Deceptive Cadence (29 page)

“Why?” She pulled back and made me look into her eyes. “Did he
make
you? Because if he did, I’m gonna―”

“No, he didn’t make me.” I grabbed her balled fist.

“Then what’s wrong? You guys have been together for ages and you’re crazy about each other.”

“I wasn’t supposed to give him my virginity. I was supposed to give it to my husband.”

She let out a long breath. “Oh, Cadence.”

“I’m such a slut.”

“Oh my—” She grabbed my arms and squeezed. “No, you’re not! You are far from that. Carla and her posse,
they
are sluts, but not you. The fact that you’re so upset about sleeping with your boyfriend of two years proves that. Cadence, please don’t cry.”

But I did, as hard as I could. I still felt him in me. I still felt him touching me with such tenderness my heart soared.

But my guilt overwhelmed my emotions for James.

I didn’t notice it happening, but the next thing I knew, Geri held me in her arms as we curled up on her bed. “Cadence, you stay here. I’m gonna get you some hot chocolate and a giant bowl of ice cream.”

She rushed out of the room. While she was gone, I shuffled into her bed and pulled the blankets over my head. Maybe I could just hide away from the world and stay there forever.

When she returned, my crying had turned to a quiet snivel. She touched my hip, and felt for my shoulder. “Cadence? I brought comfort food.”

I peeked out from the blankets. She set the bowl and mug on the bedside table. “Geri, did you know you’re the best friend in the whole world?”

“I love you, too, Cay.” She sat on the edge of the bed beside me and pulled the blankets back. “Now, sit up and eat some chocolate.”

A short laugh burst from me as I sat up. I devoured the ice cream, then slowly sipped at the hot chocolate.

Seeing I had calmed, she reached over and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Cadence, talk to me.”

I sighed and took another sip. It was done, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I needed to accept it.

“It just . . . happened,” I said quietly. “We just kinda lost control. I can’t believe I did it, Geri. I mean, James is wonderful, but . . .” I took a deep breath. “It wasn’t supposed to be him. He wasn’t supposed to be my first. I feel so guilty, like I’ve betrayed everyone. Except at the same time, I can’t forget how good it felt, how wonderful he made me feel.”

I bit my lip as I stared into the half-drunk hot chocolate. “What am I going to do? I don’t know if I can even look at him again. I feel so ashamed, but yet . . .”

The words lingered in the air between us as she stroked my hair. Finally, she said, “I understand that you didn’t want this, but it’s done now. I don’t want you wandering around blaming yourself for this mistake. James is wonderful, and he cares about you so much it makes every girl in school green with envy. This could’ve been worse. Forgive yourself for it, and if you want, just don’t do it again.”

I nodded slowly. I definitely had no desire to do it again. I didn’t even want to see James again. I couldn’t go out in public with him knowing what we did. “I . . . I think I should end it with him.”

Geri gasped. “No! Oh, Cadence, no!”

Tears streamed down my face again. “Yes. I can’t do this again.”

“Then don’t! But don’t end it with him. He’s your Romeo, your Jack, your―”

“Their loves came to tragic ends.”

“Okay, well, how about your Tom Hanks in
Sleepless in Seattle
? Or Prince Henry in
Ever After
?”

I smiled. “I love those movies.”

“See?” She giggled and stroked my cheek. “James is perfect for you. He’s fought so hard for you. Don’t end it. You know it will only make you both miserable.”

Geri’s mum tapped on the door and peeked in. “Geri, phone for you.”

Geri jumped up and took it, shutting the door. “Hello?”

“Geri! Is she with you?” James’ muffled voice came through. He sounded tense and anxious.

Geri gave me a side glance. “Yes, but―”

“Let me talk to her.”

I shook my head and crawled under the blankets.

“She doesn’t want to right now.”

He swore loudly. “Please, Geri. She doesn’t have to say anything. I just want her to hear me out.”

Geri sat on the bed beside me and pushed the phone under the blankets. She peeked under and lined the phone up with my ear. “She’s listening.”

“Cadence?” James’ voice came through clear and tense. “Cadence, what happened between us was amazing. I don’t want you to be afraid or ashamed. It meant so much to me. I don’t want you to be hurt because of it. Please come back so we can talk about this.”

I pushed the phone away and wrapped the blankets back around me.

