Degrees of Passion (28 page)

‘No man should ever make you feel stupid,’ Zoe said.

‘He doesn’t,’ Sasha quickly corrected. ‘I make me feel stupid. It’s just I worry that I won’t keep him interested with my mind.’

‘Oh, is that all?’ Kat giggled, nudging Sasha lightly in an effort to cheer her. ‘I find interesting them with your body works just as well, if not better.’

Sasha laughed despite herself. ‘Come on, I’m being serious.’

‘So am I,’ Kat exclaimed. ‘I’ve seen the way that man looks at you. He’s all grins and gazing. You could stand there listing your kindergarten color names and he’d be interested in you.’ Lowering her voice, she recited, ‘Red. Green. Blue.’

‘Purple,’ Zoe added, hugging Sasha from her other side. ‘Yellow.’

‘Orange.’ Sasha tried to keep her depressed expression, but couldn’t manage it.

‘Orange?’ Beatrice asked her daughters from the doorway.

‘Your hair, Mom,’ Kat said, smiling angelically.

‘Oh,’ Beatrice touched her locks. ‘Do you like it? I tried a new hair color mixture. It’s not too carrot-y, is it?’

‘No, Mom, it’s perfect,’ Zoe said. ‘Kat was just saying she wanted to get the recipe from you.’

Kat stiffened under Sasha’s arm. Sasha kept a straight face, adding, ‘Do you have it with you?’

‘No, I didn’t think to bring . . .’ Beatrice began looking around, clearly trying to see if she could find enough ingredients to improvise a batch of hair color.

‘Oh, that’s a shame,’ Kat quickly jumped on the chance to get out of one of her mother’s experiments. ‘Hey, you never said. How’s that room decorating coming, Mom? Sasha’s been so excited. We can’t get her to shut up about it.’

Beatrice beamed, holding up her hands. ‘We found the perfect pink floral wallpaper for the hallway. Wait until you see it!’ She rushed to her purse. ‘I brought samples!’

‘Great going, Kat,’ Zoe mumbled. Then, louder, she asked, ‘Anyone else want a drink while I’m raiding the guys’ beer cooler?’

Sasha stood in the temperate afternoon air, wishing it cooled her liquor-warmed body more than it was. She knew in the morning she’d be sick with a hangover. Everyone knew it wasn’t smart to start drinking beer, move to vodka tonics and end with shots of tequila. The kind of churning brew now in her system would soon lead her down the path of oblivion, but for now she could still stand and feel and see the disquiet in the eyes of the man before her.

‘You disappeared,’ Kevin said, his gaze keeping hers. She didn’t know how she missed all the emotion in him. Now, as she stared at his face, blurred by her unfocusing vision, she saw the tiniest changes – a furrowed brow of confusion, pressed lips of worry, brown eyes dilated with hope. ‘I wish you would have told me you were leaving. I looked for you everywhere.’

He took a step for her and she stumbled back, hugging her numb arms tight against her stomach. His rugged appearance caused her heart to quicken. She shook her head once, afraid of jarring it too much. ‘No.’

‘I’m sorry? I didn’t catch that.’ He looked as if he might again come for her but held back. The late-afternoon sun caused the lighter shades of his hair to catch the light. ‘I was worried something might be wrong.’

‘We’re not going to work.’ The words pained her to say, but they needed to be said.

‘Oh, that’s fine. The project can wait.’ He gave a short laugh. ‘I see you’ve been celebrating with your family.’

‘Not the project.’ She shook her head, harder this time. Her thoughts swam. ‘I meant us. We’re not going to work.’

Every ounce of warmth in him disappeared. He straightened, as if a metal rod had been shoved down his spinal column. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m not . . . we’re not . . . this isn’t.’ She couldn’t find the right words.

‘What happened?’

‘I know, Kevin. I heard everything.’ Her feet felt like lead weights holding her down. ‘And you know what, she’s right.’

‘Who’s right? Sasha, you’re not making sense.’ His eyes narrowed and she hated the unreadable expression that formed on his features.

‘Your mother,’ Sasha said. ‘We’re not right for each other. You’re so –’ she struggled for the right word and only came up with ‘– smart.’

‘We’re not right because I’m smart?’

‘We’re too different. We want different things. You’re going to go off and travel the world and I’m going to . . .’ Sasha didn’t know what she was going to do.

