Dating For Decades (20 page)

Today my priority is finishing the performance reports and catching up on all the emails I left sitting in my inbox yesterday. The fact that I haven’t responded to them is driving me crazy. My inbox is
always
clean. Not having things in order in there is how I’m sure parents feel when their kids leave toys lying around.
 

The building feels empty, much like my heart. With Thanksgiving nearing, people are spending time with their families and some are taking off to go hunting. We have more people here than we do the week of Christmas, though, when we practically shut down as most take small vacations to warmer places. I normally spend Thanksgiving with Sasha, but not this year. I’m steering clear of her for as long as I possibly can.

Lucas is the next person on my review list. I’m not sure if I’m the best one to write this. I have a much more intimate take on his abilities than the review calls for. I open his file and begin typing:

Lucas has done an excellent job excelling in his area of expertise. When he came on board, he was placed into a large project already in production. He rose to the occasion and helped build out new server space and clean up files — not an easy feat. His demeanor is very professional and he takes the lead when needed.

I reread my words realizing how true they are when applied to his skills in the bedroom as well. I still don’t know what I was thinking. Even if he’s a fifteen on a scale of one to ten, I put my job in jeopardy. I need to be smarter about these things. I press print on his file so I can hand it into Terrence with the others on Friday. I’ll grab it and put it with the others later. While I’m on a roll, I might as well get them all finished. I only have two more left to write.

Terrence interrupts my rapid pace when he enters my office as though he’s walking on stage. “I have wonderful news!” He sings, something I’ve never heard him do. He’s beaming and I can’t imagine anything that would make him so happy. He’s a great guy and a solid worker, but he keeps his fun to a minimum at work.
 

“Good morning to you as well,” I return his invisible greeting.

“Are you feeling better?” He takes a seat across from me, crosses his legs and folds his hands on his lap. I couldn’t even slap this smile off his face if I tried.

“Much. Thank you.”

He snaps his finger. “Glad to hear it!”

“What is this news? Are you hiring on a niece, too?” I make the joke, though I’m partially serious. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Working with Terrence’s nephew
and
niece. Together they could take over the company.

“Very funny, Cassie, but this is even better!”

To be honest, I don’t even know if he has a niece. I never bothered to ask Lucas if he has a sister and I don’t know if Terrence has any other siblings, much less siblings with kids.

“Our firm has been chosen for an Innovation Award.”

“That’s wonderful!” The Innovation Award is big in our IT world. Every year a different IT consulting company wins. We’re not a consulting firm, we’re the IT department of a law firm, which is rare for a win, even a nomination. Terrence must be so pleased.

“I told you I had great news and I didn’t lie!”

Terrence lives for awards. He likes to be recognized. I suppose who doesn’t. It’s a nice feeling to be rewarded. I hoped with the Pilot Project we would be afforded the opportunity. No such luck. “Congratulations.”

“I’m not done.” He rubs his hands together. “You might be getting an award!”

“What?” For what? What did I do? What award could I possibly be receiving? The Manager Who Refuses To Delegate So Her Manager Hired His Nephew To Clean Up After Her Award?

“Yes! You’ve been nominated as IT Manager of the Year!”

IT Manager of the Year? Did I hear him correctly? I can’t believe it. Even after losing the Pilot Project to Lucas, working on my tiny projects and day to day management paid off. Something
good
is actually happening. Between my crushed heart with Keith and my anger toward my mother, I finally have something to be happy about.

“Congratulations! The ceremony is next Friday night. Lucas mentioned he thought you were dating someone. Bring him.”

My smile fades. I’m not dating anyone, nor was I ever. Was he talking about Keith? Why was I even the subject of their conversation, especially my love life? Terrence is waiting for me to respond. “Okay.” Now I need to find a date. Where will I find a date, and on such short notice?

“Great!” He makes a fist and pumps it into the air. “Today is a terrific day! Back to work!”
 

I wish his attitude were contagious, but even if I wanted to be enthusiastic and cheery, this cold is still holding me back. I lay my head on my desk, deflated. Maybe I should go home. The day off was kind of nice up until Sasha ruined it for me.

