Desperation of Love (23 page)

“Don’t, okay? It’s fine. We’ll talk about it later. I have to go pick up the food. I’ll be back in a little while,” he says, leaving me standing there feeling like I just got the wind knocked out of me. I absolutely hate myself for panicking at the worst possible time. I wanted to say it back, but I was momentarily stricken with a jolt of fear. When I finally got my bearings, it was too late. He wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise when I tried to explain. I just got him back. I only hope that I haven’t lost him for good this time. He said it was fine, but it’s evident that he’s upset by the abrupt exit he made. The only thing I want to do now is find Alex and tell him that I was just scared but I do love him. Unfortunately, the family will be arriving soon and I can’t leave when everyone is expecting me to be here.

Everyone is having a good time. I’ve always loved being around Elle’s family. I’ve often felt more at home with them than I do with my own family. It’s always been about nothing but love with them. They don’t thrive on drama the way my family seems to. Today, the love is overflowing and the house is full of happiness because baby Ava is home. I’ve never seen Elle like this. I thought I’d seen the true measure of her happiness when she and Victor ended up together, but it’s nothing compared to how she looks today. Ava was like the missing piece to a puzzle that’s now finally complete. My heart is bursting for her, it really is, but right now, the love and laughter is overshadowed by what happened this morning with Alex. He’s standing across the room from me. I can’t take the distance. We’re standing in the same room, yet I’ve never felt so far apart from him. If I could only get him alone for a minute, I could explain to him that he misunderstood my reaction. That my silence was not a confirmation that I didn’t feel the same way he did. It was just my instinctive reaction caused by years of shying away from anyone getting as close as he has. We’ve been casting glances at each other from across the room for far too long, and it’s driving me crazy. He’s talking sports with Gavin and I decide to make my way across the room and break the ice by saying hello. Hopefully, he’ll give me a chance and won’t push me away. I don’t think I can handle that kind of rejection from him. I know that I probably deserve it after all I’ve put him through, and most importantly, after my reaction this morning. I can see him stiffen up as I make my approach. I stop in front of him and Gavin and give them both an uncertain smile. “Alex, can I talk to you?”

He appears to want to make a move toward me but he hesitates. Gavin must be able to sense the tension and decides to excuse himself. “It’s cool. I need a new beer anyway. I’ll catch you later,” he says, giving Alex a chin lift.

Once Gavin is out of earshot, I attempt to start up a conversation. “I want to talk to you about earlier.”

His eyes are cold. He’s clearly upset and he’s not going to make this easy for me. But he takes a long look at me and I think he sees my sadness, because he lets out a sigh and relaxes his posture. “It’s fine, Jordan. I don’t want you to worry about it, okay? We’ll talk about it tonight …”

The sound of the door opening pulls his attention away from me. His eyes grow wide, like he’s shocked by whoever has just walked in. I turn in the direction of the foyer, where a man has just entered. He’s older, in his early sixties, maybe. He has dark brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin. I can tell immediately that he’s Alex’s dad. There’s no denying the family resemblance but I’m surprised to see him here. His relationship with his sons has been strained, to say the least. After Lucia and he divorced, he picked up and moved to Puerto Rico and has had limited contact with any of them since.

“What are you doing here, Miguel?” Lucia asks. She’s turned white as a ghost, and if I had to take an educated guess, it appears that he wasn’t invited to this little get together. Alex and Victor both stand frozen and guarded, neither of them knowing what to do or say.

Miguel glares at his ex-wife. “Can’t I come congratulate my son and his beautiful wife on their new baby?” he questions, making it sound like it’s the most natural thing for him to have intruded in this family gathering. The level of animosity between the two of them is palpable. Alex and I are amateurs at arguing compared to these two. There’s an awkward silence in the room and you could cut the tension with a knife.

Lucia finally gets her bearings and gives him all the snark she can muster. “Why would you come now when you weren’t invited? You weren’t even at the wedding. You know, he event you were actually invited to?” she spits out.

Elle has now made her way over to Victor. He grabs her hand and holds her close. He doesn’t seem to be happy about this visit either. While Alex hasn’t made a move, I’m pretty sure he’s waiting to see how this plays out before he says a word.

“I had my reasons for not coming to the wedding, which I shared with Victor. He forgave me for that.” His voice is slightly elevated and I can tell that he’s trying to remain composed. I watch Joe and Gavin from the corner of my eye. They move closer to the action, letting Elle know that they’re there for her.

Rob positions himself between Lucia and Miguel. “Do you want me to escort your father out?” He directs the question to Victor, who shakes his head. No matter what goes down, Victor is not the type of man that would just kick his father out of his home.

He lets out a sigh of frustration and finally speaks. “Mom, Dad, now is not the time or the place, okay? I just brought my daughter home from the hospital.” He’s trying to play the peacemaker between the two of them, but I’m not so sure it’s even possible.

“Of course, son. You’re right,” Miguel says, walking over to Victor and pulling him in for a hug. He gives him a pat on the back and holds onto him for a moment.

“What about your other son?” asks Lucia, her voice dripping with pure and utter loathing. Alex does nothing. He just stands there watching the battle unfold. All I can do is stare at the progression, seeing them throw Alex into the mix, but I swear to God, if they say one thing to hurt him, I’ll lose my mind.

