get a marriage license. We have all of the paperwork ready.”

He gave them one look before an expression of utter disgust took hold. “You can’t do that here.”

“Excuse me?”

Russ came to life beside him, and Jake could feel the tension rolling off of his friend in waves. If he didn’t intervene, this was going to be just like that time in college when Russ had decked a homophobic bartender on his behalf.

It had been heroic then. And it did make Jake’s heart melt a little. But they couldn’t afford to draw that kind of attention to themselves now.

“I’m going to need you to get in line behind the gentlemen over there.” The word “gentlemen” practically dripped with disdain.

Jake looked toward where he pointed and saw another gay couple a few windows away.

“Is there some special reason you can’t issue us a license here?”

“Sir, please go get in the designated line.”

Jake’s jaw clenched. It was easy enough to tell what the man wasn’t saying. He was obviously capable of issuing marriage licenses. He just didn’t want to issue one to
them
.

“Sorry, I am in a courthouse, right? You are
paid
to do your job, aren’t you?”

“Sir—”

“You know you legally have to issue me a marriage license, don’t you? You can’t just pick and choose who you want to serve.”

“Russ,” he said, his voice a warning and a plea. “Remember we didn’t want to make this a big thing, sweetie.”

Russ finally looked at him. His face was a little red, flushed with anger. Jake felt a familiar tingle race up his spine. Russ had always been his hero. Always willing to fight for what he believed to be right.

“We shouldn’t have to wait in any other lines when he’s perfectly capable of issuing a license here.”

“I know,” Jake said, “but it’s not our fight right now.”

He lifted his brows lightly, hoping Russ would understand what he meant. His friend’s jaw was covered up by the beard he typically wore, but Jake caught the tension in a muscle just above, proof positive that he was clenching his teeth.

“Yeah. Okay.”

He took Russ’s hand, ignoring the jolt that shot up his arm as he did so, and lead him toward the other line. He let go once they were there, and while Russ didn’t seem to notice, Jake certainly did. The loss of warmth was palpable, and it went way beyond the physical.

God. Almost twenty years of this. Why hadn’t it faded?

He needed to get this under control, or he wasn’t going to make it through the day without blurting out his feelings.

T
hey were third in line
, with one couple—a straight couple—up at the front, and the gay couple Russ had noticed before standing a respectable distance back to give them some privacy. When he and Jake walked up, one of the men looked over his shoulder and gave them a dazzling smile. He wore a well-fitting tux with dark red lapels, a red vest, and a rose in his breast pocket. Even just seeing the man for half a second, Russ could tell the attire fit the man’s personality.

“James, we have company.” He slipped an arm around his would-be husband’s waist and said the words in his ear.

Russ offered a little smile, trying to hide the fact that he was still fuming over their treatment at the other window. He failed miserably, glancing back to the clerk who was now serving the next person.

“Window ten refugees, huh?” James asked.

“Apparently we’re in good company,” Jake said beside him.

Russ turned his attention back to them and saw Jake smile. It seemed genuine, and he even caught the slightest flash of dimples. Those same nerves from earlier wound through his gut, fluttering in his chest. He didn’t know how Jake could be so calm, but if he wasn’t worried about this, Russ shouldn’t be, either. Some people were just assholes. His bluster wasn’t going to change that.

If he and Jake had been
actually
getting married, though, it would have been a different story. They’d do it in an actual ceremony, for starters, and he wouldn’t stand for some bigoted jackass trying to tell him who he could or couldn’t marry.

He was getting carried away, though, and thoughts like that were bound to make his nerves even worse. He wanted to say they were all centered around the danger of being caught, but the little thrill that shot through him every now and again said otherwise. It was a strange feeling, and one he didn’t want to analyze too heavily.

He did feel for the guys who were legitimately trying to get married, though. He extended his hand, offering it to James.

“Russ. This is Jake.”

“I’m James, and this is Ray.” James’ smile was a little more subdued than Ray’s. Ray could light up a whole room, but there wasn’t any mistaking the excitement in James’ eyes, too.

“How long have you two been together?” Ray asked.

That was easy enough to answer. “We met in college, so almost twenty years now.”

He caught the look Jake gave him, his brows raising slightly in disbelief. It wasn’t a lie. They had been together that long. Russ didn’t really feel the need to make a distinction between being friends and an actual romantic relationship.

“We shared a dorm,” Jake added. “Russ was the reason I realized I was gay.”

Now it was Russ’s turn to look surprised. He was probably joking. But from that hint of a shy smile on his lips, Russ wasn’t so sure. He supposed he should take it as a compliment, right? Obviously Jake didn’t feel anything more than superficial attraction, though. Jake would have told him otherwise.

