Dear Tabitha (30 page)

“I understand. Where are you staying? Can I meet you back at your hotel?” I ask.

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t made a reservation anywhere. I want to spend some time with Sara, and then we’ll figure it out. Marta wants her to leave today. Her health is failing fast and she really only has a few more days left. She doesn’t want Sara to see her through the rest of this illness.”

“I’ll text you when I get into the city, and I’ll book you a room at the hotel that I’m staying at, okay? Does that work?” I ask her.

“Sure, that sounds great.” She pauses. “Thank you, Alex. I’m glad you’re here.”

She opens the door of the cab and winces. Her hand is so swollen and bloody, I hope she didn’t break anything.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I will be. I will be,” she says softly as she closes the door and presses a button on what I assume is an intercom. The gates open to reveal a large, sprawling estate. She walks through the gate and it closes behind her.

“Where to now?” the cab driver asks me. I’m afraid to look at the meter at this point.

“Any recommendations for a decent hotel in the city?”

“Well, judging by the looks of your girl there, I’d say that The Heathman is right up your alley,” he says.

“Fine, whatever. Just get me there so I can get cleaned up and book a couple of rooms,” I answer.

We arrive in front of the hotel and I realize what he meant. This place is like something out of a movie. I step out of the cab and grab my bags. “How much?” I ask the driver.

“I capped it at one hundred dollars. I couldn’t charge you any more than that,” he answers.

“Great,” I say, handing him that plus a decent tip. I walk into the hotel toward the reservation desk.

“Hello, sir, do you have a reservation with us tonight?”

“No, I was hoping to get two rooms. One with two double beds and the other a king. Preferably adjoining,” I say as I hand him my credit card.

“I actually have a two bedroom suite available that should meet your needs. Would that work for you?” he asks.

“Sure, whatever.” I shrug. A porter has already whisked my bag up to my room, and I realize that I need to change. My bloody shirt is hidden under my jacket, but I need to get it off.

He gives me the key to the suite and I go upstairs.

Once I’m in the room, I strip down and start the shower. I realize that I need to text Tabby to let her know where I am.

The Heathman Hotel, Room 264. Hope all goes well. Thinking about you. Alex

I drop my phone onto the bed and step into the scalding shower.

Thank God she is okay. I don’t know what I’d do if something bad had happened to her today or ever.

I let the hot water wash her blood from me. Down the drain with her blood goes my ability to hold her past decisions against her. I still need time, but I can see that she loves Sara and know that she loves Emily the same. I realize that we still need to talk about the past and Emily, but my need to be with her is too strong not to forgive her.

I will never leave her again.

Present

Age 24

I
WALK
up the long driveway to the Constantino compound. I hope that I’ve gotten here before Sara, because I don’t want her to see me all battered and bruised from my fight with Tony’s headstone. I make it to the entrance and the door opens. Marta’s aide is waiting for me, and she shakes her head when she sees me.

“Tabitha, what happened to your hands?” she asks, clearly concerned. She ushers me in and leads me to the large bathroom off of the main hall. She immediately starts washing my hands, clearing the blood from my knuckles.

“Tony’s grave and I didn’t get along,” I answer her, slightly embarrassed.

“Dear girl, why would you do such a thing?” She spreads some ointment over my knuckles and starts to dab it with cotton. Now that they’re clean, they look so much better, but I know the swelling will kick in overnight. As if she hears my thoughts, she hands me a couple of ibuprofen pills and a glass of water.

“Take these. They should help you feel better,” she says.

I swallow the pain medication and leave the bathroom.

“How is she?” I ask, referring to Marta.

“She’s had a rough afternoon. I have to say that I’m very glad that you’re taking Sara away from here today. A seven year old girl should not witness her grandmother dying.”

That’s an understatement.

“When is Sara due home?” I ask.

“Any minute. Carlos went to pick her up about fifteen minutes ago,” she says.

My stomach begins to do flips and my nerves set in. I can’t believe I’m going to see Sara for the first time. I’m both thrilled and terrified at the same time.

I go into the large back room where Marta is resting and see that she’s awake.

“Carlos told me that he took you to Tony’s grave. Why,
cara
? Why did you visit him? Did it do you any good?” she asks in a frail voice.

“I wanted to tell him what a piece of shit he was and that I hope he rots in hell,” I state bluntly.

She gets agitated and begins coughing. I feel bad for getting her upset, but I’m not going to lie to this woman to make her feel better. She catches her breath and looks up at me with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. I wish things could have been different,” she says softly.

“Yeah, me too,” I respond and walk to look out one of the French doors. There are a half dozen gardeners meticulously landscaping the grounds and I wonder how long it takes them to complete this monumental task.

“Sara should be home any minute. I can’t wait for you to meet her, finally,” she says as I turn to look at her again. I’m thankful to see the color return to her face.

As if on cue, Carlos comes into the room, “Ms. Constantino, Sara is home. I’ll bring her in.”

I’m suddenly nervous again and start clasping my hands in front of me. A beautiful girl with curly brownish-bronze hair walks slowly into the room. She’s smiling and immediately comes straight toward me. “Hi, I’m Sara. You must be Tabitha,” she says in a confident and chipper voice.

