Devil May Care: Boxed Set (5 page)

She dropped her head to the side. “Eggs? Pancakes? French toast?”

“I’m a sucker for scrambled.”

“Coming right up.”

She left the room and minutes later, he smelled eggs cooking. How long had it been since someone had cooked for him? He really needed to get a girl again. He wanted Fiona, but she was far too good. He needed someone like her who he didn’t have to worry about ruining. Especially now that this thing was going on with Leo. What he really needed was a girl who could take care of herself. Win a fight, carry a gun or a knife. That way he wouldn’t have to worry about her all the time.

Fiona came in with a bowl of scrambled eggs and orange juice. She watched as he dug in the fork and put a bite into his mouth. It was perfect. Moist and flavorful, like his mama made them.

“Are they okay?”

“They’re perfect.” He stuck another bite in his mouth, tempted to just tilt the bowl and dump it all in his mouth.

“Really? Not too dry or anything?”

“No. They’re perfect. Really.”

She smiled and seemed to relax. Then he realized what she was doing. She was waiting for him to say something was wrong. Her whole body had been tensed and waiting for it. And when he said they were good, and convinced her of it, she let go of the tension. Let go of the readiness for a fight. Man, what had the last guy done to her? Probably was one of those meat heads who liked to punch her every time she messed up dinner. Maybe that was even why she was such a good cook. Maybe it was a survival skill. Sickening. If the food wasn’t so good, he might have been unable to eat.

“You don’t have to worry,” he said. “I think you’re a wonderful cook and an awesome mom. You’ll make a really great wife for someone one day.”

She pulled her eyebrows together for a moment. “Thanks…” She didn’t even believe it. Sad.

“There are good guys out there,” he said. “You might have to really search, but they’re there.”

“Oh yeah? And I suppose you’re one of the good guys?” She pulled her mouth into a half smile.

Say yes, say yes.
Oh, how he wanted to convince her. She would believe him, too. He’d been a total gentleman the whole time he’d been here. Charm level ten. But this wasn’t the real him. This was him when no one was around to see his weakness. This was him with nothing to fight back against. As soon as he stepped out the door, he was back on the battleground. Leo’s club and life in general—everything was a fight for him.

“Nah.” He shook his head. “I’m one of the ones you should avoid.” He gave her a sad smile. He’d never wanted to become a good guy so badly. But she deserved someone who didn’t have to force it. Who was naturally good. And that wasn’t him one bit.

“Oh, that’s too bad. I was starting to think you were the rare exception.”

“The exception?”

“You know, they’re like unicorns. The mythical beast that is the bad boy with a heart of gold. The one who defends his woman, then comes home and treats her sweetly and gently.”

“Oh, that.” Were any of the “bad boy” types as she called him actually like that? None of the guys in his club were, even if they tried to be. Some were nice enough to their girls, but the things they did and said when they weren’t around…it wouldn’t seem so nice to any of them. “Maybe that guy is off riding a unicorn instead of a motorcycle.”

She broke into laughter. Her whole face lit up and shone as her eyes glittered. He wanted to make her laugh like that forever.

“Maybe.”

“Was that it, then?” he asked. “Your ex was a bad boy type?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“And he, what, used to hit you? Yelled at you if you didn’t cook something exactly he wanted?”

Fiona stared at him, her jaw hanging open.

“Is he talking about Daddy?”

Fiona whipped around at the sound of Sophia’s voice. Jasper hadn’t known she was there either, but she’d been standing just outside the door, listening. Now she peered around the edge, clutching a purple bunny to her chest.

“No, honey,” Fiona said, and ushered the girl away.

Even the kid knew about it. Must have seen her dad hit her mom and yell at her. Maybe he even hit her. Bastard. Who was this guy? If he was anywhere near the area, he’d hunt him down and shoot him. No kid should have to witness that.

A little while later, Fiona came back in. The TV was playing now, so apparently Sophia was occupied. Still, Fiona closed the door behind her and stood closer to him to talk.

“How did you know?” she asked.

“You didn’t exactly hide it. When you made the shake you said you knew about getting beat, and I saw the way you tensed when you asked about the eggs.”

She let out a sigh and seemed to deflate. “Is it that obvious? I’m just a walking victim.”

“What? No way. You’re here, aren’t you? You got away.”

“Barely.”

“Where is he? He nearby?”

“No. He doesn’t know where we are, and hopefully it’ll stay that way.”

“Fiona.” He waited for her to look back up at him. “You’re strong for getting out. A lot of women can’t.”

Tears formed in her eyes and he wanted to reach over and wipe them away and pull her close. But he just kept looking at her, insisting on his point with his gaze.

“You seem to know a lot about it.”

“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. “I guess we have that in common. I watched my mama get hit by my dad for years.”

Her face softened into sympathy. “I’m so sorry you had to see that. That’s what made me leave. When Sophia saw too much and then he…he—”

“He didn’t hit her, did he?”

She sniffed and let out a sob, nodding as she wiped her eyes. “Twice. After the first time, he swore it wouldn’t happen again, but you know how that goes. After the second time, we snuck out in the middle of the night and never went back.”