“James, she heard you,” Geri said.

“Geri! What’s she doing?”

“She’s hiding in my bed.” Her footsteps moved out of the room and she shut the door behind her.

I pulled the blankets back so I could listen to her.

“James, she just needs some space for a while . . . No, I can’t do that . . . she just . . .
No! . . . Look, I want that too, but she needs to do this in her own time . . . It’ll be okay, I promise . . . All right, bye."

I threw the blankets back over myself as she reentered the room. She sat back beside me and rested her hand on my hip. “You need to talk to him.”

“I can’t face him.”

She sighed. “All right. But it’s getting late and you should get home. I’ll tell my mum not to say anything to your parents if you want?”

My head shot up and I pulled the blankets back to stare at her. “My parents? Dad’s gonna kill me and slowly torture James to death! They can’t know. Promise me you won’t tell them!”

“Okay, okay, I know how your dad is. I’ll say nothing.”

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and ran my hands through my hair to flatten it down. I rushed into the bathroom and washed my face. Then, it occurred to me that I’d left my handbag at James’ house.

I poked my head out the door. “Geri?”

She rushed over. “What is it?”

“I left my handbag at James’ house. We have to go get it.”

A glimmer of hope flashed in her eyes. “Will you talk to him?”

The very thought made me sick, so I shook my head. “Can you get it for me?”

She sighed. “Okay. But you know you can’t avoid him forever.”

We pulled up to his house, and he burst out. I ducked down and shoved Geri. She jumped out and ran between him and the car.

“Let me see her, please!” James grasped her shoulders, looking toward the car.

“No! We just came for her bag.” She tried to shove him backward.

“I have to see her.”

"She doesn’t want to right now!"

He bent over himself as he grasped his knees. He straightened and grabbed his hair, pain written all over his face. “She doesn’t want to see me?”

“Come on, show me where her bag is.”

He took her inside, but he burst back out of the house again and sprinted to the car. He wrenched my door open and grabbed my hand. “Cadence! Please don’t be like this. Let me talk to you.”

I fumbled to unbuckle my seatbelt and shuffled over in the seat, but he followed. “Please, I know you’re freaking out, but don’t shut me out.”

I found the door handle and stumbled out of the car. James retreated back out the door and hurried after me. “Cadence . . .”

I swung on him and stared him down. He paused and leaned back, startled by my ferocity. “Just leave me alone,” I said in a whisper, but so full of animosity he winced and staggered back from me.

“Cadence, I don’t―”

Geri snatched my hand and tugged me toward the car. “James, give her some time, okay?”

As we drove down the street, I watched him as he bent over himself, and held his head in his hands.

TWENTY-FOUR

On Monday, James showed up to drop off Melanie. He tried to meet me from off the bus, but I blew right passed him and hid among my group. He got the hint and stayed back, but waited again outside the gates that afternoon. The scene repeated everyday as he bided his time.

The guilt consumed me. Even Dusty noticed I had become withdrawn. On Thursday night, he slipped into my room and sat on my bed while I tried to focus on my homework.

“Cadence, did you and James break up?”

I gasped and froze. “No.”

“But he usually comes around on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and everyone has noticed that you’re not talking to him when he shows up. It’s easily the biggest piece of gossip flying around school right now. You guys have been inseparable for so long it’s like the world has flipped upside down.”

I bit my lip as tears burned in my eyes. “We just had a fight, okay? But we’re . . . we . . . I need some time to deal with it.”

“Mum and Dad have noticed too, and are really worried. Dad’s about to go down to his house and ask him what he did. You know Dad—no one messes with his Cadence.”

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. “That will make things worse. James will freak out, and Dad will freak out, and it will really be the end of everything. I don’t want James to . . .” I trailed off and lifted my head. I didn’t want James to end it with me.

Then why had I pushed him away?

I forced myself to assess my feelings. Where did my guilt come from exactly? I turned to Dusty. “Go tell Dad not to harass James and I’ll deal with it. I just need a moment.”

Dusty hurried from the room, closing the door behind him. I scrambled to pull out my scrapbook from under the bed. I hadn’t looked at it in a while, so I had to dig through some dirty laundry to get to it.