‘Right.’ He tried to come for her again. ‘The difference is you’re drunk and not thinking clearly and I’m sober.’

‘I can’t,’ she stated. ‘I thought I could but I can’t.’

‘Sasha?’ Douglas yelled from the cabin’s door. ‘Is everything all right? What are you yelling about?’

‘Nothing,’ she lied, turning her face to the side so he could hear her answer. ‘Give me a moment.’

‘Try to keep it down. There are neighbors,’ her father said. Sasha nodded and she heard the cabin door shut behind her.

‘We’ll discuss this later,’ Kevin insisted.

‘Goodbye, Kevin.’

‘This conversation isn’t over. We’ll talk tomorrow.’ He stormed off to his truck. Sasha watched him go. Her world began to spin, but she kept her eyes on him as he drove away and disappeared into the trees. Then, turning, she stumbled towards the cabin.

Kevin’s entire body shook as he sped through the trees. The tires slipped in the mud, almost taking him off the road several times. He didn’t care. Sasha was trying to break it off with him and they’d only been together a very short while. He had no intention of letting her.

If the swaying of her body and overly flushed face was any indication, she was too drunk to reason with today. He’d let her sleep it off. In the meantime, he had a few words to say to his mother, only this time the conversation would be private.

Stopping the truck in front of his childhood home, he hopped out before the keys were fully pulled from the ignition. He had to fix this. Somehow, he just had to.

Samuel worked at the stables and he knew he’d most likely find his mother alone. Kevin didn’t bother knocking on the door, as he went inside. He took a deep breath, calming himself. He knew how best to handle his mother and going in both guns blazing was not it. Hearing a soft humming in the kitchen, he followed the sound. ‘Mom?’

‘In here!’

He found her kneading dough. ‘Need help?’

‘No, I’m about to let this rise.’ She formed it into a loaf and dropped it into a pan. ‘You can keep me company while I clean up.’

‘I see you’re helping out with the cooking more. Is there a reason? Everything all right with Grandma?’ Kevin took the pan for her and moved it to the counter by a row of others. He covered it with a cloth.

‘She’s fine. I like to help when we’re busy. It gives me something to do. It’s not like when my boys were home,’ Taffy answered. ‘I never thought I’d miss mud tracked through my house and frogs left in my bathtub quite so much.’

‘I can try to light something on fire, if that’ll help.’ Kevin chuckled, bracing himself for a swat. He wasn’t disappointed.

She snapped him with her towel. ‘Are you admitting it was you?’

‘I maintain that those curtains set themselves on fire,’ Kevin answered. In truth it was Oliver who did it, but only because his older brothers had made him.

Kevin kept their conversation light on purpose, knowing it was the best way to work his mom. If he came in on the attack, she’d clam up and dig her heels in. But if he reminded her of how happy their lives were, she’d listen with open ears.

‘Ah, the old “it was the ghost” excuse.’ Taffy shook her head. ‘That ghost was blamed for everything, like Oliver’s broken arm because he parachuted off the top of the house—’

‘Ghost told him to jump,’ Kevin inserted.

‘Oliver as a mud monster after I had him dressed in his good clothes?’

‘What can we say? Ghost had it out for him.’ He tried to maintain a straight face.

‘I nearly hired a priest to exorcize this house just to get you boys to stop.’ She sighed, not as upset by the memories as she had been at the time they occurred.

‘It wouldn’t have worked.’ Kevin laughed harder. ‘We would have just given the ghost a cousin.’

‘Even if you did try my nerves, I love you all so much. I want you all to be happy.’ She scrubbed the counter hard, as if it would never be clean.

‘And what makes you think Sasha doesn’t make me happy?’ He wasn’t a fool and didn’t pretend to be. He knew what she meant. ‘Do you know what I remember? After Dad died, I remember you setting us down and telling us the story of how you two met and fell in love. You told us every night for nearly a year because you wanted us to know how very much you both wanted us. Well, we listened. And do you know what I remember hearing?’

She stopped cleaning and stood, staring down at her rag.

‘I remember you turning your back on your parents and all their money because you loved our father so much. You told us that, even though he’d died and went to heaven early, you would never take that back.’ Kevin touched her shoulder. ‘Sasha is what makes me happy. I love her and I’m going to do whatever I can to keep her in my life.’

Still, she didn’t move.

