Deep Surrendering (Episode Two) (2 page)

“No. I want to know why you’re in this condition and not basking in post-coital bliss with your penis friend.” She turned her head and squinted one mascara-covered eye at me.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Chloe made a sound of distress and then rolled over onto her back.

“Too bad. You listened to me while I bitched and moaned about you know who, and it’s time for me to return the favor. Was it the crooked penis?”

Oh. If only.

“Nope. Penis was fine, from what I could tell. I didn’t actually get to see any of it.” I was being vague on purpose. Chloe hated it when I did that.

“You didn’t see it? Then what happened?”

I sighed and tipped my head back to look at the ceiling. I couldn’t look her in the face and tell her this story.

“Well, everything started out fine. More than fine. I decided that I wanted a break from my rules, so I was completely ready to be with him. And then he told me . . .” I had a hard time getting the next words out. About Fin’s request for control. I gave Chloe most of the details because it would have been weird if I didn’t. We shared nearly everything with each another and that included the dirty details of our sex lives.

“He smacked you? So he’s a kinky motherfucker?” The way she said it made me burst out laughing and finally make eye contact with her.“I dated a girl once who was into that. Only she wanted to be dominated. I did a bunch of research on it because it sounded pretty hot.”

My experience with that form of sexual expression was limited to what I’d read in books, or seen on television, or the occasional bit of porn that had piqued my curiosity. I’d never thought of it as something that was for me. Until . . .

“And what was the verdict?”

Chloe shrugged. “I had a hard time taking it seriously. I couldn’t stop laughing so she got mad at me, and then we decided it wasn’t working. I think if it had been with someone else it might have been different. But that was just my experience.” She waited for me to elaborate.

“I was up for it. Or at least I thought I was. Anyway, he went down on me, told me not to come, I did, and then he just sort of . . . changed. He had the weirdest expression on his face, and then he told me he couldn’t continue and was gone quicker than you could say fuck and flee.”

Chloe whistled and shook her head. “That’s harsh. Not to mention that was the second time, and he left you standing there with your pants around your ankles.” Actually, I’d had no pants, but I didn’t correct her.

“So I guess that’s it for him then, huh?”

I nodded. “Absolutely. He used up all his chances and then some.” I was so done.

“What are you going to tell Rory?”

That was the question. “I have no idea. I was thinking less is more in this case. I’m not going to tell her about his kinky motherfuckery tendencies. I’m sure she wouldn’t want to know. I guess I’m just going to say thanks, but no thanks.” I shrugged.

“Sounds good. Hey, would you mind getting me a glass of water? If I keep talking, I’m going to lose my voice.”

“Oh, really? What a tragedy.” She smacked me as I walked by her to the kitchen.

Chloe and I spent most of the day nursing ourselves back to health and complaining about past relationships.

“I hope Rory’s works out. Even though it’s going to be tricky with her being his boss and everything. Although, that would be kind of hot,” Chloe said, scraping the bottom of my last container of ice cream. I was busy working on one of my mini cheesecakes. Okay, so I was working on my second mini cheesecake, but they were so small that it hardly counted.

“Why do people treat us like this? Is it us or them?” Chloe said. I hated it when she pointed out things like that. It just made me examine my life choices, and that wasn’t always a fun thing to do.

“It’s them. Definitely them.”

She nodded. “Definitely them. We’re awesome. Anyone who can’t see that is an asshole, and they don’t deserve us anyway.”

“Hear, hear,” I said, holding up my fork. She smacked it with her spoon and we went back to recovering.

Chloe tossed the empty ice cream container on the counter and folded her hands over her stomach. “But if they treat us this way, is it because we let them? I mean, H-Harmony and I had problems long before it ended. But I was too in love to see it.” I knew what she meant. I’d been blinded by love before. We all had.

“I don’t know, Chlo. I’m beginning to think it’s me. I must be attracting the wrong people. Or the wrong people are attracted to me. I guess it’s a little bit of a chicken and egg question.” We had a conundrum on our hands. One I wasn’t sure if we’d ever solve, not really.

“We just do the best we can, right?” she said.

“Right. Do the best we can.”

We did the best we could and actually got dressed. Chloe had more than several sets of clothes at my house for emergencies.

“Okay, we’re dressed. Now what?”

“We go out into society and put our best foot forward. Fuck, I just sounded like my mother.” I almost asked Chloe to slap some sense into me, but that would have left a red mark on my face.

“It’s okay. It happens to the best of us.” She patted my shoulder in sympathy. “The older you get, the more you realize that you’re becoming your parents. Don’t worry, there’s always therapy.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Do you want to just do dinner? No drinking?” I said.

“Ugh, no drinking. Hydrating. Water only. And food. Lots of food.”

“Not like we haven’t already eaten enough today,” I pointed out as Chloe put the final touches on her hair with a flatiron.

“We have to replenish what we puked up this morning.” That gave me a charming mental image that I wanted to go away ASAP.

I thought about calling Rory, but I definitely didn’t want to deal with anyone else associated with Fin. Poor, Rory. I was a terrible friend.

So it was just me and Chloe. Since neither of us wanted to go too far, we ended up at our usual seafood place. I was craving lobster and Chloe had this thing for oysters which I would never understand.

