Defender (Battle Born Book 4) (13 page)

“What were you trying to get her to remember?” Indigo asked. “Why do the harbingers employ you?”

Vox looked at Indigo, his gaze narrowed, phitons glowing. Was he scanning her? “Are you the soul seer Garin mentioned?”

“I am.”

“Your energy is unique. Are you a hybrid?”

Before Indigo could answer, Raylon snapped, “Are all these questions necessary or are you just evading ours?” Chandar had grown still, her features nearly serene. Still, he didn’t trust her tranquility. She could have moved so deeply into the void that there was no longer a physical reaction.

Vox folded his arms on the tabletop and leaned forward. “If we’re going to permanently free her from these psychic traps, we’ll need to work together. I’m simply making sure this team possesses the needed skills.”

“Make your determination quickly. The longer she stays under, the harder she is to awaken.”

“I’m aware. I know more about Chandar than either of you.”

Raylon didn’t like Vox’s assertion, but the argument could wait.

“I’m a human/Rodyte hybrid,” Indigo returned to Vox’s unanswered question. “Does your skill set have a name?”

“I come from a planet where everyone can manipulate magic, so such labels are less meaningful. However, I prefer mage over sorcerer or mystic. Elemental mage is even more accurate. And to answer your other question, harbingers were created when Bilarrian DNA was reintroduced into the Rodyte genome. The Bilarrians used in these experiments were my ancestors.”

Indigo nodded, apparently content with his explanation. “So what do you need me to do?”

“You must reconnect her severed soul strands, all of them. She must have unrestricted access to her power.”

Indigo’s chin came up and her shoulders straitened. Apparently, Vox had struck a nerve. “I’ve been reconnecting them a few at a time. Even that seemed to overwhelm her.”

“It’s the good old question, is it better to yank the bandage off quickly or ease it off a little at a time. The patient feels the same amount of pain either way. One just takes longer.”

“I’m not sure I agree. Anyone can endure the pain of a ripped off Band-Aid. If I reconnect all of Chandar’s soul strands at once, she could have a complete psychotic break.”

Raylon was about to make the same objection, but it had sounded better coming from Indigo. He continued to stroke Chandar’s hair as the other two debated how to proceed.

“Chandar’s power cannot hurt her. It’s a natural part of who she is.”

“Then why does she keep blacking out?”

Very slowly Vox pushed back his chair and stood. “You summoned me. If you don’t want my help, I’ll return to Bilarri.”

“Sorry.” Indigo sounded almost sincere though a hint of defiance gleamed in her clear blue eyes. “I know therapists are supposed to maintain a professional detachment, but it’s impossible not to care about Chandar.”

Though he didn’t return to his chair, Vox’s shoulders relaxed and his features returned to the calmly assessing mask he’d worn since entering the dining room. It must be a side effect of powerful magic. Danvier frequently wore the same expression.

“Chandar will feel weak and vulnerable as long as she’s separated from her power.” Though Vox offered the explanation to Indigo, he occasionally glanced at Raylon. “Once her power is restored, she will have the strength needed to successfully manage the memories. However, because she is so weak right now, I’ll do everything I can to dampen their intensity.”

All that sounded reasonable enough, though the casualness with which Vox rattled off the metaphysical tasks made Raylon feel inferior. Bilarrians were good at that. The importance they put on the ability to manipulate magic was at the heart of the centuries-long war between Bilarri and Rodymia.

“And what is my role?” Raylon grumbled.

“You’ll need to guide her out of the darkness.”

Raylon tensed. Each time she succumbed to one of these blackouts, it took more to bring her out. He’d used a kiss before? What would it take this time? “And if I can’t?” He ground out the words between clenched teeth.

“Then I’ll have to join you, so make sure you accomplish it on your own.”

* * * * *

Chandar floated in a sea of black, numb, confused and alone. Her thoughts were too jumbled to untangle. She knew this wasn’t real and yet she couldn’t remember where she was or how she’d gotten here. Lights flashed in the distance and then sensations sparked all over her body.

