Death Changes Everything (12 page)

“I’d never really thought about dying until I couldn’t think about anything else. When I was diagnosed, the thought of dying was terrifying. It drove me to fight when the treatment made me so ill I didn’t want to do it anymore. Then, when the doctor told me this summer that there wasn’t anything else we could do, strangely enough, all I felt was peace.

“When I’m feeling well, I find my days very precious to me. When the pain is bad, I see what a blessing it will be to be released from it, but it’s a blessing to wake up in the morning and experience another day.”

“I’m sure anyone would feel the same.”

“I don’t know, Emma. Each one of us faces death in our own way. Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly unwell, I find myself wondering whether this is the time that I won’t get better.”

Emma didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing at all. As a therapist, people always expected her to have just the right words for every situation. At times like this, Emma was reminded just how wrong they were.

“With all the thinking I’ve been doing,” Grace continued, “I’ve stumbled on a simple truth that I hadn’t seen before. Death changes everything, Emma. The fact that we die makes our lives worth living.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you’re young, life stretches out in front of you endlessly. What will you do with all of that time? How will you make your mark? Every single day of our lives, whether we are five or one hundred and five, is equally precious, Emma. But when you feel you have all the time in the world, you don’t realize that. Think how many of those precious days we simply waste because we don’t realize how few of them we have.”

“Erikson,” said Emma, alluding to psychologist Erik Erikson, whose theory of personality development rested in how each person approached certain challenges at each stage of life. The final stage, Erikson postulated, was the challenge of integrity vs. despair. Some will look back on their lives with satisfaction and others will fall into despair, regretting opportunities lost.

Grace nodded. “I met him, you know. Brilliant man. Lovely wife. I don’t entirely agree with him, but it made for a lively dinner party conversation.”

“It blows my mind that you went to a dinner party with someone I only read about in grad school.”

“It’s a blessing, really, to know that I’m dying. I don’t know the exact day or time, of course, but I know that it will come in weeks or months, not years. Death sharpens my focus. It drives me to resolve things I have left unresolved far too long.”

“Do you have regrets, Grace?”

“Oh my, yes. No one gets through life without doors they wish they hadn’t closed or paths they wonder if they should have explored. Thankfully, I’ve been able to re-open one of those doors.” She smiled warmly at Emma. “What about you? Is there anything you’ve been longing to do?”

“I think much about things I can’t do. I focus on being satisfied with what I have in front of me.”

“And I know, you think you’re being very wise. I wonder, is it serenity you achieve or are you settling? Cast your eyes to the horizon, Emma. Don’t be afraid to dream.”

“Well, since we’re dreaming, I guess I’d like to travel. I’d love to see with my own eyes some of the places I’ve only read about. Touch the Great Wall of China or hear the bells of Notre Dame. I could spend a month in New York City or London alone.”

“What stops you?”

“A million things. Money, for one. Everybody thinks lawyers are rich, but we’re sure not. Even if I could scrimp and save to be able to afford the expenses of the trip, every day we’re not seeing clients, we’re not making any money. Missing more than a week of appointments is a real financial hardship, and it’s not just me who’d be hurting. I have Kristy to think of, too. I don’t know, maybe someday.”

“And that’s exactly what I’ve been saying about time being precious. How many of us never realize our dreams because we’re waiting for a someday that never comes? Look at me. I’ve traveled the world, yet what have I seen of it? Airports. Hotels. Conference Centers. Treatment facilities. I don’t know why I didn’t build in time on these trips to stop and look around, but I was always rushing from one thing to the next. What an opportunity squandered.”

“You’ve hardly wasted your life. Think of all the people you’ve been able to help, directly and indirectly through the people who’ve been influenced by your work.”

“I do think about that and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. My point is, that because our time on earth is limited, we should make the most of every minute. I’ve been blessed to have been given more than seventy years, but even that seems like no time at all.

“Don’t put off your dreams waiting for someday, Emma. Do something every day to try to make your dreams come true.”

“And trust the rest to God.” Emma said softly.

***

Kristy pulled into Matt’s space in front of his apartment. She put her arm around his waist to steady him and walked the short distance to his door. As Matt unlocked it, a slip of paper fluttered to the ground. He bent to pick it up, but grimaced.

Kristy scooped it up and read it aloud, “Mr. Joyner, the car you reported was in your spot again so I’ve had it towed. Hopefully this will not be an issue in the future.” It was signed by the building manager. Kristy looked up at Matt. “Someone’s been parking in your spot?”

“Yeah, three times. Once after I’d left a note on his windshield.”

“That’s annoying. I’m lucky you have to know the code to the gate under my building or I’d never get to use my space. You know what parking is like downtown.”

“Nobody ever seems to park in the police lot.”

“Gosh, I wonder why,” Kristy said sarcastically.

Matt gave her a kiss on the cheek and went into the bedroom to change into fresh clothes and pack a bag. Kristy wandered into the kitchen and idly opened the refrigerator door, shaking her head at its bachelor contents. Closing the door, she smiled to see the magnet with her work phone number that she’d given Matt when he first asked her for a date. She traced the edges, smiling to herself, then she noticed the piece of paper beneath it.

“Matt? Is this the car that was in your space?” she called.

Matt came out of the bedroom and tossed an overstuffed gym bag onto the chair in the dining area before joining Kristy in the kitchen. “That’s the one.” His arms circled her waist and he rested his chin on the top of her head, following her gaze.

“It’s a white Camaro. Did it have black stripes, do you remember?”

“I don’t.”

Kristy made a face at him. “And you the trained observer.”