I want to run to her and scoop her up into my arms, but I restrain myself. She doesn’t know me yet. My stomach is doing flips right now from nerves and excitement. I can’t believe my daughter is standing in front of me. The daughter that I haven’t seen for seven years. She’s real. My heart melts when I see her smile. I’m immediately happy to notice that she doesn’t look anything like Tony. That may be wrong for me to be happy about, but it would be hard to see any traces of that bastard in any of her features. She’s all me, which makes me swell with pride.

“Hi, Sara. It’s so nice to finally meet you,” I respond as I begin to sob. I can’t stop myself from crying, but I don’t want to upset her. I pull my hands up to cover my face and hide my tears.

Marta looks between us and can’t contain her tears either. Her aide quickly comes to her side and starts wiping wet streaks from her face. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy to see the two of you together.” She weeps openly and Sara rushes over to her side. The kindness that Sara exudes is extraordinary. She attends to Marta so lovingly.

“It’s okay,
Nona
. She’s here now and that’s all that matters.” she holds Marta’s hand and rests her head on her chest. It’s incredible, watching the tenderness that comes from this beautiful little girl.

“Yes, I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere ever again,” I state as my tears still flow down my face. I’m so nervous right now, and I keep stopping myself from rushing to Sara and pulling her close. Now that she’s within my reach, I never want to let her go again.

As if she can read my mind, Sara looks up and leaves Marta’s side. She walks over to me and wraps her tiny arms around my body. I bend down to envelop her in my arms. I can’t help but cry tears of joy for being able to hold my little girl again. Sara doesn’t let me go and I hold on tightly.

Marta’s sobs become louder and her aide encourages her to calm down. She brings an oxygen mask to help her breathe.

“
Nona
, this is a happy time. Everyone needs to stop crying.” Sara smiles as she reaches over to grab one of Marta’s hands while still holding onto me. She’s the link between Marta and me, and she smiles while looking back and forth into each of our eyes. “We’re a family. All of us,” she says.

This child just makes me feel so warm and open. Her optimism and innocence are pure. I remember what happened to me after Trina died when I was her age. I saw unicorns and rainbows before she died, and nothing but snakes and scorpions since. My outlook on life changed in that one moment that Trina was killed by that dump truck.

I suddenly realize that I need to protect Sara’s innocence at all costs. I understand why Marta wants us gone so Sara can’t watch her die. I look into Marta’s eyes and she nods in silent understanding.

It’s time for us to say our goodbyes.

“Sara, honey. Come here and give me a big hug, will you?” Marta asks.

“Yes,
Nona
.” She gingerly throws herself into Marta’s open arms. “I love you. Thank you for finding my … Tabitha,” she says.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but I know I need to earn the title of ‘Mother’.

“You be a good girl, Sara. Listen to Tabitha because she is one of the wisest women that I know. I’m so happy that you’re going to live in a new place and make new friends. Tabitha has told me about all of her friends in Philadelphia. They are such sweet and nice people, and they are going to treat you just like family.” she pauses to take a breath from her oxygen mask. Her breathing is becoming very labored, and I can tell that she may not be coherent for too much longer. “You’re a very lucky little girl. Please remember how much I love you.” She pulls her tighter into her chest, and I can tell that the sheer force of this hug is going to make Marta pass out. “I love you so very much,” she says and releases Sara from her grasp. She has tears in her eyes and quickly turns away to wipe them.

“I love you, too,
Nona
,” she says, kissing Marta’s cheek.

I reach my hand out to Sara. “I have a room in Portland tonight. We’re staying at a hotel called The Heathman, and I hear they have awesome ice cream sundaes.”

She jumps down from Marta’s bed and rushes to my side, grabbing my hand. This gesture alone nearly causes my knees to buckle.

“Yay!” she says. “What’s your favorite flavor, Tabitha?”

“Vanilla with chocolate syrup.” I smile as I answer her.

“Mine, too!” she screeches.

I look over my shoulder as Marta lays eyes on her granddaughter for the last time. My heart begins to break for the loss that Sara is about to experience and for the loss that Marta is currently experiencing. No matter what that woman did to me, she doesn’t deserve to die all alone. She also doesn’t deserve to lose her granddaughter forever. I’m thankful that she made the right decision and brought me to Sara.

I mouth the words, ‘Thank you,’ to her as I leave the room with Sara. I hear her quiet sobs as I close the door.

Carlos is waiting in the foyer. “Are you girls ready to go to your hotel?” he asks, gesturing toward the door.

“Yes! Tabitha says they have the best ice cream sundaes in all of Portland. I can’t wait!” She giggles and takes off. It’s amazing to watch my daughter’s excitement.

“I’ve heard the same thing, Sara. So why don’t we get you there as soon as possible?” he says, following her toward the door.

She hops out the front door to the car waiting in the driveway. “Oooh, it’s the big car. This is so much fun!” she says, giggling some more. I’m happy that she’s excited and doesn’t realize the gravity of the situation that we’re leaving behind. I look over my shoulder and picture Marta, alone.

I see a white stretch limousine with the back door already open. Sara runs into the open door and slides across the vast bench seat. “Hurry, Tabitha!” she yells from inside the car.

“After you,” Carlos says, gesturing toward the open door.

I slide into the limousine next to Sara, and Carlos closes the door. I watch the compound disappear through the back window, and I look at Sara and smile. I’m happy to be in the car with my future.