Daughter of Regals (27 page)

But then my sight
cleared, and I saw her. She was hideous. Her raiment was not a black robe, but
rather leper’s rags, and her hands were gnarled and reft with leprosy. I saw
them well, for she extended them toward me beseechingly. They were marked with
running sores, as her arms were marked, and her face also? Her hair hung in
vile snatches from her head, and many teeth were gone from her gums, and the
flesh of her face had been misshapen by illness, so that it seemed to be made
all of bruises and scabs. Gazing upon her, I could not say which of them had
become the greater, my loathing or my pity— for I was sickened by the sight of
her, it’s true; and yet the deepness of her misery wrung my heart.

But Festil had said, “You
must find some answer to her need.” And verily, this was a test to pale all
testing of gifts and demon-creatures. Again she cried out, “Help me, 0 man, I ‘beg
of you! Ease my hurt.” Now I knew not what answer Festil my brother had given
this leprous crone; but some answer he had given, that was certain, for he had
not failed this test. And I knew of no answer but one—no answer but one that
could stand against this piteous and abhorrent distress. Therefore I bethought
me of the Lady in White, and with her image I spurred myself until my hands
ached to feel her throat between them. Then I stepped forward to stand beside
the couch.

The woman’s hands
reached pleading for mine; but I stooped and drew the knife from my boot and
thrust it through her heart with one blow of my fist.

Then on an instant it
seemed to me that her face softened, and her hair grew thick and bronzen, and
her lips became full, and her rags were whitest samite. And then she was gone,
vanished as utterly as the demon-creature, and there was neither knife nor
couch with me in the chamber.

Then my anger came upon
me again, and I vowed in my heart that the Lady in White would answer me for
this. In my anger I did not delay. There was only one other doorway to this
chamber. Taking up my satchel, I went out that way swiftly, hoping to come upon
the Lady before she had prepared another and more foul test.

But that way led only to
a lightless passage; and the passage led only to a stout wooden door that was
shut. No Lady was there. And no woman, though mayhap she was as swift as a
deer, could have run the length of that passage to open and close that door
before I entered the passage behind her. Yet did I not doubt that I had come to
the proper place. For there was light beyond that stout door, light shining
through the edges of the lintel and the space along the floor. And across the
light a figure moved within the room from time to time, casting shadows that I
could see.

Therefore I did not
question how the Lady in White had come to be beyond that door. indeed it’s
true that in that place no swiftness or startlement seemed strange to me.
Desire and anger burned in me like iron from the forge, and I gave no thought
to matters that any sensible man might misdoubt. I went forward with the sole
intent of entering the room beyond the door.

I knocked; but there was
no answer. I called out as courteously as I could. Still there was no answer.
Soon it became clear to me that there would be no answer. The figure casting
the shadows gave no heed to my presence.

At first, I was filled
by a need to shout and rage; but I mastered Without doubt, this door was the
door of which Festil had spoken—another test. A simple enough thing in itself,
after the fear and loathing of the tests I had overcome. Yet for a moment I was
daunted; I was unsure of my reply to this test.

My unsureness came from
my belief that I knew what Festil’s reply had been. No doubt he had announced
himself here and then had simply set himself to wait, possessing his soul in
patience until the figure within the room deigned to take notice of him. And in
this cottage I had come to understand that Festil my brother was not unwise.
Loon and dreamer though he was, he had within him a thing that met this testing
better than I.

But I was Mardik the
blacksmith, not Festil the dreamer; and after my meeting with the leprous woman
there was no patience in me. I set down my satchel of tools and turned myself
to a consideration of the door itself.

It was made of heavy
timbers,, ironbound and studded. Its hinges were set to open inward, and I
could see through the crack along the lintel that it was held in place by a
massive bolt which no strength of mine could break or bend. My first thought
was to slip the blade of my saw through the crack to sever the bolt; but I did
not, fearing that the figure within the room would not permit me to  work unhindered.
Therefore I turned to the hinges, and there I saw my way clear before me.

