Dastardly Deeds (17 page)

‘I have no freaking idea what’s going on,’ complained Nick. The setting sun glinted off his cap of red hair. He looked like he was wearing iridescent mandarin peel. ‘Can we go back to talking about golf?’

‘No,’ said Ashley. ‘Lew, what’re you thinking?’

‘I’m thinking Deb’s off your list of suspects. Otherwise you wouldn’t be telling us all this. Which leaves the other three.’

‘Hang on,’ said Petra suddenly. She still had her hand on Deb’s arm. ‘What were
you
wearing that day at Gallipoli? When Kim was killed?’

Deb shook her head. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

I stared at her as I digested the possibilities. Everything would make sense. I almost didn’t want her to answer, in case it didn’t gel.

‘Red T-shirt,’ replied Lew, staring at his wife. ‘Cream jeans.’

‘But no hat!’ said Deb triumphantly.

Lew was still watching her. ‘Not true. You borrowed my cap when we got to the cemetery. It was sunny.’

‘I knew it!’ said Petra triumphantly. ‘Red isn’t that far off deep pink. And Kim’s hat might have been more like Nell’s than Deb’s, but if you were at a distance and the person was walking towards the sun, and you were angry enough …’

‘Stop,’ said Deb. She shuffled in her seat as if about to rise, but then didn’t.

I looked from one to the other. Anna, April, Deb. Suddenly we had a pattern. The gum in my doorjamb had been just one of those things. Probably Quinn.

‘What about Phoebe?’ asked Lew hoarsely. ‘What was she wearing?’

‘It would have been something flowing,’ said Deb flatly. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. ‘She never wears pants. And if she had a hat, it would have been one of those floppy big-brimmed ones. I can’t believe all this. We’re talking about people I’ve known for
years
.’

‘Where are they?’ asked Ashley, looking around as if they might have been hiding in the shadows. I stifled a laugh, fully aware it was mostly nerves. The whole conversation, and Deb’s obvious distress, was horribly awkward.

Lew shrugged. ‘Haven’t seen them since we got back.’

‘And where are Darcy and Tessa?’

‘That I know. They were getting dolled up for that expensive restaurant. Apparently it’s an anniversary or something.’

I frowned as I jolted my mind from serial killers to separation. Darcy had left me in the month of July, but had been seeing Tessa for a while at that point. I knew what this anniversary was for. And I didn’t feel like laughing now.

‘I can’t believe this,’ said Deb again. ‘I just can’t. We’ve caught up at least once a year since uni. Scott was emcee at our wedding!’ She turned to me. ‘You had lunch with Donald. Does he seem like a murderer?’

‘No, but then I don’t think he is.’ I paused for a moment. ‘I think it’s Scott.’

Ashley glanced at me. ‘Yes. He does seem the most likely.’

‘Christ,’ said Nick, who finally seemed to be grasping the gravity of the situation. He took a gulp of beer.

Enid suddenly stretched. It was like a Hawaiian mountain shifting position. She shuffled along the bench, forcing first Deb and then Petra to their feet. Enid rose stiffly and then turned to face us. ‘Dinnertime. And I can hear the casino calling me. It’s time to get my money back.’

‘Good luck,’ said Ashley, rather ineffectually.

She treated him to a withering glance. ‘And by the way, it wasn’t Scott.’

‘Pardon?’

‘I said it wasn’t that Scott. Apart from the fact he’s too much of a limp biscuit, he never paid for any sunglasses in Istanbul.’

Everybody stared at her, not just surprised that she was contributing to the discussion but that she had even been aware of it in the first place. After a minute, I shook my head firmly. ‘That’s not right. He definitely had some.’

‘He might have had some, but he didn’t pay for them at the time.’ She was clearly enjoying the moment. ‘Because he didn’t have any lira.’

‘She’s right,’ said Lew. ‘Christ. He was asking around to see if anyone had some spare lira left. He only had euros.’

Petra was the first to ask the million-dollar question. ‘Then who paid?’

We all gazed at each other, waiting for someone to answer, and gradually everyone’s eyes turned back to Enid. She was wearing a smug smile. ‘I
could
use this opportunity to get some seed money for the pokies, but I won’t. I was standing right next to them. He got a ten lira note off the skinny guy. The one with the eyebrows.’

Donald. Nobody said his name, but everyone knew exactly who she meant. Ashley abruptly removed his hand from my thigh and I knew he was annoyed. I’d had lunch with the man, sitting at a little secluded restaurant perched atop sheer cliffs. But then it had seemed that I was as safe as houses. Deb was staring at the table, no doubt thinking about the two friends who died at his hands, and the third woman, who should have been her. Donald of the eyebrows, the rimless glasses, the frustrated flirting, the Lego fanaticism. Donald the murderer.

