Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (10 page)

“Just goin’ with my gut here, but I think he does it to make her stay. Paul gets loose lips when he’s drunk. Told me he found her sleeping under a tree in the park a few years back. Took her in and got her into the whole strip club thing because they needed money. Fucker even told me he had her fuckin’ for cash. Pissed me the fuck off.”

“So he’s usin’ her,” I say, shrugging. “Why’s it botherin’ you?”

“Because, I feel like I've met her before. I mean, I know that’s impossible, but there’s something about her that’s... familiar.”

“I think you’re losin’ it in your old age,” I laugh, but stop when I see the look on his face.

“I had a sister, remember. I’d kill the fucker if he was pullin’ that kind of shit with her. For all we know, this girl’s someone’s sister.” At least now I have an explanation for his behavior.

“Tell you what, let’s head on over to the club and see what’s what,” I offer.

“She’s off tonight or my ass wouldn't be here.”

“Alright. We’ll head over tomorrow then. Deal?”

Deuce slowly nods his head. “Deal.”

“T
his wasn’t part of the deal!” I roar, jumping to my feet.

Hawk remains seated, unaffected by my outburst. He raises his brow, silently challenging me. As I take the seat I had just abandoned, he chuckles, finding amusement in this entire situation. “And what deal was that?” he asks as he reclines back into the chair. “Our deal has nothing to do with your little fuck buddy, except when it comes down to cash. In the week I’ve been here, you’ve turned down thousands for your little piece of ass.”

“Alana doesn’t do private shows anymore,” I retort, reminding him of our agreement back home.

“Wrong. Alana got a break and now that break is over. This is about business.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” I argue. “Alana kept the doors open at The Lap Room!”

“That she did and then some, but we aren’t in Langley anymore. There’s more competition here, four other clubs in the vicinity, one of them upscale. Being the only full nude club has its advantages, but not when every girl isn’t willing to go the extra mile, either inside the club or on the side. When was the last time you two teamed up outside the club?”

I don’t bother to answer because he already knows. Since moving here a few months ago, things have changed. Alana works the stage and that’s it. That in itself has her walking out of here with hundreds a night, even after her cut to the club.

“I have no use for her if she’s not earning her keep. There’s still a market for her outside the club and several potential buyers willing to pay top dollar for her. I’ve kept my mouth shut, even let you have a little fun, but that comes to an end tonight.”

His words infuriate me, making me want to rip his throat out.

“Deuce has been eying your girl and his pockets run deep. All you have to do is set it up.”

“No,” I say, shaking my head. I made a promise to Alana, and this one I intend to keep. “There’s got to be another way.”

“I don’t know what kind of magical pussy your little friend has, but she ain’t worth losing everything you’ve worked for. The choice is yours.” An ultimatum. He says he’s giving me a choice, but there isn’t an option here and he knows it. It boils down to Alana or me.

“This is fucked up,” I tell him as I rise from the chair, feeling totally defeated.

“She still doesn’t know, does she?”

I freeze momentarily before lifting my eyes to meet his. “She knows more about me than anyone.”

“But she doesn’t know the real Paul, does she? She may know about your past, about what they did to you, but she doesn’t have a clue who you really are. If she did, she wouldn’t be here and you know it.” He leans forward in his chair, resting his chin on his clenched fists. “Whatever feelings you think you have for that girl, they aren’t worth losing your life for.”

Swallowing hard, I look over at the man who I have respected all these years, all reverence now lost. No matter which path I choose, I will lose. Turning towards the door, I accept defeat.

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I
am sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn watching television for the first time in so many years when the door opens, Paul walking in looking down in the dumps. “Bad night?” I ask, giving him an encouraging smile.

He nods, taking the seat beside me. “Had a meeting with Hawk. There’s gonna be a delay in my getting paid,” he says, staring at the television screen. “What are you watching?”

“The news. Why can’t he pay you?” Right now, we are living off what I am making, and without Paul’s income, we are going to be come up short.