“What about you two?” Russ asked.

“Online dating. We’re both huge nerds, so we met in
World of Warcraft
. James moved halfway across the country to live here, poor bastard.”

Russ smiled at that, watching James give his fiancé a squeeze. Sometimes couples just looked good together, and it was true of James and Ray. They were a little younger than he and Russ. Where Ray was lean—maybe even skinny—with hair that was streaked with red to match his tux—or maybe his tux was meant to match his hair—James was a little more muscular. His hair was cropped short, and an army tattoo peeked out from under his collar.

“Next in line, please?”

“That’s our cue,” Ray said, his excitement spilling into every word he spoke. “It was nice to meet you both. Happy wedding day!”

The words should have made Russ feel awkward. It wasn’t really his wedding day. But what if it was real? Would he ever consider marrying Jake? It seemed ridiculous. He and Jake had been friends—and only friends—for years.

And yet Russ felt that little thrill course through him again at the idea.

What was going on with him?

“They seem happy,” Jake said, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yeah, they do.”

James and Ray had all of their paperwork ready to go, and it seemed this clerk was much nicer, because Ray laughed every once in a while. After just a few minutes, they were presented with a license which Ray held up proudly to show them after they were done.

“Hey, congratulations! Hard part’s done, right?”

“Are you kidding? Now I have to coach him through his vows,” James said with a grin.

“Next in line!”

He and Jake started to move up, and he felt his heart hammer in his chest. Before they reached the window, though, Ray called from some distance away.

“Hey, would you two mind being our witnesses? We’d love to have you at our wedding. We’re in…” He looked down at a slip of paper. “Courtroom B-003, on the second floor.”

Jake looked toward him for an answer, but Russ responded almost immediately. “We’d love to.”

“How can I help you gentlemen today?” The clerk asked, without the disdain of her colleague, he noted.

“Well, we’d like to get married.”

There was a sense of wonder to his voice, like he couldn’t believe this was happening. He sounded like a man who was about to tie the knot, honestly. Apparently Jake was a better actor than he thought.

“Wonderful. I’m happy to help you with that. I just need your applications and your driver’s license or some other form of government-issued ID, please.”

That was it? Apparently he’d been a little over prepared, which was a first for him. He pulled the applications out of his folder, and he and Jake both fished out their IDs. Russ glanced at Jake while the clerk put everything into the computer. He seemed calm and composed, but he almost always seemed that way. Where Russ usually felt like he was being swept through a raging river, trying to grab onto any rocks or branches as he careened past, Jake was the picture of tranquility.

It didn’t take long for their applications to be processed, and within a few minutes, he could see the certificate being printed. The clerk picked up her fancy pen and slid it with the paper through the gap in the window.

“I just need you both to sign on this line, consenting to this union. And I’ll sign over here as witness. You can pay by Visa or MasterCard whenever you’re ready.”

Jake got his card out before Russ could argue. He’d pay his half later; he’d make sure Jake took his money. Picking up the pen, Russ signed his name right above where it was printed, then slid the paper and pen to Jake. His friend’s finger brushed his as he took it, and he felt an odd little sensation run through him. It was the same sort of nervous thrill he’d been experiencing all day, and a shiver raced up his spine.

Jake signed, defying the idea of a doctor’s signature being completely illegible. His signature looked like someone had taken a calligraphy pen and slaved over it for hours, while Russ’s was complete chaos.

The clerk signed next, returned Jake’s card, then gave them both a big smile. “You’re all set. Just take this down the hall, and you’ll find the elevators. You want the third floor, Courtroom B-003; same as the couple who went before you. Congratulations, and good luck with your new life together.”

Russ drew in a deep breath. They had the paper. There was nothing to be nervous about. The rest was just a formality, right?

He walked with Jake down the none-too-empty hall. He hadn’t let himself think about anything beyond this point. He assumed security would somehow know what they were up to and would tackle them before they got this far. Shit. He hadn’t even written any vows.

They stopped at the elevators, and Jake turned to look at him.

“Last chance to back out.”

He couldn’t back out. It just wasn’t an option. So he gave Jake a little smile and said, “Come on. Let’s get hitched.”

R
ay and James
’ ceremony was short, but nice. Their vows were pretty touching, and Russ felt a stab of guilt over not having any of his own.

It might be a fake wedding, but he still needed vows, right? And a ring. Shit. He didn’t have a ring.

“Will they marry us without rings?” He whispered, trying not to panic.

He didn’t need all of this to unravel now. Not when they were so close.

“I’ve got it covered,” Jake said cryptically.

