Defiled Forever (8 page)

“Are you ok sweetheart?” He asks all concerned.

“I’m fine. Did you sleep at all yet?” I ask.

“I am coming to bed now. Are you sure you aren’t in any pain still?”

“No Nikolai. I’m fine. I’m sure it’s ok now. Let’s go back to bed.”

He returns me to bed like I am a child that had a bad dream or something. Once I am tucked in to his satisfaction and kissed soundly, he goes into the bathroom and closes the door.

I am dozing off when I feel him slide into the bed. He pulls my body to his and kisses my neck and shoulders from behind. His breath so fresh and clean I know he has just brushed his teeth as well.

This is my life now. I am sleeping with a man.
My man.
I feel his erection pressing into me and wait to see if he takes things any farther. His stamina is amazing. Just more kisses until I drift off completely.

Hours later I am woken up with the sounds of Nikolai shuffling around the room. I
lay
perfectly still and pretend to sleep. I focus on the alarm clock on my nightstand and see it is five thirty a.m. only. Why so early?
Way too early.
I enjoy observing Nikolai dressing and moving around the bedroom until after his shirt is buttoned and his tie is knotted, I see him put on one of those around the shoulder gun holsters and place a gun there kind of under his arm like police detectives wear on TV. He slips on his jacket and secures the zippers on his garment bag as well as his little bag. My heart drops because I know this is it. He is leaving me.

He comes around to my side of the bed and sits close to me.

“Stop pretending you’re asleep
kotyonok
.” And he kisses my forehead.

“Too early.”
I say with my
groggy
hoarse voice.

“Be sure to call for an appointment to see the Doctor as soon as possible. Not just for birth control, but to make sure I haven’t caused you damage. I am so sorry I have caused you pain Baby. All of the damage and pain I have inflicted on people in my life, only to find out now I have no stomach for it when you are the one in pain.” He says and drops kisses to my face in between his words.

“I will call. Don’t worry. I feel much better now. I’m sure it’s nothing.” And I feel self-conscious about my morning breath.

“Ok. Good girl. I will be here to sleep with you tonight unless your Father comes home. Be good.” And he plants a longish closed mouth kiss on my lips and a short one on my forehead before gathering up his things and walking out of my room.

I listen and hear the front door shut behind him and miss him already. We have been together every minute since Friday night. This is my life now. I curl up and go back to sleep.

Eighteen

My Monday flies. I am successful at making both of my appointments.
Gyno
appointment at one and wax is at three. I am not on the schedule to work at the gallery until Wednesday this week so I am home and waiting for Nikolai to show. I am swollen and sore from my waxing. I knew it would hurt but I wasn’t aware that there would be a recovery period. I am going to look into laser. I don’t want to do this too often.

I’m on the pill but still need to use protection for a few weeks. He said that Niko did indeed bruise my cervix but it was minor bruising and should take care of itself in a day or so. Avoid having intercourse for a few days and take Ibuprofen if needed.

I’ve talked to Mr. Francis from the gallery twice on the phone today and my Father called earlier to check on me and tell me he will be home tomorrow by lunch.
But no calls from Nikolai.

I decide to eat my supper and keep to my routine. For all I know Nikolai plans to show up in the middle of the night. He is like a vampire.

I wake up Tuesday morning and realize I have been alone all night. Nikolai didn’t keep his promise. I grab my phone in case he called or sent a text during the night and nothing there other than an
Instagram
of Amanda being inappropriate with some guy at a bar last night. She is going to regret this someday but who am I to judge?

I lay and stare at the ceiling fan with my mind going over all of the possibilities. How the coke was gone with him yesterday morning. Did he snort that or just pack it up and take it. How he left his MP3 player here. How I missed the sensation of being followed yesterday when I was running around to my appointments. My stalker has resigned.

What if he has been arrested? What if he has been hurt or even killed? Is this what my life with him will be?
So many questions and no answers.
What can I do? His calls to my phone have all been from unknown caller so I can’t call him.

I am sure he basically told me he loved me more than once this weekend without saying the actual words. I have to do something. What can I do?

I talk myself into calming down and being patient. Just wait. It’s all I can do. Daddy is home and we have a lunch out beside the pool. Martha fusses over us and this feels so comfortable and familiar. I relax after lunch in a lounger and read. Daddy comes out around five to let me know he will be dining out with some business friends and I will be on my own. I go inside and try to reach Amanda. I am losing it and I need a distraction. No luck with Amanda so I shower and get ready for what exactly, I’m not sure.

During my shower, I have completely made up my mind. I am going to Niko’s house. Why not? Scary but I am doing it. I have to know. I dress in jeans and a small top trying to look nice but casual. That’s who I am tonight.
Casual.
No big deal. I am just popping in for a visit. I am definitely not chasing him down.
Very casual.

I make the long drive in record time and find myself at the gate before his long, long private drive. 7175

I remember the code here and key it in. Several cars including Niko’s Benz are parked out front but I see no one around outside. Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door and ring the doorbell both. I cringe at how crazy I am right now.
Needy Psycho Girlfriend.
Cringe.

Finally, Vlad opens the door. Thank God it is someone that knows me.

“Hello Vlad. I am here to see Nikolai.”

He seems embarrassed and nervous. I feel even more embarrassed about what I am doing since Vlad doesn’t open the door all of the way and welcome me inside.

“Boss is not here.” He says and I feel like he is lying without a doubt.

“Where is he? I mean do you know when he will be home?” I ask.