“How long ago?”

“A few months.”

“Oh wow. So it’s all still pretty new. I’m sorry he did that.” His fist tightened unconsciously. “I can’t stand guys like that. I’d beat every one of them if I could.”

She blinked at him, then shook her head. “So, more violence is the answer? He beats me, so you beat him? How will that solve anything?”

He nearly growled his answer, the outrage was so strong. He pictured his father’s face, saw him punch his mama in the eye, and could have torn a hole in the bed cover. “Because then he’d know what it feels like before he dies.”

Her eyes grew wide for an instant, then settled. No, no, no. Crap. He’d scared her.

“I’m sorry.” He made his voice softer and his face relaxed. “I watched it happen for so long that it really gets me mad. You’re right, though. More violence doesn’t solve anything. I guess since I grew up seeing my dad use his fists all the time, I tend to lean toward that, you know? Guess I never stood a chance at being a good guy who didn’t rely on working out problems in a physical way.”

“How many of your girlfriends have you hit or slapped or yelled at?”

He understood why she asked. It was natural for her to think that after what he’d just said, and when you just looked at the basic stats. How many times had his mama said, “Your daddy was a beater because his daddy was and his daddy was.” She’d told him again and again he better not turn out like that. That was why when he joined a motorcycle club, she’d stopped talking to him. Assumed it meant he’d be just like his daddy.

In some ways he was, he supposed. He did use his fists when he was mad. He broke things, he punched walls, and when necessary, he punched people. But one thing he’d never done, no matter how mad he got or how far he pushed, was hit a woman. The fact that she asked, that she thought he was like that, made him both roil with rage and want to cry. He’d never convince her he was any good. And that was why he had to leave. That was why she needed to find someone else. He wasn’t good. And he sure wasn’t good enough for her.

“I’ve hit a lot of people, Fiona. Broken a lot of things in anger, made a lot of holes in walls. But one thing I’ve never done, one thing I would rather kill myself than do, is raise a hand to a woman. I know you’d expect me to be like my dad. And maybe since my mama left, it gave me a perspective my daddy didn’t have. But I saw what she went through. Saw how she struggled and suffered and what it did to her. And I vowed when I was just thirteen that I would never be someone who’d make a woman cry and hurt like that.”

She stared at him for a long minute. She pulled her lip into her mouth and chewed at it. Then, she simply said, “Okay.”

“Okay?” He chuckled.

“I believe you.”

Later that morning, he needed to use the bathroom. This was time to test himself. Could he get there alone?

He shoved the covers back and turned. With his feet on the floor, he pushed up from the bed, slowly this time. He stood there for a moment, ready to fall back on the bed if he got dizzy. He was a little lightheaded, but the feeling passed in a few seconds. He took a step.

His ribs ached. Probably a few were broken, they hurt that badly. His back stung now that he was moving and every muscle screamed at him. But he made it to the door. When he stepped into the hallway, Fiona exclaimed and ran to him.

“Why didn’t you call me to come help you?”

“That’s why. You would have come to help me and I wanted to see if I could do it on my own.”

“Oh.” She stood back, watching him. How he wanted her to come to him so he could put his arm on her shoulders. To have her that close. If he stumbled at just the right moment…

No, he wouldn’t do that. He needed to be strong now. He’d been weak enough. And he’d been weak in front of her enough.

He opened the door to the bathroom and went in. She didn’t follow, and he closed the door. Just as well. He had to do more than pee, and he couldn’t take a crap if she was in there making sure he was okay.

After he did his business and checked to make sure there was no blood—she had known something about the possibility of internal bleeding—he went back to the bedroom. She came in as he was settling back in the bed.

“Everything okay?”

“Yup. I’ll be back to myself in no time.”

“Good.”

He almost asked her then for her phone. He would call one of his boys to pick him up. He had no shoes, was wearing her clothes, and didn’t have his bike or car or cash to call a cab. They’d be glad to hear from him. Probably thought he was dead. But when he thought of leaving, his chest hurt in a way that had nothing to do with his ribs.

Instead, he just smiled and said, “It must be because I’ve had such good care.”

She blushed and the color made her even more beautiful. Yeah, he’d just stay here as long as he could. Enjoy every moment of her before she was gone like a figment, left as only a memory in his mind.

At dinnertime, Fiona brought him a plate of pasta with a creamy red sauce and garlic bread. Sophia bounced in behind her, carrying a glass of soda.

“Here you go, Jasper,” she said proudly, and set the glass beside him. “I didn’t pour it, though. Mommy has to do that.”

“Well, thank you for bringing it in. You didn’t even spill it or anything.” He gave her a wide smile and she smiled back. God, even the kid was adorable. He’d never thought he was a kid guy. But after playing with Sophia and seeing how she was around the house, he was changing his mind. She was pretty chill most of the time, except for bath time. She hadn’t been a fan of that, but still. He’d thought kids were a lot more work. But he could hang with Sophia. He wouldn’t mind having a kid like that.