I pulled it out, rested it on my bed, and opened to Austin’s pictures and found one of him out with some friends and his first girlfriend . . . and they were kissing. I bit my lip as jealousy flared inside me, but I forced it down. I was being ridiculous. I knew he had girlfriends before me. Heck, I knew he’d had sex with two other girls before me.

I ran my thumb over his cheek, able to see the nineteen-year-old I’d first met. He wasn’t as solid across the shoulders yet, but he was burly and strong and growing in dark sideburns. My guilt stemmed from my feelings of betrayal for a guy I technically hadn’t met yet. But James, oh, my feelings for James were so intense that I was . . . I was . . .

I shot to my feet, slamming the scrapbook shut. I was in love with James! Everything about him made me love him more and more. The way he smiled at me, the way he looked at me with that gleam in his eyes, the way he smelled. I loved it when he ruffled his hair when he was frustrated and confused, or the way his breath on my skin always sent chills all over my body.

He was gentle and loving and fiercely protective of me. He was funny, charming, goofy, and embarrassing. He knew me so well and saw through everything I did, but still he wanted to be with me, despite how much I put him through.

I felt guilty because I loved someone other than Austin.

The first day all week that James didn’t show up was the one day I was ready to talk to him. I scanned for him as I climbed off the bus, but he wasn’t anywhere in sight. I surveyed the school as I walked to meet up with my friends, but there was still no sight of him.

The bell rang. I walked to class and sat beside Michael with a sigh. He flicked my shoulder and I looked across at him.

“You look better than you have all week,” he said.

“Wow, I must have been super depressing.”

“That’s an understatement.”

I bit my lip. “Have you seen James today?”

“I thought you weren’t talking to him right now.”

“I wasn’t, but now I need to.”

He leaned closer to me to whisper as the teacher read out the roll. “Melanie rode the bus to school today.”

I slapped my forehead. “Crap!”

“I could text him, if you like?”

“No . . .” I paused to answer my name being called. “I’ll let him have his day.”

I walked to my classes feeling sick. I’d hurt James and blown him off for too long, and now he needed to get some space and recuperate. Slowly, through each class, I convinced myself he wanted to dump me the first chance he got. At the end of school, I fought back tears as I left my classroom after everyone else to walk to the bus bay.

“Cadence?”

I jumped and swung around at the sound of James’ voice. I glanced around the corridor. We were alone. He pushed off from the wall and stepped toward me. My heart filled with fear, so I hurried away from him. “I don’t want you to say it, James!”

He rushed after me. “Say what?”

“That it’s over! I know I screwed up and freaked out, but I don’t want to lose you. Can you at least let me pretend that we’re still together by not saying the words?”

He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. “You think I want to break up with you?”

I nodded as tears burst out.

“Cadence, no!” He clasped my face and brushed my tears away with his thumbs. “I’m here because I thought
you
wanted to end it with me. I got a text this morning from Michael saying you were ready to talk and that I needed to come back. But I didn’t wanna face you if you were going to end it. Then I thought no, I’m not going to let her end it. I’m gonna go down there and make her listen to me so I can tell her that I love her.”

I gasped and my gaze shot up to meet his. “You . . . you . . .”

“Yes, Cadence, I’m madly, deeply, and crazy in love with you. There’s been no one else to equal you since the moment I laid eyes on you. You’re beautiful, and wonderful, and smart, and a complete nut job, but I love you more than anything.”

I clasped his wrists as he caressed my face. I gazed up into his eyes. “I was going to tell you the same thing―that I’m in love with you.”

His whole face lit up as a wide, relieved smile swept across it. He pulled my face in and he kissed me passionately as his arms wrapped around me, completely encompassing me. It sent ripples through my whole body, warming my soul.

I broke away, but stayed less than an inch from his lips. “James?”

“Yes?”

“Are your parents home?”

He looked down at me, confused. “No, Melanie has a . . .” He paused as his eyes widened. “Really?”

I nodded.

“But . . . really?”

I nodded again.

“Shoot! Come on!”

We ran to his car and rushed to his house. He fumbled to unlock the door and tugged me inside. Once the door shut, he grabbed me and kissed me as he guided me backward toward his room. He shut the door behind him and pulled off his shirt.

“Are you sure?” he asked as he stroked my face. “That’s what started all this and I don’t want to―”

“Shut up.” I grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him back into a kiss.