I leant against the railing at the far end of the upper deck, holding my hat in my hands, waiting for Ashley. The light breeze felt invigorating, apart from the fact I was just around the corner from the smoking section. Our group had disbanded about twenty minutes earlier with most leaving to change for dinner. The ship left the Santorini cove at the same time and the island already looked like a crescent-shaped mountain range in the distance, with the whitewashed houses a snowdrift across the upper reaches. To the side, the glow of the crimson sun was like watery blood.

Before we separated, Lew had appointed himself devil’s advocate, trying to find holes in the scenario that held Donald responsible for three murders and positioned Deb in the firing line. There were a few, the main one being motive. Why on earth would Donald want to kill
anyone
, let alone some of his best friends? But I suspected the primary reason for Lew’s critique was to set his wife’s mind at rest. If so, it clearly didn’t work. Deb barely contributed to the conversation, her pale face indicating the depths of her distress.

‘Hey there.’ Ashley came up behind me and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. ‘Sorry, got caught up.’

‘What are we going to do?’

‘Well, I thought we could follow your lead. Nick can have breakfast with him, I’ll have lunch and Lew can take the dinner shift.’

‘Very funny.’

‘Seriously, though.’ He grabbed me by the shoulders, so that I had to look at him. ‘What the hell were you thinking?’

I shook myself free. ‘If I hadn’t had lunch with him, we may never have found out the stuff about Anna. Not till it was too late. Besides, it looks like I was never in danger anyway. And I’ve been doing some thinking.’

‘Oh, well that’s a relief.’

‘He’s only recently broken up with a girlfriend so that may have set everything off. But my theory is that he hates women anyway, in particular the women who were at university with him. Perhaps they each rejected him at different times, or he saw them take up with other guys and built up this well of anger. When it looked like Anna might get together with Scott again, he ran her down on the spur of the moment. When April was flirting with everyone the night she died, it probably brought everything back. And I suspect he and the others were already annoyed at Deb for bringing Lew along on this trip, so maybe he just resented them playing the happy couple.’

He nodded. ‘I agree.’

‘Good. Which means Phoebe is probably not in the line of fire, as long as she doesn’t start flirting, or ignoring him. Which doesn’t seem likely. But not worth the risk.’

‘I agree,’ said Ashley again. He rested his arms on the railing and stared towards the island, which was now just an elongated lump on the horizon.

‘I should have realised,’ I continued. ‘That fanaticism of his, like towards the Lego stuff, is a dead giveaway.’

‘Lego?’

‘He likes Lego. A lot.’

‘So do I, but I’m not about to kill someone over it.’

I glanced at him with interest. Maybe I could buy him some Lego for Christmas, and that might provide an excuse to get some for myself as well. A plume of smoke wafted from the smoking section and I waved my hand impatiently. I heard a familiar voice so I took a few steps aside to peer around the corner. I recognised the back of Ruby’s head immediately. She was standing by the communal ashtray, a cigarette held casually between her fingers, talking to some people her age. I
knew
she was still smoking.

‘We’ve got one more day on this ship,’ said Ashley. ‘So just to play it safe, promise me you won’t spend any time alone with him tomorrow.’

‘Hang on.’ I frowned as I rejoined him. ‘Do you mean we’re
not
going to security with all this?’

He grimaced. ‘To say what? That we think a twenty-three-year-old cold case back in Australia, a suicide in Rome and a robbery in Turkey are all connected? And our proof is a ten lira note that the perpetrator may or may not have used to buy sunglasses? Plus, there’s always the chance that we’re wrong. A fairly sizeable chance.’

I stared at him accusingly. ‘So we do
nothing
?’

‘No, I didn’t say that. We’re taking him and Scott out shortly for a guy’s night.’ His face stilled. ‘And I’m going to find out one way or the other.’

‘Who’s we?’

‘Nick, Lew and I.’ He suddenly smiled. ‘Do you know, I had our evening all planned. Nick was heading over to the theatre for a lecture on golf course tourism – St Andrews and all that. Our cabin was going to be empty for two hours.’

‘How romantic. I’m crushed it’s fallen through.’

‘Me too.’

I waved a hand dismissively. ‘Shouldn’t we warn Phoebe? Just in case your marvellous plan to get him to confess doesn’t work?’

‘Not just yet. If we
are
wrong, then we’re ruining friendships.’ He ran his hand through his hair, leaving a swathe standing on end. ‘Deb and your sister are taking her for a spa treatment in the morning. That’ll get us through to lunchtime.’

