Days Like These (8 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Meg soon became used to life at Bracken Cottage again. At times, it was as if she had never been away. Everything was so familiar, and so peaceful. Almost too much so. At times she missed the roar of traffic, the screech of tyres as someone took the corner too fast at the end of the street. The street lights, too, that created such patterns on the bedroom ceiling.

At times she even missed Jamie, but not much, if she was honest. Not as much as she would have thought, once she'd got over the shock. It seemed to her now that Jamie had been gone from her long before that terrible night when he died. So what she missed were their first years together. There had been little to delight her in more recent times. Besides, she had more urgent demands on her now.

She stirred herself, climbed out of bed and turned sideways to admire her profile in the mirror. Not long to go now. Some days it was as if the baby was about to tear himself out into the new world, without help from anyone. She smiled. She knew it was a boy. She just knew it.

'How are you this morning, dear?'

She turned, still smiling. 'Fine thanks, Mum. I'll be even better in a week or two's time!'

'Of course you will.'

Mum smiled back and added, ' I remember how fed up I used to get carrying you. Impatient, too, for it to be over. But you were worth it.'

'Thanks, Mum! And so will this little fellow be.'

'Girl, you mean.'

Meg shook her head decisively. 'He's a boy.'

'Do you know from the scan?'

'No. I just know.'

Mum laughed. 'Dad will be pleased. Someone to help dig the garden and build sheds.'

'He might not like gardening. He might want to be a rocket scientist.'

'Whatever. Your father will make the adjustment. He'll have to, won't he?'

Meg nodded happily.

*

She was right: James! He was born right on time in the maternity hospital in Alnwick. She named him after his father, feeling that was the right thing to do. He was Jamie's continuing stake in the world.

At 8lbs 4 ozs James was a big boy from the start, and ready to delight everyone he saw.

'Look at those eyes!' Mum said. 'He's wide awake already, after just a few hours.'

'Nearly ready to give me a hand in the garden,' Dad said with satisfaction, and with a wink at Meg.

She laughed. She was unbelievably happy. Holding James gave her an extraordinary feeling, better than anything she had ever experienced.

Mum and Dad were so good with him, too. That was lovely. James seemed to know instinctively that he was part of a family that would cherish him.

It would have been so much better, of course, if Jamie had been here as well to hold his son, but that hadn't been meant to be. Even if he'd been alive, she doubted if he would have been here anyway. Not for long. The old Jamie would, of course. The young Jamie, rather. The Jamie she had loved more than anything or anybody in the world, and who had loved her back just as much. And that was the Jamie she would remember and tell James about as he grew up.

The girls in the office had kept in touch over the months since Meg had left work. Carol and Fiona came to see her that first evening in the hospital. They were suitably impressed.

'Isn't he long!' Fiona said. 'What a size he'll be.'

'Far too big,' Meg said. 'I could have done with a smaller baby, I can tell you!'

'He's perfect,' Carol said with longing. 'Nice blond hair, blue eyes, tall… He's got everything.'

'Do you know how long you'll be here in the hospital?' Fiona asked.

'Not long, apparently. I might be leaving tomorrow. That's what the nurses say anyway.'

'Oh? Robert will be disappointed.'

Meg blinked. 'Robert?'

'It's just that he wanted us to ask you if he could visit. His children want to see the baby, apparently.'

'Of course they can visit!'

'But if you're not here …?'

'He can come to Mum's. I'll be staying there, and he knows where it is.'

'Does he?' Carol said, looking interested.

'He's been before.'

'Has he now?' Carol and Fiona said in unison, with sideways glances and giggles at one another.

'Honestly, you two!'

*

Later that evening, Jenny and Mike arrived.

'How wonderful!' Jenny cried, seeing Baby James for the first time. 'I've always wanted one of them.'

'Congratulations, love!' Mike said, stooping to kiss Meg. 'Haven't you done well?'

'Thank you, Mike. You're too kind. All I did was double in size and carry a large weight around for the best part of nine months.'

Mike patted his ample stomach and said, 'I know how it feels.'

'Take no notice of him,' Jenny advised. 'He has no idea what we women have to put up with.'

Meg laughed. It was good to have company.

Then more arrived.

'Kirsty? Is it really you?' Meg cried with delight. 'What are you doing here?'

'Come to see you, of course!'

