Dear Emily (Forever Family) (15 page)

New Brunswick, New Jersey

Past

Age 18

This semester
is just flying by! I’m finally caught up in Biology and Professor Martin is none the wiser about my little white lie. It’s been a few weeks since I was alone with Kyle and I’m feeling a little better about it. This is finals week and then I go home for winter break. I can’t wait!

I love the holidays. There are no bigger Christmas geeks than my family. Our Christmas tree is always up the day after Thanksgiving. Some of my favorite memories of the holidays revolve around my family and decorating our house. My father is a stickler for traditions and keeps us to them religiously.

Our tree is artificial, so it’s OK that it goes up so early. This is an embarrassing fact, but our tree is on a rotating stand. My father has had it since the Seventies and the thing still works. You can hear the motor churning as it spins and every year we expect sparks to shoot out of it. But it still keeps turning. It spins the Christmas tree in our living room window for all of the neighbors to admire. To laugh at. It even plays a tinny sounding ‘Jingle Bells’ that’s always on a constant loop.

So yes, we are Christmas nerds. And I’m so proud.

So proud, in fact, that I decorated my dorm room as soon as I returned from Thanksgiving break. Lights are strung throughout and a small twinkling tree sits on the windowsill. All of these decorations are mine since I haven’t seen Ginger in what seems like weeks. I know she’s been in and out because some of her things have moved. I’m content when we completely avoid each other. It just makes life easier.

I have my Biology final today and I’m so glad to put this class behind me. I grab my backpack and head out.

After a brisk five-minute walk, I reach the lecture hall. It’s already full and I make my way to my usual seat. I look up and see Kyle in the front of the room. He seems to be collating tests. He looks up at me and I immediately flush. God, I’ve missed him. His eyes. His dimple. His smile.

He flashes that famous smile and winks at me.

Now I’m never going to be able to concentrate! I’ve come undone with one look.

He starts passing out the exams and when he reaches me he says, “Carly. You look well. Are you ready for winter break?”

I take the packet of papers from him and our fingers brush against each other. The familiar tingling starts in the tips of my fingers, moves up my arm, and radiates throughout my chest.

“Yes, I’m ready,” I answer breathlessly.

He nods and moves on. “Have a Merry Christmas.”

He has now passed me and is handing exams out to other students.

“Merry Christmas,” I whisper, mostly to myself.

I take out my pen and open the exam. I read the first question and I immediately draw a blank.

Shitty. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I take some deep breaths and try to focus. God! How can he affect me so much?

I finally start to answer the exam questions and I think I’m doing OK. I have to write an essay describing the blood type lab and how results are determined. As soon as I start to write, I picture Kyle stabbing my fingertip with a needle. I laugh out loud and Kyle looks up from the proctor’s seat. Our eyes meet and I hold his gaze for several moments. I smile at him and lower my eyes back down to my paper. I can still feel him looking at me as I remember that day. If only he didn’t have a girlfriend. Damn!

I complete my answer to the essay and realize I’ve finished the exam. I look around the room and at least half of the students have left. I’m so glad to be done with this class.

I stand up and practically skip down to the front and place my exam in the pile of completed tests.

“Bye, Kyle. Merry Christmas,” I say softly, turn and leave the room.

I don’t want to linger. There is really nothing more to say to each other. We are acquaintances at best. He helped me through a jam and I’m grateful but there isn’t anything more. There can’t be.

I walk out of the building toward the library. I have another exam tonight and I need to spend the rest of the day in my secluded corner on the third floor. I need to nail this last test before I can be comfortable that I’m home free.

I find that my ‘secret’ area in the library is deserted, as usual. I pull two chairs together so I can stretch out my legs. I settle in, take out my Sociology book and notes, and commence studying. The test is five hours away and I confidently think I’m going to ace it!

After several minutes of perusing my notes, my eyes start to feel heavy and I’m suddenly so tired. I look at my watch; it’s twelve-thirty. If I take a little nap now, I can wake up with plenty of time to spare. I’ll finish reviewing my notes and go ace the test.