“You shouldn’t sleep while you’re at work, especially if you’re winning some award.”

My head pops up at Lucas’s voice. He’s tossing a stress ball in the air. If I had that thing, I’d pop it with one squeeze. “You heard, huh?”

He puts the ball in his pocket and shuts the door behind him. Do we have a meeting? Why is he closing the door? “Terrence told me last night right after he got the news. Great job. You deserve it.”

“Thanks.” I’m not sure if I’m being sincere. Besides, I haven’t won anything yet. I’ve only been nominated.

Silence bounces between us, and I’m apprehensive to begin a conversation. What do I even say? Is he okay with the nomination? Does his opinion matter to me?

He steps closer and hesitates before he talks. “I missed you yesterday.”

“
Please
. Thanks for the email, though. It was kind of you to offer to bring me something.”

He comes around to my side of the desk and leans back against it. This is the closest he’s been to me since that night. Now that I can smell him, even the cotton fabric of his shirt, I’m reliving that evening. Our hands, our lips, him inside of me. It’s weird. Even a week ago this would have brought tingles, but today, well, today nothing. I really want a bed and a pillow and to close my eyes. That’s all.

“Are you sure you don’t want that foot massage? I can give one to you now.”

“No!” I slap my hand to his chest. “That’s so inappropriate.”
 

“And what we did wasn’t?”

“Yes. It
was
inappropriate. And a mistake.”
 

He crosses his arms and lifts a brow, curling his lips up into a smile. “Was it?”
 

“You’re twenty-two years old, Lucas.”

“Age is only a number.”

“And my boss’ nephew.”

“He loves you!”

Is he going to have a comeback for every reason I give? I’m trying to let him down easy, but he’s making it difficult. “Listen, you’re a great guy —”

“Don’t say but. I won’t let you. That night was amazing. I can’t stop thinking about it.” He notices the paper on my printer, grabs it, and reads what I typed. “Nice review.” He puts it back down. “Do you need me to take the lead now?”

“What are you talking about?”

He races in and kisses me, his hands on either side of my face. I’m wobbling on my chair, trying to keep falling over, so I grab onto him, though this is not what I want.

“Lucas —” I mumble through my lips, my nose still slightly clogged and I can barely breathe.

“Oh, Cassie,” he responds, misreading his name as a sign of passion.
 

“Mmm.” I press my hand against his chest and shove him off. “Lucas!”

“What? I thought you wanted that, too?” He adjusts his shirt which I inadvertently pulled out while trying not to fall out of my chair and onto my ass. “Did I misread you?”

I grip my chair handles. I want to run out of here, but this is
my
office. “Yes. You completely misread me. I’m trying to tell you that this isn’t going to work, not to mention I’m still a little sick.”

“You’re making excuses.”

“No, Lucas, I’m not.”

I’ve said about all I can say, and I can’t be much more forward than I already am. Neither of us is saying a word, and while his eyes are sinking in confusion, mine swim in regret and apology.

He hikes the sleeves up on his shirt and backs up. “This is about that Keith guy, isn’t it?”

My throat drops into the pit of my stomach. “What?” I can’t find enough oxygen to breathe. “No!”

I’m a horrible liar. It’s not
entirely
about Keith. We’re not dating, either. It’s more that my attraction to Keith is more appropriate than mine to Lucas. And now I feel a little gross about what happened with Lucas, and I don’t want to give any opportunity for it to go further.

“Sure,” he says as he clicks his teeth and pulls the stress ball back out of his pocket. This time, he isn’t tossing it. He’s squeezing it.

I feel bad now. I shouldn’t, but I do. “Lucas, look, I’m going through a lot right now. I don’t want to add something so complicated into the mix.”

He clutches the ball and doesn’t let go. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He says the words but his clenched jaw and stiff posture say something else. “No. Thank you, but no.”

Lucas nods and I can tell he’s looking for a way to leave without seeming rude. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

“I appreciate it.”

And I do. Even when everything is falling apart in your life and the last thing you want to do is discuss it with someone, sometimes all you need is the suggestion the option is there.