I rolled my eyes to indicate what I thought of this scheme.

‘And I’ve sent an email through to a mate in Melbourne. He’s doing a background check on Donald. And Scott too, for good measure.’

‘Good.’ I liked that idea better. Information was power.

‘What’re your plans for the evening then?’

‘I’m finishing off a column on Istanbul and then spending some time with my daughters. Apparently I’ve been neglecting them.’

‘I sympathise with them.’ He looked at me with a wry grin. ‘We’re not very good at this fling thing, are we?’

‘Maybe it’s the universe trying to tell us something.’

He kept his eyes on my face. ‘Not sure I like being told what to do.’

‘Me neither.’ I leant back against the railing. My stomach felt tight, and warm. ‘But it’s not over yet.’

‘My thoughts exactly.’ Ashley glanced down at his watch. ‘I’d better go.’ He leant forward to drop another kiss on my head and then paused. ‘Just a thought, but there’s always the four-mile-high club.’

‘Don’t even think about it.’ I shook my head. I didn’t think it was the right time to tell him that I had already joined that club, once, many years ago, with Darcy. It hadn’t even been a long-haul flight, but rather a short hop up to the theme parks outside Brisbane, with their rollercoasters and thrill rides. We’d just started a little earlier. It would probably never be the right time to tell Ashley that. But I might tell Tessa.

Early the following morning, I took up position with my laptop on the upper deck once more. I had finished the Istanbul column the night before and, even though I wasn’t entirely happy with it, had sent it off. I wanted to start a new one while I was on a roll of sorts, but was reluctant to hide myself away in my cabin. I wanted to be where people could find me. I wanted to know how the guys’ night out had gone, and what Ashley’s background check had uncovered, and whether Deb and Phoebe were being taken care of. Socially, that is.

I began making notes about Athens, intermittently sipping my coffee and gazing at the lacy fringe of coast along the horizon. It was most probably Greece again, which seemed fitting. I thought of Athena, and how she might have dealt with a situation where an acquaintance was bumping off his female friends. I rather suspected she would have simply confronted him, asked a few questions and, when no satisfactory answers were forthcoming, lopped off his head. Unfortunately, the authorities frowned on that sort of initiative nowadays.

I idly put together a paragraph about Athena, and then another. Her conception, her birth and her giddy list of achievements. The story lent itself towards humour so it was easy to write. I threw in some references to the pitfalls of extramarital cousin-coitus, which even blind Freddy could have seen was asking for trouble, as well as the current-day benefits of headache tablets and fly repellent. I thought that companies selling the latter could use Zeus’s little problem for an advertising campaign.
Are you worried about swallowing a recently impregnated fly who might plot your demise from the safety of your pancreas? Then use Zeus fly-spray and your worries will be gone!
If my career as a columnist did sputter to a halt, then perhaps I should try for advertising. I tapped away at the keyboard, enjoying myself thoroughly. Before I knew it, I had almost an entire column.

‘I thought
you
said Ruby’d spend time with me,’ said Quinn complainingly as she slid into the seat opposite me. ‘Like
you
said this was a chance for us to get to know each other again.’

I blinked at her. ‘Hey, I strictly told you not to wander around by yourself!’

‘Why not?’

‘Because …’ I paused. I couldn’t very well tell her that one of Deb’s group might be a murderer. And even though he did seem to target his own, I didn’t want to take any risks. ‘Because I said so. Where’s Ruby then?’

‘Hanging out with her
new
friends,’ said Quinn bitterly. ‘And you never spend time with me either.’

‘Not true!’ I said, stung. ‘I went along to that godawful show last night because that’s what you wanted, then I even watched
Tangled
with you. That show was ridiculous. Her hair wouldn’t look anywhere near that neat.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘It’s a car
toon
, Mum. And I’m bored.’

‘Well, if you give me half an hour then I’ll do something with you. Just let me finish this.’ I returned my attention to the column. I was really happy with this one. It was an unfamiliar feeling. I added a paragraph about the actual Parthenon and Athena’s temple, to fulfil the tourism brief, and then polished the whole thing until the sheen was almost blinding. Finally, I crafted an email for my editor, going with the casual ‘just a little something I put together’ approach. But I knew I was smiling stupidly.
Country columnist wins Pulitzer Prize for earth-shatteringly good piece. Nominated as living national treasure.

‘How old were you when you stopped being a virgin?’

My smile disappeared. ‘What?’

‘How old were you when you stopped being a virgin?’ Quinn repeated. ‘You know, like when you first had sex. S-E-X.’

