Desire (4 page)

“You think I want that house. Those cars? The clothes? I’ll admit, I had a hard time leaving the Xbox games but I’ll get the fuck over it.”

“You spoiled little bitch.”

“Exactly,” Isaac spits back.

“You are— Come again?”

In that moment of confusion
Isaac makes his move to free himself, shoving his father harshly. Baron stumbles backwards into the counter but recovers quickly, following Isaac into the living room with fists clenched and a face full of malice.

“Do you think they can’t see it?” Isaac shouts loudly, stopping the intruder in his tracks. “That they can’t tell when I’m on top of them that I am on an even shorter leash than they are? That it’s all a fucking act?”

“It is a job. One that you perform exceptionally well. Honestly, you make it an art form.”

“That’s not true anymore and you know it.”

“Isaac,” Baron says softly. “We’ve already discussed this. I have even… apologized for the confusion with Holly.” I thought Isaac’s moods were erratic. How do you go from molesting and threatening your son to talking him down off a ledge in less than a minute? He actually sounds like a real father.

“I am no
t fucking confused! I am fucking done. This does
nothing
for me anymore.”

“Over time it will all go back to—”

“Bullshit! That is fucking bullshit and you know it. I am fucking done faking it. And you can stand there and pretend that you’re angry with me, but we both know that you’re actually proud I finally figured it out and stopped asking for permission to do what I want to fucking do.”

The corner of Baron’s mouth lifts slightly before it twists into a full blown smile
that looks all too familiar. I guess Isaac is right. “Where are you planning to go?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

“So you have finally forgiven her,” he surmises.

“I haven’t exactly— we’re working on it.”

“You’re clearly also still working on those oedipal issues.” Isaac refuses to answer, initiating a standoff that ends when his father lurches toward him, twisting the front of the thin black shirt into his fist. “Nobody just walks away from this. You have obligations,” Baron snarls. “To me.”

A chill creeps over my skin, my toes growing numb. Isaac backs away, but his father stays with him. “You said to keep her happy.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“Glory
isn’t well.”

Baron’s eyes narrow. “
How so?”

“She’s not talking
and I’m not sure what she’s on, but… something is wrong with her, Dad. Can’t you tell? She is so thin, her eyes don’t look right. I can hardly understand her when she calls me sometimes and it’s always so late.”

They break apart. Baron won’t face his son, but I can see him clearly. The tyrant doesn’t look so formidable now, his face morphed by concern. “Gloria
absolutely refuses to see me in person. Sends her errand girl instead.”

“For how long?”

“I’ve only recently noticed the pattern. Six months at least.”

“She needs someone. Who better than me?”

“Now who’s pretending? She always pulls herself together. She’s a machine.”

“Fair enough,” Isaac concedes. “
Then maybe she just needs someone to need her.”

Baron covers his face with his hands and looks upwards, breathing deeply. I’ve seen Isaac stand that way dozens of times. Just as I’m expecting, his face is hardened into a mask when I see it again.
“You have always been her favorite project. And she has mended my baby bird’s broken wing before.”

“I need a new assignment anyway.”

“Gloria is not an
assignment
.” Uh oh.

“You know I’ve never seen it that way. If anything
, it’s the opposite. It always has been.”

“Do you want to go back to her? Permanently?”

“I would have never left if she hadn’t… I was just so fucking furious. I couldn’t even look at her, let alone touch her. I didn’t think I’d ever get over it.” That hurt on his face and in his voice is completely authentic. Platonic attachment to a familial maternal figure my ass.

“You were very young. It’s understandable.”

“It can’t be like it used to. I can’t… I’m too old for that shit now. If those are the strings you’re going to attach then… I just can’t…”

“Isaac. Of course not. Relax.”

“Then what’s the catch?”

“There isn’t one.”

“What if she’s fine?”

“I’m sure by the time you find out, she’ll have grown accustomed to your presence and I will, as always, be unable to refuse her.”

“I know the feeling,” Isaac replies, smiling. He said he didn’t love her. This is just an act, right?

“I’ll have your things delivered.”

“I can pick them up.”

“No, you can’t. I
sold the house.”

“That was quick.”

“It’s been in the works for months.”

“So, what, was I going to get an eviction notice while you were away?”

“Something like that. Along with a new assignment.”

“Do I even want to know?”

“Randi.”

“Wow,” Isaac whispers, clearly shocked and offended. “Talk about a demotion. You know there isn’t enough Viagra in the world, right?”

“I will never understand,” Baron snickers. “You’ve had a fetish for older women since you were twelve. How is it that Miranda disgusts you so much?”

“She’s unprofessional. I guess you could say it’s a huge turnoff. And that harem is
a fucking disaster. A liability.”

“I probably should have listened to you about that. But you still can’t accept that th
ose boys are a necessary evil and very minor inconvenience, one that I hoped you’d be able to help her control.”

“
Minor inconvenience? That girl they ripped apart… did she have anyone to tell?”

“No one that mattered.”

“So you just sent some working stiff his little girl back like that and you really think we’re never going to hear about it?”

“Oh, we’ll never hear about it. Because she never made it home.”

Isaac swallows hard. “Preston saw everything. He keeps asking.”

“Does he now?
I’ll worry about your brother. You worry about Gloria. This doesn’t concern you anymore.”

“Of course,” Isaac replies with a nod. “I’ll send Maya home in the morning.” No. No no no no no.

“Oh, no you won’t.”

