Degrees of Passion (20 page)

Her sister decorated with her photographs. Sasha’s favourite was an oversized canvas filled with pictures Kat had taken of the sisters throughout their life. The younger years started in the middle and spiraled out as they grew. It was a testament to their lives, a work in progress. At the end of the spiral, the newest photographs were of all of them together at the hospital when Kat had Mariah. Even Ella had managed to make it home for the event.

Sasha’s eyes turned slowly to where her sister waited patiently.

‘Sasha—’ Kat began, only to be interrupted.

‘Wait, no, I take that back. I said the affair line and he said –’ Sasha dropped her voice into a lower pitch before finishing ‘– Your clothes are in the drier.’

‘That doesn’t make any sense.’

‘Oh, I had laundry and was wearing his clothes.’ Sasha waved a dismissing hand.

‘No, I mean about hot affairs burning out. How do you know? The very fact that you’re here, admitting to me that you’ve slept with Kevin is a big step for you. That seems much more than some hot affair.’

‘You already knew. The chauffeur told you about dropping me off and you said you could tell when you saw us together at Annika.’

‘Yeah, but you’re here, telling me the whole of it.’ Kat took a sip of her own coffee, only to slowly blow on it. ‘Go on.’

‘This other guy I was seeing is, was . . .’ Sasha paused, not wanting to say the word out loud. ‘Fate. He’s stable, handsome and rich. I mean, there were signs that we were meant to be. I know it doesn’t make complete sense, but I assure you I made the decision with my head, logically. Now he’s calling and I know he’ll ask for me to come back to him. I should say yes. All the logical answers point to yes.’

‘You mean you made the decision with his wallet,’ Kat corrected. ‘’Cause all I’m hearing is he’s handsome, rich and the logical decision. I’m not even hearing a name.’

‘Trevor.’

‘Trevor, what?’

‘Kingston.’

‘Trevor Kingston?’ Kat gasped. ‘You mean the New York Kingstons? His parents go to the same social events as Vincent’s. I’ve even met him. He’s never said a word.’

Sasha sighed. ‘We haven’t told people about it. He has family obligations and didn’t want our relationship spread all over the newspapers.’

‘Stop.’ Kat held up her hand. ‘Had you been dating him exclusively for longer than a year?’

‘Yes. Much longer.’

‘Then I don’t understand the secrecy.’ Kat set her coffee cup down and took a deep breath. ‘Sash, you know I love you, but I have to tell you something. You’re better than Trevor. I know that the money and charm of society can be very alluring, but it’s a shark tank. If you don’t feel the kind of passion that a woman should feel with a man she’s going to marry, the kind of passion Vincent and I have for each other, then you’ll never survive in the tank. They’ll eat your soul alive until you’re a hollow shell.’

‘I’m not stupid,’ Sasha defended.

‘I know,’ Kat slid closer to Sasha’s side, ‘but you have to see there is something wrong with your boyfriend not telling the world about you. He should be shouting it from every rooftop and taking ads out in the papers. You should not be some shameful secret.’

‘I liked the privacy. I didn’t tell all of you about him,’ Sasha said. Her stomach clenched into hard knots. ‘I can hardly fault Trevor for doing what I was doing.’

‘There’s something wrong with that, too,’ Kat insisted. ‘You should be right up there with him singing from the rooftops. Instead you treat him like a dirty little secret. I understand keeping it to yourself for the first few months, but if it’s serious, then you should express that. You should
want
to express that.’

‘I’m not you.’ Sasha held very still. ‘I like privacy.’

‘Let me ask it this way.’ Kat said the words carefully. ‘Which of these two men, Kevin or Trevor, can make you so angry you want to scream and hit?’

‘Kevin,’ she answered without hesitation.

‘Which one makes you feel insecure?’

‘Both,’ she admitted. Knowing her sister was really trying to help, she decided to attempt to open up completely. ‘With Trevor I never feel like I’m quite good enough. I feel like he’s always watching what I eat and hinting that I need to remove my tattoo. It’s not really a big thing, no one’s perfect, but it does annoy me. And his mother – ugh.’

‘Don’t get me started with mothers. My in-laws are crazy.’ Kat gave a short laugh. ‘Our mother is crazy.’ Her eyes rounded. ‘Oh, no, I’m a mom. I’m probably going to be crazy, too.’

Sasha chuckled, despite herself. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll save Mariah if you go crazy.’