Before Russ could ask anything else, the officiant spoke. “By the power vested in me by the state of Missouri, I now pronounce you legally wed.”

The words brought Russ back to the present, and he watched with a smile as Ray and James kissed. Jake was right. They were good together. It was easy to see even from here just how much love they had for each other.

He laughed when the kiss went beyond what was proper, until Ray pulled back and playfully swatted his new husband on the chest. The man met his gaze and gave Russ a radiant smile as if to say “your turn.”

He and Jake rose and walked toward the front, just as Ray and James had done earlier. They switched places, with the newlyweds taking a seat while Jake stood by his side.

An odd little thrill passed through him, half nervous energy, half excitement. His heart thudded in his chest, and when he turned to face Jake, he wanted to laugh in that nervous way he always did whenever something important was happening.

Jake reached out, offering him a shy smile. It took him a moment to realize what he wanted, and Russ joined their hands. His friend’s palms were oddly soft and smooth, not callused like Russ’s. They also fit well in his, something he’d never really noticed until now.

The judge started talking, and Russ followed along as best he could. He could barely hear anything over the sound of his own heartbeat, and he swore he could hear Jake’s, too. Out of all the crazy stunts they’d pulled throughout their time together, this was definitely the craziest.

But this thrill was different than stealing the mascot from a competing university. It was a thrill he really couldn’t explain. Something that bound him to Jake just by virtue of their shared experience.

“Do you have vows prepared, or would you like me to provide them?”

“We’re terrible with that sort of thing,” Jake said, covering for them both before Russ had the chance to feel guilty again.

Russ gave him a grateful smile, and the judge started reciting the standard lines, eventually reaching the vows.

“Jacob Anthony Larson, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, forsaking all others, ’till death do you part?”

Those words on their own had never meant much to him, but he realized now how much they applied to him and Jake. Jake
had
been there for him through all of those things. And he liked to think he’d been there for Jake, too, though he knew he was running on a huge deficit now.

“I do,” Jake said, and there was a note to his friend’s voice that Russ just couldn’t place.

“Russell David Callaghan, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, forsaking all others, ’till death do you part?”

Russ held his breath. His heart thumped loudly in his chest again.

“I do,” he said, far more easily than he would have expected.

“Do you have the rings?”

Russ looked toward Jake, who withdrew one of his hands to reach into his pocket.

“I have them.”

He produced two simple gold bands that definitely didn’t look new. It took Russ only a moment to realize where they were from, and his chest tightened. These were the bands that had belonged to Jake’s parents. Bands Jake had fought tooth and nail to get back.

“Are you sure?” He found himself asking.

Jake nodded, handing him one of the rings. It felt heavy in his palm, the weight pressing down on him in more ways than one.

“I’m sure.”

“Then Jacob, if you’ll repeat after me:”

The words trailed off in Russ’s mind, jumbling into a haze. This was a big deal. That importance he’d felt earlier wasn’t just in his head. Jake using these rings was huge.

But Russ didn’t know how to ask exactly what it meant. This wasn’t a real wedding, but maybe Jake saw it as a commitment nonetheless. He was pretty serious when it came to loyalty.

Before he could question it further, he felt a ring being slipped on his finger. It didn’t quite fit, and Russ let out a soft breath. He wasn’t sure if he was disappointed, or relieved. As he slipped the other ring on Jake’s finger, finding it a little too tight, he still hadn’t decided.

“By the power vested in me, by the state of Missouri, I now pronounce you legally wed.”

A whoop sounded from the crowd. A crowd that only consisted of two people: Ray and James. But Ray was loud enough for an entire courtroom full of people, and both men were on their feet.

“Don’t be stingy now,” James said, and Russ realized what they were waiting for.

He was standing at the front of the courtroom, a wedding band on his hand, newly married. There was only one thing left to make it official.

He and Jake had to share a kiss as newlyweds.

He’d imagined what it might be like to kiss Jake before. He hadn’t thought about it in years, but it surfaced in his mind now. His mouth suddenly felt dry, his palms sweaty. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest.

Back in college, his imaginings had been just that. He’d never gotten up the courage to do it. Partly because he thought it would be a dick move to ask his gay best friend to tolerate his exploration, and partly because he’d been with Carrie by that point.

But now, he was faced with the sudden reality of Jake leaning in toward him. His friend’s eyes were cautious, but that familiar pale blue helped to calm Russ’s nerves.

It was Jake. They were going to laugh about this later, and it would be one of those crazy stories they could tell once everything went back to normal.

Jake was just a little taller than him, and he took the lead. Russ didn’t want to make a complete ass of himself, so he stayed where he was and let Jake angle his head just so.