Days Like These (2 page)

'You're a busy man,' she said lightly, beginning to recover a little.

'You're telling me! But needs must.'

'Does your wife pick the children up some days?'

'Not really.'

She wondered what that meant. It wasn't a yes and it wasn't a no.

He opened the passenger door and saw her inside. He was very gallant, she thought with reluctant appreciation, as he walked round to the driver's side.

'Gosforth, isn't it?' he asked, as he got in.

She nodded. 'Just off Salters Road.'

'Right. Let's see if we can beat the traffic.'

Too late, she thought of the children.

'What about the child minder?'

'She won't mind me being a few minutes late.'

'More than that, surely?'

'It doesn't happen often. Emergency, I'll tell her,' he added with a grin.

The traffic was heavy already. Driving wasn't easy in the evening rush, which seemed to start soon after lunch these days. Robert didn't say a lot, for which she was grateful. She closed her eyes and tried to wish a developing headache away. But wondering what she would find at home made it impossible.

Maybe Jamie would be there after all? Perhaps it had been a joke, or a mistake. He couldn't have been well last night. He liked Jenny and Mike. He wouldn't have wanted to miss them. They were more his friends than hers anyway.

It was a forlorn hope. As soon as they turned into her street, she knew Jamie wasn't there. No red BMW. No lights on in the house. Her spirits, briefly raised by hope, sank again.

'Take care,' Robert said as he let her out of the car. 'Look after yourself, and try to have a good weekend.'

'Thank you.'

She gave him a weak smile and a little wave as he drove off. Then she fumbled for her key and headed for the front door.

The house was cold. The heating hadn't come on yet. And it was dark. After she had shut the front door, she stood still for a moment, almost afraid to go any further. If she stayed where she was, she reasoned, everything might go back to how it had been.

But it didn't. She switched on the lights and went through to the kitchen to turn on the heating. Then she went upstairs, dreading what she would find.

She saw at a glance that Jamie really had been and gone. She stared with dismay at the open and empty wardrobe that had housed his clothes. She opened a couple of his drawers. Empty, too, apart from bits of rubbish.

She stared. Then she flung herself on to the bed and began to weep. She wept until her insides, as well as her heart, ached.

Chapter Three

On Saturday morning Meg was sitting in the kitchen, staring at a cup of tea she had made but couldn't drink. She rushed to answer the door bell, knowing it must be Jamie at last. He'd forgotten his key. Lost it again, more like.

'You needn't look so disappointed!' Jenny protested with a wry chuckle.

'I thought it was someone else.' She recovered. 'I mean, I thought ….'

'I know what you thought. But it's only me. Can I come in?'

Meg stood aside reluctantly.

Jenny came in, closed the door and wrapped her arms around her. 'Any word?' she asked.

Meg shook her head. It was hard to hold back the tears.

'I'm so sorry,' Jenny said as they moved apart. 'How are you?'

Meg shrugged and turned to lead the way into the kitchen.

'You've heard nothing?' Jenny said, following her.

'He called me at work, to say he'd been to collect his things. But that's all.'

'That's not good, is it? So he isn't coming back?'

'I don't know. Oh, Jenny! I just don't know what's happening.'

Jenny gave a sad smile and walked over to put the kettle on. She was so competent, Meg thought dully, watching her. Nothing like this would ever happen to her.

'But what do you think?' Jenny asked.

Meg shook her head. 'I don't know,' she repeated miserably. 'I really don't know.'

'Was anything wrong? Have you been having problems?'

'No. Nothing was wrong. Nothing at all.'

'We did wonder, Mike and I. We seem to have seen Jamie about the town a lot lately.'

'Oh, he's always out and about. That's what he likes. He can't be stuck in the house all the time.'

'Without you, though?'

'I like to be at home. I'm too tired to be out every night.'

Jenny sipped her coffee thoughtfully. 'Had he been drinking more than usual?' she asked.

'Not really, no. He doesn't drink a lot anyway. Why?'

'Just wondered. Maybe he's having difficulties at work?'

'No, he isn't. He's selling more cars than ever.'

'What about in bed?'

Meg coloured. 'No problems there either,' she said with some resentment. 'Anyway, what are you and Mike going to do about your holidays this year? You've never said.'

