Defining Moments (19 page)

“Come on, I’ll walk you across the hall. I need some fresh air and then to be alone for a little while, I think.” He smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes.

I nod, turning the door knob and walking across the corridor to my apartment. “Goodnight, Cord. Thanks for dinner and the movie,” I pause, “and thanks for telling me about Maloree. I am truly sorry for your loss.”

He kisses my forehead, nods, and waits for me to close and lock the door before he heads down the stairs.

I’m exhausted. The emotional toll that conversation just took on my body is frightening. I brush my teeth and am heading for bed when I hear my phone buzz with an incoming message.

Cord: Thank you for tonight, E. I know it ended on a sad note, but letting that all out was very cathartic for me. We need to do something fun tomorrow since we both have the day off. Ideas?

I’m so happy that he isn’t closing off now that he’s told me the whole story.

Me: I’ve been wanting to hit that hiking trail in the park behind the apartments. You game?

His response is almost immediate.

Cord: Hell yes! I love hiking those trails. There are waterfalls up there, if you’re game for a full day hike. :)

Me: Absolutely. Let’s do it. 9 a.m.?

Cord: See you then.

THE NEXT MORNING,
I wake feeling rested and am excited to start the day with Cord. He arrives right at 9 a.m. and we head off directly from the path starting behind the apartment complex. He has on an expensive looking backpack and I’m carrying my water bottle and my camera. I love taking nature pictures. He insisted he was fine carrying the pack and, considering he is in such great shape, I don’t argue with him when he declines my help.

“So, you hike up here often?” I ask, trying to get our hiking conversation started.

He laughs loudly before responding, “That almost sounded like a pick up line, E.” He winks at me before turning back around and continuing on with our hike.

Is he flirting with me? I just laugh nervously in response.

We hike for a long while, both quiet and enjoying the scenery. Now and then, we stop to take water breaks and for me to take pictures. We come through a group of trees and I’m blown away by the open field of wildflowers we’ve come upon. It takes my breath away and I take an obnoxious amount of pictures of it from several different angles. I will have to blow some of these pictures up on canvases to hang in my apartment.

I don’t notice until a few minutes later that Cord is quiet and hasn’t said anything in a while. I turn back toward him and find him snapping pictures of me with his phone.

“What are you doing?” I giggle.

“You look so beautiful dancing around in those flowers taking pictures. I just had to take a picture,” he holds his phone out to me. “Look for yourself.”

I take the phone from his hand and almost gasp at the image on the screen. I almost don’t recognize myself. I look carefree and happy for the first time in a really long time. My face somehow looks younger and fresher and my body more fit. I guess all the working out and eating better has paid off. I smile sheepishly at him when I hand the phone back to him.

“Come on, let’s keep going.” I nod back toward the trail leading up.

When we get to the top of the trail, there is a breathtaking waterfall just as Cord said. The smile on his face as he takes in the beauty of it all is breathtaking and every single cell in my body is screaming at me to kiss his lips. The thought alone scares me.

He turns back to me and his smile falls. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just amazed at how incredibly beautiful it is up here. How have I lived here all of my life and never done the hiking thing? It’s like a Colorado pastime that I’ve been missing out on,” I confess.

I take a bunch more pictures, sneaking in a few of Cord when he’s not watching me. We sit on a blanket Cord packed and eat a small lunch he made for us. We chat about work and my boys and its all light, easy conversation. After the heaviness of last night, we need to lighten things up. We’ve been through a lot, he more than I, but we both have suffered and need to let go and move on with our lives. It seems our friendship is exactly what both of us need.

On our way back down the trail, it’s once again quiet as we enjoy the scenery around us. I think I may have found a new addiction. This hiking trip has been soul cleansing and I know it will be something I do a lot now. I’ll have to Google all the hiking trails around here and get some better gear. The backpack Cord is carrying is amazing, and I’m going to need to get one if I’m going to continue these day hikes.

When we get back down to the apartment complex, we chat for a moment before heading back into our apartments to shower and change, agreeing to get together and run over to Sid’s for a burger and beer. Cord asked me if I wanted to invite Claire, so I figured it would be a perfect opportunity to meet Tyler, if they didn’t already have plans.

I shoot Claire a quick text asking if they want to meet us and she agrees happily.

I put a little more effort into my appearance than normal but go for casual clothes since we’re just hitting a pub.

THE PUB IS BUSY
and loud, so we pick a table in the back. Claire introduces us to Tyler and I’m beyond surprised at his appearance. Claire has always dated professionals—doctors, lawyers, and she even dated a senator once. Tyler is different. He’s sporting jeans, heavy work boots, a Colorado Rockies sweatshirt, and a worn baseball cap. Although he is wearing a sweatshirt, I can see the tattoos peeking out from the cuffs of both arms.

We chat about our hike and Claire tells us the story of how she and Tyler met. The conversation is easy and I watch Tyler’s body language. He touches Claire a lot and leans toward her when she speaks. He’s smitten and my heart is happy because I know she is pretty into him too. He owns a tattoo shop downtown but used to play minor league baseball. He seems nice.

Throughout the evening, I keep catching Cord watching me. He doesn’t look away immediately, but gives me a small smile and then returns his attention to whoever is talking. The idea that he is attracted to me makes my heart flutter and my body tingle. I mean, seriously, he’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met.