I drift off to sleep as I continue to rationalize this.

~

I’m mostly groggy as I start to wake up from my impromptu nap. My wrists feel tight and they are pinned on either side of me. I feel pressure on my pelvis and hot breath in my face. My eyes jolt open and I’m face to face with my worst fears. I start to panic as I stare into Todd’s cold, dark eyes.

He smirks as his nose is touching mine, “Hey Pussycat.” He doesn’t give me the chance to say anything. He crushes his lips onto mine forcing his rigid tongue into my mouth. I’m gasping, trying to breathe. His weight is heavy on me and I’m completely immobile. I feel how hard he is as he grinds his hips into me and he is pressing into my gut as he moves lower to grind into my core. I’m wearing thin jogging pants so I can feel
everything
.

I’m attempting to struggle but he has me completely pinned. His open mouth is absorbing my muffled cries. He won’t stop! I try to bite his tongue and his lip, but he is too quick. He’s suffocating me with his mouth. My panic takes complete hold of my body and I try to thrash beneath him. I can’t let this happen again.

My wrists are burning and I feel so weak. I can’t fight him off of me. My body is betraying me as he is grinding up against my most sensitive area.

He’s now holding both of my wrists with one hand as he grabs my breast and squeezes my nipple. He doesn’t remove his mouth from mine as he continues to absorb my grunts and pleas. His hand travels down over my belly, pulls down my loose pants, and dips into my panties. His finger finds my sensitive area and starts to rub vigorously. I’m having trouble breathing because the tears and snot building up in my nose are making me gag.

I start to buck my hips to try to push him off of me.

“Pussycat, you know you want me. I can feel it,” he says as he plunges his fingers into me. I immediately tense up as his fingernails scrape against my walls. The pain I feel flips a switch and my panic is spiraling out of control. He’s pumping his fingers into me, pressing his thumb against my clit and says, “Come for me, Pussycat.” No! He’s fucking demonic! How can he think he can get me aroused?

I’m gagging on his tongue as snot continues to drip down the back of my throat. I’d rather choke to death then allow my body to respond to his torture. I’m burning all over and feel immense pain in my core. He’s tearing up my most sensitive areas with his fingers. I feel like my insides are being shredded.

He covers my mouth with his hand, further muffling my cries, and bites the side of my neck. Pain shoots down my spine and I feel warmth on my neck.

Blood.

He then bites the top of my breast. The pain is excruciating! I feel more blood on my chest as he bites me in two more places. His hand closes tighter over my mouth and moves to cover my nose. He’s going to suffocate me! I try to thrash, but it’s useless. He opens his jeans and is about to push himself into me. I feel a stabbing pain in my gut.

Everything fades into darkness.

~

I feel like I’m moving and I’m freezing. I’m laying down on something and it’s bouncing a little. I’m shaking uncontrollably as I try to open my eyes. I feel someone’s hand on my wrist and hear the words, ‘Pulse is weak. Her blood pressure is low. She’s in shock’. I hear sirens coming from somewhere.

Who is that person talking to? I’m fucking freezing! Can someone give me a blanket? I feel tremors traveling through my entire body.

“Carly.” I hear my name. I think I recognize the voice. It’s a male voice and it seems so far away.

“Carly, please wake up.” He is pleading with me now. I can barely hear him as my ears start to ring and blackness envelopes me again.

~

I feel a warm, soft hand on my arm, slowly rubbing me. I hear the beeping of machines and I slowly open my eyes.

Everything is blurry, but I can make out a large figure sitting next to me. He has his head bent down and he appears to be sleeping while sitting up. His hand is moving on its own up and down my arm.

Kyle.

I try to speak but I have a mask over my face. I can feel the cool oxygen as I start to breathe rapidly.

My eyes are wide open now and I begin to panic. The last thing I remember is Todd forcing himself on me. Raping me. Again.

