Dendera (30 page)

“Those asses!” Hotori Oze let her anger speak. “They didn’t attack the Village, and they didn’t defend Dendera. They just died.”

“Unlike Shigi Yamamoto, those three women didn’t involve anyone else in their deaths. Don’t be too angry with them. Who can scoff at those who have left for Paradise?”

When Kayu Saitoh was taken to Dendera—not that she had asked for it—she gave up on death because she had been tainted. She had decided that once she had been rescued, Climbing the Mountain was lost to her. She condemned the women of Dendera, who were directly responsible, but never searched for a different way to die. From that perspective, she viewed the actions taken by Shigi Yamamoto and Maru Kusachi’s group with envy. Though she did of course have her share of disagreements with the methods they employed, she had to admit that they found the deaths they had sought.

Hotori Oze, who had placed the attack on the Village above all else, said with total contempt, “
I’ll
scoff at them!”

Capping the discussion, Kayu Saitoh said, “That’s all I have to report. That’s what I came up with from my suspicions and conjecture. There was never a plague in Dendera. So don’t fear. The rest of us won’t die from it—although, just to be safe, we might want to burn what potatoes we still have.”

“What does that matter now?” Hono Ishizuka muttered. “We have no future. We can’t change the fact that Dendera is in ruins—not with only six of us left, and not with Masari dead.” Tears came to the corners of her eyes. “Without Masari, Dendera can’t carry on. No one cared about Dendera as much as she did.”

“Masari Shiina,” Kayu Saitoh said. “Tell me, what was going on inside that woman’s head? What happened to her in the Village was terrible. She had hardly anything to do with what happened, and yet she was publicly humiliated and lost her eye. She had every right to hate the Village more than any of us.”

“Did she hold a grudge against them?” Hono Ishizuka said. “Of course she did. Masari did hate the Village more than anyone.”

“Then why did she never come around to the Hawks’ side?”

“Masari thought in the long term. She thought about what would happen after she died.” A fire came into Hono Ishizuka’s words. “She
was
striving to carry out her hatred—her revenge—against the Village, not through violence but through the land.”

“Through the land? What’s that supposed to mean? Tell me in a way I can understand.”

“She wanted to make Dendera more prosperous than the Village. That was Masari’s true goal.” Hono Ishizuka turned her watery eyes on Kayu Saitoh. “She took root here, in this land, refusing to run away, and she was building a utopia solely for those who had been abandoned. By saving the abandoned women, and the abandoned women who came after, and the generations of women who would live long after she had died, she was making this a wonderful place where all could live in peace and bounty.”

At that, her tears overflowed, and she broke down crying.

Now, finally, Kayu Saitoh understood Masari Shiina’s true feelings. She found the idea far more graceful than raiding the village, but at this point, nothing was going to come of any of it.

“It doesn’t matter now,” Kayu Saitoh said, because it didn’t. “She died, and that was the end of it. It doesn’t matter how much you concern yourself with other people, when you die, that’s the end. That’s the limit to what you can do on behalf of others.”

“When you die, that’s the end,” Hotori Oze mocked. “She gave her life leading that bear into the trap, but the bear still lives.”

“That’s right,” Hikari Asami said softly, “the bear still lives. And with how badly we hurt it, it must be in a terrible rage. It’ll come back for sure. And when it does, the six of us will have to face it. And when we do, we’ll lose. We’ll die.”

Kayu Saitoh thought the same thing. It was the truth. Clearly, whatever stratagem they might employ, they couldn’t defeat the bear in a fight. The six surviving women had to find a different path. They would have to choose one of only four options: defeat the bear in some new and different way; flee the area; not flee the area, fight the bear, and die; or not fight the bear and die. All six women knew this, and they shared the same weary expressions.

Hotori Oze said, “If we’re going to die, I’d still rather not become that bear’s dinner. Don’t you have any ideas, Kayu Saitoh?”

“I do, of a sort.”

“Tell us, please. Dendera has no leader. And I don’t have much time left. I guess I just don’t have the energy to use my head anymore.”

“My idea is not something we do together. No one will be helping. It will be lonesome.”

“As long as it’s something,” Hotori Oze said, “I don’t care what it is.”

“We disband,” Kayu Saitoh offered. “It’s like you say, Hotori Oze—Dendera lost its chief. And with only six of us, we can’t call it Dendera any longer. And worse, that bear will return. So we must disband. Those who want to remain, remain. Those who want to resettle, resettle. If you want to attack the Village, attack. If you want to fight the bear, fight. If you want to die, die.”

