Dating A Saint (6 page)

Jim’s gaze followed Lauren across the floor, or at least it followed her legs. Her silver dress skimmed just a few inches above her knees and the heels elevated her to super model height. He could see Lauren’s hips moving seductively inside the silver sheath. He wondered what it would be like to have her long legs wrapped around him, to hold her hips as he made love to her, and hear her laugh against him.

Torn between what was right to do and what he wanted to do, Jim stood and did what he’d taught himself to do in situations posing a moral dilemma about his sex life.

He simply got up and left.

*** *** ***

At Lauren’s front door, Chad leaned into her, at first placing a chaste, grateful kiss on her mouth, before pressing a little more firmly against her when she remained pliant in his arms.

“Thanks for the evening, Lauren. Maybe next time we’ll do something a little more private.”

Lauren nodded as she watched Chad walk to his black Lexus CRV and climb inside. Then she sighed, finished unlocking her door, and went into her house.

She was alone again. She hadn’t even been tempted for more with Chad, not even to prove to Jim she didn’t need him, or to prove to Jared she didn’t want him.

She was so damn tired of kissing men who didn’t turn her on at all.

No more random dating, she promised herself. Instead, she was going to find a way to meet someone who could stop her from longing so much for Jim.

Maybe she’d sign up for one of those Internet dating services, let herself be matched with the perfect man. Regina had thought about doing that before she met Ben. Maybe she’d ask Regina to help.

Lauren went upstairs and put on cropped yoga pants and a tank top. Feeling more normal after her change of clothes, she came back down to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. She was standing at her marble-topped kitchen island drinking it when the doorbell rang.

Looking down at herself, Lauren frowned. If Chad had forgotten something, she wasn’t exactly dressed to talk with him. Maybe she just wouldn’t answer. It was rude, but she was pretty sure she could be rude—at least this once.

But when the doorbell rang several more times, Lauren went to it at last and looked out the security port. Shocked at who she saw, she simply opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” Lauren asked.

Jim didn’t answer—couldn’t. His gaze dropped to her unbound breasts in the tank top, before noticing her pants fit her like a second skin. The mature discussion he’d been planning suddenly didn’t seem like a possibility anymore. Desire—rushing blood buckets of it—robbed him of rational speech.

“Jim?” Lauren prompted. “
Why
are you here?”

Jim closed his eyes. “I’m not sure. Can I come in for a few minutes?” The question came out a husky plea, but it was the best he could do with his tongue glued to the top of his mouth.

Lauren’s survival instincts warned her to turn Jim away, but the tug of desire fluttering in her belly had her swinging the door wide. She motioned with her hand for Jim to enter.

His cologne preceded him and made her dizzy as she closed the door. Only years of ingrained social manners kept her from launching herself at him and begging.

“I was just having some wine. Would you like a glass?” Lauren asked calmly, turning on the heels of her socked feet and heading back to the kitchen.

“That would be good. Thanks.” Jim replied, trailing along behind her, admiring the view. Wine was the last thing he wanted, but after leaving her with Chad earlier, Jim had gone crazy thinking about her and other men. Right now he was ready to take just about anything Lauren was willing to give him, even if it was just a hard time.

Lauren didn’t ask Jim whether he wanted white or red. She didn’t ask him what size glass. She didn’t ask any of the hospitable questions bred into her since she was twelve. Watching him look around her kitchen with interest scrambled her manners even more. After pouring Jim a glass of what she was drinking, she slid it across the cool marble to him, watching as he sat uninvited on one of the four stools flanking the island’s edge.

Trying to find somewhere to look so she wouldn’t be staring at him, Lauren noticed the clock and the fact it was almost midnight.

“It’s a little late for a social visit, isn’t it?” Lauren suggested, her tone hard—still stung from their argument earlier.

When Jim just stared at her as if he didn’t know how he’d ended up where he was, the polite cowering woman inside Lauren snapped and transformed into a bitch screaming to be set free. She hadn’t known how much like Regina and Alexa she was, hadn’t known how angry at a man she could be, until Jim had walked into her kitchen at midnight offering no explanation for being there. She knew damn well why he followed her home, knew how it was between them. How could Jim pretend to be ignorant?