There were but two
hinges, though they were of thick black iron; and they were secured, high and
low in the door, each by but one heavy bolt through the wood. “Aye, verily, my
fine Lady,,” I muttered to myself. “Does all your testing come to this?” For I
was Mardik the ironmonger and knew beyond doubt that those two bolts could not
stand against me.

In truth the iron of
them was old beyond age, and they were no fair test for me. With chisel and
hammer I sheared the head from the upper bolt in two blows. And in three the
lower bolt failed before me.

Then using the chisel I
pried the wood toward me until the door slipped from its frame. Here I had need
of strength,, for the timbers were heavy; but strength I had, and my chisel did
not bend. And then light streamed into the passage, and the door was open.

Snatching up my satchel,,
I entered quickly and found myself in a large chamber like an alchemist’s
laboratory. Worktables stood everywhere, and on them were vials and flasks of
crystal,, small fires that burned without smoke, many-colored powders and
medicines, and strange apparatus with a look of witchery about them. There was
no source that I could discover to the light. Rather, the very air of the
chamber seemed to shine.

‘And standing at one of
the worktables across the room from me was the Lady in White.

She was as radiant as my
brightest remembering., as beautiful as the heavens. Her eyes shone starlike
and fathomless, and her hair flamed in bronzen glory, and the whiteness of her
robe was pure beyond bearing. At the sight of her, both my desire and my anger
became as nothing for a moment, so great was the spell of wonder cast on me by
her loveliness.

But she regarded me with
something akin to curiosity in her gaze, and something akin to humor on her
lips; and this regarding made her human to me. The hot iron in me awoke. I cast
wonder aside and went toward the Lady in White to take her.

Yet I stopped again at
once In astonishment. For at my approach the Lady turned to me and shrugged her
shoulders; and with that simple gesture her white robe fell from her, and her
bronzen hair fell from her, and her loveliness fell from her and was gone. In
her place stood a tall man clad all in gray. His shoulders were stooped and his
beard long; and on his grizzled hair he wore a pointed hat such as wizards
wear. Curiosity and humor were there in his face; but there also were scorn and
anger.

“Very well, Mardik,” he
said to my astonishment. “You have won your way to me. What is your desirer’

But I could not have
told him my desire. There was a hand of confusion upon me, and I could not have
uttered the name of my desire, even to myself. I stared at the wizard like a
calf and muttered the broken pieces of thoughts until at last I found the words
to say, “Where is the Lady?”

“There is no Lady,” he
said without hesitation.

“No Lady?” I said. “No
Lady?” And then a great shame came upon me, for I had shed blood for the sake
of that Lady; and my anger broke from me in a roar. “Then what was the purpose?”

The wizard shrugged a
shrug of scorn. “To disguise myself,” he said. “I have work before me, and to
work my work I have need betimes for things from the village. Therefore I
disguise myself, so that I will not be known for what I am. I have no wish to
be prevented from my work by callow fools, importuning me for spells to make
their cows fruitful and incantations to make their maidens avid, enchantments
to speed childbirth and fend off old age.”

“Then you are a fool!” I
cried, for I was full of rage. “To disguise yourself you clothe yourself in a
form that draws men here to die!—a form that no man can refuse in his desire!”

“Mayhap,” said the
wizard. But he gave no explanation. He turned from me as if he had no more use
for me—as if he had tested me in the crucible and found me to be impure, base
metal. And he said, “Nothing that your heart desires exists at all.”

Thus he took the measure
of my worth and discarded me.

For there was no
laboratory about me and no wizard before me. I stood on grass in the dell, and
the air was dim with evening. The last light of the sun made the white walls of
the cottage gleam strangely. All the windows of the cottage were dark, as if
that place were no habitation for man or woman; and there was no smoke arising
from the chimney.

And the Lady in White
stood before me.

“Ah, Mardik,” she said
gently,, “be comforted,” and her voice was a music that made my heart cry out
within me. “My magic is strait and perilous, but it is not unkind.” Gently her
arms came about my neck; and when her lips touched mine, all my desire and my
anger melted, and I became helpless to meet or deny her kiss.

