Defective (The Institute Series Book 3) (12 page)

“I actually have hardly any memory of those twelve months. There’s this image in my mind of Shilah and Tate’s wedding. I was standing at the altar next to Shilah, watching them exchange vows. I remember thinking ‘I’ll never have this’. Then I looked at the front row and saw my mum and dad with my eight week old brother. They looked so happy, so proud. I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to forget. The following day I asked my mother to erase my memory. She’s Defective too – that’s what she can do. I wanted her to erase Chad completely. She said she wouldn’t do it, she didn’t even know if she
could
do it. She was used to erasing conversations, or the last few hours, or days. She’d never erased people before. She refused.”

“And so she stopped talking to you? That hardly seems fair.”

I shake my head. “I’m not finished. You remember what I do, right?”

“Borrow abilities…” His mouth drops open in shock as realisation crosses his face. “You didn’t, did you?”

I nod, a tear finding its way down my cheek. “I did. I got angry and decided to help myself to her ability, totally screwing it up in the process. My memories of Chad were still intact, but I forgot an entire year had gone by. When I walked out into the living room the next day, my brother Liam was in his little bouncer thing. I was so confused, I thought we must’ve been babysitting someone’s kid. I turned to my parents and asked whose baby it was.”

“I’m assuming that didn’t go down well?”

“They lost it. Mum yelled, I cried. I didn’t completely understand what was going on because I didn’t have any memory of what I’d done. We spent the next few days, just Mum and me, trying to get my memory back. She had never done that kind of thing either – she only knew how to erase memories, not put them back together. I ended up getting snippets here and there, but most of it was lost.

“I remember that moment at Shilah and Tate’s wedding where I’d hit rock bottom. I remember the reason I wanted to forget in the first place. I thought that by forgetting Chad completely, I wouldn’t be grieving anymore. Vague memories from that entire year come back to me occasionally, me lying on the couch for days on end watching crappy TV, being angry at anyone and everyone. They’re only snippets and more like photos in my mind, but I remember how I was feeling at each of those moments.

“In the end we gave up trying to get my memory back completely. Mum said I was a danger to myself and to Liam, and she didn’t want me anywhere near him until I could get myself together. She’s the one who suggested I move in with Paxton for a while. ‘Just for a break,’ she said. It was just meant to be for a little while. I wasn’t meant to become Paxton’s ‘girlfriend’. I was just meant to attend a few banquets and functions. Here we are, six months, later. and it’s gotten a bit out of hand.”

“You can’t be blamed for your actions, Allira. You were grieving. Loss makes people do crazy things. It doesn’t excuse your behaviour, but she can’t hold you to something you did when you were at your lowest. She should’ve accepted your apology and helped you move on in a different way.”

“I never apologised,” I mumble quietly. His disappointed look says it all. “I got angry. I blamed her for refusing to do it in the first place.” Looking down at my hands, they’re wet with tears from wiping my face. “I should’ve apologised. Now it’s too late.”

I don’t tell Jayce about my true fears about what happened. The truth is I’m missing a huge chunk of my life. That whole year is a blur, but there’s one major thing that has me confused. I think something else happened that my family aren’t telling me about, but my gut tells me it’s true. I’ve been too afraid to ask about it because I don’t know if I can handle what it would mean.

Jayce wraps his arm around me and I lean into his shoulder as I sob.

“It’s got to be hard carrying all of that around, plus what you’re going through right now with these envelopes.” He pulls his arm away from me, forcing me to look up at him. “I want to try something out on you. It’s a theory I’ve been working on for one of my papers. So you sit here and name your top three issues that you’re dealing with
right now
, forgetting all the menial crap. By only focussing on those key three issues, you might find some insight on how to fix them.”

I look at him sceptically.

“I’ll go first. Number one is that I don’t know how to help you with this. I want to – more than anything, but I’m in way over my head. I don’t know what to do. Two is my paper – the one I’m experimenting with right now – is due on Monday. Clearly I’m a bit behind. And three, this is probably the biggest issue I’m having right now, and that is you look so damn good in those ridiculously long pants, your hair’s dishevelled, your eyes tired. You look like someone I could wake up to… every morning.”

My breath catches in my throat. I’m having a melt-down, and he thinks it’s sexy? I just stare at him, I don’t know what else to do.

“And now that I have clearly crossed a line, we’re going to move on to you. Your top three. Go.”

