Death of a Coupon Clipper (10 page)

After e-mailing Monday’s column to Sal, Hayley decided to spend the rest of her Sunday
relaxing and forgetting all about Candace Culpepper’s murder. Randy was at the bar
working, so she had the whole house to herself. Except there was Leroy, who at the
present was upstairs still hiding under a bed, hoping to avoid any more confrontations
with the devil cat, Blueberry.

And, of course, there was Blueberry, perched in front of a roaring fire in the living
room, eyes fixed on Hayley, who was sitting on the couch, cradling her laptop. Blueberry’s
eyes narrowed; a low, guttural growl erupted every time Hayley made the slightest
move. The flickering flames from the fire served as an appropriate backdrop, painting
a picture of the angry, vicious animal as
literally
the cat from hell.

Hayley’s cell phone buzzed from inside her bag. She fished it out and checked the
caller ID.

It was Mona.

“Don’t tell me. Your kids are driving you crazy and you need a quick escape. Well,
come on over,” Hayley said.

“Hayley, you need to haul ass down here to the police station before I get myself
into even bigger trouble,” Mona wailed.

“Mona, calm down. What’s going on?”

“Well, that dumber-than-a-post Officer Donnie showed up at my door tonight and wanted
to drag my butt down to the police station to ask me a bunch of stupid questions.
I told him to get lost because I was serving my kids dinner and would come down when
it was convenient for me.”

Mona had a quick temper.

Plus she was almost twice the size of beanpole Donnie.

Hayley instinctively knew this was not going to end well.

“Mona, please tell me you didn’t hurt him.”

“Of course I didn’t hurt him. I just roughed him up a little. Now don’t worry. His
nose isn’t broken.”

“You hit him?”

“I didn’t plan to. But when I refused to go with him, he pulled out a pair of handcuffs.
Can you believe that? That rat-faced, pimply bastard thought he could subdue me, so
I gently popped him in the nose with my fist. I guess I hit him a little too hard,
because blood spurted everywhere and got all over my new lime green sweatshirt I bought
at Walmart last week.”

“That’s assault, Mona.”

“Next thing I know, he’s swinging a rubber baton at me like he’s friggin’ Luke Skywalker
with a lightsaber. I just laughed in his face at that. That’s when he dropped the
baton and maced me.”

“He maced you?”

“Right on my front lawn. Right in front of my kids. They were drawn by the commotion
and came to the door and were chanting, ‘Fight, fight, fight’ and cheering me on,
because, well, they’re my kids. Of course they’re going to root for me clobbering
that sniveling son of a bitch.”

“Brawling with a police officer is not the best example to set for your kids, Mona.
I’m just saying.”

“I know that, but I was blinded by Mace. And it really pissed me off because it hurt
like hell, and I had Donnie in a headlock. . . .”

“Oh, dear God . . .”

“Yeah, my oldest said Donnie’s eyes were bulging out of his head and he was wagging
his tongue as I choked him. I wasn’t going to kill him or anything. I was just going
to teach him a lesson. That’s when he stomped on my foot and I let him go, and that
pathetic little wimp ran back to his squad car and locked himself inside, because
he was so scared, and he called for backup. My kids led me back inside, because I
couldn’t see a damn thing, so I could scoop out some ice cream for their dessert.
That’s when two cop cars came screeching down my street, sirens blaring, lights flashing,
like they were cornering the friggin’ Unabomber! They completely overreacted!”

“You hit a cop, Mona! When is that going to sink in?”

“Right about now, Hayley. I’m sitting here, freezing my butt off, in this rinky-dink
jail cell, and I only got one call, and my husband is too ticked off at me right now
to even answer the phone. Plus I sure as hell wasn’t going to call Liddy, so guess
who was next on the list? And do you know that Officer Donnie, that little shit, is
talking about pressing charges? I donated a fortune in lobsters to his parents’ thirtieth
wedding anniversary last summer. Talk about an ingrate.”

“I’ll be right down. Maybe I can calm Donnie down. You just sit tight, Mona, and please
promise me you’ll keep your mouth shut until I can get there.”

“Don’t worry. There’s nobody around to talk to. Donnie’s hiding in the chief’s office
right now, crying about his bloody nose.”

 

 

Hayley hung up and scribbled a note to Randy; then she pulled on her boots and threw
on her coat and trudged the half mile from Randy’s seaside home to the police station,
which was right in the center of town across from the village green, which served
as the town square.

Donnie’s sometimes patrol partner, Officer Earl, who was as rotund as Donnie was skinny,
and a foot and a half shorter—but just as slow-witted—was sitting at the reception
desk as Hayley blew through the front door.

“Evening, Hayley.”

“Hi, Earl. I hear it’s been pretty exciting around here tonight.”

