Desire Disguised (12 page)

Ben moved one of his hands to her cheek and tilted her head to peer at her. She stared into his eyes and wanted to fall into unconsciousness, to just let all of it go for the rest of the day. A respite from her tattered life was all she wanted.

Ben frowned, looked at her mouth, and said, “Blast it.” Then, he kissed her.

* * * *

Cara jolted in his arms as if she’d been shocked by a stunner. Ben nearly lost contact with her mouth when she moved, but his reaction time was good enough to get him back to where he wanted to be within a few nanoseconds. She didn’t move again, merely stood stock still as he pressed his lips to hers and wondered what the crack he was doing.

Applying a little more pressure, Ben tasted her. Sweet, soft, tender.
More
. He cupped his palm against her cheek and moved back to improve his angle, but with a quick shake, Cara clenched her fingers into the fabric of his shirt and pulled herself to him, deepening the kiss as her mouth moved against his. Oh,
yes
. Oh no, he shouldn’t be doing this.

With a tremendous burst of self-control, Ben extracted himself from the sweet oblivion that was Cara and shook his head to clear it. Everything was hot and dizzy in his brain. Her eyes slowly blinked open.

“Did I do something wrong?” Her voice quavered.

“No, I did. I’m sorry.”

She licked her lips, and he leaned her way, ready to help her with that task but caught himself in time. He dragged his hand from her soft cheek, and her eyes narrowed. A few still seconds clicked by. “I need to see Mat. Please let me go.”

Her request was a mere whisper, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. Ben’s arm required several direct commands to move away from her waist, but when it finally released her she ducked her head and shuffled past his shoulder. His door opened and shut behind him, and once he knew she was gone, he leaned against the wall and rubbed his face.

He was disappointed in himself. What he’d just done was all kinds of wrong; she was young, vulnerable, and just had a tremendous scare. His reaction to her distress had been to satisfy some sexual curiosity. Ben never thought he was the kind of man who would treat a woman that way.

His datpad alarm interrupted his fit of shame, and Ben saw it was Lia.

“Nothing here, what’s your situation?”

“Lia, sorry I didn’t let you know sooner. We found him and he’s home safe.”

“Excellent news. Now, you and Cara can celebrate.”

Ben shook his head. That would be the last thing he’d be doing tonight. Or ever. “Not going to happen.”

“Not if you don’t push it a little bit.”

“I’ve done all the pushing I’m going to do.” Ben vowed he’d never regard Cara as anything other than the victim of an accident who was here for a brief time. In fact, he could probably successfully avoid seeing her until she left, once her traveling companion had recovered enough. Maybe he should assign Soloman Erdem to watch over her in the meantime. No, someone else. Someone sexually attracted to men would be better.

“What’s that mean? Did something happen?”

“No. Nothing.”

“Ahh.” Lia sounded confused. Not as confused as he felt. He was a scoundrel of the first order. Signing off with Lia, who was going to be busy catching up with the magistrate that evening, he called Citizen Topi to let her know Mat was fine. The woman cautiously offered to meet for dinner, and Ben denied her quickly enough that he knew he’d hurt her feelings. This just wasn’t his day for women. Inhaling through his nose and exhaling from his mouth, he stomped into his bedroom and searched for his running gear. Some strenuous exercise would surely clear his head.

* * * *

Cara stood in front of their door and pressed a hand to her mouth. She needed to talk with Mat but was so shaken from Ben’s kiss and her unexpected reaction that she wanted a moment of solitude to gather her wits. Now was not the time to analyze or agonize over what had just happened. She could replay it and flay herself with shame tonight after Mat was asleep. Swallowing hard, she opened the door and walked inside. She was struck again by how nice their living quarters were, although the spaciousness gave Mat all sorts of places to hide.

He wasn’t in the living area or kitchen, so Cara went to his bedroom door and knocked quietly. She heard a rustle of movement, and the door opened silently. Mat sat on his neatly-made bed, knees up and forehead pressed against them as he waited for her. He’d put away his school pack and shoes, but his datpad was out and turned on to incoming calls and messages, its screen glowing large in hyperdisplay mode.

“Mat. I’m sorry I got so angry with you. I was scared for you, and my emotions got the better of me.”

