Denying Heaven (Room 103) (19 page)

“She… she…” I heard Janey stammer and my fists clenched
when I already knew the rest of the sentence but my gaze remained fixed on the
wet, rain splattered window. “She finally gave in and took the high. Took too
much, accidently, and mixed it with Jack. She woke up empty, hollow and dead
inside two days later.”

The lump in my throat was threatening to suffocate me and
I gulped hard to fight with it, forcing it back down as my sobs jammed in my
throat and tore me to pieces inside when I refused to liberate them.

But there was more and I closed my eyes as each word
pummelled my heart and my brain.

“Danny went ballistic when he found out she’d lost the
baby. He trapped her in the shower one day and hammered her to near death.”

Janey’s sobs were harrowing and each painful cry twisted
my gut harshly. “He… he made her watch, Bulk, before he hit her, he made her
watch!”

I turned to her with a frown when I didn’t understand,
“He made her watch what?”

Her eyes dulled as a choked sob ran out of her mouth.
“Him and… Summer.”

I held onto the windowsill when it clicked that Summer
was Spirit’s sister. “He made her sit and watch them…
fucking
, the sadistic
bastard. Then he just hit her, over and over until he beat her unconscious.”

I slumped against the window and blew out a heavy breath,
“Fucking hell!”

She nodded as she chewed her lip rapidly then shook her
head as her eyes blazed angrily, “And you know what? He told her she deserved
it all and she fucking believed him, she believes every single word that
bastard tells her.”

“What happened?”

She shrugged then scoffed, “Danny left her for Summer and
Kenny dragged her down to London, promising to look after her, promising her
the world and then they started the band when I came down to be with them.”

I gave her a puzzled look, unsure why after all this
would Janey join the whole bullshit life that Spirit and Kenny would offer.
“Why? Why the hell would you do that?”

She snorted and looked at me with incredulity. “Do you
actually know what love is, Bulk? What it is to love someone so much, you’ll
give up your world for them. To want them so bad that you will suffer daily to
watch them destroy themselves and tear themselves apart but know they will
never come to you for comfort or… or to take the love you are so willing to
offer? To just love… just Spirit, the pure, amazing girl that she is.”

Her wide hurt eyes fixed on mine and I choked in a
breath. “You… you’re in love with Spirit.”

She didn’t move, she just stared at me, her eyes so full
of tears that they spilled over the edge and trailed down her face, smearing
her mascara and painting track lines over her pretty cheeks until the black
drops careered off her chin and dropped messily onto her white t-shirt creating
a disturbing pattern against clean stark whiteness. “Oh shit, babe.”

My heart ached for her and she stood, waiting for my
wrath but she didn’t get it as I opened my arms and she fell against me, taking
the comfort I offered as she sobbed and clung to me.

Her sorrow burnt a hole in me. I was all too aware of
wanting someone so much and not being able to have them. But for Janey, the
pain doubled as she watched Spirit go through life, watched her destroy herself
in the process of that life. Watching her go with others and not even realise
that Janey was in love with her. But the devastation of knowing that Spirit
would never love her in the same way must have torn her apart.

Shona had loved me as passionately as I had loved her and
if, if she hadn’t loved me back like that or maybe fallen in love with my
friend and never seen me, never known what I had felt for her, well that would
have also destroyed me.

“She must never know, Bulk, never.”

I nodded softly against her head as she adhered to me and
abandoned her self-discipline, her hands clutching at my shirt in her distress
as he buried her face in my chest and let it free.

“Wow!” A voice scoffed from behind me and I turned to see
Spirit watching us. “You didn’t waste time, did you?”

Her eyes were on Janey but I could feel the hatred
penetrating me with her disgust. Her body was stiff and taut, but her eyes were
vacant and my breath stuttered at the thought of her being high.

Janey moved back from me and I stalked across the room to
Spirit, grabbing her by the arms and shaking her. “What have you taken? What
shit have you taken Spirit? Fuck!”

She choked out a gasp and pushed against my chest. “I
haven’t taken anything, you arsehole. Get the fuck off me!”