Then she was gone. The
Lady in White was gone. The cottage was gone. Leadenfoot and my wagon were
gone. The dell was gone. Even the branching which had brought me here from the
old road was gone. The sun itself was gone, and I was left alone in the night
and the Deep Forest.

Then I wandered the
woods in misery for a time, reft and loin. I was lost beyond all finding of my
way, and there was no strength in me. My death was near at hand. I wandered
among the inquiries of owls and flitted through madness like the flocking of
bats and stumbled until I became an easy prey for any beast that might hunger
for me. Lost there beyond help, it seemed to me that death was a good thing
withal, comfortable and a relief from pain.

Yet when I sought the
ground and slept for a time and thought to die,, I did not die. I was roused by
hands upon my shoulders; and when I looked up in the moonlight I saw blind
Festil my brother bending over me.

“Mardik,,” he said,, “my
brother,,” and there was weeping in his voice.

“Festil,” I said. “Ah,
how did you find me?”

“I followed the trail of
your need, my brother,” said Pestil. “I have traveled this way before you and
know it well.”

Then weeping came upon
me also, and I said, “My brother, I have failed you. For the wizard asked me to
name my desire, and I did not ask him to restore your sight.”

“Ah, Mardik!” he said;
and now I heard laughter and joy through his sorrow. “Do you truly not
understand the reason for my blindness? My brother, it is a thing of choice for
me and in no way ill. For I also was asked to name my desire, and to this I
gave answer, ‘It is my desire to gaze solely upon the Lady in White to the end
of my days, adoring her beauty.’ That desire was granted to me. For her image
is always before me, and my eyes behold no other thing.”

Then my heart wept. Ah,
Festil my brother! You are a loon and a dreamer, and you are a wiser man than
I. But I did not speak aloud. I arose from the ground; and mad Festil took my
arm and guided me despite his blindness and brought me without mishap to the
old road. There I found Leadenfoot awaiting me in patience or stupidity, my wagon
with him. Together Festil and I climbed up to the wagonbench, and I released
the brake and took the reins in my hands; and together we made our way out of
the Deep Forest.

From that day to this, I have seen no
evidence of magic and have had no need of it. I am Mardik the blacksmith, and I
stand as tall as any man in the village, though it’s true some muttered darkly
about me for a time until I silenced them. I do what I will, and none can say
me nay. For my sake they treat mad Festil with respect.

And yet I am not what I
was. There is a lack in me that ale cannot quench and work and women cannot
fill. For I have failed the testing of the Lady in White in my way, and that is
a failure not to be forgotten or redeemed. There was a thing that I needed, and
it was not in me.

The Lady in White, I
say, though I do not expect to be believed. I have thought long and painfully
of all that has befallen me and have concluded that the wizard was like the
demon-creature and the leprous crone—another test. By means of testing, the
Lady in White sought to winnow men, seeking one worthy of her love. This I believe,
though Festil gives it no answer but his smile and his joy. Well, smile, then,
Festil my brother. You have won your heart’s desire, though it has made you blind.
But I failed the tests of the Lady; verily,, I failed them all and knew it not.
But this, also, I do not utter aloud.

In truth, we do not
speak much of the matter. Betimes Pendit the son of Pandeler comes to our hut in
the evening,, and we three who have endured the ordeal of the cottage sit
together in the darkness, where Festil’s eyes are as good as any, and better
than most. But we do not speak of what we have endured. Rather Festil spins
dreams for us in the night, and we share them as best we may, loving him
because he sees the thing that we do not.

Her old pot I keep in
the name of remembrance, though without mending it is of little use.

There are some who say
that we have been blighted, that we have become old and withered of soul before
our time. But we are not blighted, Festil and I. For he has gained his heart’s
desire, and I—why,, I am Mardik the blacksmith, wheelwright and ironmonger; and
despite all my failures I have been given a gift worthy of treasuring, for I
have been kissed by the Lady in White.