Darkness Before Dawn (16 page)

A flash of pain clouds his eyes and he gives me a sad smile, tucking my hair behind my ears with both hands. "It's been that way since you left. I couldn't bring myself to sleep here without you."

"But that drives you crazy," I reply, looking at the bed and back at him with furrowed eyebrows. He pulls my face against his chest and holds me there, his deep chuckle making my body hum.

"I know, but I wanted to make you make the bed when you got here."

I laugh and shake my head a little at his ridiculousness, because he always does things like that just to "teach me a lesson".

"I forgot what a pain in the ass you are," I mumble into his shirt.

He drops his arms and takes a step back, ducking his head to look me square in the eyes. "Don't worry, I'll never let you forget again." He kisses me slowly, his tongue leisurely stroking against mine before pulling away. "Let's get you showered."

He's helped me shower every day at the hospital, even though after the second day, I was fully capable of doing it myself. I go into my walk-in closet and get my most comfortable sweat pants and my favorite red Murphy shirt before making my way to the bathroom.

"I can wash myself, you know?" I say with a raised eyebrow as I peel off my shirt, noticing the way his eyes travel slowly down my body. The up side to being in the hospital for a week is that other than the bruises, I feel fine. My face isn't swollen anymore and for the most part, the soreness is gone from my body.

"I know," he replies quietly, his eyes darkening when I shimmy out of the black yoga pants I'm wearing.

By the time I lean into the shower to switch it on, he's staring at me with hungry eyes. I smirk at him before taking off my bra slowly and tossing it in his face, and then fall into a fit of laughter when he wraps his arms around me and follows me into the shower.

"Cole! You're dressed!" I screech as I try to wiggle out of his hold.

"I don't care," he replies before biting my neck. "You're teasing me. You know I can't handle that."

He runs the tips of his fingers from my waist up my sides slowly before stopping below my breasts. My legs pool in anticipation and my eyes flutter closed as I toss my head back on to his chest, arching my back, begging for him to touch me.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, baby?" he asks, his voice hoarse with need. I whimper and rock my body against him in response. He finally fans his fingers over my breasts before plucking at them slightly, making a tremor run through me. Suddenly, he drops his hands and places them on my hips. I focus on the sound of the water mixed with our heavy breathing, and when I notice that Cole isn't moving, I turn around to face him. His eyes are ablaze with desire, but I can also see the concern there that makes him second-guess this. I look down look and let the water hit my back. I focus on his wet shirt that's clinging to the cuts on his stomach and snap out of my daydream at the sound of Becky's loud laughter coming from our living room.
Becky, my beautiful best friend who's pregnant
, I think, my eyes trailing over my flat stomach as water pools my eyes. I blink them back, hoping they get mixed in with the rest of the water, unnoticed by Cole.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks, cupping my chin to look into my eyes.

I try to restrain my head from moving just for a second so that I can train my eyes into a blank stare, but he's too quick for me...and he knows me.

"We'll wait. You're not ready and that's okay. I'm not going anywhere," he whispers.

I nod slowly in response, my eyes filling with tears I can no longer hide, my shoulders beginning to quake from sobs I can no longer hold back. He pulls me into his chest, kissing the top of my head and holds me there letting me cry, letting me pour out the conflicted feelings that flow through my veins. Feelings that make me feel disgusted at myself for having toward my own best friend.

"I'm a horrible person," I whisper into his chest.

He grabs me by the shoulders and holds me at arm's length as he searches my face. "Why would you say that?" he asks, confusion and alarm clear in his voice.

"Because I am." I shake my head sadly. "I saw Becky and all I can think about is that I'm supposed to be pregnant too. After all she's been through...after all the years she's been trying to conceive and that's the first thought that crossed my mind. I'm a terrible person," I finish, my voice breaking and turning into a loud sob as I lean back into his chest.

"Oh, baby," he says quietly, wrapping his arms tightly around me, letting me cry for the two of us.

I feel like I'm having an out of body experience sitting in my living room surrounded by the people I love. I can't stop the tears from running down my face. But this time they're not sad tears, or scared tears, they're thankful tears. I am so thankful to be sitting on Cole's lap as Becky runs her fingers through my hair, Aubry holds my hand, and Greg catches me up on what has been going on in their lives. The discomfort in my chest stabs at me with each mention of their baby, but I smile nonetheless. I'm sure it'll get easier to deal with and despite my own sadness, I find myself placing my hand on Becky's growing belly and smiling at the knowledge that she's carrying a life inside of her.

"I'm sorry," Becky whispers as she places her hand over mine. I sniffle back new tears and look into her wet blue eyes with a nod. Cole shifts me so that I'm sitting sideways in his arms and cradles me into his chest, covering most of my body with his arms and kissing the top of my head. I bury my face into him before deciding that I really need to stop crying. I wipe my face, take a deep breath and sit back up.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine, I swear I'm happy for you guys," I say softly, looking at Becky first and then Greg.