‘Thank you, but I do know what sex is. No need to spell it out.’ I stalled for time. ‘Why do you want to know?’

‘Just curious.’ She slid down on the seat until just her head showed above the top of the table. Her eyes bored into mine. ‘And don’t pretend you don’t know. Like, Auntie Petra says
everyone
remembers.’

‘Did she now? How obliging of her. And why were you discussing it with her?’

‘I asked her too. She says she was twenty-one.’

I kept my face noncommittal. My sister was a liar. She had been eighteen, and her partner had been an equally inexperienced boy named Franklin McAllister whom she promptly dumped because she said the whole experience had been overly moist. She had subsequently come to terms with the moist angle but Franklin himself had been history.

‘So how old were you?’

‘Nineteen,’ I said truthfully. ‘At university. Now it’s my turn to ask questions. Is Griffin pressuring you into having sex?’

‘
What?
’ she scrambled up in her seat, staring at me. ‘No! As if!’

‘Then why are you asking?’

‘I’m just curious!’ She folded her arms crossly. ‘God!’

I shook my head. Teenagers were infuriating. I didn’t fully believe her, but I also knew that pushing it at the moment would lead nowhere. She had pulled out her mobile and was now playing a game of Tetris. I could hear the music. I watched her narrowly. Very soon we
were
going to have a long discussion about ownership, and empowerment, and control. I transferred my attention to my email, made a few changes and attached my column. I pressed send with a flush of pleasure. To my surprise it was almost lunchtime.

‘I’m starving!’ said Quinn, right on cue.

We detoured past the cabin to drop off the laptop and I left a note for Petra, letting her know that we would be at the buffet. I found a table while Quinn went off to select some food. I was sitting beside one of the floor portholes, which allowed a sheer view down to the lowest deck, the sea lapping by its side. It was a giddy sight. When I finally looked up, it was to realise that Ashley was at a table just inside the swell of one of the curving partitions, only about ten metres away. He was with his cousin, along with our number-one and number-two suspects, Donald and Scott.

It was hard to drag myself back from the smug pleasure of having submitted a great column to the fact that there was a psychopath on the loose. Especially when the only one at that table who looked remotely like a serial killer was Ashley himself. His hair looked like it had been fashioned by Edward Scissorhands. I suspected it had been a late night. If I was to be honest, there was also the occasional hardness to his eyes that spoke of having seen things beyond the ken of normal folk. Nick and Scott, on the other hand, appeared far less complicated. Any murderous inclinations they might harbour, I suspected, would be reserved for the extremes of human behaviour, like paedophiles and rapists and crooked grand final umpires.

Then there was Donald. He was sitting side on to me, with the only visible eyebrow beetling forward like a ledge. He was wearing a patient but puzzled expression, as if the conversation was alien. They were probably talking about golf again. I examined him carefully. He
did
have a certain superciliousness, which might well be a prerequisite for psychopathy, but he would never have stood out in a crowd. Maybe that was the point.

‘Ashley’s sitting over there,’ said Quinn, putting down a laden plate. ‘But can we stay here? I just want to have lunch with you.’

‘Certainly.’ That was an easy request to grant. I had no intention of having my sixteen-year-old spend any time with Donald until he was cleared. Or otherwise. ‘Okay, I’ll just grab something to eat. Back in a minute.’

I made my way through the lunch crowd and lined up at the cook-to-order station. Slabs of steak sat on ice in the display, alongside chicken fillets and thick slices of tuna. I ordered salmon, well done, and then piled some salad on my plate and stood back to wait. Ashley’s cousin Nick joined me, having ordered the steak. He shifted awkwardly, staring at his empty plate.

‘I wanted to say sorry for being so blasé about everything yesterday,’ he said in a low mumble. ‘Ash explained everything to me last night. Scary stuff.’

‘That’s okay, you weren’t to know. Who goes on a luxury cruise and expects this sort of thing?’

‘Not me,’ he said fervently. ‘I thought we were going to visit Gallipoli and talk about golf. Not frigging murder. Excuse me.’

‘That’s okay,’ I said again. I looked at him curiously. ‘So what happened when you guys went out last night?’

‘Nothing much. Just had a few drinks. Listened to some music.’

‘That’s
it
? I thought Ashley was going to get answers!’

Nick shrugged. ‘Dunno. We did talk about stuff but that Donald piked early.’ He rubbed his head. ‘It was a good night though. Except we stayed up too late.’

‘Oh, excellent. Well, glad you all had such a good time. Such a relief.’

‘Thanks. I think your food’s ready.’