They were both teachers, and holidays were important to them.

Jenny smiled. 'You're hopeless at changing the subject,' she chided. 'You really are.'

Meg smiled back reluctantly.

'Do you still love him?'

'Of course!' she said quickly. 'Don't be so silly.'

She could tell Jenny was thinking, if not actually asking, if Jamie still loved her. She didn't know the answer to that one. Until two days ago, she wouldn't have had any doubts at all. Now she didn't know.

'Let's go shopping?' Jenny suggested.' See if we can find some shoes we like. You need to think about something else for a while.'

Meg shook her head. 'No,' she said firmly. 'I can't do that.'

'Lunch, then? That little pizza place round the corner?'

*

Gianni's was quiet for once. The place was still recovering from the night before. The waiters solemnly distributed dishes and plates as if they were part of a religious ceremony. No candles burned in the holders that were smothered with congealed wax. Very little light penetrated the grimy windows and the still-closed blinds. In its very dishevelled ordinariness, Gianni's was comforting. Meg began to relax.

'He's gone for good, hasn't he?' she said, surprising herself.

Jenny looked up from the menu.

'Jamie, I mean.'

Jenny squeezed her arm. 'I don't know, sweetheart. What did he say?'

'He said he was going for good.'

'Well, that's ….' Jenny paused. She had been going to say that was a pretty good clue. But she started again: 'It's too soon, Meg. He might just have been saying that. He'd had a bad day.'

'No.' Meg shook her head. 'He meant it. He's gone. What am I to do?'

'Have a glass of wine?'

They stared at one another until it sank in and became the funniest thing Meg had heard in a long time. Then she began to smile, to chuckle and finally to laugh out loud. 'Yes!' she said. 'A glass of wine. That's the answer!'

It did her good, too. The wine. And the company. It really did help to talk.

'So what will you do?' Jenny asked as they were about to leave.

'Wait,' Meg said with more confidence than she could have found an hour or two earlier. 'I'm not throwing everything away just because Jamie's in a funny mood. I'll give him time. He'll come round.'

'You're very sensible,' Jenny said. 'And for what it's worth, I think you're right. You can't throw all those years away just because of a little upset. Men, eh?'

They linked arms and made their way outside, where they parted.

Sensible? Meg wondered as she set off for home. Me? Is that what I am? Scared, more like it. And angry. This was the last thing she had ever thought marriage to Jamie would bring.

*

Come Monday morning, Meg went to work again. She was glad to get out of the house. No word from Jamie all the weekend, and by now she was beginning to tell herself she didn't care. She could manage. If necessary, she could live without him. She'd done it before. She could do it again.

'No Robert?' she asked Carol, who for once was early.

'Not yet.' Carol glanced at the clock on the wall and added, 'Perhaps he got a better offer.'

'What – on a Monday morning?'

Laughing, they got on with their work. For Meg, it was a relief. She'd spent enough time sitting and thinking, and wondering what was going to happen.

Robert arrived at ten, the very last moment allowed under the flexi-time system.

'Cutting it fine, Robert!' Carol called.

'The Tyne Bridge fell down,' Robert explained. 'I had to wait till they got it back up again.'

Carol laughed and shook her head. 'That's a new one,' she said. 'I haven't heard that one before.'

'It must have taken them ages to put it back up again,' Fiona suggested.

'Oh, it did,' Robert affirmed. 'They can't get the staff these days.'

Meg smiled to herself at the exchange. Then she chuckled out loud. She thought it the funniest thing she'd heard in a long time. Since Jenny's wine joke, in fact. From Robert, as well! Who would have thought it?

She glanced across at him. He looked as if something had happened. Not bridge collapse, perhaps, but something. Hair all over the place. Shirt with a button missing. No tie. It wasn't like him to look so dishevelled. He must have been in a terrible hurry this morning. He caught her studying him and gave a little grimace. She smiled sympathetically.

Later, she went to see him about a report they were working on together.

'Good weekend?' he asked.

'Not really, no,' she said with a shrug. 'But I'm feeling better,' she added, to pre-empt his next question.

'Good.'

But Robert didn't look good, she thought. There were lines on his face and dark bags under his eyes that were not there normally.

'How about you?' she asked with some concern.

