Dear Adam (22 page)

The thought struck her that maybe Adam
already had. A minute ago he had detailed exactly how many steps it
took to uncover her identity and her location. If he was as private
as he seemed to be, then it would be logical and characteristic to
have thoroughly vetted her. By the way he spoke of his business, he
indicated that he never acted rashly. He made decisions based on
scrupulous research.

"This is indeed a nightmare of mine," he said
drily. "All I did was Google for book reviews one day and here I
am, doing everything I swore I would never do."

"You have to admit, it was a damn good book
review."

"Well," he conceded, "I think that picture of
you standing next to Arturo Valiente had a little to do with it. I
thought, 'She’s kinda attractive.'"

"Just 'kinda attractive'?" While Adam wasn't
the type to flatter, being called "kinda attractive" by the man who
intrigued her doused what could have been a romantic moment.

"We wouldn't want your head to get as big as
your thighs,” he said, amused. “But if I ever meet Valiente, I
don't know if I'd shake his hand or punch him in the face."

"Is it really as bad as all that?" she
inquired, her irritation dissipating.

"Eden, no one who knows me would ever believe
how we met. Or that I am now a willing slave to our e-mails and
Skype talks. You have to understand how strange this is for me. Two
weeks ago, if a friend of mine had told me he found a woman online,
I wouldn't have hesitated in telling him to run the other way and
not look back."

"But we haven't met," she reminded him. She
debated on whether or not to bring up the topic that had lately
begun to insinuate itself into her every other thought.

"When," she started to ask hopefully. A
definite when, not if. "When do you think we'll be able to
meet?"

It worried her that he hadn't asked yet to
meet her. Was she not enticing enough? Was she taking the whole
thing too seriously? Was he still deciding if she could be trusted?
Despite how much time they've spent together, she was starting to
doubt herself. Maybe he didn't think she was worth flying halfway
across the world.

His reply was swift. "Six months." His tone
was firm. This topic was non-negotiable. "At least."

"Six months!" Eden exclaimed.

"I could be there tomorrow," he relented,
softening a little. "But I can't leave my business for too long.
It's at a critical phase at the moment and I need to be here to
make sure nothing gets overlooked. And for our first meeting, I'd
want us to have at least a week, maybe two. More importantly, we
can’t rush things, Edie."

"I'm not saying tomorrow," Eden said,
deflated. "But six months?"

He cautioned against rushing things, but
earlier he had hinted of a future together. It was becoming ever
more difficult each day to let him go, no matter how much they
e-mailed, no matter how long they talked. Even in the midst of
conversation, she would be overwhelmed with an unexpected ache of
missing him. His physical absence was a hollow, ever present
void.

"We could be really
amazing, you and I. But if we are going to do this, I want to do it
properly. I want it to last. And that takes time. The best things
are worth waiting for.
We
are worth waiting for. When it’s right," he said
in a voice that was unshakably certain, "Name the place. Name the
date. Name the hour. And I will fly anywhere in the world to meet
you."

Chapter 11

Subject: Sunday again

------------------------

From: Eden E

Date: Sat, Aug 11, at 10:56 PM

To: Adam -

Good morning, my dear Adam

I should be full of you tonight. We talked
till the wee of your hours, we e-mailed back and forth this
morning, I got to smell you and finally, finally, finally, I have
something of what you look like. But I am not full. Ungrateful
wretch that I am. What more can I want??

I hope when you wake up and read this you'll
know I was thinking of you while you slept.

Subject: Monday

------------------------

From: Eden E

Date: Sun, Aug 12, at 10:39 PM

To: Adam -

My dear Adam, good day!

I was just thinking about how hard it must
be for you to show any sort of vulnerability but that is what
endears you to me.

I wonder if I'll ever tire of hearing your
voice, of hearing you say, "My dear" or my name.

You need to sing to me again. It's been
awhile and you sang just a little bit tonight. I would have asked
for more but I knew you were tired. Will you sing a song to me
during our lunch date?

----------

From: Adam -

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 3:09 AM

To: Eden E

Good morning you,

How are you today?

I am just going through the morning motions,
slowly.

It is difficult for me to express
vulnerability, but I realise that's a part of what we're doing and
I'll try my best. I hope that you’re not holding back, because I am
not.

I will sing to you again.

Do you think you could get tired of me/my
voice?

I spoke to the estate
agent, just, and I can see that property either today or tomorrow.
But I'm a bit tired and it's out of the way so I might leave it
until tomorrow.