Lucas leaves the room, and I’m left at my desk, trying to figure out what just happened. I sensed maybe he was a little more into what happened than I was but not to this extent. I hope he doesn’t think I’m a horrible person for turning him down.

Keith enters my mind, and I replay the moment when I turned him down. Why did I refuse to give him a chance? Because he’s part of Dating for Decades? So what? He’s handsome, smart, employed, and makes me smile. I’m tired of spending my days and nights alone and now that my Facebook class ended, I don’t even have that to cling onto. I don’t even know if he’ll have me. The way we left things I’m not sure if he’s interested or not. I haven’t been to a meeting and neither of us has made an attempt to contact one another. But, I need a date for this awards ceremony next week, and Keith is the only person I want to bring. It’s time to swallow my pride and make a phone call.

Chapter

Twenty-Five

My dress flows down my hips, hugging me in all the right places. The black is slimming and allows me to wear my favorite red heels. A pearl necklace plunges down my neckline. I managed to pluck every last hair from my chin and swept my hair up in a way it disguises the gray. These past months haven’t been kind to me in the aging process.

Keith agrees to meet me at the venue. Calling him took a lot of courage, but he welcomed my phone call. Neither of us mentioned the absence between us, and that’s fine. It made the conversation much less awkward. I’m more than anxious to see him tonight and spend time with him outside of the working relationship and group sessions.

I asked him not to go to the hassle of picking me up. I think this is a date, but we didn’t define it as one and me driving with him only confirms it is. I want to see how the night goes before deciding to take this any further, so he meets me outside the double doors to the venue.
 

He stops me in my tracks when I see him. He’s standing at the doors, a sleek peacoat buttoned up disguising the suit he’s wearing underneath. The charcoal tone alerts me to his eyes, and his smile when he makes eye contact with me starts a fire inside me, a pleasant one, warming me to the core. I take my time up the steps, but I want to run straight to him. Wow, I’ve missed him.

Keith reaches his hand out to me, and I take it as he helps me up the last two steps. He’s such a gentleman.

“Good evening, Cassie. Fancy meeting you here.”

I laugh at his greeting as he opens the door for me. I step in and he follows behind me. “Thanks for coming.”

I begin to take off my jacket, and he finishes the job for me, pulling his off as well and handing them both in at the coat check. I now get a full look at him, matching every description of the word sexy in his two-button slate suit, plaid purple shirt, with a narrow matching tie. Before I only had ever seen him in work clothes or gym wear. I’m taken away by what I see.

“Of course. You look incredible,” he says as he begins the walk into the ballroom, his hand flush against the small of my back.

“Thank you.” I whisper this, for some reason afraid to fully accept his compliment.

The ballroom is exquisite. It seems to go on for miles, ending at a window overlooking Lake Michigan. Round tables are placed throughout, each table seating eight. The milky linen is offset by turquoise napkins, bouquets of white roses as the centerpieces. The chandeliers hanging from the tray ceilings give an elegant glow with their gold lighting.
 

“This is amazing.” Keith moves his arm a tad further down my back. “Shall we find our seats?”

I glance around the room, and my shoulders tense when I spot Lucas, an attractive little number at his side. This won’t be awkward at all.

I motion to Keith I found our seats and he follows me to the table. I’m flattered when he pulls my chair out for me. After we’re seated, I say hello to Lucas.

“I didn’t know if you were going to make it.” Lucas swipes a candy off the table and pops it in his mouth. “I wasn’t sure you’d find a date.”

I stiffen more as I anticipate an uncomfortable evening. I didn’t come here to play childish games, a tug of war between Lucas and Keith with me being the rope. Lucas can pull all he want, but I’m not coming over to his side.

“Lucas, right?” Keith reaches his hand out and offers a handshake, which Lucas eventually accepts.

“Yes. And you’re … Keith?” Both cock their heads in some sort of a manly competition. “This is Nicole. Nicole, this is Cassie and Keith.”

She offers a nod but no other words. Instead, she pulls out her phone and starts typing. Her blond hair falls in curls over her excessive cleavage and I imagine her skirt is probably so short I could see her underwear, if she’s even wearing any. “How do you know Lucas?” I ask Nicole. I might as well start up some sort of conversation.