Hotori Oze harumphed. “So what then, anarchy?”

“You know, I hadn’t realized it, but we
are
free. We were free the moment we were cast out of the Village. There’s nothing keeping us in Dendera. All of us here, myself included, are free. So why don’t we disband already and do as we please? Well, how about it?”

Kayu Saitoh directed her words equally among the five women. Some appeared amused, and others frightened. Hotori Oze wore a gleeful smile, while Usuma Tsutsumi and Ume Itano had turned incredibly pale, seeming anxious over the uncertain future.

Hono Ishizuka wiped her teary eyes. “After we disband, what will you do, Kayu? Will you choose to run? Will you choose to die?”

“No, I will fight. I will kill the bear.”

“You’ll kill the bear? Don’t be absurd.”

“I’m serious. I will kill the bear. I’ll do it alone.”

“Do you not realize how absurd that is? Have you lost your mind?”

“Maybe I have,” Kayu Saitoh said with a self-mocking smirk. “But I’m serious.”

“Kayu …”

“I don’t want to build a utopia. I don’t want to keep living. I don’t want to be the foundation for future generations. I’m not interested in any of that. From the beginning, I’ve only wanted to die. That’s my aspiration. No matter what I’ve been through, that has ultimately remained unchanged. I will find my peaceful death.”

Reading into her words, Hikari Asami said, “You … sound like you have a plan. Tell us.”

“Sure,” Kayu Saitoh said with a nod. “I think this is the only way that bear can be killed now. First, I’ll …”

In pain, Redback rolled her bulk in the snow to soothe her burns, but she was full of vigor and strength. The burns had scarred her front legs, her rump, and her face, and her oozing, exposed flesh stung badly, but her wounds only affected a small portion of her giant body. Even the red fur on her back remained mostly unharmed. She felt confident in her coming victory and satisfied by her decisive attack against the Two-Legs. She hadn’t been able to have a leisurely meal, but she had been able to pack in enough meat to fill her belly. Knowing that there was more meat waiting for her if she went back to the land where the Two-Legs dwelled, she was able to relish her certain victory.

Having fully regained her once-lost confidence and pride as the ruler of her territory, her rage toward the Two-Legs had dissipated. That constant thought,
Kill and devour,
occupied a large portion of her thoughts, now as always, but the underlying reason had largely shifted to the simple acquisition of food. Moreover, Redback understood that her body was in full working order. She had been burned, but she had put much distance between herself and death; no longer did she sense its presence. Savoring elation at being the sovereign ruler of her territory, she knew she would birth another cub, and this time, for certain, she would provide her child with the upbringing necessary to succeed her as the new ruler.

Then something warm flowed into her nostrils.

Sunlight streamed through a break in the clouds and reached softly to Redback’s face.

This light was manifestly of a new kind—not the one that had spurned life through this cruel winter, but one that completely enveloped her. Redback reached out her tongue as if to eat the sunlight itself. The light had no taste and no mass, but her stomach responded nevertheless, and immediately she knew it to be a sign of the coming spring. Bears, as a species, were highly sensitive to spring. Typically, bears spent the winter holed up in a den. There they remained at rest, neither asleep nor awake, but passing through the boundary between. When the world outside had turned fully to spring, they knew it without being told. Slowly they awoke, then emerged from their den. This was certainly her first time spending a harsh winter out in the elements, but she hadn’t lost her sensitivity to the signs of spring. She stretched her scorched body and savored spring’s coming.

“Preposterous,” Hono Ishizuka said. She again had been the first to respond. “You
are
trying to get yourself killed! That’s no plan—it’s merely desperation.”

“No, it’s a great plan,” Hotori Oze said, her voice elated. “Although it
is
desperate.”

“Are you serious?” Hikari Asami asked. “Are you seriously going to do it?”

“Of course I am,” Kayu Saitoh said with a nod. “I don’t see any other way to kill that thing.”

Hotori Oze clapped her hands. “Kayu Saitoh, I’m in. I may be dying because I ate that stinking potato, but I can still show you the trails. Take me with you.”

“Impossible.”

“What?”

“Weren’t you listening? I’m the only one who can do this.” Kayu Saitoh regarded Hotori Oze’s carefree attitude with a reproachful stare. “You’ve been in Dendera for a long time. The people in the Village might figure it out.”