Since it was a weeknight, the place was filled with the after work crowd, still in their suits and pencil skirts. It almost made me feel guilty for calling out of class. Almost.

Chloe slurped her oysters and I distracted myself from my need to gag by staring around the room. And then I froze. “Shit,” I hissed, sliding down in my seat.

“What? What is it?” Chloe put down her oyster and looked around. “Babe, I think he’s stalking you.”

Oh, he definitely was. There was no other explanation why Fin Herald was at this particular restaurant on this particular night. Or maybe I’d been a mass murderer in a previous life and this was part of my karmic punishment.

“Stop looking at him,” I hissed at Chloe. Her bright red hair was like a beacon in the darkened restaurant. If Fin saw her, he’d see me, and then everything would go to hell in an awkward basket.

Our meal hadn’t even come yet, so my only hope was that he’d get up and leave. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and saw he was with a woman. A woman with a dress that was painted on. A woman with a fabulous back and legs that went on for days. She had dark hair swooped into an effortless updo.

“She’s pretty hot,” Chloe said, also staring. I quickly tore my eyes away from Fin and the mystery woman so they wouldn’t catch both of us staring. “Although those corporate types can be kind of uptight. But it’s pretty fun helping them unwind, if you know what I mean.”

Yup. I did, and I didn’t need more details about it.

“But she’s probably not a lesbian. That would be just my luck. All the good ones are straight or taken.” She sighed and looked away from Fin’s date. I cringed inside when I thought about the word “date.” For all I knew, she could be his cousin. Not that he’d told me he had a stunning cousin. But girls were always doing that. Seeing a guy with some girl and jumping to conclusions. I wouldn’t make that jump. Even though he didn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. He could be with anyone he wanted. I was done with him. DONE.

“Shit, they’re leaving,” I said, scrunching down so far in the seat that I almost slid under the table.
Please don’t walk by our table, please don’t walk by our table,
I said over and over in my head.

My chanting seemed to have the opposite effect as Fin and the mystery woman crossed the room and walked right past our table. The woman went first, her walk both confident and seductive. This was a girl who would NEVER trip while wearing heels. She didn’t look twice at Chloe or me.

But Fin noticed.

“Marisol?”

It was painfully obvious that I was hiding from him. My chin was practically resting on the table.

“Hi, Fin,” I said, slowly sitting back in the seat. “I, um, dropped something?” It sounded like a question. The woman realized Fin wasn’t behind her and turned to see what had stopped him. She was even more fetching from the front. She had that unearthly, ethereal beauty that almost looked like it couldn’t be real.

Well, shit.

“Oh, um,” he said, flustered. “I should leave you to your dinner. I’m sorry to have bothered you. I’m . . . so sorry. Again.” Before I could say another word, he’d grabbed the beauty by her arm and whisked her out the door.

“Damn, he’s fast. Must be those long legs,” Chloe said, leaning forward to try and catch a glimpse of them as they retreated. “And it looks like he didn’t take too long to move on, either. Which proves my theory that he wasn’t worth your time. Too bad.” She gave me a sympathetic smile, but it did little to raise my confidence from where it had fallen on the floor. I hated to admit how much of an effect he had on me.

I wouldn’t admit how much of an effect he had on me.

“You okay, babe?” Chloe snapped her fingers in front of my face because I’d been staring off into space.

“Yup, fine.”

“Uh huh, you’re totally fine. That’s why you have that look on your face.”

“What look?” I wasn’t aware of my face doing anything special.

“That look like you just embarrassed yourself horribly and now you want to die a little bit.”

I didn’t feel that way. At all. I mean, not much. Why was I embarrassed? I shouldn’t be. He was the asshole who’d left me. I had to remember that. Always.

“Shut up,” I said as the waiter brought our meals. I definitely didn’t feel like eating anymore, but I wasn’t going to waste good food, so I ate as much as I could and got a box for the rest. Chloe tried to keep my spirits up by chatting about this, that, and the other. My mind was a million miles away, but I appreciated the effort.

We were fighting over who was going to pay the check when my phone buzzed with a new message. I didn’t check to see who it was from before I started reading it.

I’m sorry. I should be more careful of what restaurants I pick.

There was an almost a snarky tone to the text, which was at odds with the way he’d acted only moments before. This guy gave me serious whiplash.

I was also still incredibly pissed at him, and mad at myself for not being more pissed to his face. What I should have done was gotten up and made some speech about how he didn’t know a good thing when he had it, making him realize what an asshole he’d been. And then stormed out in a blaze of glory, Chloe right behind me. But I was me, and I didn’t have the foresight to actually plan that out. Hell, I didn’t think I was going to see him again less than twenty-four hours later.

“That’s from him, isn’t it?” Chloe said, snatching my phone away from me. Her eyes read the message as I tried to get the phone away from her, but she leaned back and I had short arms. She typed something on the phone and then handed it back to me.

“What did you do?” She just cackled as I read how she’d responded to Fin as me.

You should be more careful of not being a dickhead. YOU SUCK, ASSHOLE.

“Really, Chlo? REALLY? I mean, how old are you?” She just shrugged and looked completely unapologetic as usual when she did something she thought was for my own good. The only problem was that it got me into some sticky situations she left me to get out of on my own. That was always the not so fun part.

Fin texted back immediately.