I narrowed my eyes and tilted her head back, scrutinising
her eyes as I searched for evidence of her abuse. I realised the blankness in
her eyes was due to her grief and I reeled back and stared at her, “Did you
ever grieve?”

She looked at me in confusion then blinked as her throat
convulsed and she took a step back. “Get out, both of you!”

“Spirit, we weren’t…”

“GET FUCKING OUT!!” Her chest heaved as spittle sprayed
from her mouth with her rage.

“Janey, go.” I said quietly without moving from in front
of Spirit, worried what she would do to Janey if she got hold of her.

“Yes, Janey, go!” Spirit sneered cruelly and I hissed at
her.

“Stop it. Stop this right now. Janey’s done nothing wrong
and neither have I, just don’t do this, honey.” I shook my head slightly,
warning her I was close to losing it but she pushed harder.

Her lip curled wickedly as her eyes shot back to mine.
“And what you gonna do? Spank me,
baby
?”

“Janey! GO!” I barked as my temper rose through my chest
making my heart pound with each frantic attempt to cope with the flow of the
burning blood coursing through my veins.

“Spirit...” Janey tried as she approached her stupidly.

“GO!” I yelled as I locked Spirit down, securing her with
my eyes and controlling her need to hurt Janey, as she smirked ruthlessly back
at me.

This wasn’t Spirit; this was someone entirely inhumane
and wild. It was like she had left as Spirit and returned as someone completely
different, someone untamed and crazy. Her wide eyes were dead deep down but the
features on her face were far from that as her tense jaw and strained brow
screamed agitation and her clenched fists and feverish body showed her wild and
frenzied mentality.

Janey flicked her eyes to me and I nodded slowly. She
moved past me as Spirit flew for her. I managed to grab her tightly, spinning
her round as I locked my arms under her breasts and shouted at Janey to get the
hell out.

Spirit kicked, snarled and hissed hysterically as I held
her tight and took her beating, letting her release the energy and rage until
she eventually sagged against me.

“You finished?”

“You fucking bastard. I hate you, I fucking hate you!”
she spat.

“Okay, honey. I think we need to do something about that
fucking temper.”

She growled at me,
again
, and I pulled in a hefty
breath as I carried her through to the kitchen. “Will you just let me fuckin’
go!”

I ignored her venom as I kicked out a chair from under
the table and plonked her ass down on it. She tried to stand but I’d straddled
her thighs before she could get any further.

She cursed, spat and writhed angrily beneath me. “Keep
going little sinner, it just makes me fucking hotter.”

Her arm yanked and I smirked when I knew it had been
meant for my face but she couldn’t pull free and I leant closer. “Just carry on
and I’ll thrash the fucking anger out of you.”

She barked out a bitter laugh as her eyes glinted
marginally. There it was, the life trying to kick-start back to animation and
damn if my cock didn’t thump at the excitement she showed over my words. “You
want me to thrash you, Spirit? You want my hand on that tight fucking rump of
yours? You want me to hurt you? You wanna feel the crack of my palm?”

I waited as she gulped, waited for what I knew she wanted
as I sat still on her, holding her down as I undid the buckle on my belt and
pulled it through the loops.

Her eyes flicked down to it and fuck, if her chest didn’t
heave with her excitement. “Ohhh baby, you want this?” I asked as I teased her
and wound it round one hand then the other before I snapped it hard.

She gasped and I fought to get my cock under control as
it tried to push through my jeans.

Holy Shit! I was harder than ever and when Spirit sank
her teeth into her bottom lip and released a slight whimper my heart rocketed
and hit my dick with so much blood, it actually made me jolt with the pressure.

We were both panting now, each of us gritting our teeth and
sucking air heavily with the furious arousal that was begging to be sated and
the hunger that commanded to be sustained.

I ground against her, letting her feel how hard I was for
her and a choked sob rippled through her. “You want this?”

Her eyes held mine and I could see her answer but she
remained silent, refusing to give in to me, so I slid off her, twigging that
she wouldn’t do a runner whilst she was this hot for me. “You’ll have to ask,” I
taunted as she rolled her lips and swallowed hard. “And then I’ll give you
everything you need.”