Erkott’s harsh face appeared out of the darkness. She felt his hand grasp her throat, squeezing, controlling, and terrorizing her. Pain blasted through her body, too many sources to identify. But the onslaught disappeared as quickly as it had formed.

I’m still alive and challenging you!

A dreadful realization unfurled as the words echoed through her mind. She’d brought this on herself. She’d dared the powers that be to loose the nightmares so she could conquer them once and for all. Apparently, her challenge had been accepted.

Other images formed, swelling in and out of focus as her memory bounced from one scene to another. Faces appeared then faded, some laughing, others twisted with lust and cruelty. Strong fingers bit into her flesh, holding her down while others moved over her body. She screamed and twisted, desperate to escape the abuse.

Fury and desperation combined, assaulting her composure. Chandar acknowledged the emotions while trying not to absorb them. This was the past. She was free now, safe, and surrounded by people who cared about her. She had survived these hellish scenes and Erkott had paid for his brutality with his life. Akim and the others would soon join him in the outer rings of hell.

Energy hummed, flowing around and through her, making her skin tingle and her head spin. She surrendered to the rush, soaking in the energy with ravenous hunger. Oh how she’d missed these sensations. But how? Why had they returned?

She shifted her focus outward and sensed the soul strands Indigo was frantically reconnecting.

Wait.
She projected her thoughts toward Indigo, but Indigo
continued, not even acknowledging the interruption.
Not all of them at once.
A fresh ripple of fear assailed Chandar.
Why are you doing this?

Vox is convinced this is the way. You need unrestricted access to your power.

Wave after scalding wave of energy crashed down upon her. She gasped and cried out, arms covering her head. But the swells were inside her and all around her. There was no way to redirect them.

She screamed, overwhelmed and terrified.

I’m so sorry.
Uncertainty and regret threaded through Indigo’s words as her presence gradually slipped from Chandar’s mind.

Indigo completed her task, but you’re not alone.
Vox’s deep voice was familiar, as was rhythm of his energy. They’d been close once, intimate, though he insisted they weren’t lovers.
We’ll fight alongside you, but you have to accept the changes. Don’t fight what you’re feeling. Resistance only makes it more painful and time-consuming.

She tried to do as he instructed, but her body ached and her emotions felt raw, exposed. She knew what came next. It was unavoidable. The universe demanded balance in all things. It was time to pay for the restoration of her power.

Fear twisted through her, tightening her muscles and cramping her gut. She understood why this had to happen, but she didn’t want to relive the last two years.

Vox surrounded her. His energy melded with hers, flowing around and through her. She welcomed him, reinforcing her shields with his energy.

You’ll want to fight it. Don’t. These memories are as much a part of you as your energy. I’ll strip away the intensity, lessen the horror as much as I can. Do you understand?

I do. Let it happen. I’m not afraid.
But she was. In fact, she’d never been more frightened in her life.

She was grateful for Vox, knew she could trust him. But Vox wasn’t Raylon. She felt stronger with Raylon, better prepared to weather any storm.

Vox must have heard her mental grumbling. Still, he didn’t take offence.
Raylon will be here soon. Now try to relax and let the currents pass right through you. Remember, this is the past. None of it can hurt you now. You’ve already survived it.

A low rumble, like distant thunder, was her only warning and then images bombarded her from everywhere. She screamed and writhed, twisting in the darkness as she helplessly absorbed the memories.

By the time the deluge ended she huddled in a metaphysical corner, legs drawn up to her chest, shaking. Aftershocks of pain and hopelessness ricocheted through her being. Vox had dampened the intensity as promised, but Chandar struggled to comprehend the evil she’d just witnessed.

They were animals, ravenous beasts feeding off her fear, and the depravity of each other. The harder she fought, the more they enjoyed their twisted games. So she’d eventually stopped fighting. She’d endured. And endured, until she allowed herself to feel nothing at all.

Raylon’s waiting for you.
Vox tried to guide her toward the light, but Chandar was so saturated with darkness she resisted the pull. Images hovered in the background, snarling like wolves. She welcomed their destructive power, ready for the suffering to end.