It was indeed Kirsty. She climbed up on to the bed and gave Meg a kiss. Then she spotted James and rushed to peer into his cot.

'Kirsty?' Jenny murmured.

'Robert's little girl. Robert from the office. Oh, here they are! Sean and Robert.'

Suddenly there was a swarm of people around her, and a terrible shortage of chairs.

Robert kissed her cheek. 'It's good to see you, Meg. You're looking well, too. And this is …?' he added, peering at the new arrival.

'James!' Kirsty cried.

Laughter all round.

*

Back at Bracken Cottage, fatigue caught up with Meg. Fatigue and James's needs. It was lovely to have him to herself, but it was so tiring. She had never been so tired. She was physically and mentally exhausted, drained.

'But so happy!' she told Mum, who smiled and left her to feed James.

Jenny came on her own to visit after a couple of days. 'How's it going?' she wanted to know.

Meg rolled her eyes and smiled. 'It's topsy-turvy, but I'm getting used to it.'

'You're both looking very well, anyway. And I swear James is bigger already.'

'He should be. What an appetite!'

They chatted for a minute or two. Then Jenny said, 'I hope your other visitors got home all right the other night. Have you heard from them?'

'Robert, you mean? No. I haven't. Why, was there a problem?'

'Something not right with his car, apparently. It was probably all right, though. What a dishy man, by the way. You've never mentioned him, have you?'

Meg shrugged awkwardly. 'I can't remember. He's just someone I work with. That's all.'

'Oh?'

'And sometimes I baby-sit for him.'

'Oh?'

'I like the children. They're so nice.'

'I could see that.'

'What?' Meg said, suddenly defensive against Jenny's sustained and open interest.

'Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. He seemed very fond of you, though.'

'We're just friends, Jenny. That's all.'

'Oh?'

'Stop it!' Meg laughed. 'Good friends, though,' she amended. 'Robert's been very kind to me, even though he has his own problems.'

'And what might they be? A wife that doesn't understand him, perhaps?'

'Stop it, Jenny! Right now. He's a widow.'

'Really? Oh!'

'You're terrible!' Meg accused, but she couldn't help smiling.

'Incorrigible,' Jenny agreed.

'Just for the record, and to put an end to what you're imagining, Robert is a widow who still loves his wife, as well as his children.'

'Pity,' Jenny said with a sigh. 'All the best men ….'

Chapter Fifteen

Meg settled into life with Baby James very easily. She had plenty to do, and plenty to think about. Somewhere ahead a return to work beckoned, but she was happy to let that come towards her slowly. Jenny kept her in touch with events in town, such as they were, and her frequent visits to Bracken Cottage were very welcome. Not everything she said was, though.

'Have you heard from Robert?' Jenny asked on one of those occasions.

'Robert?'

'That man you work with.'

'No. Should I have?'

'Well, he seemed very fond of you.'

'Jenny! He's a friend, and a colleague. That's all.'

'Anything you say.'

Meg didn't know whether to be amused or exasperated.

'Anyway,' Jenny added, 'what are you planning on doing? Staying here at Great Newton a bit longer? I should, if I were you.'

'I don't know. I've been here six months already.'

'So what? It's nice here. And it must help, having ready-made baby sitters.'

'That's true. But I'm thinking of going back to Gosforth soon. I'll have to start preparing for my return to work.'

'Do you want me to do anything in the house?'

'No, it's all right, thanks. Dad's been going down every week, to keep an eye on things. He says the house is fine.'

'Have you been back yourself?'

Meg shook her head and then paused uncertainly. 'I'll have to one day, though, I suppose. Or sell it. I'm not sure how easy it will be to move back in there.'

'Well, there's no hurry. Take your time. The house can wait. So can the job, for that matter. Your maternity leave has a bit to go yet, doesn't it?'

Meg nodded.

'Anyway,' Jenny added, with a glance at her watch, 'lovely though it is here, and wonderful as it's been to see you and James again, I must be off. His lordship will be awaiting my return anxiously.'

'Really?'

'Oh, yes! Wondering where his next meal is coming from. Mike is not a New Man.'

*

After Jenny had left, Meg's thoughts turned to Robert, who would probably meet Jenny's requirements for a New Man but would almost certainly bridle at the label. She wondered if he really was fond of her. It would be nice, she decided with a smile, however unlikely. She would quite like him to be fond of her. In fact, she would like it a lot. He was a lovely man, New or otherwise. If things had been different ….