He pushed me backward until my legs pressed against his bed and he hurried to unbutton my blouse. I broke free of the kiss as I watched him and stroked his bare torso.

“James, you’re so hot.”

He grinned and finally pulled off my shirt. “It’s all for you.”

I reached back and unclipped my bra, watching his gaze fall. He stared as I became exposed. He shoved me back onto the bed.

“Oh, James.” I forced aside the feelings of guilt. Geri was right, I was crazy about James and he was mad about me, so there was no harm in any of it.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asked.

I nodded and took his hand. With a tug, I brought him up over me to kiss me. He slipped on his protection, and he made love to me gently, lovingly. “I love you so much, Cadence.”

“I love you, too.”

There was a tap on the door. James swore and pressed down over me, the second before it flew open. I ducked under him, trying to hide.

“James!” Melanie said in a high-pitched voice.

“Get out, Mel!”

She slammed the door. A moment later, his parents started arguing in the hallway. He jumped off me. “Get dressed.”

I hurried to obey. As I pulled my skirt back on, Karen tapped firmly on the door. “Both of you get dressed and come out right now.”

“She sounds angry,” I said.

He buttoned and zipped up his pants before rushing over to me. “Stay behind me.”

“They’re going to rip into us, aren’t they?”

“Me? Yes. You, they’ll probably try to ignore.” He pulled his shirt over his head.

My stomach felt like a hollow pit. “James―”

He kissed me. “It’ll be okay.”

He handed me my blouse. I pulled it on and buttoned it, then he took my hand.

The five steps from his bedroom to the living room were the longest walk I’d ever taken. As we passed out of the hallway and the room opened up, I dropped my gaze to avoid looking at his parents sitting together on the couch. James pulled me behind him as he came to a halt in front of them.

An awkward silence reigned, then John’s voice cut through. “Stop touching her, James.”

I bit my lip as my cheeks burned. But James’ hand tightened around mine and he pulled me closer until my nose pressed against his shoulder. From my well-protected position, I dared to glance up at them. John sat clenching his fists on his legs, his glare boring into James, while Karen couldn’t even look at us.

“Dad, Mum, it’s not as bad as it seems.”

Karen’s head fell into her hands as John launched onto his feet. “How long has this been going on?”

“This was only the second time.”

“James!” Karen said from the couch. “I thought you were past all of this.”

“I thought
she
was better than this!” John pointed at me accusingly with a hard, tight expression. “I thought you weren’t going to have sex until you were married! I thought, for once, James had picked a good girl―”

“Leave her alone!” James yelled at him.

“Shut up, boy! You’re grounded indefinitely.”

“I’m eighteen! You can’t do that!”

“But you still live under my roof.” He leaned in closer, staring James dead in the eyes. “This ends right now! You and her are over since I can’t trust you to keep your pants on.”

James’ arms came back and wrapped around me. “No.”

“No?” John turned his focus onto me. “Cadence, you are no longer welcome in this house.”

“John, don’t go that far!” Karen shot to her feet.

“Karen, I won’t have them having sex in my house.”

I pressed my face into James’ back, feeling more embarrassed by the second.

“Geez, Dad!” James’ voice rose to a yell. “It’s not like Cadence was my first!”

That drew John’s attention back to him. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah, I slept with Carla, Sally, and Becca before I started dating Cadence.”

Karen gasped and John stepped back in shock.

“I didn’t know you’d slept with Sally and Becca,” I said softly.

He glanced back at me and pulled me around under his arm. “But I was Cadence’s first, and that’s special to me because I love her.”

Both his parents stared at me in a stunned silence. My face burned, so I tucked it away into his chest. His arms wrapped around me protectively, and he kissed my head. “I love her more than anything because she’s amazing, and smart, and beautiful, and no matter what you do, I’ll always be with her.”

I couldn’t help looking up at his face. He gazed steadily at his father, his jaw clenched defiantly with his chin raised. He would fight them for me if he had to, but I didn’t want that. His family was more important than me. I squeezed his waist to get his attention.

His gaze fell to me and instantly he softened. His adoration for me poured out and almost made my heart stop beating.

“James.” I touched his face. “Don’t fight them.”

His eyes widened. “Cadence, I’m not going to let you go.”

“They’re your family. You shouldn’t let
them
go either. Maybe I should just go home so you can talk to them and work things out.”