Vlad looks slightly shamefaced like he can’t really meet my eyes. “I don’t know when he will be back. I meet him later tonight.
At the club.
At Onyx.
He said he will be there at midnight. I see him then.”

“Oh. Ok.
The Onyx downtown right?”

Vlad looks like he feels sorry for me but nods his head in confirmation.

I awkwardly return to my car and head home.

When I get home I text Amanda because I really don’t want to go to the club alone.
By ten I am trying to look my best and I’ve given up on Amanda returning my text. I’m on my own. Onyx is a pretty famous club with the best looking high end clientele in LA. I feel like there is some kind of business deal going on there for Nikolai and Vlad tonight. I hope he isn’t angry with me for butting in. I just want to make sure he is ok. I am really not stalking him.
Right?

I get to the club a little past midnight. Even though it’s a Tuesday, there is still a line outside and a couple of bouncers refusing to let anyone in. I don’t want to wait alone in this line and think I will have to return home and forget about this. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. Then I spot Vlad stepping outside and talking to the bouncers. I rush up before he goes back in and he seems disappointed to see me. He nods to the bouncers and I make my way inside with their help.

The club is crowded and I turn to Vlad when I don’t spot Nikolai. He seems like a mixture of sadness and guilt. The thought comes to me that maybe this was all a trap. Maybe Anatoly has lured me here to get rid of me. Maybe he has already gotten rid of Nikolai.

“Where is Nikolai Vlad? Is he here?” I yell over the music.

“He’s upstairs.
VIP.”
He answers and I believe him.

I spot the stairs leading up to VIP and recognize a couple of the body guards I saw before with Anatoly the time he came to the house. They seem to be controlling who can get upstairs. Vlad is close behind me as I head over to them. They part for me to go up and I hold my too short dress tight so no one can look up it.

Everything is dark blue under the lights and the music is thumping when I spot Nikolai lounging back on a sofa. His arms are spread out on the back of the sofa with a beautiful woman under each arm tucked into him and rubbing his chest and thighs.

I feel heat spread through me. Head to toe humiliation.
“Nikolai?”
I say.

“Oh Fuck. It’s the judge’s daughter! Hey Princess, what are you doing here?” He slurs a little too loudly.

I think it’s fake. I can’t find words to speak.

“Come on sit down with us. We can handle one more right
girls
?” He says and I feel sickened when one of the girls with blue black hair down to her waist says it won’t be the first time.

I keep waiting for Nikolai to laugh that this is one of his cruel jokes he gets off on. He leans in still smiling at me and kisses one of the girls on her temple. Not a joke then.

I turn to walk out and he says “Don’t be like that Princess. Come party with us.”
Followed by lots of laughing from the three of them.

Tears fill my eyes, blurring my vision as I rush down the stairs chanting over and over in my head. “Act cool. Don’t be a drama queen. Don’t be a drama queen.”

I hear Vlad say “I’m sorry miss.” As I make my way through the door and back outside. I am gutted. How stupid of me! Such a fool!

I don’t really remember the drive home but I made it by two. I
lay
across my bed in private and cry myself to sleep.

Nineteen

Today is the first day of the rest of my life as they say. Daddy is just hanging around when I go to the kitchen for breakfast. I feel beaten and battered but I know what I am worth. I have a job and school starts soon. I am better than all of the pain and torture of loving someone like Nikolai. It is really over. I am finished.
New day.

“My darling girl.
Why are your eyes swollen from crying? I thought seeing a therapist was helping you deal with all of that. You’re seeing Matthew still? What do you have to cry about?” He says.

“I had a bad night Daddy. I’m not as recovered as I thought I guess.” I deflect.

“Daddy, I was wondering if you could please re do our security here. New locks, new alarm codes, the whole deal?”

“Of course.
Of course I will get on it today. Do you have any reason to think someone would break in here?” He asks.

“No. It’s just Mr. Francis says there was some kind of assault outside the Gallery when I left Friday night and I guess it brought back all of my insecurities. I feel kind of unsafe.” What a little liar I have become. I can hardly explain to my Father that I have continued having sex with one of my kidnappers and he comes and goes as he pleases around here.

“Don’t worry Darling. I will hire the best security money can buy. We will have armed guards and attack dogs if you like until you are feeling safe.” He offers.

“That’s a little over the top.” I don’t want to be the cause of Nikolai killing someone or even harming an animal.

“Just an overhaul of the locks and all is enough.”

“Consider it done.” He says with a pat to my hand.

I pin my hair up in a tight French Roll kind of do and even wear one of the little short sleeved cardigans over my dress for work at the gallery. I feel like I am in full control again.
Full metal jacket.

The gallery is buzzing for a mid-week day and I welcome the distraction. Mr. Francis goes over the story again about the beatings last Friday night and says the cops still have no suspects. I reply honestly

“I really hope they catch the guy.” And I mean it with all my heart.
My sore, battered heart.

One day blends into the next until suddenly it is time to go back to school. What a summer. I plan to stay a few hours a week at the gallery. I love my job. Other than a few nights out with Amanda and a dinner or two with Matthew in my home, I pretty much do nothing.

My stalker is back. I feel him more than see him. I have made up my mind if Nikolai ever approaches me again I will call the police and charge him with some kind of harassment.

My home is now like Fort Knox. My Father took my request seriously and our security system had a complete overhaul. No one gets in without an invitation.

I feel grown up finally. All of that wicked sex didn’t make me grow up. But taking a stand and moving on from the destructive Nikolai has made me grow up. I like myself and I promise myself almost daily that I do not love him. I do not miss his, I hate him. This has been my pep talk to myself several times a day every day for the past weeks.