Depths (14 page)

His face grew deadly serious at my question.

“
You
’re
talking to the voice in your head, trapped in a room that you
can
’
t leave and reflects your thoughts.
You know these things, you
’
ve seen it. I
can
’
t explain it, but
I
’
m obviously not lying about it am
I?
”

“
Well no but
—“

“
Do you have anymore questions? Or
do you want out of here?
”

The look in his eyes told me that
I shouldn
’
t ask anything else. He did have
a point, he wasn
’
t lying, I was very
clearly experiencing exactly what he told me.

But the look in his eyes
…
So cold. Maybe he wasn
’
t
telling me the whole truth
…
But that would
mean that I wasn
’
t telling myself the
whole truth. What good would that do me, or him?

Either way, I didn't have much of
a choice but listen to him. He knew what was going on with the room
and helped me with that
…

Still didn
’
t feel quite right though.

“
Fine, where do we
start?
”

“
Well
, you should get
comfy.
”

I looked around and felt my way to the wall before
sitting down against it.

“
You're going to need to remember
everything, anything that could help. Don't let your emotions get
the best of your memories though.
”

“
What do you mean?
”

He didn't answer my question but
instead continued,
“
Like I said, I'll help
guide you. But if you lose control there's only so much I can
do.
”

I nodded my head and took a breath.

“
Just be yourself!
”

“
What?
”

“
Just be yourself!
”
He called again.

Just be yourself.

Shut up
…

…
The smell of the roast beef and
potatoes made my mouth water. Even though the dinner had gotten
awkward with Mr. Green mad dogging me from across the table, there
was no way I was not going to enjoy her cooking.

I always loved her cooking.

Her and I exchanged glances the
entire meal, catching each other
’
s eye in between bites and
gulps.

Quite some time had passed without any conversation,
which I was perfectly OK with, until Mr. Green cleared his
throat.

“
So what do you think of my
daughter going away to law school?
”

“
Actually Dad,
”
she cut in,
“we hadn't
really discussed that yet.
”

Law school? Going away?

Pay attention.

“
Wait, what do you mean going away
for law school?
”
I asked, confused why she
had never mentioned this.

“
Babe, please can we talk about it
later?
”

“
No, what do you mean going away?
Where to?
”

Mr. Green seemed pleased with the confusion he had
caused.

Why so happy about all this Mr. Green?

He doesn't like me.

Obviously.

“
I don't want to discuss it right
now, we can talk about it later.
”

There's the serious tone I was looking for. I knew I
could either drop it or keep pushing. With that tone in her voice
though, if I kept pushing it wasn't going to end well.

“
Well it's nice to know you think
enough of our relationship to not mention going away for school.
Anything else you haven't mentioned?
”

She dropped her fork and knife onto her plate with a
clatter.

She's gonna kill me later for this.

She grabbed her plate off the table and left into
the kitchen. I heard her drop the dish into the sink and she
stormed off, stomping up the stairs to her room.

The door slammed shut upstairs.

Mr. Green wiped his hands on his napkin and stood
from the table. He took his plate and cup into the kitchen and
placed them in the sink.

“
Well, I suppose I should get
going. Looks like you two have some things to talk about. It was
nice to meet you.
”

“
Nice to meet you too Mr.
Green,
”
I mumbled.

Prick.

“
Call me
Charles.
”

He opened the door and left, leaving me at the
dinner table with my plate still over half full. Or half empty.
Depends on how you look at it.

She lied to you and he knew.

She didn't lie, she just didn't tell me.

Lie of omission? But he still knew.

So?

So why did he know and not you?

I don't know.

So ask her.

I left the table and climbed up the stairs. She had
knocked over the lamp that sat atop of the table by the couch, at
the top of the stairs. I got to the top of stairs and picked the
lamp up, setting it back on its table. She loved that lamp, she
must be pissed.

Her door was shut and I approached it quietly. I
could hear her choked sobbing from behind the door.

I fucked up
…

A wave of emotion washed over me, I hated seeing her
so upset, especially at me. I loved her more than anything, I
needed to fix this.

I turned the doorknob and opened
the door
…
.

…
Blood painted the walls, no
corner of the room was spared at least one drop. Streaks of it
crawled up from the head board of her bed towards the
ceiling
…

She was curled up holding her knees to her chest,
crying. I sat on the edge of her bed and put my hand on her
leg.

“
I'm sorry I said that. I didn't
mean it.
”

She batted my hand off her leg and buried her face
into the pillows.

“
Babe, can we please
talk?
”

“
I'm leaving in a month for
Stanford.
”

A month?

“
A month?
”

She just sobbed harder.

“
You could have mentioned this to
me sometime sooner!
”
I could hear the
anger in my voice rising,
“were you ever
planning on telling me?
”

I stood from the bed and began pacing the room.

“
Yes!
”
She screamed back,
“I didn't know
how. You would have tried to convince me not to go but I need to
get out and get away from here. Away from my dad,
”
she spat out in between sobs,
“
and away from you!
”

“
Away from me? What the fuck did I
do to you?
”

I balled my fists up, and hot tears welled up in my
eyes.