When it’s time to call it a night, Claire pulls me to the bathroom and gushes about how glad she is we were able to meet Tyler and we’ll have to get together again soon. I’m truly happy for her. It’s been a long time since Claire has seemed so relaxed in a relationship and that makes my heart swell.

As we leave Sid’s, Tyler kisses my cheek, shakes Cord’s hand, and thanks us for inviting them to dinner with us. He talks to us like we are a couple. I feel Cord’s hand connect with the small of my back as we walk back to his car. The moment feels intimate and my heart begins to pound.

The ride back to the apartment is quiet and the air thick. I know he feels it too because I see him glance over at me a few times, but I never meet his eyes. I’m afraid he’ll see the mixture of fear and lust I know is in them.

He grabs my hand when I get out of the car, and we walk up the stairs hand-in-hand. When we reach my doorway, he turns to me, kissing my cheek gently.

“Goodnight, E. I had a great time today. Thank you.”

“I had a great time too, so we’re even,” I reply with a wink, hoping to break the awkwardness. Cord smiles lightly in response.

I turn toward the door to unlock it but freeze when I feel him step up behind me, placing his hands on my hips.

“Ellie, wait,” he says quickly.

I turn back to him, his hands skimming my body as I turn, and am shocked at the look of longing on his face.

He takes another step forward, pulling me against him gently at the same time. His face is just a few inches away from mine and I can feel his breath on my lips.

“I would really like to kiss you right now,” he says quietly.

My heart is racing a million miles a minute, and I’m sure I might pass out or throw up, neither of which seems like an appropriate response to the fact he just said he wants to kiss me.

My eyes must give him some sort of sign because, as if in slow motion and with his eyes are trained on my lips, he slowly moves toward me.

When his lips reach mine, I realize I’m holding my breath, waiting for the moment his lips connect with mine.

The kiss is sweet, gentle, and doesn’t last nearly as long as I wish it would. I don’t realize my hands are fisted in his shirt until he grabs them gently, pulling them from their grip on him. I’m almost embarrassed by my reaction, until I hear Cord groan as he tears his mouth away from mine.

He rests his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. “I’m sorry, Ellie, I just couldn’t go another second without kissing you.”

I nod because I’m lost for words. I already miss the feel of his lips.

We both stand still, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed, enjoying the closeness of our stance. He takes a step back and opens his eyes.

“I shouldn’t have done that, but I just couldn’t help myself. I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day you moved in,” he tells me honestly.

I smile at him before replying, “Ditto. No apologies necessary.”

We stand there awkwardly for a couple of seconds, neither of us knowing what to say or do next.

“Well, I’m going to unwind with a glass of wine before heading to bed. Would you like to join me?” I ask him, trying hard to stop my voice from shaking. Then it dawns on me what I just said. What am I doing? That basically sounded like I invited Cord into my bed. That came out wrong, and now I’m completely speechless and can’t bring myself to try to explain what I meant. I’ll probably just make it worse.

He looks at me for a moment, before responding, “I think I’ll pass tonight.”

Okay. That’s good, but it also stung.

“Oh, okay. Well, thanks for today. I’ll see you Wednesday,” I say quickly as I turn back to my door and try to unlock it.

“Ellie, wait,” he says very gently, but I continue jiggling the key like a maniac to try to get the damn door open. I’m beyond embarrassed.

“It’s cool, Cord. I’m exhausted, so I think I’ll just turn in. Have a good night,” I tell him as my door finally gives in and opens. I quickly walk in, shutting the door without looking back.

I seriously just threw myself at him, after he kissed me one time, and he said no. Maybe the kiss was horrible and that’s why he declined. I didn’t think it was horrible. I thought it was pretty damn amazing. Cord is the only man I’ve kissed, other than Justin, since I was fifteen years old.

The soft knock startles me from my thoughts. I can’t even move to look through the peephole. I know its Cord, but I just can’t bring myself to face him after that. I can only hope I get over my embarrassment before I’m supposed to be at work on Wednesday for my shift.

He knocks again, this time a little louder.

“Ellie, don’t ignore me. Please open the door,” he requests sternly.

I want really badly to ignore him and just go crawl under my covers, but I know it’s not only rude but will make work that much more uncomfortable later.

Holding my head high, I open the door and look past him instead of at him.

“What’s up?” I ask lamely.

He studies my face for a moment before pushing the door all the way open, grabbing my waist, and walking me backward into the apartment, leaving the door open behind him.

“I need you to tell me why you just shut down and ran without letting me explain,” he says with conviction.

I study his face for a moment, noting he seems irritated with me.

“I’m not sure what you mean. I’m tired and would like to go to bed. I apologize for the way my invitation came out. It was supposed to be an invitation for a glass of wine, not an invitation into my bed,” I tell him in my “professional” voice. I try to step back from his grip, but he digs his fingers into my waist and pulls me closer to him.

“I knew what you meant, Ellie. I just didn’t think I could keep my hands off you if I came inside with you,” he says just as he crashes his lips into mine again, and I’m immediately lost in the feel of him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him closer to me, deepening the kiss. When he slowly backs away, he doesn’t let go of the hold he has on my hips. He presses his forehead against mine before he whispers, “It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this way, Ellie, and I’m terrified. You terrify me.”