Determination (47 page)

Jamie Mayfield

didn’t want him to pick up another boy off the streets and ruin him like he did me, so I tried to take him with me. I put rat poison in the coke to kill us both, only with me, it didn’t work so well. It only screwed me up, it didn’t actually kill….” I was startled by the sound of a muffled sob and looked up to see my father crying. I don’t think I’d ever seen it more than once or twice in my entire life, and it scared me.

“Dad?”

“I am so mad at you, James,” he said, standing up and grabbing a paper towel from the roll on the counter. I stood up too, my legs shaking from the stress and fear. Brian stood with me, holding my hand as I faced my father. Our eyes met, and without warning, he launched himself at me. Instinct kicked in and I cowered against the sink, but he pulled me into a hug and held on as tight as he could. “How could you think of taking yourself away from us? I hate myself for letting you think that you had to be alone. I hate the position your mother put you in. I can’t… I can’t believe I almost lost you forever.” His big hand stroked the back of my head as he held me against his trembling shoulder. “I love you so much. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know that now, Dad. Because of what she told me when I called, I wasn’t so sure about it then.” I refused to call her my mother again. “What did she want?”

“She wanted…,” he started, but faltered. Sighing, he started again. “She wanted to reconcile and come back home.” I backed away at once, reaching blindly for Brian. He was right there, solid and stable, for me to grab like a drowning man.

“She’s… she’s not coming….” I couldn’t finish the thought.

Desperately, I started planning how to get out.

“No, Jamie. I told her I wanted to finalize the divorce. I couldn’t love someone who makes me choose between her and my son. There is no contest there, ever. I just want it over so she can get back to her church and out of our lives.”

“And you,” he said looking over at Brian. “You and I are going to have a talk about communication. You knew all of this, and you never said a goddamn—” The alarm on my phone went off, interrupting Brian’s lecture. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw it was the one-hour alarm before court started.

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“We have to go,” I told my father and straightened my suit. “My hearing starts in an hour. It’s going to take at least half that just to get there.”

“STATE your name for the record.”

“James Darryl Mayfield.”

“You are charged with one count of possession of a controlled substance, a misdemeanor. Do you understand the charges against you?”

“I do, sir.”

“How do you plead?”

“Guilty, sir.”

“The prosecution has waived allocution and recommended a sentence of twenty-four months’ probation. Is that correct, counselor?”

“It is, Your Honor.”

“James Mayfield, having entered a plea of guilty to the charge of possession of a controlled substance, I hereby sentence you to twenty-four months’ probation in accordance with your plea agreement. We are adjourned.”

It was over that fast. My head spun with the simplicity of the proceedings, and I marveled that it went just as Christian had predicted, just as my father predicted. Mr. Troska pushed me a little to get me out from behind the table and then guided me to my father. He must have been able to tell I was in shock, because his touch was gentle. Brian threw his arms around me and kissed me just below my ear. I shivered as his breath caressed my neck.

“It’s over, baby. It’s all over.”

I hugged him tight to my chest, my arms trembling slightly, and kissed him on top of the head. My father stepped up and put an arm around each of us. We stood like that, in a three-man embrace, until the traffic exiting the courtroom forced us apart. I was so thankful for them both.

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“Hey, you guys want to go out and celebrate?” my father asked as we left the courthouse, Brian and I walking hand in hand. I looked at him, and then at Brian, and shook my head.

“Honestly, Dad, today has been kind of rough. I still feel kind of shaky. Can we just order in and hang out? I don’t want to be around a lot of people,” I said but neglected to add “in case I have a seizure,”

because he could fill in those particular blanks on his own. He nodded and offered to pick up sandwiches on the way home. I loved the sandwich place we went to, and I was really sick of pizza, so Brian and I readily agreed. When we got there, however, Brian got out of the back telling us to stay, that he would take care of dinner. It was a sweet gesture that made my heart swell in my chest. I loved him so much, and each day, each challenge, just brought us closer together. No doubt lingered in my heart about our relationship. Though we’d lost each other countless times along the way, those times were behind us, and our future lay ahead.

“I got you a meatball sandwich, Mr. Mayfield, and Jamie, I got you an Italian with salami and pepperoni. I know you like it spicy,” he joked and then looked at my dad, who laughed.

“Brian, you’ve been like another son to me practically your whole life. Call me ‘Dad’ or ‘Mitch’, okay? You don’t have to keep calling me Mr. Mayfield,” he said with a grin and reached back to ruffle Brian’s hair. With that, Brian was accepted into our family. No question or hesitation existed about who he was to me, and my father understood.

After dinner, Brian and I cuddled on the couch to watch the next great reality show, and my father sat in a nearby armchair reading a book. The night, quiet and beautiful, seemed like a perfect backdrop to an otherwise awful day. When the phone broke the stillness of the night, my father looked over at the caller ID display and rolled his eyes.

“It’s Patsy. Yeah, she can talk to the machine. It’s been too long of a day for me to deal with her.” He sighed and went back to his book.

I smiled and snuggled closer to Brian under the light throw he’d brought down from my room.

After the second show had ended and my father snored lightly in the chair with the book on his chest, Brian looked up at me and smiled.

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The smile was playful and a little naughty, which I loved. With a quick peek to make sure my father was still asleep, he slid his hand up my thigh and rested it on my dick through the sweats I wore.

“Let’s go to bed,” he whispered against my throat as he coaxed my cock with his hand. He didn’t need the additional teasing to win me over. I’d have gone to bed with him anyway. I’d been waiting to be there again since we woke that morning. Shaking my father awake, I let him know we were going to bed and that he should do the same. He nodded, shifted in the chair, and closed his eyes again.