But it was no good fantasising about that. They weren't different. Still, even just as a friend, she was certainly very fond of him. She was able to talk to him as she could to no-one else. They seemed to think about things in the same way, and to know what each other was thinking even before they spoke. It was a bit scary, being so comfortable together. Even the good times with Jamie had not really been like that. Not often, anyway.

Oh, she did miss Robert! And Kirsty and Sean. She missed them all. And it was such a long time since she'd seen them. She hoped they were well, and happy. And she wondered if they missed her just a little bit, as well.

A cry from James diverted her, and stopped the tears that were threatening to fall. She got up to see to him.

'But I've got you now, haven't I?' she told him as he gurgled happily away at her. 'And you mean more to me than anything in the whole wide world.'

Baby James looked as if he understood every word, and as if he believed her implicitly.

All the same, she thought, once she was back in Gosforth she would contact Robert. She would ring him just to see how they all were.

*

She returned to her own house soon afterwards. She had been putting it off but she knew she had to do it sometime. Apart from anything else, she needed to sort out a child minder for James. Maternity leave wasn't going to last forever, unfortunately, and she needed time to find someone reliable to look after James when the day came.

Jenny soon re-discovered the route to her front door, and they developed a new routine of going to the supermarket together. It made grocery shopping less of a chore. Besides, Jenny had a car of her own with, surprisingly, a child seat already fitted.

'I thought I would need it one day,' Jenny said wistfully.

'You will!' Meg assured her, knowing how much she longed for a baby. 'Don't worry so much.'

'You're right. Meanwhile, it's handy anyway. Come on, Baby James!'

Meg smiled. Dear Jenny! She was never down for more than a minute at a time.

'By the way,' Jenny added, 'you'll never guess who was asking after you the other day.'

'I don't suppose I will, no. You'd better tell me.'

'Robert. You know? That man you work with?'

'I know who Robert is, Jenny.'

'Of course you do. Well, anyway, I bumped into him in Fenwicks. We had a nice chat. He was asking after you.'

'Oh?'

'I told him you were back in your house now. I also told him he should give you a call.'

'Jenny!'

'Well, he was so concerned. Frankly, my dear,' Jenny added with a conspiratorial wink, 'I believe he gives a damn!'

Meg felt her face flush. To hide her confusion, she leaned down to re-arrange James's covers. 'I'm not interested, Jenny,' she said over her shoulder. 'He's a friend, that's all. Besides, he's faithful to the memory of his wife. He's a one-woman man. You ought to be able to see that.'

Jenny shrugged. 'Circumstances change,' she said mysteriously.

'This place!' she said then, turning round to look along the collections of vegetables that stretched away into the distance. 'It's so big, so huge, it takes me twice as long to do my shopping.'

'You need roller blades, like some of the staff have,' Meg said, pointing to a young shelf stacker ghosting like the wind past the cereal section, heading rapidly for crisps and soft drinks.

'Besides,' Jenny added, 'I get lost. I don't know where anything is any more. It's all very well stocking everything under the sun but if you can't find the simplest thing, what's the use?'

Meg chuckled. They finished loading their trolleys and moved on to the checkout, and out to the car park, for Jenny to run them home.

Before they parted, Jenny said, 'You can tell me to mind my own business if you like, Meg, but I really do think you should give Robert a call. Let him know you're back in town. He'll be pleased.

She meant to take Jenny's advice. She really did. But she didn't. Moving back into her house and looking after James and herself was more than enough to do and think about. She would, though, she promised herself. She would call Robert. When she had time.

But time was in short supply, not least because the house had changed in her absence. It really wasn't the same. Dad had checked it every week. So she knew it hadn't burned down or been burgled. Nothing like that. It was intact. That wasn't the problem. It was other things.

First, it smelled damp and musty. Her mother told her that was normal when a house wasn't lived in for a while. She should leave the windows open as much as possible for a few days. The smell would soon go.

It was cold, too. These big terraced houses were designed to keep the sun out, not let it in, Meg reflected. Even in summer that showed.

Then there was Jamie's presence, and absence. What to make of it. How to cope with the memories. It wasn't easy.

But she got on with it all as best she could, and in a few days she was re-oriented and more comfortable. Then she began to look ahead, and to think about her return to work. It would have to happen. Time to look for the child minder she needed. Time to make plans.