“Tonight then.”
NO!

“I need Maya to leave on her own. Make that happen. No more restrictions. Since she’s your last assignment and Glory is
in Japan for the next few weeks, take your time if you’d like.”

“I would,” Isaac answers back quickly.

“Don’t get too excited.”

“
I’m a professional, remember?”

“Well then, I’ll leave you to it.” Baron turns to leave.

“Dad… do you just want me to scare her away from this or away from Luke?”

“Could you actually accomplish the latter? Subtly
, of course.”

“I suspect that is the
easiest way without things getting… messy. Will that be a problem for you?”

“Oh, quite the opposite. I’d be thrilled.”

“Consider it done,” Isaac says. The door closes behind his father and I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. Isaac doesn’t relax though, if anything he’s even more anxious, his face pressed up against the peep hole. “Stay right where you are, Rookie.”

“Okay, Coach.”

After what seems like forever, he opens the door cautiously and looks down the hallway. My heart sinks when he doesn’t come to me, instead reaching behind the television and retrieving a cell phone. How many does he have hidden in this place?

“I need a location on Ron’s crew.” What the hell does that mean? “Okay, thanks... No, I’m still on this job... Why does everyone keep asking me that? She’s
fine
… I’m good too, thanks for asking. Call this number if you hear anything... No, I think I’m just being paranoid… Cool. We will. See ya.”

I am not going to ask who he just called.
And I am definitely not going to ask him if that was his biological father. Or why there is forty thousand dollars in my car. Or who that girl was that never made it home and why that barely fazed him. And I’m not going to even think about the fact that he apparently just moved in with Gloria, a name I can put a very pretty face to now, or wonder what she did that he hasn’t forgiven her for and why it still bothers him so much, or if he’s absolutely positive there isn’t anything between them anymore. But I can’t tell him that I promise not to say these things and that’s probably the reason he’s hesitating to come back in here.

“Isaac,” I lure him. Slowly, he takes a few steps toward me. I crawl out of my hiding place behind the door and open it for him, moving to the back of the room so he has as much space as he needs. “Hi,” I
whisper when he’s finally in the doorway.

“Hi.”

The color in his golden skin has drained away, replaced with a thin layer of sweat. Our eyes meet and I give him a small smile that I hope reassures him. He lurches forward and I brace for the impact, but it doesn’t come. My eyes fly open when I hear this horrible, ragged screech and find him huddled over the toilet puking. I can’t get next to him fast enough, can’t resist the urge to touch him, steeling myself for the inevitable rejection as I tuck a stray curl behind his ear. To my relief, he leans closer, just a fraction of an inch, an invitation for me to wrap my arm around his shoulders.

The pauses between the dry heaves get longer, but he’s getting shakier. I don’t want to leave him for the time it would take to find out if there are any sedatives in the cabinet, let alone run down to his dresser where he left that little silver bottle.

“I do not have an ongoing sexual relationship with my father.” The retching that follows is the worst so far, I can hear his throat tearing apart.

“Shhhh,” I whisper into his ear, stroking the back of his ne
ck. “I didn’t think that. Nothing has changed between us.”

“He hasn’t touched me like that for years.” That sound. It has to be so painful.

“Just try to breathe. It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not,” he croaks
, pulling me into his arms and dragging us across the floor until his back is against the closed door, almost like he’s expecting someone to bust through. He’s never held on to me so tightly before, like we’re in a rushing river and I’m about to drift away. “I can take him. Easily. I would have back there, but it wasn’t worth putting you at risk. I won’t let him do that to you again, Maya. Not tonight. Not ever.”

Huh?
He’s holding my head against his chest and I can’t move, but I squirm out of his grip so I can look up at him in confusion. “Do what?”

My question steals the air from his lungs. “Oh. He was the first guy. I guess that’s better.”

Then why do you suddenly look so much worse?
And what the hell is he… Oh, my God. “I’ve never had sex with your father.”

He looks at my skeptically. “What?”

“I have never had any type of sexual contact with the man who was just in this apartment.” I wish I could say that I’ve never even seen him before. “Luke never… It wasn’t him.”

“You’re serious.” It wasn’t a question but I nod a
ffirmatively. “Wow,” he whispers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so surprised before. It twists my stomach into a tight knot. “I guess I should make sure something actually happened before I try so hard to make peace with it next time.” Holy shit, has he thought that this whole time? “Now that I think about it, it does make sense. You aren’t just another toy, and you aren’t trained at all. It would have been a disaster.” Don’t let him see you get angry. I do my best, reaching up to stroke his hair from his face.

“I’m
so sorry, Isaac. I had no idea.”

“I didn’t want you to know. I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“So you just handled it all by yourself?”

“It didn’t bother me that much until recently. I’m used to it.”

“Why?”

“I’ve never been with anyone that he hasn’t had first.”

What a strange thing to feel privileged about. Leaning forward, I press my forehead against his and interlock our fingers. Then it hits me, and if I wasn’t sitting safe in his lap I would probably topple over. Luke would have loaned me out to that bastard. That sick fuck that touches little kids like that, his own son. A fucking child molester, perhaps even a murderer, would have been inside of me. The most fucked up part is that I probably would have enjoyed it, it’s not like I would have known. What did the other two men do? What the hell else does Luke do? Who the hell am I?

“It’s not your fault.” Isaac is a mind reader. No doubt about it. “Come on, let’s get the hell out of the bathroom. Nobody’s coming. We’re still in the bubble.”