He moved his head but didn’t look at her. She edged to his side and sat down next to him. “I know you didn’t mean to cause any problems. But you also know who we are, how we have to live. You can’t forget it, ever.”

Now he glanced at her sidelong, his mouth drooping down as he took a shaky breath. “Cara, I’m sorry I didn’t turn on my datpad, and I know it was wrong to go somewhere without your permission. It’s just that Ermil and I really wanted to keep working on our project, and he said he had a lab set-up at home. When we got there his brother came up too and he wanted to build one, and I just lost track of time.”

Cara sighed and reached out an arm to hug his thin shoulders. Her brother had gotten to live as a normal kid for the last couple of days, and she’d just ruined it with her paranoia. The likelihood that any of their old adversaries even had knowledge of their new identities was infinitesimal, and if she was being rational, it would be impossible for anyone to have even tracked them here by now. They would be safe in pretending to be normal for their time on Gamaliel. She should to let Mat have a taste of real life while they could.

“Mat, you have to remember to turn on your device as soon as you leave school, just like you turn it off for class.”

“You mean I can go back tomorrow?”

“Of course. You have your big nano war coming up. But remember to use your device.” Cara smiled at him as he grinned back at her with relief.

“I will, I’ll never forget again.”

“I know you’re making friends and want to have time with them, but…” Cara paused, already regretting what she was about to say. She was going to live in fear now. Mat’s hopeful expression fled as he waited to her to continue. “You have to let me know ahead of time. Don’t sneak around. And if I say no, you have to trust I have good reason.”

She held his gaze as he nodded a promise. Good, that went well. Of course, now she’d be frantic with worry every time he went somewhere, but at least she’d know where he was. The settlement was small, so he wouldn’t be able to go far. Unless he went into the jungle…no, she blocked that thought. She had entirely enough to worry about without adding a perilous rescue mission into the mix. Ben could help her though. No, that man was the last thing she should be thinking about.

“Come on, I bet you’re hungry. Let’s go make some dinner.” Mat nodded and in a surprising move gave her an awkward one-armed hug. He’d started to avoid gestures of affection the past few years, and Cara was overwhelmed with a warm tide of contentment as he pulled her close before bouncing off the bed and leaving his room.

Rising and following him with a sigh, Cara went to the kitchen and to inventory their pantry. Tomato, egg, spinach, all would work in something. Briefly she wondered what Ben was going to eat, but the idea of even seeing him, let alone inviting him over for some quiche, was too humiliating to contemplate. She’d done something terribly wrong during that brief kiss. Poor technique was all she could think would have caused him to stop and draw away when all she’d wanted to do was sink deeper into his mouth. The idea that her experience had been so different made her shake with embarrassment. She was a bad kisser.

They cracked and whipped eggs, wilted the spinach, and she set Mat to dicing some fresh goat cheese as the oven preheated. She’d grill the tomatoes last and sprinkle on some chives. Her brother sampled some cubes of cheese and nodded his head. “This is going to be good. Can I invite Ben over?”

“No!” Cara involuntarily shuddered. “No, I’m sure he has plans, his friend is on planet for a visit.” His very pretty and extremely impressive friend.

Mat shrugged. “That’s good. I think he’s lonely.”

Cara stopped chopping the cooked spinach and frowned at her brother. “What makes you say that?”

“It’s just he’s spent a lot of time with us. I like him.”

Cara set down her knife since she’d come close to slicing into her hand. She liked Ben too, and in a way she hadn’t realized until he’d kissed her. A kiss as monumentally different from those stolen pecks of Cameron’s as an igniting supernova was from a feeble hand light. Allowing herself to recall her response to it made her breathing uneven, and heat flushed her cheeks, belly, and tightened between her legs. No chopping until she got some control, otherwise her shakiness would result in a visit to the medical clinic and another struggle to keep her dna-print from being scanned and logged.

She’d stayed silent too long. Mat stopped filling glasses with water and gave her a look. “You like him too, right Cara?”

“Sure.”
But he doesn’t like me
. “He’s been very helpful to us.”

“Can I invite him to dinner tomorrow?”