“Mrs. Barnes is back there in the cell and she’s madder than a wet hen! She just stopped
yelling a few minutes ago, but I think it’s just because she lost her voice.”

“Can I speak with Donnie?”

“Sure. He’s in Chief Alvares’s office. He’s pretty embarrassed about getting beat
up by a woman.”

“Well, don’t make it worse by teasing him.”

“Too late,” Earl said, grinning from ear to ear.

Hayley made her way down the hall to the chief’s office and knocked on the door.

“Go away,” Donnie said from inside, his voice cracking.

“Donnie, it’s Hayley Powell. I just want to talk to you,” she said, trying the door
handle.

It was locked.

“I’m not releasing her, Hayley. She assaulted an officer.”

“I know, Donnie. You have every right to charge her. And you can testify in court
how you lost control of the situation and got clobbered by an unarmed mother of seven
children and how you locked yourself in the squad car until help arrived. And I promise
you, I will write the story for the paper myself. I bet Mona’s oldest even recorded
the whole thing on his phone and will post it online so all the evidence is out there.”

There was a
click
as Donnie unlocked the door and opened it a crack.

“You don’t think her kid got what happened on his phone, do you?”

“Who knows? Her kids are always posting things on YouTube and Facebook. But the important
thing is we bring Mona to justice by getting the truth out there for everyone to see.”

“Now hold on, I said I’m not releasing her. Just yet. I haven’t decided about charges,
but she needs to learn a lesson. The chief’s not here, and I don’t want him worrying
about something like this, so I’m leaning toward forgetting the whole thing and sending
her home in the morning, as long as she promises not to hit me again.”

“Mona’s a reasonable woman. I’m sure . . .”

Donnie raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll talk to her.”

“And I want an apology.”

“Absolutely. Can I go back and see her?”

Donnie nodded as he stuffed some more tissue up his nostril to soak up the blood.

Hayley hurried down the hallway to the jail cell. Mona was pacing back and forth,
muttering to herself. She stopped when she spotted Hayley standing outside the bars.

“Thank Christ you’re here. Did you talk to Officer Doofus?”

“Keep your voice down. I think I got him to agree to let you go in the morning.”

“In the morning? What the hell? I got my kids’ lunches to make for school tomorrow
and I’m doing the car pool, since I don’t trust the school buses on these icy roads
this time of year.”

“I can handle all that if you let me borrow your car. You just concentrate on not
causing any more scenes, being a good girl, and you may get out of this mess with
no charges filed against you.”

Mona finally realized Hayley had successfully defused the situation, and her attitude
shifted. She was much more quiet and compliant.

“Now promise me you won’t engage that poor kid anymore. His nose is still bleeding.”

Mona nodded.

“I’ll have Randy pick me up here and drop me off at your house. I’ll make sure everything’s
fine and I’ll get a cold breakfast on the table before I head home. Just relax. I’ll
take care of everything.”

Mona’s eyes welled up with tears.

Hayley was struck by the emotion on her friend’s face, because, frankly, Mona rarely
showed any.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Mona. You don’t have to worry.”

“It’s not that. I’m royally screwed, Hayley. I don’t have an alibi.”

“What are you talking about?”

“For Candace’s murder. Donnie told she was killed around nine o’clock. I wasn’t home
then!”

“Where were you?”

“Dennis and I had a fight and I needed to get some fresh air and clear my head, so
I took a drive around the island. I was all alone and the roads were empty and I parked
over in Seal Harbor and just stared at the ocean and played some Kenny Chesney on
the car radio. I must’ve been there two hours and nobody saw me.”

“Did you tell Donnie this?”

“No. I didn’t get the chance to, obviously. But he’s not going to believe me. Those
people heard me joking about killing Candace, and now everybody’s going to think I
did it. You gotta help me, Hayley. I’m drowning here.”

Hayley reached through the bars and clasped Mona’s hand. She was more determined than
ever to find out who stabbed Candace Culpepper.

Her best friend’s life could depend on it.

Hayley was released from her duties of transporting Mona home from jail early the
following morning. Instead, Mona’s husband, Dennis, would no doubt take the opportunity
during the ten-minute truck drive home to lecture his wife about her short temper.
Hayley was able to relax a bit, shower, and have some coffee before she trekked to
the office. The freezing weather had finally given way to some warmer temperatures,
so walking to work wasn’t going to be as harsh on this Monday morning as it had been
when the thermometer hovered below zero.

As she strolled down Main Street toward the
Island Times
office, Hayley noticed the snow melting on a few of the landscaped lawns out in front
of some local businesses.

She checked her watch: 7:45
A.M.

