Deadly Expectations (74 page)

That night while Paul was out Andre stood in the doorway; arms crossed.
 
He didn’t say anything but I knew he was displeased with the attention I was still giving Paul.

Paul cheated on the gift exchange like I had and put some diamonds in my ears before I was out of bed.
 
They were beautiful in the box and he brought in a mirror so I could see them on.
 
The best part of getting them was having his hands on me helping me sit up even thought it hurt.
 
Feeling his fingers on my ears and hearing him breathe so close as he took out the blue stones and pushed the posts of the new earrings through.
 
Then carefully screwing the backs on.
 
I was frustrated for him when he was finished but that brief intimacy stayed with me all day.

Paul was very happy with the watch I got him and promised to take his good one in for repair as soon as we got home.
 
He made us breakfast and served me in bed then went through the manual for his watch learning all the settings.
 
Not many things made him happier than getting a gadget with a book.
 
By the time I felt up to getting out of bed he had the watch all set up the way he wanted it and was looking forward to taking it for his run the next day.

Ray had filled Bee’s list of what she needed for Christmas dinner.
 
Or what the boys would need as she hollered instructions from her bedroom and I interpreted from her couch.
 
Mass had been tiring for both Bee and me.
 
More so for her.
 
I wasn’t tired but being on my feet so much had left me with a lot of pain.
 
I’d had to ask Paul for something stronger than the pills I had for my ribs just to get out of bed.
 
I hated to give in to the medical bag but I wasn’t blowing the same Christmas for him twice.
 
I was feeling pretty good by the time I was upstairs.

As I expected Bee stayed in bed through the afternoon while Denis cooked.
 
He had his idea how Christmas dinner should be and was able to work in all of Bee’s ingredients and instructions so they both got their way.
 
Bee made it to the table to eat and had to admit that it was better than what she and I usually put together.
 
Ray ordered her to have a glass of wine with dinner and she enjoyed a few sips but nobody said anything when she didn’t finish it.
 
She’d become so tired and frail.
 
I remembered the energy she still had when I met her and it was almost all gone now.
 
Even the fork appeared too heavy for her hand.

She cheered up for exchanging presents after desert.
 
Ray found her a very old copy of
Pride and Prejudice
, one of her favourites, that had an old inscription to someone named Beatrice from eighteen seventy-three.
 
The coincidence thrilled her to no end as if it was meant to be hers.
 
Ray had started reading to her on her bad days and she would read to him on her good ones.
 
I thought they both looked forward to working their way through it.

Bee gave me an old wooden jewellery box that she’d had for many years.
 
The trays and dividers inside were mahogany and most of the inlaid pearl was still intact.
 
It had been a gift from an old suitor, including the ring inside with a ruby in a circle of little diamonds.
 
The ring was worth many times more than our gift limit but she insisted that since it hadn’t cost her anything more than a few stolen kisses she wasn’t breaking the rules.
 
It was a perfect fit on my right hand so I wore it the rest of the day.
 
Since it was so old she made me promise I would get it checked before any of the stones fell out.

I got Denis some good cigars.
 
Three of them he could share with Paul and Ray or have them himself.
 
They came in their own wooden box with a top that slid open.
 
He stuck his nose in it and inhaled, closing his eyes.
 
He said the ones I’d brought back to Paul’s were good but these were better.
 
Ray had his eye on them so he carefully kept them out of his reach.

Denis got Paul a new electric shaver.
 
Paul’s had been slowly dying and harsh language had failed to keep it working reliably so he’d finally given up on it and switched to disposables which he found just as annoying.
 
Denis said he was man enough to give one so Paul better be man enough to accept it.
 
Paul laughed and said he was although I would be disappointed that the swear jar I’d put in the bathroom would probably never fill up with quarters now.

To complete the circle Paul had found Ray an old field trauma guide from World War One and the fold up leather case of surgeon’s instruments that went with it.
 
The book was in good shape and most of the instruments were still there.
 
He knew Ray liked old books and medical things and that Ray didn’t have anything like them.
 
Ray said he’d read up and take the kit with him to try next time they shipped out.

Chapter 54

Early Boxing Day morning I was woken up by rough hands on me.
 
I’d been dreaming about Paul.
 
He promised me that he would find another way to deal with Damian.
 
I cried with gratitude as his hands ran up my body, needing me like he hadn’t in weeks.
 
He’d just come in from wherever he went at night, his skin still cold from the winter as we took his clothes off together.
 
He was breathing hard as his lips touched my neck.

Then suddenly he was squeezing too hard.
 
One of his hands grabbed my hair and pulled me up sitting.

Traitorous bitch,
the cardboard scented voice seethed in my ear.
 
