Deliver Us (45 page)

Acres upon acres of fields fly past in a blur, and all Ben can think about is the blood on Micah’s face, the way he was limping, the indescribably scary that way Gabriel sounded, and the fierce protectiveness he heard in Darrek. Simultaneously ready to inflict serious bodily harm on Micah, glad for Darrek’s response and care of Gabriel, and anxious for Gabriel himself, Ben tries to keep a level head as the road unwinds before him.

A sudden chill sends a shiver racing up Gabriel’s spine. It creeps outward, past his shoulders and down each arm. He tugs his sleeves down to cover his hands, tucks his fingers under his arms to warm them. Glancing sideways at where Darrek is sitting on the opposite end of the couch, Gabriel is keenly aware that his lover is not touching him in any way. In fact, Darrek seems to be specifically trying
not
to touch him.

Gabriel asks him, “Hey, pass me that blanket?”

Darrek doesn’t move to get it. Frowning slightly, he replies, “It’s almost eighty degrees outside. It’s nearly that warm in here, and you’re already wearing a sweatshirt. You’ll get heatstroke.”

“Thanks,
Dad
, but I’d still like the blanket,” Gabriel snaps, hearing that somehow the ice in his veins has reached his voice as well.

Darrek recoils visibly at the words as a pang of guilt hits Gabriel.

“Shit,” he groans. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to compare you to....”

“It’s all right,” Darrek interrupts. “You don’t have to apologize.”

Gabriel’s forehead creases with worry lines and deep discomfort twists his mouth. He shifts on the cushion, folding his arms tighter across his chest.

“Well, could’ya come over here then? I don’t have the plague or something, you know.”

Darrek just stares at him warily for a second before sliding sideways. As he lifts an arm to rest behind Gabriel on the couch, he is surprised when Gabriel moves closer to him and tucks himself under Darrek’s arm, leaning against his chest.

Wrapping his arms around Gabriel, Darrek doesn’t pretend to understand what’s going on in his lover’s head. He simply holds him close, rubbing some warmth into his arms when another shiver shakes him to the bones.

“I didn’t want to make you feel worse,” Darrek says. “I figured you wanted some space.”

“I don’t want space from you. I feel better when you’re holding me,” Gabriel confesses, moving his knees so that they lean against Darrek’s legs. He flips through a few stations on the television and settles on a special on preparing barbeque on the Food Network.

“Hungry? I think we have some chicken cutlets we can throw on the grill.”

“Hmm. Maybe,” Gabriel grunts. After a loud sigh, he mutes the volume on the program and lets the hand holding the remote fall to his lap. “Listen to me for a second, okay?”

“I’ve
been
listening to you,” Darrek says with a measure of frustration and intense concern.

“I feel like I cheated on you today with Micah.”

“Okay, now you’re being
ridiculous
,” Darrek sighs. “He took advantage of you! That’s not your fault!”

“No!” Gabriel argues, sitting up and facing Darrek directly. “I told you! I fucking
liked
it! He jerked me off and I came all over myself like a goddamned....”

“That’s biology!” Darrek tells him insistently. He takes hold of Gabriel’s gesturing hands in both of his and tries to catch his gaze as well as it flies around the room. “You
know
that! Someone touches you the right way, of course you’re going to orgasm. It has nothing to do with anything! It doesn’t mean you’re responsible for what happened, with Micah
or
with Harry!”

“But it... it felt good. It felt really good. Well parts of it, at least,” Gabriel sputters, curling back up into himself.

Leaning forward, Darrek places a kiss on Gabriel’s forehead and says, “Hey. I love you. It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“Love you, too,” Gabriel murmurs as a knock sounds at the door.

They both turn, startled, but it’s Gabriel who sees the truck in the driveway.

“Ben....”

Darrek is instantly furious. Lips pursed, he gets up off the couch without a word. Catching his arm, Gabriel says gently, “It’s okay. Let him in. He’s probably here because he’s worried about me.”

“No Gabe, you’re in no kind of shape right now for this shit!”