“It was late and I was tired. At least I wrote down the plate number.”

“Let’s go talk to the building manager.”

“C’mon, there are a million white Camaros, you heard Morty.”

“Then we’ll knock another one off the list.”

Matt tossed his bag into the back seat of Kristy’s car before walking with her to the office. Saturday was a busy day, with people making appointments to view apartments or people just stopping by to see if there were any vacancies.

They were happy to catch the manager unlocking her office, having just returned from showing an apartment. She ushered them in and when Matt told her why they were there, she pulled a folder from a metal filing cabinet. “I keep a record of every car I have to tow.”

“I imagine people come here looking for their car when it’s not where they left it,” said Kristy.

“Sometimes. Believe me, in my line of work, I’ve been called every name in the book and all because I have the nerve to expect people to pay their rent on time and obey a few simple rules.”

“That’s insane.”

She shrugged. “All in a day’s work. This used to be a really nice complex when I started working here. Then the owners sold it to some big out-of-state investment group that hasn’t put a dime into it in years. You should know,” she said, looking at Matt. “You’ve been here even longer than I have. Here’s the car.”

Kristy leaned over and read the form as Matt held it. The Camaro was white with black stripes and had been towed on Wednesday morning. The last time anyone had seen the car they were looking for was the previous Saturday at Steven Hill’s funeral. Her heart started to beat a little faster. She looked at Matt, whose expression was blank.

“Could I get a copy of this?” he asked, handing it back to the manager.

“Sure.” She went into a room in the back and returned with a copy, which she handed to Matt. The original, she returned to the file folder.

“Did anyone come in asking about this car?” asked Matt.

She shook her head. “There’s a sign in the lot with the tow company’s phone number. Most people just deal with them directly.”

Once they were on their way to the tow company, Kristy asked Matt how he could be so calm. “I wanted to jump up and shout when I saw that form and you just sat there looking like it was no big deal. Remind me not to play poker with you.”

“I’m excited, can’t you tell?” He smiled at her frustration. “Look, it might be our mystery woman’s car, but it probably isn’t. There are just too many cars like that on the road for me to get excited about this one until we see it.”

“If it’s still in impound, that would explain why the police haven’t spotted it yet.”

“Agreed, but if it is her, why would she be at my complex?”

“Maybe she knows someone there.”

“Someone who should have told her not to park in my spot.” Matt showed his badge to the clerk at the impound lot, who told him the car was still there. Pulling out a grimy binder, he flipped through the pages until he found the one he was looking for, then turned it around for Matt to see. “Woman came in asking about it, but she didn’t have the money.”

“Did she leave her name? Phone number?”

“Yep. Had to. I gave her one of these.” He pulled down a clipboard that was hanging on the wall and put it on the counter in front of Matt. It was a blank legal notice with the towing and daily storage fees and informed owners that if they did not claim their vehicle and pay all accrued fees within thirty days, their car would be sold. Owners were required to give their name and contact information as acknowledgement.

“When did she say she’d be back?”

“Didn’t. Just took her copy and left. Didn’t even clean out her stuff.”

“Can I see the form?” asked Matt.

“Nope. Boss had somebody break in and steal them all once. Idiot stole his car too, so it didn’t take a rocket scientist to find him. We keep them in the safe now. I put them in the slot just like I do the cash. He’s the only one who can open it.”

“Well, then, where’s your boss?” Matt was rapidly losing patience with the clerk. His temper was not helped by the fact that he was starting to get dizzy from being too long on his feet. The fact that he was still so weak was frustrating.

“In Kansas City for some NASCAR race. Won’t be back ‘til next week.”

“Can you at least make me a copy of this intake form?” There was a stain on the page that Matt attributed to the stack of empty Red Bull cans arranged artfully on a shelf against the wall. He wondered how much of the office’s disarray was because of the absence of the boss.

“Copier’s broke.”

Matt took out his phone and called dispatch. “Hazel, can you run me plates and a VIN number?”

“Matthew Joyner! What are you doing working? You know what the Captain said.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know he said it to the whole world.”

The woman chuckled. “Maybe not the world, but certainly the whole department.”

“Well I’ll make you a deal. Run this for me and if it turns out to be anything, I’ll let Morty take it from here.”

“That I can do, but I’m holding you to it.” The line was silent for so long, Matt wondered if Hazel had hung up on him. When she finally came back on the line, her voice was crisp and professional. “I’ve notified Detective Brugnick of your location and Captain Danning is contacting the CA’s office to arrange for a search warrant.”

“Tell him to include the office. The woman who owns the car filled out a notice form. Clerk says he put it in the safe but the safe is locked and the owner’s out of town.”

“I’ll let him know. Captain says you are to go home the minute Detective Brugnick arrives to relieve you.”

“Don’t worry, Hazel. I promised and I’m a man of my word.”

“That’s the rumor, Matt. You take care of yourself.”

She disconnected the call and Matt put his phone back in his pocket. He turned to the clerk. “You don’t happen to have a key for that car?” The clerk just snorted. “Yeah, I thought not.”

He and Kristy went outside to wait for Brugnick. After the stuffy, overheated office, the fresh air felt good. “What did she say?” asked Kristy.

“Just that Morty is on the way and the Captain’s pulling a search warrant.”

Detective Brugnick pulled up in front of the office about ten minutes later. He walked over to where Matt and Kristy were waiting. “Captain’s gunning for you,” he greeted Matt. “Says you shoulda called me instead of coming out here yourself.”

“I didn’t want to bother you if it was just another white Camaro.” Matt filled Brugnick in on what he and Kristy had learned so far.