“I had to wait until I saw Chad leave,” Jim said quietly, already resenting her tone, though he knew it wasn’t fair of him to expect a warm reception. He’d sat through Chad kissing her goodnight and forced himself to stay in the car until his blood pressure returned to normal and he was sure he could let the man get into his car and drive away.

“I’m surprised you’re so concerned about what Chad would think. In fact, it’s a little late to worry about social appearances,” Lauren said, lifting her glass for a healthy drink. “Almost everyone I interact with regularly saw you talking to me tonight. God only knows what Jared is going to tell my mother about seeing us together. They still have lunch and share the delusion of me pining for a reconciliation.”

“I didn’t intend to cause trouble for you,” Jim said angrily, lifting his glass for a sip, finding the alcohol didn’t help tame the emotions rioting inside him, “especially with your ex.”

“No? Just what did you intend then?” Lauren demanded, her anger reaching out across the marble separating them. “I’d really like to know what your intentions are because I’m completely confused now that you’ve followed me home from a date. You don’t want me, but you don’t want me to find someone else either. You can’t be dumb enough to think you can have both of those things.”

“Damn it, Lauren. It’s not that I don’t want you. I’m married still. It’s not right for me to date you,” Jim said, practically yelling it at her. “But hell—if I did find a way to be with you, I don’t want to be just one in a line of men passing through your bed.”

“A line of men? Well, it’s just wonderful to know you think so highly of me. Just how many men do you think have passed through my bed?” Lauren asked him sharply.

When Jim looked at his wine and the countertop instead of her, it was a new kind of pain in her heart. What he evidently thought shamed her, and yet there was no reason for her to feel that way. The unfairness of it cut deep.

“I don’t know,” he said bitterly, but truthfully.

“Well I’m sorry I can’t give you high number to validate your twisted opinion. There have been two—only two. The one who took my virginity at twenty and the man I married who cheated on me every chance he got.”

Jim closed his eyes again so she wouldn’t see the relief in his gaze. They had so damn much in common, he thought. He couldn’t share it all, couldn’t risk telling Lauren everything. But he badly wanted to offer her some small chunk of honesty, just so she would understand a little.

“If you ask me how many women I’ve been with, I’ll tell you,” Jim offered, regretting his rashness the instant the words were said. He’d meant them only as a concession to her revelation, but he saw in Lauren’s expression she was really going to ask.

“How many then?” she demanded. “And you better damn well tell me the truth or I will never speak to you again.”

“Four,” Jim said, keeping his voice hard and flat. “Two before my wife, my wife, and one mistake a few years ago I still regret to this day.”

Though Jim wouldn’t look at her, Lauren took in the shoulder slump, the frown, and the nervous hands on his wine glass. She remembered what Alexa said about his level of experience. She thought of her own experiences with him.

It would be so easy to believe him, and she really wanted to believe, but the bitch in her surfaced, still angry from earlier hurts. She was demanding a test, insisting Lauren needed to be sure.

“You have enough money to hide what you really do. Are you counting prostitutes?” Lauren asked, lifting her chin, willing to give him a fight if he wanted one.

Jim decided nothing anyone had ever said to or about him had hurt as much as that single insinuation from a woman he idolized. Without a word, Jim slid off the bar stool and headed out of the kitchen before he did something to Lauren he would regret.

Lauren’s strong grip on his arm stopped him in the doorway.

“Wait,” she said quickly, the blush on her face revealing her remorse more than her words. “I had no right to ask a question like that. I want to believe you, but you’re a man and—I’m scared you might be lying to me.”

“Damn it, Lauren. I’ve never used prostitutes,” Jim said, rounding on her fast, not giving either of them time to think. He pushed her against the door jam, uncaring when he banged her hard enough against it to hurt her.

It hurt like hell she couldn’t take him at face value, just simply trust what he said. Why should she? He knew what people thought about him, but it hurt more for Lauren to think so badly of him. It all but destroyed him.