“Dare, baby,
please
. Let me show him I’m okay,” Gabriel pleads.

Wincing at Gabriel’s meekness, a clear sign that he is
not
okay, Darrek nods. He squeezes Gabriel’s hand once as the knock comes again. It is followed by a shout and then arguing voices.

Walking over to the door and pulling it open, Darrek takes in the sight of Ben and Kyle on the front stoop.

“Dare, I’m so sorry. I tried to convince him to leave you guys alone,” Kyle says quickly before Ben can speak.

Ben is mildly taken aback at Kyle’s words and the impertinent tone in his voice, but then says to Darrek, “I just want to get the story of what happened directly from Gabriel so that I know how to handle the repercussions for Micah. It’ll just take a second.”

“Fine. Come in,” Darrek says shortly, stepping aside to let them through.

Ben moves past Darrek, going directly over to Gabriel’s huddled form on the couch. Kyle hangs back and takes a closer look at Darrek.

“I’m sorry this happened,” Kyle says quietly. “If I’d been there, than this wouldn’t have...” he stops himself there, changing tactics, and picks up with, “It looks like you’re doing a good job helping Gabriel deal with this. He’s lucky to have you. How are
you
doing?”

“I’m fine.”

Watching Ben talk to Gabriel, catching a word here and there, Darrek feels Kyle looking at him.

“What?” Darrek grunts, shifting uncomfortably, shoving his hands deeply into his pockets and adjusting himself discreetly.

“I know that look,” Kyle says.

When Darrek gives him an intentionally confused glare in response, Kyle tugs him toward the kitchen, so that they can talk more privately. He doesn’t stop until he’s sure Gabriel and Ben can no longer see them.

“What?” Darrek says in annoyance.

“It must be bad if I can see it in your face even with all this other shit going on right now,” Kyle says, nodding back to the living room.

“I have
no
idea what you’re talking about.”

Rolling his eyes, Kyle says quietly, “Ben makes me wear the damn thing almost every day. Believe me, man, I know a look of... discomfort... really fucking well by now.”

Darrek blinks at him, frowning more.

“Stubborn ass,” he sighs. “Chastity device, am I right? How long you been wearing it?”

“Fuck!” Darrek curses, and then groans into his hands after he covers his face with them. Leaving his features hidden, he mumbles, “Since this morning. I think Gabe forgot about it, since, well, obvious reasons. But it’s too tight and it’s, like,
chafing
me. A lot. And it sucks
major
ass.”

He turns away from the living room, and Gabriel. Putting his back to it and the wall that separates them, he confesses, “I feel like the biggest jerk on the planet right now. Gabe’s been traumatized. He’s in this really dark, vulnerable place and all I can think about is how horny I’ve been all day and this
thing
on me. It’s really distracting.”

“He’s got the key, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah. And I tried to pick the lock in the bathroom when Gabe wasn’t looking, but I can’t get it, and I don’t know what to do. If I tell him it’s bothering me, then he might feel bad for forgetting I had it on in the first place. Plus, I don’t want him to think I’m turned on at all by seeing him in pain, and I don’t want him to feel obligated to... assist me.”

Fidgeting and restless, he turns and walks to the fridge to get a beer.

“Want one?” he asks Kyle, pulling three more out with his own.

“Thanks,” Kyle nods. “I’ll bring these out to Ben and Gabe. Stay here, I’m not done talking to you yet.”

“Tell me what I need to do here,” are the first words out of Ben’s mouth as he sits next to Gabriel, hunched forward with his hands clasped between his knees. “Do I fire him? Reprimand him? Cut his balls off and stuff ’em down his throat? ’Cause I’d do it.”

“Yeah,” Gabriel mutters. “Whatever. Look. We should’ve... talked more... beforehand. We should have set parameters and boundaries, but we didn’t, and that’s partially my fault. He just went with it, you know? And he went....” The words lodge in his throat. He swallows hard and tries again. “He went too far, and I mean, yeah, he should have seen that I wasn’t....”