“Okay,” I say slowly as a stalling tactic while I think about it for a moment. “One. I don’t know who’s sending me these photos, what they want, or why they’re doing it. Two...” I take in a deep breath, “I don’t want you to take offence to this. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me, but, I don’t know if I can trust you. I want to, so much. But you have to understand that every single person in my life has lied to me. Every. Single. One. A part of me might always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

He nods, but I can see the disappointment in his face.

“And three is,” I suck in an extra breath of air, hoping I can get the words out as fast as I can. “I know that when I give Paxton these notes, the photo of you and me together, he’s going to force me to stop seeing you. And right now, that seems worse than anything these guys are threatening me with.”

A smile finally finds his face, his arm wraps around me, and I get the distinct impression that we’re about to cross that line again. He moves his head closer to mine, our lips meet. As much as it makes me feel better, I can’t do it.

I force myself to pull away. “I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“No need to apologise, Allira,” he says warmly, unwrapping his arm from around me.

“I’ve been thinking. What if we don’t tell Paxton today?”

“We have to tell someone,” he says.

“I know. I have two people in mind. If we can find out what’s going on without involving Paxton, I might learn the truth.”

“You think Paxton won’t tell you the truth? That he’s hiding something from you?” he asks.

“It’s what the first note said, didn’t it? Paxton isn’t the only one with secrets?”

“But they might not be secrets from you. They might mean from the world.”

“What if it’s both?” I say before even really thinking about what my words imply. What do I really think Paxton could be hiding from me?

“So, who did you want to tell instead?” Jayce asks.

“A friend I can trust. And someone you trust. Your sister.”

“I’m in,” I hear Jenna’s voice from the door. We both flinch and turn to look at her, surprised she’s even up at this hour. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I don’t know exactly what is going on, but I’m in. Whatever it is, I’m in. Anything for my little brother,” she says, scruffing the top of Jayce’s head. He swats her away with his hand.

“Everything will be completely off the record?” I ask.

“Of course,” she says.

“Then let’s go on a road trip.”

“Where to?” Jayce asks.

“The Institute.”

Chapter Eleven

“If we leave now, we’ll get there just in time to wake him for breakfast,” I say.

“Wake who?” Jenna asks.

“Going to pay the director a little visit.”

“The director? You know Director Jacobs?” Jayce asks.

I have to laugh. “Director Jacobs is just Drew to me. Do you remember me asking you if you were only interested in me because you’re actually an undercover cop sent to trick me into using my ability so you could arrest me?”

“Yeah?” he replies questioningly.

“That’s how I met Drew. He was my boyfriend when he arrested me.”

“Oh,” he practically whispers. “Can you please tell me that you have a not-so-intimidating ex hiding somewhere? Chad the Martyr, Drew the Director, and Paxton the Politician. Anyone else? An O.A.M. winner perhaps?”

“Nope. That’s all of them,” I say smiling. “And Paxton isn’t technically an ex, he technically isn’t even a boyfriend,” I say before pointedly looking at Jenna. She doesn’t focus on what I just said though. She’s still stuck on Drew arresting me.

“You mean it’s true? There were Defectives working
for
the Institute?” she asks.

“There’s so much you’re about to find out,” I say to Jenna. “And we have two and a half hours to get through it all.”

***

Jenna insists on driving, with me in the front passenger seat so I can get her up to speed on the situation.

I’ve borrowed more of her clothing to save me from going back to my apartment first. Her jeans are rolled up at the leg three times but they fit me. Knowing I’m heading to the Institute, I’ve also borrowed a short sleeved T-shirt, not worrying about covering up my mark.

I spend the majority of the trip just catching her up on the truth about me, about Paxton’s and my relationship, the notes, the photos, and what it all could mean. 

“I agree with Jayce, as much as I hate to admit it when he’s right,” Jenna says with a smile. “It doesn’t sound like a journalist, or reporter to me – certainly none I know. They’d print a story, not mess with your head.”

“Are we there yet?” Jayce complains from the backseat.

“Did you really just say that? What are you, five?” Jenna retorts.

We pull into the estate and Jenna finds a parking spot right out the front. It’s Sunday morning, no one will be here for their monthly check up, so the parking lot is practically deserted.

We walk into the reception area which is empty, and the lights are off.

“Where to from here?” Jayce asks.

“I doubt he’ll be in his office at 8:00AM on a Sunday. I know where his apartment is,” I say, leading the way through the back of the reception area to the elevators.

I still find it weird that Drew kept his old apartment from when we were agents, but he said it felt like the closest thing to a home that he had. He’d already lived here for six years before I came to live here.