I miss you.

x

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 11:49 AM

To: Adam -

I agree. I'm not holding back. I hope you
know how unusual and frankly stupefying it is how much I've shared
with you, right? There wasn't even an "us" two weeks ago.

----------

From: Adam -

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 11:50 AM

To: Eden E

It's the same for me darling regarding
that.

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 2:57 PM

To: Adam -

I wish I could be with you
in your freezing, wet ruin with the storm outside. We could cuddle
together and keep each other warm. I have an abundance of sunshine
here. I'd like to give some of it to you.

I keep thinking that because we haven't been
face-to-face yet, we've skipped a few steps. Do you think that
these steps will bring problems later on?

----------

From: Adam -

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 3:03 PM

To: Eden E

I wish you could too. I'd cuddle you and
kiss you.

You know, the fact that we won't be together
when you finish work tonight, makes my day feel empty.

What problems?

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 3:33 PM

To: Adam -

Well, I hate to keep pointing out that we
have never been face-to-face.

What if when we do meet, everything is
totally different? What if there isn't any chemistry? That is what
I'm worried about.

More and more, you seem more real than
almost everything else in my life. I don't know why that is when
you have the least tangibility. Whenever we hang up at night, it
seems like I should retire too and I have to remind myself that
there is more of my life left to be lived before I go to sleep.

----------

From: Adam -

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 3:36 PM

To: Eden E

I'd say there is a risk of that, but it's a
minor one.

I was just thinking the same thing! I think
it's because we are tangible to each other, and we make an effort
to be, just not in conventional ways.

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 3:41 PM

To: Adam -

Are you sure? You won't take one look at me
or spend 5 minutes in my actual physical company and think, "Meh. I
don't know why I got so excited about her hairy, chunky thighs.
They're nothing special."

I have been saving up all of this emotion
for a man and I haven't been able to spend it, lavish it on someone
properly.

----------

From: Adam -

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 3:43 PM

To: Eden E

I am sure.

Then that makes me quite a lucky man,
doesn't it? :P

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 3:59 PM

To: Adam -

I hope you always think that.

I'll have to try something one of these
days: Buy a pack of Camels, light one and spend time in the same
room with it.

Remember, you were going to look for that
poem when you have time. The one you read to me over the phone.

----------

From: Adam -

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 4:02 PM

To: Eden E

If you do buy Camels, by the light ones,
same smell but less intense. You never fail to amaze me.

I have located the poem and will send it
tomorrow.

You didn't tell me what you thought about
the notion that I wanted to talk to you so much tonight and feeling
empty because I can’t. Do you not feel the same?

----------

From: Eden E

Date: Mon, Aug 13, at 4:13 PM

To: Adam -

I brought one of the sample cards with your
cologne here to work so I can smell you periodically. See how I
grasp at anything so that you can be with me in this other
life?

Of course I feel the same! Haven’t you read
anything I’ve written? Can’t you tell that with the exception of
Dante, everything else is insubstantial, a shadow that pales in
comparison to my time with you?

----------

From: Adam -

Date: 8/13

Subject: Chat with Adam -

To: [email protected]

Adam: I thought I'd come to chat instead of
mail because I don't know when you will have to leave and I miss
you.

Eden: I'm glad you did. Time moved so fast
today, especially during lunch.

Adam: Yes. Our conversation
flew by. It felt like 10 minutes. But then it always
does.

Adam: Why does it feel like time is our
enemy? That we will never have enough?

Eden: I wanted you to sing some more. I
wanted to hear your voice more. I wanted ... more.

Adam: Me too,
darling.

Eden: Say good night. Please.

Adam: You have to go?

Eden: But I don't want to. My need for you –
it’s gently intense.

Adam: Gently intense, beautiful

Adam: Your notifications of departure are
always so abrupt.

Adam: I don't want you to go either. Not at
all ;(

Adam: Good night, Eden x

Eden: Say it please!

Adam:
https://imtransfer.uploads/750483/VoiceMessage.mp3

From: Adam -

Date: Wed, Aug 15, at 7:01 AM

To: Eden E

The last 24 hours have been unbearable, not
being able to talk to you. Every minute was like an hour and all I
could think about was coming back to you.

Increasingly, my work or anything that keeps
us apart becomes less and less important to me.

It feels like I've come home now that we're
here talking.

From: Eden E

Date: Wed, Aug 15, at 7:28 AM

To: Adam -