Gabriel fidgets, and pulls at his sleeves because he is just purely
sick
of talking about all of this. The rest of the words come out without inflection, which only serves to disturb Ben more. “I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t. At all. And he didn’t stop. He saw I was panicking and the fucker used it against me, pushed me further into that place in my head, and....”

“Okay. Plan C it is then,” Ben nods, his face drawn.

“No, I mean, maybe I wanted him to. Maybe that’s why I didn’t remind him about setting up boundaries or why I forgot the safeword. I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. I’m done. I’m not—I’m not doing it anymore. Even the video part of it. I’ll find something else. But I can’t. I can’t be there, in that place. Even as a Dominant. Even as a videographer. I quit. I told Sam that I quit.”

Ben doesn’t respond. He stares out into thin air instead.

“Don’t do something stupid, man. Just, um, talk to him. See what he says. I think he got it, that it was fucked up. It might teach him to be a better Dom. It might be good for him, that he experienced this. He’s good at it. At Dominating. This isn’t... it can’t be about Harry. It has to be about what happened between me and Micah, and that’s all. Got it?”

Ben is still staring with unfocused eyes and begins restlessly bouncing his knees.

“Say something, you asshole.”

“It’s a really good thing that Darrek is the one that found you,” he says to Gabriel’s surprise. “It was good that he got you out of there and.... If I’d been there, Gabe? I would have hurt the son of a bitch a lot worse than a kick in the balls and a split lip. And I know that I need to handle this better than that. I can’t get angrier just because it was you. Because he
didn’t
know about Harry and all of that. Fuck.
Fuck
!”

Gabriel reaches down and pets Sierra, curled up and dozing at his feet.

“Have you talked to Trace?”

“His phone is off. Went right to voicemail. Told him to call me.”

They both turn and see Kyle approaching with two cold beers.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” Kyle says to Ben with a nod to the stairwell, handing Gabriel his beer.

Gabriel nods to Ben and pops off the cap on a side table before taking a drink.

When they’ve moved slightly out of earshot, Kyle says as quietly as he can to Ben, “Dare needs your help. He’s, uh, wearing a locked chastity device, and not one designed for long-term wear. He needs to get it off. But with Gabriel all...” he splays his fingers and quirks an eyebrow to imply the rest.

“He doesn’t want to tell Gabriel.”

“Yeah,” Kyle nods, happy that Ben gets it. “Feels like it’s inappropriate, and all. He wouldn’t have even said anything to
me
, but I kind of, um, guessed. Do you think you could get the key from Gabe? Or get the cage off yourself? You’re good with those little padlocks.”

“Darrek needs to grow some balls and tell Gabriel himself. This has nothing to do with us.”

“But,” Kyle says in exasperation, “He
won’t
. He’ll take it as some sort of twisted penance for letting this happen to Gabriel and stay in the damn thing night and day until Gabriel remembers and by then his dick might have fallen off!”

“Drama queen.”

“Please?” Kyle begs in a whine, scrunching his face up with concern.

“No!”

“
Please?
”

“Still no.”

Ben takes his beer from Kyle and heads back into the kitchen with it, leaving Kyle to squint testily after him as he goes.

“Hey,” Ben says, pulling Darrek aside. They go through the back door and wind up standing on the back patio on the other side of the closed door. Darrek hears Sierra’s nails clicking on the kitchen floor, so he re-opens the door to let her out to run in the yard.

Getting directly to the point, Ben asks, “Okay. I need you to be straight with me. Was Gabriel anally raped? It’s not something I would ask him, and I wouldn’t ask at all, but if it went that far, Micah is going to suffer more... let’s say,
extreme
consequences.”

Darrek is taken aback by the query but answers with a curt, “No.” When it appears that Ben isn’t going to let it go at that, Darrek adds, “It was more... molestation... with a heavy dose of psychological trauma involving his abuse issues.”

“Thank you,” Ben mutters, biting his thumbnail and thinking. After he seems to have processed it, and made a decision, he says to Darrek, “You handled that well. With Micah. Better than I would have, anyway.”

“Thanks,” Darrek nods.