I said a stiff goodbye and took my plate back to the table, giving Ashley an irritated glare on my way past. This was totally wasted as he was concentrating on something Scott was saying. Donald gave me an enthusiastic wave.

‘I’m nearly finished,’ complained Quinn as I sat. ‘You’ve been
ages
.’

‘Well, you could have waited for me.’

‘And let my food go cold?’ She gave me an incredulous look and then jerked her head to the right. ‘Ruby’s sitting over there, with her
friends
.’

I twisted around. Ruby was with the same people from the smoking section. They seemed to be thoroughly enjoying each other’s company. One of them had startling blue hair.

‘Like, she’d rather be with them than her family,’ said Quinn sourly.

‘I think it’s nice that she’s having a good time.’

‘You would.’

There was little answer I could give to that. It was true. I looked at Quinn. ‘You need to stop this. You’re just making yourself miserable. So what if Ruby’s found some friends around her age? Or if I’m doing some writing? Both of us love spending time with you, but we also enjoy other things. There are plenty of other people on the ship. Your father. Tessa. Auntie Petra. You’ll look back on this trip in years to come and be really annoyed with yourself.’ I paused for breath. I was on a roll. ‘And one of the worst things in life is regret. Avoid regret. Like … being talked into things you don’t really want to do. That sort of thing.’

She was staring at me with her mouth open. There was a smear of tomato sauce on her upper lip.

‘You don’t have to look at me like that. It’s sage advice.’

‘I didn’t ask for a lecture!’ She rose abruptly. ‘Like, I just wanted to have lunch with you!’

‘Where are you going?’

‘Back to the cabin. I’m going to go skype
my
friends.’ She scooped up the remaining chips from her plate before stalking off. She had a lot in common with my sister.

So now I was sitting at the table by myself. Looking around, I realised that I was the only person who was. Every other table was filled with jovial conversation and convivial company. Just as this registered, Darcy and Tessa strolled past with laden plates, looking for seats. Tessa paused but Darcy gave her elbow a tug and they moved on. I finished my meal quickly.

‘You look lonely,’ said Donald, looming by my shoulder. ‘Shall I join you?’

‘Ah, no. Sorry. I have to meet my daughter.’ I got to my feet hurriedly.

‘Shame, I thought we could have continued from yesterday.’ He gave me what he clearly thought was a flirtatious smile. ‘Get to know each other better.’

I didn’t think that was advisable, under the circumstances. I numbered several quirky types among my acquaintances but had no intention of stretching that to include misogynist serial killers. I could see Ashley watching me over Donald’s shoulder. He gave me a broad wink.

‘So, raincheck then?’ asked Donald.

‘Absolutely.’ I smiled broadly and made my exit. On the way out I detoured past Ruby’s table and fixed my smile again for her companions. ‘Hello all, would you mind if I stole my daughter for a moment?’

‘Are you the one who writes that “Middle-aged Spread” column?’ asked the one with blue hair. ‘My grandmother
loves
those!’

‘How nice. Thank you. Ruby?’ I moved away as Ruby rose to join me.

‘What’s up? Something wrong?’

‘No, nothing. Your friends seem pleasant.’

‘They are. Jess is from Castlemaine. That’s just up the road from us!’

‘Lovely.’ I had no idea who Jess was. ‘Maybe she’ll convince you to come home then.’

‘Mum …’ Ruby grimaced. ‘Give it a rest, will you? Anyway, what d’you want?’

‘Don’t forget I still wanted to talk to you about … details.’

Ruby’s face closed. ‘If you mean money, then that’s my business.’

‘Really?’ It was on the tip of my tongue to remind her about the money she actually owed me, but I reconsidered. This wasn’t the time or place. ‘Actually, I was just wondering if you could do something with your sister today? Just for an hour or so. She’s feeling a little left out.’

‘Oh, poor Quinn. I didn’t realise. Okay, no problem.’

I smiled, this time genuinely.
Woman swells with pride. Needs to be physically deflated.
‘Don’t forget you need to pack your suitcase today. It needs to be out in the hall this evening. Glad you’re enjoying yourself.’ I leant forward to kiss Ruby on the cheek, much to her surprise, and then gave her friends a wave as I quickly left.

Ashley caught up with me by the stairwell. ‘I was waiting for you to finish with Ruby and then you took off. God, you walk quickly.’

‘Maybe you’ve just got less fit since you retired,’ I stepped aside to allow an elderly couple to pass and then moved over to the side of the landing. Ashley followed. ‘I believe you solved everything last night then? Got all the answers?’

‘Not quite, but I did get some. What did Donald want?’

‘To continue our acquaintance. Nice to know psychopaths find me appealing.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘What does that make me?’