'I'm fine, thanks.' He smiled, making himself look even more ghastly. 'Come on! Let's get on with it.'

But he wasn't himself. She could see that. And his brain wasn't as sharp as it usually was either. The work was slow going.

'Meg!' Carol called, putting an end to her wondering. 'Phone call.'

She returned to her desk to take the call. It was Jamie. She thought she would fall apart when she heard his voice.

'Hi, Meg. How's it going? All right?'

'I ….'

'Look, I haven't got much time. Can you do me a favour?'

'Jamie, what's…?'

'When I was round the other day, I couldn't find my passport. Can you have a look for it? I need it. Just send it to the office.'

'I'll...'

'Thanks, Meg.'

The line began to buzz. He'd hung up, she realised. She was dumbstruck for a moment. Then she was furious with herself. She hadn't even said anything. Not one damned thing!

Passport? What did he want with that? She knew where it was, all right, but she wasn't sending him it. The cheeky so-and-so!

But how typical, she thought. How like Jamie.

*

They worked on till lunchtime. Then Robert suggested a sandwich in the staff restaurant.

'Good idea,' Meg said. 'I haven't brought anything today, and I'm starving.'

'Me, too,' Robert admitted.

'No breakfast?'

'Not today. No anything today.'

She laughed and went to pick up her jacket and handbag.

'So what's the problem?' she asked as they waited in the queue in the restaurant.

'No problem,' Robert assured her.

She got herself a salad, and a wholemeal bun to go with it. Robert went for mince and dumplings, and then spent most of the time playing with the food instead of eating it.

'You should eat,' she told him.

'Yeah.' He sighed, sat back and gave her a rueful smile. 'Having spent all that money on it, I should eat it. You're right. Thousands, millions, in Africa would be glad of a meal like this. Did your mother used to tell you that?'

She laughed. 'Actually, no. I think she was always worried I'd grow up big and fat, like so many women in the family.'

'Not a chance! Anyway, tea, coffee?'

'Tea, please.'

While he was away, she wondered what was on his mind. Something was bothering him. She could tell that. But it was his business.

When he returned with two coffees, she pretended she had wanted coffee all along. He slumped in his seat and refused to take the money for the drink.

'No!' he snapped when she insisted.

She shut up then, shocked by his abruptness.

'Sorry,' he said moments later with a heavy sigh.

She shrugged.

'There's something on my mind,' he explained. 'You were right. I do have a problem.'

'Anything I can help with?'

'Not really, no.'

'Sure?'

'There's somewhere I have to be this evening, that's all. Something needs to be done.'

'And it's going to be difficult?'

'Maybe. But the main problem is the baby sitter. The usual one said she can't make it, and we haven't found anyone else yet.'

They returned to the office and got through the rest of the work quickly. Robert pushed back his chair and rubbed his face with his hands. 'I'd better make some phone calls,' he said.

'About tonight?'

He nodded.

'Look, if you can't find anyone, let me know. I'm free tonight. I wouldn't mind sitting in for an hour or two.'

'Thanks, Meg,' he said with some surprise. 'I'm sure that won't be necessary, though.'

She was surprised herself. At least I offered, she thought later. That had seemed the least she could do, considering how kind Robert had been to her the other day.

Meanwhile, there was her own problem to worry about. What on earth was Jamie playing at? Had he found someone else? she wondered with a sinking feeling. Was that it?

Miserably, she concluded she still had no idea. And there was nothing she could do either, except wait.

*

'Are you sure you're not doing anything?'

She looked up. She hadn't noticed Robert approaching.

'Tonight?' he added apologetically. 'I can't find a sitter.'

'No,' she said. 'I'm free tonight.'

And every other night, she thought bitterly.

'Would you …?'

'Of course. No problem.'

'I really am grateful, Meg. Can you contact your husband to let him know?'

She wasn't sure what to say to that. It was far too complicated and delicate even to think of trying to explain.

'That's OK, Robert.'

'It's just that it's an early meeting. So it would be best if we could go straight to my place from here.'

'All right.'

'Sure?'

She nodded.

'Just one thing,' Robert added, looking slightly uncomfortable. 'There's just me and the kids.'

She nodded. Afterwards she wondered what was so strange about that.