Determination (48 page)

Touching my cheek as she continued to hug Jamie, she said, “I love you both, and I am so proud of you.”

“Thank you, Carolyn,” Jamie told her quietly, seeming almost reluctant to let her go.

“You’re marrying my son. It’s Mom now,” she whispered, and he hugged her again. I’m not sure if she saw the tears in his eyes when she said it, but I did.

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot,” he whispered back.

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“Okay, you boys finish getting ready, and I’m going to go see if I can find your fathers and make sure they aren’t hitting the champagne a little early,” she told us with a wink, knowing that neither man had but not wanting to intrude on our alone time before the chaos started. Still, she paused and watched as Jamie handed me my white undershirt from the bed and I pulled my dark blue shirt from the closet.

“So, the green shirt represents the heart chakra thing. What about the blue?” Carolyn asked me as I started to do the buttons.

“Hell if I know. I just look hot in blue,” I said with a shrug, and Jamie chuckled as she smacked me on the arm and left the room, laughing. The whole house seemed to be filled with laughter and light and love. After I rolled up my sleeves, I took Jamie’s hand in mine. The green looked good against his skin, and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning forward to kiss his neck.

“You look amazing. I think you may even look better in that than you would have in a tux because you’re more comfortable and relaxed.” My lips traveled slowly up his neck, and his cologne mixed with his natural scent made me want to pull that shirt right back off him.

“I can’t believe we’re here. You remember that awful ninja movie?” He turned his face slightly, searching for my lips with his, and I kissed him with slow reverence. “You wanted to go so badly.”

“No, but I remember holding your hand in the theater. I remember that amazing good-night kiss just before we got back to town. And yeah, I remember being utterly terrified on our first date, and now we’re getting married. All those bigots and hateful people be damned.

You are the love of my life, and I want to stand in front of God, our families, and all the people that matter to us and be bound to you in every possible way,” I told him quietly and cupped his cheek in my palm. “You are my whole world.”

“My world spun out of control for what felt like a long time, but you were always the one constant in it.” He kissed me lightly, but my heart ached. I hadn’t been a constant. I’d left him for a while when he needed me the most. I’d been a coward, too afraid to try to help him.

My parents were murdered by junkies, and my boyfriend had become one. Even after everything we’d been through, I still couldn’t tell him 316

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that I’d been terrified to face what he’d become. The porn I could deal with. I could even deal with the abuse he’d endured, though I hated it. I couldn’t deal with the drugs. I’d ended up just like my parents, lying on the floor bleeding out after being shot by a drug addict. The entire time I waited for the ambulance, not knowing whether I would live, all I could see was my mother’s face. Her wide, expressionless eyes stared at me for hours until the neighbor found me.

“Hey,” Jamie said quietly as I shivered in his arms. “You okay?”

I gazed into Jamie’s face, shaking off the awful memory of my parents’

murder, and saw his love and trust looking back at me.

“I’ve never been better.”

“Ready?” he asked with a quiet kiss on my lips. I slid my hand into his and used the other to open the bedroom door.

“Let’s do it,” I said with a wink and pulled him through the open door and to the stairs. We walked down hand in hand and saw my parents talking quietly at the bottom with Mitch. They all looked up at our approach, and the love I saw in each of their eyes echoed in my chest.

“You guys look great,” Alex cried as he came in from the kitchen, followed closely by Mike. Everyone I loved surrounded me on the most important day of my life, and I couldn’t really articulate to them how much that meant to me.

“You look good too,” Jamie told him as he let go of my hand and hugged them both. Alex had opted for the pink button-down while Mike went with black. Their clothes complemented each other as perfectly as their personalities. Mike held a hand out to me. I shook it, but then used it to pull him into a hug.

“Thanks for being here,” I told him quietly.

“I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. What time is Leo coming with Paul?” he asked as he released me from the hug. Leo’s friend Paul, a long-time supporter of the center, happened to be a justice of the peace. He’d agreed to marry Jamie and me here in Jamie’s backyard because neither of us really wanted to do it in a church, and the perfectly maintained lawn felt more serene than a courtroom.

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“It’s supposed to start at two, so I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” I said, looking at my phone. Putting it on silent, I saw it was a quarter after one.

“Hey, Brian,” a familiar voice said from behind me, and I turned to see Kyle Barnes standing with another man and a little boy. I hugged him, no longer fearful of being reprimanded by hateful school administrators. Those days were long behind us.

“Hi, Kyle, I’m so glad you came.” I pulled Jamie up next to me, and though he hadn’t been very close with Kyle, he thanked him for coming as well.

“Guys, this is my husband, John, and our son, David,” Kyle said, and I shook the hand of the well-dressed man beside Kyle. He looked very reserved, almost shy, and I thought that seemed like a perfect match for Kyle, who had also always been pretty reserved. His brown eyes were kind and stayed mostly on his lover, who held their son’s hand. The little boy looked up at his name and then moved back to hide behind John and Kyle, peeking out just a little between the men’s knees.

“It is really great to meet you,” I told David, and he smiled shyly up at me. Jamie and I had been so busy the last few months that my friends had been neglected. I knew Kyle had gotten married while Jamie was in rehab, but they’d done it so spontaneously, I hadn’t had time to get to New York. Kyle had taken a job in a private school there, and I wasn’t sure exactly what his husband did.