We make our way to room ninety-one, just two doors away from my old apartment. The same apartment I spent every day training in with Chad. He’d come over, let himself in without even knocking, and then help himself to my breakfast before walking me to our agent classes. Then we’d come back up on our lunch breaks for extra training. I let out a loud sigh at the memories as they threaten to take over me.

I knock on the door and we wait, a loud shuffling comes from inside. Drew opens the door, hair completely dishevelled, and wearing only boxer shorts. He blushes beetroot red when he sees the three of us standing before him, and quickly shuts the door half way, standing his body behind it so only his head is showing.

“Please. I was your roommate for three months, you think I haven’t seen it before?”

“What are you doing here?” he asks me groggily.

“We need to talk.”

“Give me ten minutes to change,” he says, yawning. “Meet me in my office.” He closes the door gently, and we start to make our way back down to the reception area.

When I turn to Jenna, she seems a little flustered. Jayce doesn’t seem to notice Jenna’s weird behaviour though, so I assume I must be reading her through Drew’s ability.

We arrive back at reception and head across to another hallway, down to where Drew’s office is with its own little waiting room.

“How do you not get lost here?” Jenna asks as we take a seat and wait for Drew.

“Oh it took me a good few months of living here to work it all out,” I say. “I should probably warn you guys. Drew’s ability is to read people. He’s an Empath, so he basically knows how you’re feeling.” I look at Jenna when I talk. “You know, just in case you were having some… feelings that you don’t want him to know about,” I add, raising my eyebrow at her.

Jayce nods as if he understands, but I’m guessing he’s totally confused. Jenna on the other hand is blushing, but trying to hide it. I told her in the car on the way here that I borrow abilities, so I’m pretty sure she knows what I’m talking about.

“I’ll try to control it, but damn! The new director is hot,” she whispers.

I shrug like I haven’t noticed how good Drew’s looking these days, even though I have. But he’s always been good looking.

Drew walks in not long after, wearing a suit and tie, dressed all professional like. I resist the urge to bow sarcastically like I normally do. We all stand as he approaches.

“Now,” he says, “What in the world has happened to make you grace me with your presence twice in the one month?” he asks with a smile while giving me a polite hug. “You’re not back in the game of bringing Defectives here, are you?” he jokes, looking between Jayce and Jenna.

“Drew this is Jayce and Jenna. Jenna is a reporter for the Daily News, and Jayce is… I work with him at the clinic.”

“Uh huh,” he says slowly and unconvinced. “So why are you here?” he asks, leading us into his office.

He sits in his big boss chair, and I put the envelope on the table in front of him. “There’s another one, but I left it at home. This was left for me last night at the café near the clinic. Another one was dropped off last week via courier to my apartment.”

“What is it?” he asks, pulling it towards him.

“Open it.”

He pulls out the photo of Tate and the small note that says ‘He’s lying to you.’ He looks at it with a confused expression before looking up at me.

“What did the other one say?” he asks.

“The other one was a photo of Jayce and me walking along the street one night. The note said ‘Looks like Paxton isn’t the only one with secrets.’ I don’t know what it means.”

“When did you say you got the first one?” he asks.

“Wednesday, so… eleven days ago. Why?”

He gets up from the desk and goes over to his filing cabinet. He pulls a drawer out and flicks through the files until he pulls out a nearly identical envelope. He hands it to me and my hand goes to my mouth in shock. It’s addressed to me – here at the Institute. Even has room ninety-three written on it. I look at Drew for an explanation.

“That came for you on the Monday you were here. It arrived after you’d already gone home, though,” he says. “I thought it was weird that you were getting mail here, so I figured it couldn’t be too urgent and I’d just give it to you when I saw you again.”

“Open it already!” Jenna yells, frustrated.

“Okay, okay,” I say. I really don’t want to, though. Tearing open the envelope, I immediately drop the photo when I see what it’s of.

A photo of Chad. It’s an older photo, maybe a year or two before he passed away, and it looks like it came from a school magazine or yearbook.

There’s a note, too, of course.
‘Miss him? Whose fault is that?’

I stumble, finding the closest chair to sit down.

“Are you okay?” Jayce rushes to my side, bending down beside me.

“I’m fine,” I say shaking my head, as contradictory as it may be. “Who would do this?” I look at Drew.

He looks at the two parcels in front of him, studying them with hard eyes. “Well, there’s the obvious,” he says.

“Brookfield?” I ask. Drew nods. “Wouldn’t he just kill me if he was back? Wouldn’t he be after you and Paxton, too?”