I start gasping for air and sobbing out loud. I’m moaning at the same time and the noises sound almost guttural.

Kyle jolts awake.

“Carly, calm down.” He stands over me and places both hands on my arm.

“Carly, it’s OK. You are safe. Safe. I
promise
.” He’s pleading with me to relax and I start to breathe more normally.

“Don’t speak, just listen to me. OK? Everything is going to be OK.”

I close my eyes and nod. I am trying to calm myself down.

I keep my eyes closed as he begins to talk.

“Carly, I was looking for you after the Biology exam. I ran into your friend Becca and she said that I could find you in your ‘secret’ spot.” He takes a deep breath and I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. The tears are now silently streaming down the sides of my face.

“When I got to the third floor, I could hear what sounded like muffled cries. I heard someone grunting.” He squeezes my hand tight and rubs his thumb over the top of my hand gently.

“What I saw, God, Carly. There was blood. So much of it. Todd was on top of you and was about to rape you. God, if I didn’t get there when I did. Oh, God.”

He’s quiet for a few moments and then continues.

“I don’t know what came over me, but I hurt him. Bad. He’s here in the hospital, unconscious. The fucker deserves to die.”

I open my eyes to look at him. As I focus, I see marks on his face. His lip is swollen and bruised. His left eye is practically swollen shut. I look down to his hands and the knuckles are torn with dried blood caked on them.

I gasp and sob again.

“I’m so sorry, Kyle,” I cry. “I’m so sorry that you got involved in this.”

“Carly! Stop! He hurt you so bad that you passed out. You went into shock. He almost killed you!” His voice is breaking and if I could see through my own tears, I would swear that he is also crying.

‘Oh my God’ is all I can say as I turn my head and I look away.

I feel his hand rest lightly on the top of my head as his thumb starts to massage my temple.

“Carly, you are OK. You are going to be OK. I won’t ever let this happen again. I
promise
you that I’m not leaving your side again.”

He leans over and softly kisses the top of my head. His lips linger and for the first time in a long time, I feel safe. I’m not afraid of him. I’m in so much physical and emotional pain, but I’m happy that I’m finally not afraid.

I lean into his chest and wrap my arms around him. The tubes hanging from my arms get tangled, but I don’t care. I just hold on tight and let out all of my sobs.

His shirt is wet from my tears and he sits on the bed with me as I curl into him.

The door opens and a doctor comes in.

“Miss Sloan? I see you are awake.” She smiles softly and nods to Kyle.

“Mr. Finnegan, if you would excuse us for a few moments? I’d like to speak with Miss Sloan about her injuries.”

Kyle kisses the top of my head one more time and stands up to leave.

“I’ll be right outside. I am not going anywhere. I. Promise.”

He walks slowly out the door.

“Miss Sloan, or can I call you Carly?” she asks.

“Carly is fine,” I say quietly.

“You went into shock after your ordeal. Your lacerations on your neck and your breasts were mostly superficial. However, the one on your abdomen was quite deep. You lost a considerable amount of blood from that area. We cleaned and closed up the wound. The knife missed all vital organs Carly, you are very lucky.”

Wait. What? Knife?

“Knife?” I ask incredulously. “He didn’t have a knife. He was
biting
me.” As I say that out loud, my stomach lurches at the sheer violence of Todd’s act. I feel like I’m going to vomit.

“Yes Carly, the marks on your neck and breasts are indeed bite marks. But the wound to your abdomen was most definitely caused by a medium blade knife.”

‘Shit’ is all I can say. Burning pain shoots down my side and through my gut. I swallow heavily as I feel the bile begin to rise.

“We examined you internally as well. Your friend, Kyle, arrived before Mr. Mitchell could penetrate you. Before he could rape you. However, you do have some internal lacerations along your vaginal walls. Presumably from his fingers or another blunt object.”

I stare at her as tears continue to fall down my cheeks. I can’t listen to this anymore.

“He didn’t rape me again?”