“He got in over his head again. The overhead in both clubs is more than he expected.” He reaches over and grabs a handful of popcorn, popping a few pieces in his mouth.

“What about the other?” I normally don’t ask about him dealing, not outright anyway. I know what he does and I don’t like it, but it has kept a roof over our head and food in our stomachs so I can’t argue.

“Business is booming, but Hawk’s putting every dime into the club.”

Taking in a deep breath, I look away. This place was supposed to be different and here we are, doing the exact same thing we did before. I want to curl into a ball and cry, I’m so damn let down. I’ve been doing my part, doing something I despise, thinking it was going to be temporary. I should have known it was too good to be true.

“I’m sorry, Lana. I’ll find a way to make it up to you.” He breaks my heart when he says this to me.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say, pulling myself together. We’ve gotten through worse and we will get through this. I stand up, deciding I need to be alone. “I’m gonna go to bed,” I tell him.

He grabs my wrist, causing me to turn to face him. “Don’t hate me,” he says, looking up at me with pleading eyes.

“I could never hate you,” I tell him honestly. There is nothing Paul could ever do to make me despise him. Myself, that’s another story because I hate who I am, who I have become.

“Let me take your mind off things,” he says, rising from the couch. Pulling me to him, his lips meet mine. I want to pull away, tell him I’m not in the mood, but I don’t. Instead, I part my lips, inviting his tongue inside where it collides with my own. The self-hate I have for myself swells within me.
I don't want to do this. I don't want to be this.
The words replay in my mind over and over as he lifts me in his arms and carries me to the bedroom.

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I
grab three Xanax and wash them down with a shot of bourbon, preparing myself for this evening. Not only am I going out there and doing the same thing I have been doing for years now, but I will be doing what I hate most. Pinning some random man in the crowd, reeling him in so he will fork over money just to fuck me, and I will give him that because I have no other choice.

“You OK, hun?” Alexis asks, coming up beside me.

She looks at herself in the mirror, admiring her reflection. She and I are completely different. She seems to crave the attention she gets out there, lives for it. I despise it and the person I am when I am out there. I force a smile, nodding my head at her. She’ll never understand what it’s like to walk in my shoes, but then again, she doesn't have the past I do.

“You nervous?” She looks at me in bewilderment.

“A bit,” I admit, although that’s not the entire story.

“The way you are out there, I didn't think it was possible. I have something to take the edge off if you want.”

I look over at her, contemplating. I know I should say no, but the xannies are having little effect. 

“Yeah, that’d be good,” I mutter, knowing I don't go on for another hour. Plenty of time for whatever she gives me to get in my system.

She walks over to her bag and moments later, passes me a capsule. Staring at it for only a second, I toss it in my mouth and wash it down with the last of my bourbon. “Thanks,” I say, regretting my decision immediately, but there is no other way I am getting through this night, or any other, knowing what must be done.

“Anytime,” Alexis calls over her shoulder as she leaves me alone in the dressing room. Sitting back down at my station, I bury my face in my hands, letting my tears fall freely.

I
t’s been a while since I've been inside a place like this, at least to watch a show, which is the only reason I’m here tonight. All this talk about Paul’s girl has been bothering me since my conversation with Deuce ended last night. Deuce doesn’t get rattled easily but whatever is going on with this girl has gotten to him.

Tonight, I plan on getting answers. If Paul is mistreating this girl like Deuce believes, there will be hell to pay. The Forgotten Souls are capable of a lot of things, but we don’t mistreat our women, even the club whores.

Deuce and I take a seat at the reserved table by the stage. Lucky for us, being a Forgotten Soul has its perks, even if it is in a place like this. I’ll give Paul credit, the place is better than it ever was. The last time I was in here during normal business hours I had to down almost an entire bottle of whiskey before the broads became remotely attractive. Not now. Even the cocktail waitresses are catching my eye, so I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me onstage.