Why all the interest in Ben? Cara dropped the spinach into the egg mixture and indicated Mat should add some cheese. He’d think it was strange if she said no again, but the idea of seeing Ben and being flustered the entire time sounded more tortuous than hiding in a smuggler’s hold through several jump rings.

“We’ll see.”

“That means no. Just say no if that’s what you mean.” Mat lowered his eyebrows and gave her a very credible stare. Perhaps his was trying on their late father’s menacing persona.

“I don’t mean no. I mean, his schedule and ours might not be compatible tomorrow.” Or the next day. Or the week after that.

Mat tilted his head back and forth as if he considered it. “I guess we’ll see. I’m really hungry, when will this be done?”

“There you go, now spin around.” Ben kept his grip loose on Mat’s thin forearms as the boy tried to break free. With a grunt of effort, Mat applied basic physics and anatomy to force Ben’s hands away, and he grinned with delight. They practiced rudimentary self-defense moves in the safety station’s small gymnasium.

He could tell from her message Cara was very reluctant to let her brother out on his own again, but when Ben had emphasized they would be learning useful skills for people on the run from assassins, she’d relented. The fact he’d been too cowardly to ask her face to face irritated him like sand in his shoes, but the less contact he had with her, the better.

She’d sent several messages reminding him it was only for an hour and she’d be there to pick up her brother up promptly. How he was going to face her after his abortive kiss he wasn’t sure. He hoped he’d figure it out soon, because the hour was almost up. So far, Mat had shown almost coordinated aptitude for the self-defense movements, but he kept glancing at the climbing wall at the far end of the space.

Ben had to admit his intentions had been complicated. He’d wanted to give Mat the chance for some freedom and reassure his sister along the way, but he’d also hoped to pick up a bit more information on the stranded siblings. To distract Mat from the decidedly non-self-defense applications of rock-climbing, Ben let the boy over to a small sparring ring, fitted him with some gloves, and then pulled on punch mitts of his own. He’d loved to hit things when he was a youngster and figured Mat would be no different.

“Mat, where have you lived?” Ben held up his protected hands and braced himself when he saw the light of battle flare in Mat’s eyes.

“All over. Lots of places.” Mat smacked his right hand several times into Ben and had to be reminded to switch things up.

“Anywhere for very long?” If he could narrow down a particular planet or system, he could do some checking. In theory, congressional record-keeping and census information were all encompassing, but he’d found local records were still the most detailed and up to date.

“Not really. When I was little, I remember we had a house for a few years, but I don’t remember where.” The boy didn’t meet his eyes for the last part of that sentence, and Ben knew he avoided the truth. Another left punch, this was far from centered, and Ben’s arm swayed out at the impact.

“Nowhere for very long since then?” Ben was saddened when he saw Mat shake his head emphatically. They’d been on the run, off the system, for years and years. What would it be like to grow up so isolated? The answer lay in Cara, so quiet and watchful, ever-vigilant to keep them unnoticed. But she’d also raised a brother who was friendly and polite. Somehow, she’d managed to give Mat as normal a childhood as she could under the circumstances.

He no longer doubted they’d been hiding as long as she’d claimed. Between their carefully superficial records, and both Cara and Mat’s inherent reserve, it was clear keeping secrets was firmly ingrained in them. He was curious about their companion and his demeanor, but so far, the older man still recuperated in a medical coma. Ben congratulated himself on not thinking about Cara’s mouth for several minutes.

“What about friends? Family?”

“There’s no one but me and Cara. And the companions, but they’re almost gone now. Cara hasn’t told me what we’re going to do when Soren dies.” Mat’s matter of fact statement intrigued Ben. There had been respect in his tone when he’d referred to the older man, just as there had been in Cara’s, but no deep affection.

“Does your sister ever talk about what it was like before you were born, when she was little?” Maybe she’d reminisced with her brother about the life and parents they’d lost when Mat was born.

“No, not really. You know, Cara warned me you’d try to get information out of me.” Mat gave him a shrewd glance from under lowered eyebrows.

“Have I gotten anything useful?”

Mat shook his head and grinned, any attempt to seem fierce diminished in the face of athletic efforts. He tried for a fully extended punch but lost his balance and stumbled past. Ben tapped him on the back, and the boy spun around with his hands up, his defensive posture ruined by the delighted look on his face.