“So what? Dendera is destroyed, and we’re all dying. What does it matter now?”

“Come on, Hotori,” Hono Ishizuka said, regarding the woman with a defiant expression, “that’s enough of that claptrap, all right? I’m going to rebuild this place. I’ll turn Dendera into Masari’s utopia.”

“You’re the one spouting nonsense. What are you going to rebuild? Don’t make me laugh. Wait … you’re not actually serious, are you?”

“Our first chief, Mei, built this place alone. I’m simply going to do the same thing she did. It’s not nonsense.”

The tears were gone from Hono Ishizuka’s eyes, and only determination was in their place. Seeing the woman’s expression, Hotori Oze shrugged with disinterest and muttered that only fools had survived.

“Listen to me, Hotori Oze,” Kayu Saitoh said. “We’re going to split up and each go our own way, but we mustn’t trouble each other. Find your own aspiration, and find your peaceful death.”

“I already have, and you know it—it’s to destroy the Village. The Village is as foul as dung, and its inhabitants even fouler. All I have left is to kill them all!” As she spoke, her lips sprayed a mist of blood and spittle. “I can’t think of anything else. That’s why you need to take me with you.”

“But I’m not—”

Hotori Oze cut her off. “If I can’t go with you, I’ll attack the Village alone. And they’ll beat me, and they’ll torture me, and I’ll spill everything, crying. That’ll mean trouble for the rest of you.”

“What I was trying to say,” Kayu Saitoh said with great patience, “was that I’m not out to attack the Village in particular. I’m going to kill the bear. That’s all I want to do. That’s all.”

“Kayu Saitoh.”

“What?”

Suppressing her fervor, Hotori Oze asked, her tone insistent, “Do you really want to kill the bear?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

“You don’t have passion for Dendera or the Village. You don’t have a reason—even a misguided one—to kill the bear.”

Kayu Saitoh wanted to give her some kind of quick response, but she just couldn’t find the words. Inside her, her thoughts and views were real and in order, but very little of it could she clearly express through her language or demeanor. And even that small fraction was so fragile it would scatter as soon as she tried to put it into words. She had no response for Hotori Oze.

In any other time, once faced with this dilemma, Kayu Saitoh would have ended the conversation, but she thought of the bravery it had taken to suggest disbanding Dendera and the responsibility that had placed on her, and she endeavored to speak her thoughts.

“Of course I have a grudge against the bear. It killed Kura Kuroi. It killed Mei Mitsuya. It killed so many of us. It’s only natural that I should hate it. Hotori Oze, you said I don’t have passion, but I do have a head, and it has some thoughts for the Village and Dendera. It’s true that I don’t hold a deep resentment for the Village, and my interest in growing Dendera pales compared to Hono Ishizuka. But I have my own mind and my own thoughts. As meager as they may be, as laughable as you all may find them, I have thoughts formed of my own mind. But … that said, I do wish for death. And in that case, fighting the bear is the quickest way. If by doing so, I kill the bear, then isn’t that better than anything? That was my thinking. Can you understand?”

Seemingly unconvinced, Hotori Oze arched her eyebrow and said, “Like hell I could.”

“I … understand,” Hikari Asami said, nodding. “Kayu Saitoh, I understand that you don’t want to use your head. I understand … that you don’t have true grit.”

“What did you say?” Kayu Saitoh began to get angry but couldn’t muster the energy, and in the end, she grinned. “You’re right. Hikari Asami, you may be right. I don’t have grit. I don’t have a conscience. And so I don’t give any of you any particular consideration. I don’t care what happens to the Village or Dendera. All I want is to die.”

Hono Ishizuka regarded her with a look of heartfelt pity. “Kayu, you are a strange woman. How have you lived this long without anything inside you? I just don’t understand you.”

“And I don’t understand the way you think. What is it that’s so different about us when we were both raised the same way in the same place? I don’t understand why you all have so much hate for the Village. Were they so bad to you? Was life there so terrible? Were the men that terrible? Or is it all about Climbing the Mountain? Because we all Climb the Mountain, each and every one of us in the Village is able to die together. And you, Hono Ishizuka—neither can I understand why you want to sustain Dendera. You should have died already. You should have died when you Climbed the Mountain. But you live this forced existence, and it forces you to want to keep living. I just don’t understand you.”