“
You're fucking suffocating me!
You want to spend every second with me. Christ, you barely even
have a job and even then I can't get away from you because you're
always texting me or calling me or showing up. I need out of
here!
”

So this is how she really feels.

Yeah but for how long?

“
How long have you felt like this
huh? You could have fucking SAID something about it!
”

My nails were digging into my palms.

“
Get out of my house!
”
She yelled, throwing pillows at me.

You need some answers.

“
No! What the
—”
the tears streaked my face,
“What the fuck? Why are you doing this, why didn't you just
say something? We could have talked about it!
”

“
It
’
s just you
…
I felt bad. What do you want me to say? Just get
out!
”

She's ripping you to pieces.

“
I love you... I fucking love you
and I thought you loved me and now this? Not even a warning? You
couldn
’
t even
give me
—
Couldn
’
t give us a chance to work this
out? You just want to leave instead?
”

I couldn
’
t control the anger but I
didn
’
t want to. How could I not have seen
this coming?

“
I
don
’
t want to
work things out! It
’
s you who
’
s the problem! You
’
re a fucking control freak, like
you fucking own me or something. There
’
s nothing to work out between us
because I don
’
t
want things to work out between us.
”

There wasn
’
t a single trace of sympathy left
in her voice. The veil of the act she must have been putting on for
the last several months had finally been lifted. This was her. I
had just been too stupid and blind to realize it.

“
You fucking bitch...
You
’
re ripping
my fucking heart out.
”

“
I wasn
’
t planning on this... But
fine.
”

She sprung out of her bed, a knife in hand and
buried the blade into my chest. I felt it slice through skin and
muscle and lodge in between my ribs. Warm blood stained my shirt
and I stumbled.

I kept my balance against the wall and staggered to
the bed. She moved as I moved, keeping her distance, her face
devoid of any discernible emotion. I dragged myself onto the bed,
my vision was getting blurry and I rolled onto my back, staring at
the ceiling.

You're losing control.

Her face moved into my field of vision but I could
barely make it out. Her hair smelled of vanilla.

You've lost it.

She pulled the knife from my chest and held it to
her face, looking at it for a moment before setting it gently on
the nightstand. My vision blacked out and my breathing slowed. The
last thing I felt was her fingers running through my hair.

Her hair smelled of vanilla and I felt her fingers
running through my hair. I opened my eyes and saw her looking down
on me with a smile.

“
How long have I been
out?
”

“
About an hour or so. You were out
like a log,
”
she replied. The dim light
glowed off her naked body, highlighting each curving contour of
flawless skin. She was a goddess.

“
You need to get up though, my dad
will be here for dinner soon.
”

I rubbed my eyes, stealing a last glance at her body
as she got dressed. She saw me looking and turned her back to me
with a coy smile while she put her bra back on.

“
Come on you, get
dressed!
”

“
Dinner is ready!
”

Oh thank God. The sound of her voice made me feel
better instantly. I can't stand awkward situations.

I followed Mr. Green to the other side of the house
to the dining room, and sat at the seat closest to the wall. I
caught her eye again as she came into the room with a big plate of
roast beef in one hand and roasted potatoes in the other.

We both smiled at the same time
and I mouthed
“
thank you
”
to her.

Mr. Green sat down directly across from me. Great. I
already knew he wasn't impressed at all with me.

Just be yourself. He's going to try and push your
buttons. Don't let him.

Mr. Green cleared his throat.

“
So what do you think of my
daughter going away to law school?
”

Going away for law school?

Don't let him push your buttons.

“
Um, actually I didn't
know,
”
I looked at her from across the
table,
“You
’
re
going away for law school?
”

“
We'll talk about it later OK
babe?
”

Stay calm, just eat your meal. Talk about it
later.

“
Alright, sure hun.
”

I saw Mr. Green smirking at me as he took a big swig
of his wine. I looked back to my roast beef and mechanically raised
the fork from my plate to my mouth for the remainder of the meal,
just waiting for the dinner to end.

He seems awfully satisfied about this.

He doesn't like me.

Obviously. But he seems a little too happy about
causing a problem. He knew she was going away. Why'd he bring it
up?

Maybe he didn't know that I didn't know?

With a smirk like that?

I looked back up. The smirk was still there.

Didn't she warn you that he would do something like
this?

Mr. Green wiped his mouth and hands with his napkin.
As he picked up his plate he said something about dinner being
good, walked into the kitchen, and set his dish in the sink.

I made eye contact with her. Her deep brown eyes
were darker, heavier than usual.

“
Well I guess I should get on my
way home. Thanks for dinner honey, it was delicious.
”

He kissed her on her forehead and held out his hand
for me to shake.

I took it and gripped,
“
Nice to meet you Mr. Green,
”
I said through clenched teeth.

“
Call me
Charles.
”