Miguel scoffs at her. “You’re right. He’s
my
son.
Mine
. So, why would you even care?” My spine goes straight and my body tenses up in fear because I know what’s coming. I’m just praying that they have the decency to pull Alex off to the side and not do this in front of a crowd. My heart is racing and I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure there’s anything I can do.

“What the hell are you two fighting about? You aren’t making any sense.” Alex finally speaks up, walking over to the group, leaving me standing alone. I want to move with him, but my feet feel like lead. I don’t think I could move if I tried. Miguel looks at Alex and gives him a genuine smile. I can see the love he has for his son instantly, but I see something more. Regret, maybe? I can tell that he’s conflicted, but I also know that he’s going to drop the bomb anyway, and I absolutely hate him for it. Good people don’t always do the right thing, I get that, but this … this is beyond wrong. It’s just devastating.

“I’m making perfect sense, Alex,” he says, shaking his head. “Don’t you ever wonder why you’ve always been her second best?”

“Miguel!” Lucia shrieks, looking both horrified and scared. She’s panic-stricken and I never thought I’d say that I feel sorry for this woman, but today, I do. She was put into an impossible situation and she made mistakes, but she really does love Alex. She just went about it all wrong for too long.

“Why the fuck would you say that? Alex is no one’s second best,” Victor yells.

Alex turns toward his brother. “No. It’s okay, bro. You know that I love you. There’s no one in this family that I love more and I would never hold it against you, but it’s true. You are her golden boy and that’s the way it’s always been.”

Lucia walks over and cups Alex’s face in her hands. “You and I have talked about this. In your heart, you know that’s not true. In your heart, you know that I love you, Alex. I do. I love you both.”

“You love him as much as you could love a child that isn’t yours,” Miguel says., Lucia gasps, releasing her hold on Alex. I’m completely rooted to my spot now, terrified to hear the rest. Terrified at how Alex is going to react to this admission.

“What the fuck are you saying?” Alex says.

Lucia tries to retain Alex’s attention by standing between him and Miguel. “Nothing! He’s not saying anything. You
are
my son, no matter what. No matter what he tries to tell you, you’re always my son. I’ve made mistakes in the past. I lost my way, lost sight of what’s important, and I’ll regret it till the day that I die. But, Alex,
you are my son
. I love you more than anything.” She’s on the verge of tears and my heart breaks for her. I know that she wanted to tell him in her own time once she repaired their already fragile relationship, and I wish for her that she would have had the chance.

“Except that you aren’t her son.” The room goes completely silent. He has the floor now. All eyes are on Miguel. “I had an affair a year after Lucia and I got married. I’m not proud of that, but I was young and stupid. That affair resulted in a pregnancy. Your real mother died in childbirth, Alex. I didn’t know what else to do, so I came clean to Lucia and we took you in. She wasn’t happy about it at first, but she got used to it. She learned to love you in her own way. You were so good and you were only a baby. It was hard not to fall in love with you.” He takes a breath, looks at Victor and then continues. “But when her biological son was born, her pride and joy, you and I got thrown by the wayside, cast away like we were of no importance. You were never good enough for her again, you know that, and neither was I.”

“What are you talking about? That can’t be true,” Alex demands. His voice is strained and I know he’s reeling from all the information he’s just heard.

“Why are you doing this?” Victor asks, visibly shaken.

“Because I’m tired of being cast as the villain. Do you think it’s easy for me to know that I became a grandfather through the grapevine? It’s not. It’s my right to be a part of your lives and it’s time for you to both know the truth. I was always made out to be the bad one. Yes, I’ve made mistakes, but I loved my boys and I tried to do the best I could. Everything was okay,” he says, turning to Alex, “when it was just you, it was okay. Then Victor was born and I could see the subtle differences in how she would treat you, like you were less important. I put up with it for a very long time, but as you grew older, you learned to let it go, be independent. I just couldn’t let it go the way you did. I couldn’t live like that anymore. Alex, you’re a better man than I am because you stuck around, but when you were old enough to defend yourself, I left.”

“Stop this,” Lucia sobs. “What are you getting from turning my son against me?” She looks about ready to crumble, like she might just fall into pieces all over the floor.

“He’s not your son, he’s mine. He needed to know. It’s time for him to know why he always had to live in Victor’s shadow.” There’s nothing but contempt in his voice.

“That had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I wanted to be a singer so I gravitated to Victor, because we had that in common, not because I didn’t love Alex.”

“Enough already!” Alex yells. He clenches his fists at his sides, the pain in his eyes evident. “It makes perfect sense now. All of it. Why I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for you, Mom. Why I could never do anything right in your eyes. Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? Maybe it would have made it easier growing up in that house.” He pauses, and I can tell he’s thinking back to his childhood. “I can’t do this right now,” he says, turning to Victor. “I can’t do this.” He’s looking at him intently. It’s as if they’re having a conversation with their eyes and only they can decipher what’s being conveyed. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Alex, wait,” I yell, coming unstuck. I quickly make it to his side. ”I’m coming with you.”

He looks almost surprised to see me. I think he must have forgotten I was here. “No. Just stay here. I can’t handle you, too.”

“I’m not leaving you alone,” I whisper.

“Jordan.”

The way he says my name is like a warning and I know that it’s now or never. I can’t let him walk out of here without me, not like this. I grab his hand and hope that he hears me.

“I love you. I’m not letting you go like this.” I can hear the collective intakes of breath from our friends and family. I’ve definitely just shocked them, but I don’t care. The only thing that matters now is telling Alex how I feel.