‘I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.’ Kat changed the subject back to the topic at hand, just as fast as she’d detoured it. ‘Now, tell me about Kevin.’

Sasha picked imaginary dust off of the white couch cushion. ‘With Kevin I never know where I stand. I can’t read his expressions and he’s so intelligent. Who can keep a man like that interested?’

Kat hummed thoughtfully. ‘Who’s the better kisser? Who makes your heart beat faster? Your knees weak?’

Sasha didn’t need to think about her answer, but felt bad comparing the two men. ‘Kevin.’

‘Then I think you already know the answer to your problem.’ Kat rubbed Sasha’s arm, comforting her.

‘I want Kevin,’ Sasha whispered, her voice trembling, ‘but I don’t know if he wants me, or if it could even work. He’s confident about what he wants from life and I’m not sure a relationship fits into that plan.’

‘Kevin will go far. He might not become rich or high society, but he’ll do great things. He’ll be an adventure and I think you’re smart enough to keep him interested and he’s challenging enough to keep you on your toes.’ Kat reached across Sasha’s back, hugging her. ‘I saw the way he looked at you, we all did. I don’t know what you mean about not being able to read his expressions. To us, he was an open book. And I don’t see any reason why his plans for an adventurous future can’t include you. Don’t you always say you wish you had more of a daring life?’

Sasha closed her eyes, trying to picture the future. She’d seen it with Trevor so many times – elegant vacations, nice homes, large dinner parties and princess-style balls. Life with him would be safe. Trevor represented the fairytale every girl grew up wanting. It was the one thing she’d been sure of, even if she’d come to realize that life with Trevor wasn’t for her. But what about Kevin? Was the backpacking through the Amazon or staying in some sand-infested tent in the middle of the desert what she wanted?

‘You’re overthinking.’ Kat pinched her lightly on the side. ‘Don’t do what you do and analyze the future. Just let what happens happen. Be in the now. No one is saying you have to pick your future husband today. Nothing in this life is final.’

‘Thanks, guru.’ Sasha gave a small laugh.

‘Hey.’ Kat leaned her head on Sasha’s shoulder. ‘I love that you’re talking to me like this. We should do it more often.’

Sasha’s heart felt lighter than it had in a long time. ‘Yeah, we do.’

‘So, what’s your plan? Are you going to go back to his house? What are you going to say?’ Kat pulled back, checking out Sasha’s outfit. ‘And you need to change your clothes. Laundered or not, you’ve been in that thing a couple of days now. It’s time to change.’

Sasha shook her head in denial. ‘I can’t go back there today, not after my embarrassing outburst. I’ll give him a call tomorrow.’

‘You never said how the argument started.’ Kat reached for her coffee once more, taking a drink.

Sasha, too, picked up her drink, watching the creamer-tinted liquid rock beneath the cup’s rim. She hadn’t told Kat about the diet pills she’d taken when she first started working out. ‘It was nothing. A stupid misunderstanding that escalated.’

‘You should invite him to family dinner,’ Kat suggested. ‘We can help put him at ease and Dad would be so happy, not to mention Mom.’

Sasha gave a nervous laugh. There was no way she was taking Kevin home to meet the parents. Not yet. Not until she knew for sure. ‘Yeah, maybe.’

‘Oh, before I forget.’ Kat stood. ‘I bought some great sweaters you’ll need to borrow for your little upstate trip. We’ll pack them now and you can take them with you today.’

‘You need to stop doing that,’ Sasha said. ‘We all know that you buy us clothes on the sly and then tell us to borrow them or to just take them because you need more closet space.’

‘Quiet,’ Kat warned, grinning. ‘Or I’ll stop doing it.’

‘I didn’t say a thing.’ Sasha stood, following her sister from the room.

Sasha picked up the phone several times to call Kevin, only to stop and hang up before it began to ring. What could she say to him? Sorry? I want more? Can I come back over? Do you even want me like I want you?

‘Ah, shit!’ Sasha forcefully flipped her phone shut. Nothing she came up with sounded right until finally she decided it would be best to wait and see him Monday at Project Aztec. If he was still mad about how they had left things that would give him time to cool off.

Sasha liked having the dorm suite to herself. For once her bedroom felt warm. Lulu’s parents were in town visiting for the weekend and her roommate was staying with them at the hotel. Jo and Carrie were at a club, dancing.