She had fifteen minutes before she was due at the office, so she decided to veer up
Hancock Street to make sure Mrs. Tubbs’s house was locked up tight and undisturbed,
since she was still in the hospital.

As Hayley approached the house, she saw that the police had removed the yellow tape
from around the crime scene on Candace Culpepper’s lawn. She walked by Candace’s house
and enough snow had melted in front of Mrs. Tubbs’s house that the cement walkway
to her front door was clear.

Hayley jiggled the knob. The door was locked. She peeked inside. Nothing seemed out
of the ordinary. She would stop by the hospital on her lunch hour and let Mrs. Tubbs
know everything was safe and secure at home.

As Hayley turned and started walking back toward Main Street, passing Candace’s house
again, her eye caught a flash of color in the squishy brown mud that was mixed with
what little snow was left. She stopped and looked closer. Whatever it was had specks
of green, red, and yellow. She knelt down and cleared away some of the mud with her
hand. It was a piece of paper. The color was the image of a can of Del Monte Green
Lima Beans.

It was a coupon.

Hayley gently picked it up and inspected it.

Sure enough, a two-for-one coupon.

Had Candace dropped it when her assailant stabbed her in the back?

Hayley suddenly gasped. This could not have belonged to Candace, because she made
it very clear in the hospital cafeteria that she detested lima beans—all beans, in
fact—so it wouldn’t make sense that she would have a coupon for lima beans on her
person at the time of the murder.

Perhaps the killer dropped the coupon.

That would make more sense. Clearly, whoever had it out for Candace collected coupons
as well.

Which didn’t look good for Mona, who was her chief rival trying to get picked to appear
on the
Wild and Crazy Couponing
show.

Could the coupon belong to Drew Nickerson? The two were having an affair. Hayley had
yet to report that fact to Officer Donnie. Frankly, she didn’t trust him to handle
it right. One wrong move and he might scare Nickerson, who could blow town.

And if there was one thing she could count on, it was Donnie making a wrong move.

No. She would investigate further on her own before she brought the acting chief up
to speed.

But Drew Nickerson raked in thousands of dollars for every appearance he made on
Wild and Crazy Couponing.
Why would someone like that need to collect coupons and save money on groceries?

Her gut told her this coupon belonged to someone else.

Hayley slipped the paper into her pocket and headed to the office, when a pickup truck
pulled up alongside her and splashed her leg with some dirty brown slush from the
side of the road.

“Want a ride to the office?” she heard Lex say as he rolled down his window.

“No. The office is just a few minutes away. But you can give me a lift to the dry
cleaner later and pay the bill to clean my pants,” Hayley said with a smile.

Lex leaned out and saw the muddy mess on the leg of her pants.

“Sorry about that. Can I make it up to you later? Have dinner with me,” Lex said.

“You think one dinner’s going to cover it?”

“I’ll try to think of more ways after dinner,” he said, winking.

“Let me call you this afternoon. It’s going to be a crazy week, and despite all the
chaos surrounding Candace Culpepper’s murder, I have to think about how I’m going
to win the grand prize on this coupon-clipping show.”

“They’re still going ahead with that after all that’s happened?”

Hayley nodded, feeling guilty for even thinking about how relieved she was that in
this case the old saying was true: “The show must go on.”

“What are you doing on this side of town? You have the morning off?” Hayley asked.

“No. I’m heading to the estate now. I had to stop by the hospital.”

“Why? Has there been a change in Edgar’s condition?”

“No change. But in case there is, and they eventually send him home, Edgar’s nephew,
Clark, has put me in charge of hiring a new nurse. I just offered Tilly McVety the
job.”

“Wait. Are you saying Candace was working for . . . ?”

“Yeah, she was moonlighting in her spare time, looking after Edgar. Just a few days
a week. The hospital had cut back on her shifts and she needed some extra cash, so
Edgar was willing to pay her a nice sum when she wasn’t at the hospital.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“I didn’t think it was that big a deal. Besides, I haven’t seen you. Clark’s been
a real taskmaster. He’s been working me nonstop, twenty-four/seven. I finally have
a night off tonight and I want to make the most of it.”

Hayley’s mind raced. Candace had been working as a nurse for frozen-seafood magnate
Edgar Hollingsworth. Edgar was worth billions, and it was no secret he had stepped
on a lot of people over the decades to get into that elusive 1 percent. If Candace
had spent as much time with Edgar as Lex said, there was the possibility that someone
might have wanted Edgar dead. Perhaps, Candace found out about the murder plot and
had to be eliminated before she could tell someone. Hayley admitted to herself that
her imagination was truly at work from reading too many detective novels. It certainly
seemed to be in the realm of possibility, given just how much money was involved.

But who could it be?

And did this person have a taste for Del Monte Green Lima Beans?