Her eyes shot to mine, then down to the belt I was
twisting slowly around my hands. “You like the belt, honey? You like the thrash
of it on your backside, on your thighs? Does it make you come hard as it whips
against your delicate skin, peaking your heart rate and pounding the thrill through
your veins?”

She panted hard as her tongue swept over her bottom lip
and her chest heaved as her breathing sped up further, the rise of her tits
demanding my gaze.

I took a step nearer and wrapped my palm gently around
her throat. The fire in her eyes shot through my brain and straight into my
balls, tightening them extensively as my cock screamed at the force.

I titled her head back until her eyes reached mine and
squeezed a little tighter, knowing she was ready to snap. “ASK!”

She didn’t ask. She shot upright, yanked her jeans around
her knees and turned to bend over the chair.

My hands shook at the sight and I had to pull air through
my clenched teeth to calm me down. Her phoenix covered pussy was literally
dripping with her juices as her pale arse requested that I tinge it pink.

She looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes now hot and
fierce, the life back and pulsing vividly in her bright green irises.

I tilted my head and studied her, silently questioning if
she wanted this. “Do it!” she eventually hissed and I immediately slapped her
right butt cheek hard, just to release some of the pent up energy I was
stowing. “HARDER!” she yelled and I let rip, crashing my palm over her arse brutally
as her pleasure filled cries echoed round the room and she bucked her hips up
to meet each one of my blows.

“More?” I grated through my teeth as I watched her
arousal trickle down her leg, teasing and taunting me to swipe my tongue over
her skin and lap it up.

“Yes more, I need it Bulk, please… the…”

“The belt?” I asked as she clammed up.

“Yes, yes, fuck yes, I need it, please.” She was writhing
on the chair, her bottom high and imploring for more as I doubled the strip of
leather over and secured it around my wrist.

“Are you sure?” I couldn’t control the pump in my veins
as my head reeled and my gut pulsated with the crude excitement swelling my
dick and scorching my veins.

“God! Yes, now, do it! Fucking do it!”

Her scream ripped through my senses when I struck the already
red skin on her backside, the harsh sound of the contact making my teeth
rattle. “Oh god… YES!”

I shuddered as I tried to stop myself from coming in my
jeans. I couldn’t control this anymore and I willed myself to give her what she
wanted before I exploded.

“One more then you’re mine. And I am gonna fuck you so
damn hard and so fucking deep you’ll feel me everywhere!” I lashed her once
more as I pulled my cock free and before she had finished her scream and come
down from the fierce orgasm seizing her body violently, I was inside her and
already wrapping my hand around her hair, pulling her harshly back onto my cock.

“Fuck!” I hissed as I pulled back and her pussy snatched
at me, pulling me deeper as another climax rolled through her.

I managed to draw back and calm myself a little as I grabbed
at her hair and lifted her upright against my chest. Her arms rose and she
latched them behind my neck, pushing her firm tits high and proud and I clasped
one, squeezing it hard and growling when she moaned long and deep.

She ground back against me, sinking herself on my
erection further as she tried to take me all in, “No, Spirit, the baby.”

“The baby will be fine” she breathed slowly and released
a satisfied groan when I sunk balls deep inside her. She twisted her hips
firmly, grinding and moulding against me, her hot pussy walls demanding my
orgasm and slamming ecstasy through my veins as she shuddered around me.

“
Jesus fucking Christ
” I rasped as I clenched
tightly and bit her sweet neck when my cum banged through my balls and exploded
inside her fiercely, my whole body going into spasm as I rocked into her softly
and yelled my release into her soft skin.

“Chase… Oooh God, Chase. I’m yours, all of me” she choked
out as she finally finished jerking and leant back against me as I sank bank
onto the chair. She pulled her legs up, curled around me and nuzzled her face
in the dip of my throat.

We remained silent, my arms holding her tight as she
breathed against my neck and sighed heavily when I rubbed my cheek against the
top of her head.

What the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t allow this
relationship. It was volatile, way too deep and we were slowly killing each
other with our individual personal hell; each of our battles with life, leaving
us exhausted and incapable of giving more than we had to give.