“
I am not lying
,” he said viciously, giving her a hard shake.

Then his mouth seared hers. He kissed her hard to punish, and then more brutally still to erase the images of all the men she kissed other than him. Jim felt Lauren trying to talk, but he refused to let her. Finally, he’d calmed a bit, kissing her more softly, but still desperately. By the time Jim’s sanity returned, Lauren was already leaning against him in surrender, just like she had when they kissed in the garden.

Something inside Jim broke as Lauren sagged against him, her weight testing his strength in many ways. Guilt over hurting her and shame for his actions filled all the gaps and spaces the empty years without any physical comfort had put in his soul.

He swore softly against her mouth.

“I’m sorry, Lauren,” Jim said, the words choking him. What had she done except hold up an emotional mirror up demanding he look at himself? All Jim had done was hurt and disappoint her over and over. How could Lauren possibly think well of him?

When he eased his lips away, he finally heard Lauren, heard what she had been trying to say to him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t really believe it,” she said, kneading his back with hands anxiously trying to make amends, to comfort.

Humbled and hurting for both of them now, Jim gathered Lauren into his arms again. This time though he held her to his heart, weeping quietly on her shoulder—his anger flowing out with his tears. He leaned against her in return, letting her hands soothe him for real.

There was no denying Lauren was the one and only woman who could offer him what he wanted, even if he wasn’t free to take it. He had to stop hurting her, had to stop torturing them both.

“I’m trying so hard not to hurt you,” he whispered, pulling away. “I’m trying so damn hard. Please believe that if you can while I figure this out.”

Before he was tempted to take complete advantage of the situation, to sink into her arms and just take what she was offering, Jim pulled away and left her standing in the kitchen. He closed her front door behind him with a decisive click.

Lauren stayed in the doorway for a long time even after she knew Jim had gone. She’d have bruises tomorrow from where he had gripped her so fiercely. More marks of possession, she thought. Alexa had been right about it not being pretty. There was a lot of hurt buried deep in him, and Lauren had a knack for bringing it to the surface.

And although Jim wanted her, his guilt over it was like a brick wall between them. Having all her fears confirmed was heart breaking. Lauren raised a trembling hand to her bruised lips and let tears fall unheeded on the floor while she fought not to dissolve completely.

If Jim had been restrained the first time he kissed her, he’d been completely unrestrained this time. She absolutely wasn’t going to be able to kiss another man again without thinking of him.

It was a long time before Lauren could make herself go upstairs alone.

“Are you sure we’re in the right place?” Casey asked, peering out the front passenger window of Ben’s BMW as they passed through Sykesville, Maryland to the other side of the small town.

Ben looked the GPS map. “Looks like it. Do you see a medical facility yet?”

“No,” Casey said. “Why would you put a facility way out here? It’s beautiful, but what’s close by?”

“Nothing, as far as I can tell,” Ben said, pondering the oddity of the situation. “I think it’s very strange Jim has something out here. I thought all his businesses were in Falls Church.”

“Everything else on the list he gave me is either in Falls Church or Stratford,” Casey confirmed. “You’re sure he said he would meet us there?”

Ben shrugged a shoulder. “Yes. Look—there’s the entrance.
Whispering Pines.
It says Medical Facility and Offices. Turn Right. I guess this place exists after all.”

“And there’s Jim standing out front waiting for us,” Casey said, unable to keep the amazement from his voice.

*** *** ***

Jim watched Ben’s BMW pull alongside his Ford Suburban in the parking lot. Those two men were so punctual, he thought, you could set a watch by them. He preferred being loosely punctual. It kept his stress level down.

Ben got out and looked at Jim’s ride with a shake of his head. “You have more money than God, and you drive a big-ass Suburban? We have got to get you a decent car, Gallagher.”

“I like my vehicle, Kaiser. It’s practical and I don’t have to match my clothes to it,” Jim said wickedly, not mentioning the classic Corvette inherited from his father currently sleeping in his garage.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t give up your day job, Gallagher. You are so not a funny guy,” Ben informed him, checking the creases in his slacks, even as Casey snickered beside him.