Jamie and I moved away from our families and Kyle, saying hi to the dozens of models and other friends like Christian, Kenny, Kate, and Greg who had come to support us. We had just reached the folding chairs and started to look around for Leo when we saw him come through the back door with Em and Paul, whom we’d met only once before. Em looked uncharacteristically shy as he walked next to Leo, and I saw they were holding hands. The other models just waved and blew a few kisses. No one seemed to think twice about him being there with a man twice his age. I suspected that they, like Jamie and me, were glad he’d found someone to love. When he leaned over and kissed Leo sweetly on the cheek, I walked over and threw my arms around him.

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“I’m sorry,” I said quietly in his ear. For the last few months, Em and I had been at something of an impasse. He seemed to still be upset that Mike and I had left him for Alex and Jamie, and then I’d taken Jamie back when Em started to get interested in him. I rubbed his back lightly. “I’m really glad that you and Leo got together, honey. He’s an amazing man, and you deserve to be loved like that.”

“I think I love him too. I don’t think I really understood what it was until he started to show me what it meant to be in a relationship.

I’m really glad you and Jamie are doing this, and that I didn’t screw that up. I’m even happy for Mike and Alex, I suppose,” he said, rolling his eyes. He tried to hold a deadpan expression, but the giggle kind of blew his composure.

As Paul came up to me, my mom caught my eye, and I loved the look of pride on her face. She knew that the scared, miserable, friendless kid from Alabama had gone, and she was proud of the man I had become. I saw her blush as Brandon went over and introduced himself. As much as I wanted to save her from his shameless flirting, Paul had set up his things and appeared ready to begin.

“Shall we get started?” he asked, and immediately, I took Jamie’s hand. I looked into Jamie’s fathomless blue eyes and saw a reflection of all the love I held in my heart.

“Are you ready?” I asked him quietly. He squeezed my hand.

“I’ve been ready almost all my life.” God, he looked so beautiful when he smiled. I hoped the butterflies in my stomach would never go away when I looked at him. He led me to the small arch his father had erected. Mike and Alex followed, holding hands. I had the feeling it wouldn’t be long until we would be attending a similar ceremony for them. Alex adjusted a few of the flowers he’d used to decorate the arch, and Mike nudged him with an indulgent smile.

Flashes started to play at the edge of my vision as our guests picked up the disposable digital cameras that we’d set out for them to capture the day. Julio was officially taking pictures, but Jamie and I wanted candids of all of our friends enjoying our day with us. I didn’t think we’d release most of them, but Nick wanted a good-sized set to use as publicity for Hartley. It was all part of the job.

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“Ladies and gentlemen,” Paul said loudly as people took seats and began to settle. Carolyn took her place between Richard and Mitch in the front row and clasped her hands tightly in her lap. Richard reached over and placed his hand on both of hers. Jamie looked a little nervous as we began, and the butterflies erupted through my stomach again like they’d decided to pull me off the ground with the power of their tiny wings. “Thank you. We have gathered here with our friends Brian and Jamie to celebrate a love they have shared nearly all their lives. From boyhood friends, they fell in love and wish to commit to each other before their friends and family, cherishing each other for the rest of their lives.” I clutched Jamie’s hand tighter as Paul asked us to step forward and recite our vows.

“I, James Mayfield, take you, Brian Schreiber, to be my constant friend, my partner in life, and my one true love. I will cherish our marriage and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of any obstacle we face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this day forward and as long as we both shall live.” Each word he spoke etched itself into my heart. It felt like an unbreakable string had wound itself around our hands, holding us together for eternity. I never wanted to let go.

“I, Brian Schreiber, take you, Jamie Mayfield, to be my constant friend, my partner in life, and my one true love. I will cherish our marriage and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of
any obstacle
we face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this day forward and as long as we live.” My eyes never left his as I promised the rest of my life to him, which, in fact, he already had.

Mike stepped forward then and handed me the band I’d picked out for Jamie. It was hammered tungsten and caught the light beautifully, making it shine. Alex handed Jamie my ring, and we exchanged them. I held his hand tightly even as it trembled in mine and slid the ring onto his finger. The connection between us grew further, 320

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nearly blocking out every other emotion in my mind. Finally, after years of waiting, the justice said the very words that I wanted to hear.

“You may now go forth into the world as married men.”

“I love you,” I whispered as I cradled Jamie’s face in my hands and kissed him. Some people had wealth, others had fame. I had everything I’d always wanted held right there in my hands, and I would never ever let go.

About the Author

A SURVIVOR of the ex-gay residential institution The Sunshine Center, fictional author Jamie Mayfield went on to find his voice in novels. Always a great lover of books, Jamie found his passion as he began to pursue a liberal arts degree in creative writing. An avid reader, he’s a fan of gay romance, suspense, and horror—though not all in the same novel.

Jamie lives in San Diego with his fictional husband, Brian. He writes YA fiction as a way to let kids know that they have an entire LGBT

family all around them. Above all, he wants them to know that they are not alone. It does get better.

Jamie Mayfield is a fictional character from the acclaimed Little Boy
Lost series by female author J. P. Barnaby.

Website: http://www.JamieMayfield.com

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