Vox pulled harder, his presence stronger than before.
Don’t do this, Chandar.
He sounded frustrated and afraid.
The worst is over. If you stay here, you’ll die.

I know.
She paired the statement with a firm shove, forcing him out of her mind.

Her strength grew with each passing minute. She remembered her training now and understood how to control her abilities. But what was the point? She’d always considered herself a force for good, a powerful weapon to be used against evil. But nothing good could pass through a dirty conduit. And she was filthy, corrupted. Ruined.

Chandar
. A gentle swell of warmth reached her along with Raylon’s voice.

She buried her face against her knees and tightened her arms around her legs, trying to make herself so small he couldn’t find her. She didn’t want him to see her like this. Didn’t what him to
know.

Come on, angel, let me in. Vox said you can bring me to you if you’re not ready to come out. But you shouldn’t be alone right now.

She wasn’t alone. That was the problem. She was surrounded by demons and ghosts, vile creatures who were feeding off her soul.
Go away
.

Not going to happen.

She sensed his determination, his stubbornness and strength. Why was he doing this? Why wouldn’t he just leave and let the darkness consume her?

Vox will bring me to you, but he’ll have to come along. I’d rather not have an audience. Please, let me in.

I don’t want you here.
It was all she could do to keep the longing from her voice. She wanted him more than anything, needed his arms around her and his mouth moving over hers.

I don’t believe you. Let me see you. If you’re really okay, I’ll go.

The temptation was so sweet, she simply couldn’t resist. She opened her mind and drew Raylon to her, cursing her weakness the entire time. If she were stronger, she could spare him this torment. After all, his only mistake had been risking his life to rescue her. No one should be punished for such a selfless act.

His arms closed around her and his warm body pressed against her side. With a strangled cry, she turned toward him, straddling his lap as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You shouldn’t be here.” The words tore from her lips even as her body clung to him. Unable to bear the affection so clearly written in his expression, she pressed against him and buried her face in the curve of his neck.

“My mate is hurting.” His hands moved up and down her back. “I should be nowhere else.”

“I’m not your mate.” She sobbed, no longer able to outdistance the mounting emotions. “I’m not a fit mate for anyone, anymore.”

He didn’t argue. He stroked her hair and rocked her.

She cried, purging her sorrow with harsh, racking sobs.

He didn’t rush her, just offered comfort and support.

There were no specific thoughts in her mind, just an overwhelming sense of loss and grief. And it wasn’t just her captivity. Her entire life had been controlled by others. She’d been used and manipulated since the moment of her birth. The elders haggled over her as if she were a valuable piece of merchandise. Quinton demanded input into her assignment. And her mother. Chandar released one final mournful sob as Pyre’s image formed within her mind. Her mother had been the worst of all.

A long time later, she raised her face and hesitantly met Raylon’s gaze. One question had risen above the mass of misery. One question more damning than the rest. “Why did she…why would any mother do this to her child?”

“That’s a question Pyre Sterling will answer at the point of my flexblade.”

The menace in Raylon’s expression was oddly comforting. She raised her fingers to his face and stroked his bristly jawline. “Thank you for coming. I’m better now. You can go back and—”

“I’m not going anywhere without you. Accept it.” He pushed his fingers into her hair and lightly formed a fist. But when his mouth covered hers, the contact was soft and gentle, a barely there caress of lips on lips.

She abandoned herself to the tenderness for a moment, then firmly pushed him back. “I can’t do this right now.”

“We don’t have to do anything.” He shifted her into the cradle of his arms and moved her legs to one side of his body. “I’ll just hold you until you’re ready to return to reality. Take as long as you need.”

She tried to wiggle away, but he held her firmly, his embrace determined yet careful. “What I need is some time alone.”

“No.”

“Why are you being so stubborn?”

He chuckled and kissed her temple. “Am I the one being stubborn?”

They sat in silence for several seconds then Chandar grew restless again. “Why are you here?” She sat up on his lap and looked into his eyes, unable to surpass her anguish.