Drew shrugs. “Maybe he sees you as an easier target. Paxton’s surrounded by bodyguards, and I’m here twenty-four, seven. I doubt he’d come back here.”

“Why would Mr. Brookfield want to kill her? Kill any of you?” Jenna asks.

“Ah, so Allira hasn’t told you
everything
then,” Drew says with a wry smile.

“It’s getting to a point where I can’t believe there could be more,” Jayce says.

Drew gives a little laugh. “All part and parcel of being with this one,” he points to me.

“Oh, we’re not… it’s not…” I struggle to say any more.

Drew sighs. “I was your roommate for three months, you really think I don’t know when you’re lying to me?” he says, throwing my own words back at me. Jayce’s mouth turns up into a smile. Drew looks at him, “Oh and if you ever think of hurting her—”

Jayce scoffs, “Is this the overprotective, ‘If you hurt her, I’ll kill you’ speech?”

“I was actually going to say, you better watch your back because she’s damn feisty.” Jayce rubs his nose in memory. “But I can see she may have already shown you that side of her.” Drew laughs.

“You’re the one she knocked out, aren’t you?” Jayce assumes.

Drew’s smile falters a bit, but nods his head.

“I’m glad you find my violent streak entertaining,” I say sarcastically.

“Wait up!” Jenna yells in excitement. “
She
hurt your face? You told everyone you walked into a door.” She starts laughing uncontrollably.

Even I giggle at that. “In my defence, I thought he was attacking me, and I didn’t know it was
him
.”

“I so can’t wait to tell Jamie,” Jenna says between trying to breathe through her laughter.

Giving Jayce an apologetic look, I mouth, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not my fault she’s trained like a damn ninja,” he argues.

I look back at Drew, but he’s ignoring our banter and is studying the envelopes again. “Okay, let’s get all agent-like on this,” he says, suddenly taking on a serious tone. “You said there was another one?”

“The note said ‘Looks like Paxton isn’t the only one with secrets.’”

“And the photo was of you and Jayce?” Drew asks. I nod in response.

Drew grabs a piece of paper from his desk, writes the words that were on the note, and draws a very inappropriate diagram of Jayce and me.

“I definitely wasn’t doing
that
in the photo,” I say, causing everyone to laugh.

Drew shrugs with a grin on his face. “It’s just for reference. Okay so, how do all of these come together?”

“Well, the first one is clearly indicating that Allira and Jayce are hiding their relationship from Paxton,” Jenna suggests.

“But it says Paxton is keeping secrets, too,” Jayce says.

“Couldn’t that mean that he and Allira are hiding their true relationship from the media?” Jenna replies.

“Okay. We’ll run with that theory for now,” Drew says. “So the first one is about you and Paxton. The second one is about Tate?”

“So he’s lying to me. It wouldn’t be the first time. But I have no idea what it’d be about. Something about Shilah, maybe? But that doesn’t make sense. Shilah would tell me if anything was going on with him.”

“What if it has nothing to do with Tate, and everything to do with the photo?” Drew suggests. “We never found out where that photo came from. Paxton said it was on Brookfield’s desk after the takeover.”

“So Paxton’s lying about the photo?” I ask. I’m so confused.

“We’ll come back to this one,” Drew says. “Okay so the latest one. A photo of Chad. ‘Miss him? Whose fault is that?’ Clearly blaming you for Chad’s death.”

“How was Chad’s death your fault?” Jayce asks me.

I hang my head. “If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have been involved in the takeover.”

“What takeover? The takeover of the Institute?” Jenna asks.

I turn to her. “This is still off the record, right?” Jenna just glares at me, clearly unimpressed that I’ve brought it up again. “Paxton didn’t just walk up to Brookfield, threaten to turn him in, and take over his seat as easily as the media thinks. We had nearly the whole Institute on lockdown. We had Brookfield under control. We had a lot of people on our side. We just had to face the agents who were coming back from a mass arrest.” My eyes start to fill. I haven’t spoken about this since it happened. “The agents came back, and there was gunfire. Nine people were lost in total – four from the Institute’s side. One of them was the person who shot and killed Chad. We didn’t want it to come down to that. We –”

“Allira, it wasn’t your fault,” Drew says, gently.

I shake my head. “He wasn’t meant to be there. He wasn’t going to come. What if I hadn’t gone back to convince him to come with us? What if after the gunfire, someone actually thought to check Lynch for a gun? That should’ve been me. I should’ve checked everyone before trying to find him. He didn’t even want to be there in the first place.” I wipe tears from my eyes, trying to compose myself.