Brian took my hand and led me up the stairs. The hallway was filled with pictures of me from my youth, of my mother and my father and of their parents. My family, both good and bad, watched from the wall as the most important person in my life took me upstairs. The one person I could always count on, who would always be there no matter what, and he wasn’t even part of that family so carefully hung on the wall. It didn’t make any sense to me. My heart knew we belonged to our own family, and our love bound us together, but in light of the horrible way my mother pulled us apart just a few years before, I knew forces beyond our control could take him away from me.

As I undressed next to the bed, I watched Brian pulling off his shirt and his shorts, his gorgeous body illuminated by nothing but moonlight coming from my bedroom window. My breath caught in my throat. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

I made my decision with no fear and felt peace bloom in my heart. It occurred to me that feeling came because my life had come into balance. I fingered the pendant and wondered if my chakras were finally in line.

We crawled into bed, meeting in the middle, and he started to kiss me, but I pulled away. Curious, he looked at me, and I cradled his face in my palm.

“Brian?”

“Hmm…?”

“Marry me?”

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Epilogue

MY NAME is Brian Patrick Schreiber, and I am in heaven.

I stood in Jamie’s small bedroom overlooking his father’s backyard, watching the man who would soon be my husband. In my heart, I knew with absolute certainty that I had never seen anything so beautiful. We’d decided to keep the ceremony very simple. Flowers, catering, matching napkins—it was all a distraction. The love Jamie and I had found ran deep, and the ceremony should center on that, not just be a sideshow for those in attendance. Jamie stood near the closet, barefoot, in jeans, as he pulled his button-down from the hanger. Mike and Alex had gone with us to Express Men the weekend before to pick out shirts for our wedding. Jamie wanted one in deep green because that color represented the heart chakra. He’d tried to explain it but kind of lost me with spinning energy disks. It didn’t matter, though, because it was important to him, and I didn’t care what color he wore so long as we got to stand hand in hand before the justice and declare our love for each other. Never in the ten years I’d known Jamie had I thought we would be able to do that, but when Prop 8 finally failed in the US

Supreme Court, California put up a white flag and granted us the same rights as everyone else.

“What are you thinking about?” Jamie asked as he rolled up his sleeves. His sweet smile warmed me, and I loved that it came so much easier since he’d proposed. Happy, confident, and sure of himself, my Jamie was more like the boy I’d fallen in love with back in our tree house in Alabama. Nightmares of O’Dell and shame over what he’d Determination

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been forced to endure were fading, replaced by the determination to be happy with me.

“How sexy you look in that shirt,” I said and felt the smile creep to my face as he winked at me.

“You look sexier without one,” he murmured against my ear as he wrapped his strong arms around my naked waist and then pressed his lips to the scar on my chest. “Tonight, at the hotel, I’m going to show you just how sexy I think you are… all night long.” I shivered as his breath blew across my ear. My fingers twisted in his shaggy blond hair, which was curling at the ends in the midsummer heat. With my six-month HIV test out of the way, and my complete retirement from shooting porn scenes, Jamie and I had decided to make love on our wedding night with nothing between us.

“God, I love you,” I whispered and pulled him closer to me. “You are everything I have ever wanted.”

“I’m glad you feel that way since we’ll be getting married in—”

Jamie checked the time on his bedside clock. “—an hour.” The grin on his face widened with the realization that in that short amount of time, he would be my husband and I would be his.

The door opened, and my mom stuck her head in.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to see each other until the wedding?” she asked with an amused expression as she opened the cracked door. I laughed, and she smiled. Even though she grew older with each passing year, the lines in her face didn’t make her look any less beautiful when she smiled. I was glad she’d done as we asked and worn a soft floral sundress instead of the normal, stuffy gowns most mothers of the groom wore. It should be a comfortable, happy day.

“You’re not supposed to see the bride before the wedding.

Neither of us are brides,” I reminded her with a playful nip at Jamie’s neck. He giggled, and I felt like picking him up and swinging him around.

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard you boys laugh so easily,”

Mom remarked, and I was happy to see the joy in her face. With everything I’d put her and Dad through over the years, it thrilled me to see her happy. I knew she had been disappointed when Dad had told 314

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her he thought maybe they should stop taking on foster kids, but she seemed content in that moment.

“We have a lot to be happy about,” Jamie said quietly as he continued to hold me.

“Yes, we do,” I agreed as I reached down to slowly button his shirt. Of course, I didn’t need to. The new meds Jamie’s doctor had found seemed to control the trembling in his hands as well as the seizures, but I just liked to touch him. He left the shirt untucked, and I ran my hand under the back, over his skin.

“That’s a pretty pendant, Jamie,” Mom said as she watched us with a smile. He fingered it for a minute before giving her a quick explanation about chakras.

“They help to keep me centered. I’m feeling a little nervous today.”

“Nothing to be nervous about, honey. Trust me, today will be one of the best days of your life,” she said with a nostalgic sigh. “I remember my wedding day with perfect clarity. Richard was absolutely gorgeous in his tux. It was a beautiful ceremony. Though the wedding night was spectacular.”

“Whoa, TMI,” I said, cringing into Jamie’s shoulder as Mom giggled.

“The justice will be here soon. You boys need to finish getting ready,” she said as she bridged the distance and pulled me into a hug.

Then she turned and opened her arms to Jamie. “Honey, I know that you’ve had a rough time with Patsy over the last few months with the divorce, but I want you to know that you are
my
son now. I will never turn my back on you, just like I would never turn my back on Brian.”