"Cowboy, this is all new for you, you've been through hell, we understand if you're sad. We're sad about your loss too, and it's okay to be sad," Greg says before he leans forward and wipes a stray tear from my face with his thumb. Becky hugs me and kisses my cheek before she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

"Where's Aimee?" I ask, looking at Aubry.

"She'll be here later, she had to go do some stuff with her mom," he replies, looking at Cole for a beat before grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it. Cole pulls my hand away from Aubry's and shoots him a look that makes us laugh. He scowls at Aubry and Greg before winking at me and pulls me closer against him.

"What do you feel like eating?" he asks before pressing his lips to my neck.

"I don't know," I mumble, tilting my head to welcome the trail of kisses he's showering me with.

"Oh nooo," Becky groans as she makes her way back to us. Cole stops kissing me and we all turn our heads toward her. "You guys are not going to start acting like horny teenagers already, are you?"

The guys shake their heads while muttering their agreement with her.

I crinkle my nose, looking from one face to the other. "We do not act like horny teenagers!"

Aubry, Greg and Becky start to laugh before Cole joins in, as I look at them with wide eyes and my mouth hanging open.

"Babe, I'm pretty sure we do." Cole taps my nose while giving me his dazzling smile. My gaze shifts from his smile, to his sole dimple and back to his twinkling eyes before I feel myself beam back at him.

"No, we don't," I say unconvincingly, trying to think of examples that will help me plead my case. Cole shifts under, me making me gasp and feel automatically turned on when I feel how hard he is.

"You see why we act like horny teenagers?" he murmurs behind my ear before nipping it with his teeth. When I face him he gives me a crooked smile before biting and sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. Greg's chuckle and Becky clearing her throat reminds us of our audience, and we pull apart slowly.

"Ugh," Aubry groans exaggeratedly. "Thank God I don't live with you guys anymore."

"You can say that again," Cole says as he flashes him with his middle finger.

As promised, Greg and Becky stay for the rest of the week and even though they got a hotel room, they end up sleeping at our place every night. Aubry and Aimee take the couch in the living room and Greg and Becky take the bed. It almost feels like the sleepover parties we used to have when we were kids. Connor has kept me informed in regards to Dean, telling me that Dean has called every day to check up on me. I've kept conversations about Dean to a minimum because Cole hates him and sometimes I think that I should too, despite the ways he helped me. Connor also says that nobody has heard from Benny, and that is enough to keep me on edge.

I clutch on to the sandals in my hands when the thought that maybe he's keeping tabs on me runs through my mind. Thoughts of his mean snarl, his scarred face, his hateful eyes as he charges toward me while I try to open the iron gate of Alex' house making me cringe.

"Hey," Cole says in a low voice snapping me out of my horrible daydream. I blink away the images running through my mind and I look at him from the floor of my closet.

"Hey," I respond, smiling when I see he's wearing a sleeveless black work out shirt and a pair of Chicago Bulls basketball shorts I'd gotten him last year.

He tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. "You okay?" he asks quietly.

I take a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just sorting through clothes I need to get rid of," I offer.

He nods, seemingly not believing me entirely, but doesn't push me. "Are you going to go pick up those papers from Mark tomorrow?"

"I guess so. Might as well do that since you're going back to work," I respond with a slight shrug.

He strides into the closet and crouches down so that we're at eye level. I focus on the way his basketball shorts ride up his defined golden thighs and raise my eyes back to his when the palm of his hand caresses my cheek softly.

"Talk to me," he whispers, his thumb dropping from my cheek to my bottom lip. "Do you not want me to go back to work?" he asks, his voice still low. My head spinning between the longing in his eyes, the sound of his voice, and the way the pad of his thumb run over my lip.

"You need it," I reply breathlessly, my breathing ragged.

He shakes his head slowly, his gaze dropping to my lips. "I need you," he husks inching his face closer to mine.

"I need you too," I reply, my voice barely a whisper as my heart begins to spike in my chest.

"You sure?" he murmurs with his lips against mine.

I inhale a deep breath, the smell of Christmas and Jean Paul cologne invading my senses. "Yes," I rasp.

My eyes flutter closed when his tongue darts out and he licks his lips. I part my lips slightly, letting my tongue meet his in a sensual dance, his deep groan sending a warm hum through me.

"I want you so bad right now," he says hoarsely against my lips, his fingers trailing softly over my shoulders and down my arms making me quiver.

"Nobody's stopping you," I murmur.

He groans dropping his forehead against mine and letting out a breath. "Are you sure you're ready for that?" he asks, his voice strained with need.

"Yes. So ready," I reply, my chest rising and falling rapidly.

"I'm so glad you said that," he growls against my lips before scooping me up in his arms and walking me to our bed.

He puts me down slowly, his eyes searching mine before running down my body once as he sits beside me and turns his body toward mine. I sit up slowly and peel my shirt off over my head and hear him suck in his breath when he sees my exposed breasts.