She took a deep breath and rang the office, and spoke to Carol and Fiona. It was good to hear their voices again, and to do some catching-up.

'You'll never guess,' Carol said after the surprise was over.

'Guess what?'

'What's happened!'

Meg laughed. 'Carol! Of course I can't guess.'

'Try.'

'The Civic Centre's closed down?'

Carol chuckled. 'It's not that bad. Try again.'

'Just tell her!' Fiona said on the extension.

'Oh, all right. Robert's left. Can you imagine that?'

Meg was stunned. 'You're kidding?'

'No. Last Friday. He left.'

'But…Why?'

'We have no idea. It's all hush-hush. Secret.'

'Where's he gone?'

'We don't know that either. He just said he'd been here long enough, and fancied a change. Thought you'd be surprised,' Carol added with satisfaction.

Surprised? That was the least of it. Meg was shocked. He must have got a better job, she thought later. That's all. Nothing sinister.

She rang him but there wasn't a dialling tone. In fact, the phone seemed dead.

She rang the phone company next. The woman checked and came back on line to say, 'The service to that number has been cancelled, caller.'

'Can you tell me why, or…'

'Sorry. I have no further information.'

'Is there someone else who could explain?'

'I'm afraid not. Confidentiality rules prohibit the release of that sort of information.'

Meg thanked her and rang off.

Surely he hadn't moved house as well? But she could think of no other explanation. Suddenly, she felt bereft. All over again! She'd been abandoned.

How could he? she thought, blinking away the tears. Without even telling her or saying goodbye!

So much for Jenny, and her views and opinions.

*

She didn't give up, though. She went to see for herself. The house in Kingston Park was empty. The sign outside said "SOLD" in enormous letters. No-one was home either side to explain it. In any case, this looked like the sort of estate where people didn't stay long enough to put down roots and get to know their neighbours. But even then she didn't give up.

The manager of the estate agent's office was guarded, polite but definitely circumspect.

'I can't give you a forwarding address,' he said.

'But I'm a friend!'

'Client confidentiality,' he muttered vaguely.

Then he relented and said, 'But I can pass on a message. If you'll let me have your name and address, and a phone number, of course, I'll tell my client you want to contact him.'

'Now?'

'Not now, no. My client will be at work at present. But I will contact him.'

That was the best he could do, he said. Meg had to accept that. On the way home, she persuaded herself it wouldn't be long before Robert realised he had not told her where he was going.

*

But the days passed without any news or information. Meg was busy. She needed a car now more than ever, and she got Dad to come down to help her look for one. They bought a five-year old Renault with a low mileage that the woman owner was tired of.

'More money than sense,' Dad sniffed as they made their way back to Meg's house.

'She was very nice, though,' Meg pointed out. 'Very fair. I trust her.'

'To do what? Check the oil level? See the tyre pressures are kept up?'

'Well ….' Meg laughed.

'It's a good car, though. I grant you that. Don't worry. There's nothing wrong with it.'

A few days later she collected the car and installed a baby seat in it.

'Now you're set,' Dad said. 'You can visit us now. Any time you want.'

'Thanks, Dad. You've been wonderful.'

'Soon, then?'

'Soon,' she agreed.

But after she had waved him off, she knew there was only one thing she wanted to do soon. That was to contact Robert. He still hadn't contacted her, but that didn't deter her.

*

The woman in the estate agent's office looked up when Meg entered. She frowned and shook her head. Meg hesitated. She could hear the manager on the phone in the adjacent office. The woman jerked her head sideways. Meg stared at her. The woman repeated the head movement. Meg realised what she meant, nodded and turned and left.

She walked round the corner and waited. A couple of minutes later the woman appeared. She looked one way and then the other. When she saw Meg she came towards her with a big smile on her face.

'Here's what you want,' she said. 'I got this out of the file for you, but I didn't want old Fusspot in there to know.'

She handed Meg a slip of paper. It had an address in Gateshead on it.

'Thank you so much,' Meg said. 'That's really nice of you. I hope you won't get into trouble with your boss because of me?'

The woman shrugged. 'It would be worth it,' she said.

She smiled down at James in his buggy and added, 'I haven't forgotten how hard it was trying to track down my ex. They think the baby's nothing to do with them any more, some men, don't they?'

Meg stared, wide-eyed.

'Take care,' the woman added, turning to head back to the office. 'And good luck!'