Unfaithful cow.
 
How could you turn on me with him?
 
He’s never going to help you.
 
You’ll be lucky if I do now.

No I …, I tried.

But his other hand came up and pressed my mouth shut.
 
I reached for Paul but he wasn’t in the bed.

I leave you alone for a minute and your mind fills up with dirty thoughts.

I struggled to pull his hand off my mouth.
 
My nose was plugged from the pregnancy and I couldn’t breath.

Even in your dreams you cheat …

His grip on my mouth disappeared and my cheek lit up with hot pain; the sound of the slap exploding in my ear.
 
I pulled my knees up as much as I could and tried to be invisible.
 
To hold still.
 
To keep him from getting any angrier.

I’ll make you kill him … take your pretty knife and run it though his heart.
 
He’ll never come back if you’re holding it when it happens.
 
You have no idea how strong I’ve become.

I nodded and kept quiet.
 
I’d been whimpering.

They’ll blame you … you’ll have to kill Damian then or be stuck with him forever … and me … reminding you every day that Paul’s death was your fault.

Please Andre, I begged.

What’s it like to be so useless?
 
So impotent?
 
So pathetic?
 
His voice softened.
 
You need me Anna, just for a while then you can have that again.

Andre’s grip on my hair loosened and his lips touched the stinging hand print on my face.

I’m sorry,
he whispered.
 
We have to work together.

Andre’s lips found mine as his calloused fingers felt their way up under my t-shirt and he lay my head gently back on my pillow.

Want me Anna,
he ordered.

And I did.

On New Year’s Eve I came upstairs for a while to watch the big apple drop in
New York
at nine pm then Bee decided to call it a night.
 
We had both recovered from Christmas Eve and New Year’s wasn’t such a big deal to her.
 
I wanted to get downstairs to be alone with Andre for a while.
 
Paul wouldn’t be in for a couple of hours at least since he’d been talking about taking a taxi downtown with Denis and Ray for the annual street party.

As I saw Bee to her room she took my arm and stopped me.

“Did Denis remember to give you the message?” she asked.

“Which message?”
 
I asked so Denis didn’t get in trouble later for not passing it along.

“From that nice friend of yours with the motorcycle.
 
Kent
,” she explained.
 
“He came by to see you the day I got sick … just before Ray had to go on the plane.
 
Denis took him downstairs to talk and when they came back up
Kent
said to tell you hi.
 
Denis said he would tell you and I shouldn’t worry about remembering.”

“Yes dear, he did,” I smiled to her.

“I’m so glad.
 
I forgot until now.”
 
She turned her cheek to me so I kissed her.

“You’re sweet for remembering.
 
I felt bad for missing his visit.
 
I don’t see him much anymore.”

“He’s gotten fat,” Bee said bluntly.
 
“His wife should mind her cooking.”

“I’ll whisper that in her ear,” I told her.
 
Bee didn’t know that Kenny’s wife had been gone for three years and he’d put on the weight since she left.
 
She also didn’t seem to know how many miles Ray and Denis had to run to avoid meeting the same fate at her table.

“Happy New Year Bee,” I told her and gave her a hug.

That made perfect sense, I thought, as I pushed my feet into my shoes and put on my coat.
 
It explained why Paul wanted to keep an eye on me and why he was out at night.
 
If Denis had taken Kenny downstairs the only reason would be to give him an envelope of cash for telling him that someone had been looking for me.

I found Ray, Denis, and Paul on a level spot between the garage and the house near my bathroom window.
 
They had an outdoor fire pit and some lawn chairs and were drinking scotch and talking.
 
Denis had a smoke and told me that since Paul and Ray had coughed up for good scotch he was going to share his Christmas cigars with them.
 
I didn’t bother to mention that the money that paid for everything came from a box in my junk room.
 
It was the bargaining and the thought that counted.

They had a spare chair and I sat with them for a while but my childhood campfire luck had followed me into adulthood.
 
It didn’t matter where I sat the smoke blew into my eyes.
 
They were excited to be going back and had to decide who would stay with Bee first but then Ray and Denis expected to take turns with her.
 
I told them Happy New Year and went on to bed.
 
Andre would be waiting to talk and I didn’t want to get in trouble again for spending too much time with Paul.

Andre thought that Kenny coming back was a good thing.
 
Something I could pretend to misunderstand later when the time came.
 
Paul would see through it at first, until I crossed the line and set him off.

After about an hour in bed failing to sleep I went to the bathroom for a couple of the pills from Ray.
 
They were still talking outside so I waited for someone to do something loud so I could crack open the window to listen.
 
It didn’t take long for Denis to cough.
 
I’d already flipped up the lock so I slid the window open just half an inch or so and stood next to it.