‘She heard what you said to me earlier and it hurt her deeply. She tried to end it with me because she didn’t want to come between me and my family.’ Kevin kissed his mom’s head. ‘I love you, Mom, but I need you to trust my judgment in this.’

‘I didn’t mean for her to hear me,’ she whispered.

‘I know. You’re not that cruel.’ Kevin let her go. ‘But she did hear you and I’d like you to make it right. She doesn’t know it yet, but someday I’m going to ask her to marry me.’ He trembled, never intending to say the words out loud.

‘I didn’t realize your feelings had progressed. Are you sure it’s not Beatrice’s doing? The things she said . . .’

‘No, I’ve only just met Beatrice, but Sasha did warn me about her mother. You don’t have to like Beatrice, but I’d like it if you tried. I know you don’t put much stock into psychic readings, but I believe her heart is in the right place.’ He nudged her arm. ‘Besides, someone who wants me in the family so badly they’re willing to prophesy it, can’t be all bad, can they?’

Taffy gave him a wry look. ‘No, I suppose not.’

The diffused light of early morning wasn’t bright, but it hurt Sasha’s eyes nonetheless. She didn’t want to move and she sure as hell didn’t want to open her eyes again. Every breath she took sent a jolt of pain through her skull.

‘Ugh,’ she groaned, desperately trying to fall back into the oblivion of sleep. It worked for a little bit and her mind drifted in and out of darkness. By the time she opened her eyes again, she didn’t know how much time had passed, but the room was lighter.

Groaning, she turned from her stomach onto her side, blinking heavily. Next to the bed a pewter tray had been placed. On it, a tall glass of water, a pitcher and a couple of pills waited next to a folded piece of paper.

Sasha forgot her hangover long enough to reach for the pills and water. Her mouth was so dry, she nearly drank the entire glass. Picking up the note, she recognized Kevin’s tightly concise handwriting. ‘We need to talk.’

Broken images of the night came back to her and she remembered telling him to leave, that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. The ache of watching him drive away had been so bad, she’d downed an entire pint of tequila and passed out alone on her bed. As if she could find him in the cabin bedroom, she scanned the wood planks of the wall and floor. Her gaze went to the wicker chair in the corner and to the large trunk at the end of the bed. He wasn’t there. Looking once more to the glass of water, she realized he had been there as she slept.

She couldn’t remember what exactly she’d said to him, but she was sure it was awful and incredibly stupid. Her feelings had been so hurt by the fact that Taffy didn’t think she was good enough for Kevin, which only compounded the insecurities she already felt. She cared about him so much and knew he liked her, but he didn’t give her a hint to the depth of his feelings. There could be a reason for that. Maybe he didn’t feel much at all, at least nothing beyond desire.

The fear that he would listen to his mother’s opinion and break it off with her had caused Sasha to react first, dumping him before he could break her heart. It was a brainless, drunken move and she wished more than anything that she could take it back. She read the note, turning it over to search the blank side for a hint of what he’d say to her. What if it was just to make arrangements for their project?

Making a short, stuttering noise that sounded like a cross between a moan and a cry, she turned her face to the blessed darkness of her pillow. If she never moved again, it would be too soon.

Sasha promised herself she would never drink to excess again. Even when her head cleared enough to get out of bed, she still didn’t leave the cabin bedroom right away. Kevin’s note terrified her. How could she face him? How could she not? What did she say?

A long hot shower helped clear the remaining cobwebs from her mind, but did nothing to calm her nervousness. If anything, it only got worse as the minutes passed. Late morning fell into late afternoon and he didn’t come for her. How could she go to him?

‘I really fucked things up this time.’ Sasha glared at herself in the mirror, cursing herself for an idiot. Getting herself ready for whenever she met up with Kevin, she blew dry her hair and paid careful attention to her makeup. Maybe, if she looked good, he’d forget all about her little drunken display and would let her seduce him like nothing happened. It was a weak plan, but the only one she had.

Raiding Kat’s suitcase, she borrowed a fuchsia v-neck cardigan with Oriental-influenced floral designs. Her sister had a great skirt that went with it, but it was too cold for linen and Sasha opted for a tight pair of dark-blue jeans and low-heeled boots.

‘You look nice, honey,’ Beatrice said from the bathroom doorway. ‘Are you feeling better? Kat said you were sick.’