Turning her attention back to the open textbook in front of her, she grabbed a pen and the tip hovered over the blank notebook page. She needed to focus. If she worked ahead on the syllabus and completed two papers that were due soon, she’d save herself a headache in the upcoming weeks and she’d have that much less to do over spring break. She’d be able to turn her full attention to Kevin and their presentation.

She forced her eyes to follow the words, concentrating on what she read. Just as she was getting into the groove, the phone rang. She jumped in alarm at the unexpected sound.

‘Kevin!’ Sasha picked up her phone, eagerly looking at the caller ID. Seeing it was Trevor, she frowned.

‘Hello?’

‘Sasha? Finally. I was worried about you. I’ve been trying to call you all day. Didn’t you get my messages?’ Trevor asked.

‘I’ve been really busy,’ she lied.

‘Oh, well, that makes sense,’ he said, sounding somewhat relieved.

‘I’m here now. What did you need?’ Sasha tried to keep the annoyance out of her voice. Maybe it was the month apart, but she found herself very tired of him.

‘That’s not very welcoming,’ Trevor scolded.

‘You want welcoming?’ Sasha snorted in disbelief. ‘Hang up and I’ll text it to you.’

‘I see. You’re sore about that, are you? I thought it best, rather than to call for a confrontation.’

‘Trevor, did you call for a reason? I don’t feel like fighting. I have two papers to write and three books to read.’ She stood and began to pace the short length of her bedroom, stopping at Lulu’s bed only to turn around and walk back towards her own. Her shadow stretched over her head, bending onto the ceiling to keep her company.

‘I don’t want to fight with you either. I told you I’d call when I left Italy and got settled in. Today I’m officially settled in. I start the new job Monday.’

‘Just another shining example of how you couldn’t be bothered to deal with us until it was convenient for you. What? Cynthia finally went home and you’re doing an international booty call?’

‘Did a picture make it to the city papers?’ Trevor asked. ‘I can explain. We were only dancing and she tripped against me. I—’

Sasha closed her eyes. ‘Hey, Trevor, we’re not dating anymore. You don’t have to lie about it. If something happened between you and Cynthia, just tell me. I’d rather find out from you now than later from someone else.’

There was a long pause, punctuated by a small sigh. ‘The night we broke up, the first time, Cynthia and I slept together in a linen closet at the charity function we were at that night.’

Sasha nodded. The news stung her ego, but it didn’t hurt as deeply as she thought it might. Instead, she thought of Kevin.

‘I didn’t think it worth discussing because I know you went home with that anthropology geek. Kent was in the Village and saw the two of you kissing. He followed you and then called me when you went up to his room. But it’s all right. I forgave you that very night. Technically, we weren’t together.’

‘Wait, you knew?’ Sasha frowned. ‘How could you not say anything?’

‘I’d slept with Cynthia. Really, we were even. There was nothing to get jealous over. I called you and you came back to me. You chose me over him.’

‘Wow.’ Sasha rolled her eyes and shook her head. ‘I wish you understood how horrible that sounds. If you really loved me, the idea of me with another man should have eaten you up inside. I can’t believe I chose you over him.’

‘OK, you’re upset,’ he stated, as if that explained away her comment.

‘No, Trevor, I’m in love.’

‘Oh, sweetheart, I love you, too.’ His voice dipped, only this time it had no effect on her. She’d never noticed before, but, when he said the words, they weren’t filled with passion or even true man-woman love. They were an offhanded remark, like the way she’d tell her sisters before hanging up the telephone.

‘Not with you,’ she corrected. ‘I’m in love with Kevin.’

Her heart hammered in her chest. She couldn’t believe she was finally saying the words out loud and to the wrong man! She was in love with Kevin. She’d never felt this deeply about Trevor, not in all the years they’d been together. He’d been safe, an ideal, a secure thought for the future. He’d been a way to keep from making any real decisions in her life. For, if she was with him, she didn’t have to be with anyone else and she never had to make a decision. Trevor always found a way to assert his power over the situation.

‘Kevin?’ he said in surprise. ‘The anthropology geek?’

‘He’s not a geek,’ Sasha stated. ‘He’s a smart, decent, hard-working man who isn’t afraid to forge his own path. He’s not afraid of saying what he wants from life and, if he wants a woman, he’s not scared of what mommy and daddy think about her. If he loves a woman, he’d shout it from every rooftop.’