Darker (24 page)

“
I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“
What?” Arys’s gaze grew shadowed as he hid what was going on inside him. “What are you saying?”

“
I don’t know.” A surge of emotion choked off my reply. What the hell was I doing? “I can’t handle the constant conflict anymore. It will keep getting worse; it does every time. At what point does it destroy us?”

“
Don’t talk like that,” he admonished with a scowl. “It’s not like we can escape each other.”

I forced myself to look at him, really look at him. He was a reflection of me in so many ways. Where those similarities ended, a great divide began. I loved him with a desperation that could only lead to pain. What we were, it wasn’t natural. I didn’t want him to suffer any more than necessary. We’d already suffered so much torment.

“
No, maybe we can’t. That doesn’t mean we have to be together.”

I hated myself when his guard fell and pain flashed through his blue eyes. I kept telling myself this was for the best. It would save our sanity and maybe even our lives.

“
I can’t believe you’re saying this. We share power, a purpose. You can’t turn your back on that.”

“
I’m not. I just think we need some time apart. I need some time.” A sob caught in my throat. God, I was really doing this. “My pack kicked me out tonight, and it doesn’t even matter because I’m going to lose my wolf. With Shaz gone, it’s so much harder to resist your darkness. It grows in me, Arys. Every night it grows.”

He crossed the distance I’d put between us and grabbed my arms. He shook me in frustration, forcing me to look up into his eyes. “That will never stop. We need each other, Alexa. How can you think otherwise? I love you.”

“
I know that. And, I love you.” I blinked back the blood tears that blurred my vision. “That’s why this has to be the last fight. It’s best for both of us.”

“
No. I’m not going along with this.” His grip tightened painfully. He kissed me, a hard, bruising kiss that screamed of his refusal. It left me quaking.

I kissed him back with a red-hot passion I felt to the tips of my toes. My heart was calling me every name in the book, but my head knew I was doing the right thing. For the last year, so much of who I was revolved around Arys. I accepted that we were created to be together, but I needed to find myself first.

“
Please understand,” I whispered. “I need to discover who I am apart from you. For the sake of my sanity, just give me some time.”

“
I knew this day would come. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew.” Arys held me close, burying his face in my hair. “I’m sorry about your wolf. I’m sorry I drove you to this.”

I shook my head as the blood-red tears spilled down my cheeks. My words were an emotional jumble. “This isn’t your fault, Arys. We just don’t know how to exist together.”

“
I don’t know how to exist without you. I waited so long to find you.” His voice grew thick with emotion. “I can’t lose you now.”

A fresh surge of tears shook me. “You’re not losing me. Just letting go. For a while.”

We stood there for what had to be a long time but didn’t feel long enough. I was still wrestling the urge to take it all back when he kissed me one last time and walked away.

I watched him go, fading into the night to become someone’s worst nightmare. I collapsed to my knees on the pavement and cried. It felt impulsive, but this had been building for months now. Despite our love, we had no qualms about turning on one another when the situation allowed it. We had to do this, to save ourselves. We had to.

As much as I told myself it was better this way, my heart wouldn’t believe it. I gasped for breath in between sobs as I became utterly and completely broken.

Chapter Fifteen

“
You did what you think is best. What matters is that you can live with it.”

Jez popped the cork on a bottle of champagne and toasted to the coming dawn. We sat in an old graveyard twenty miles outside the city. The earth was, for the most part, undisturbed. Except for Zoey, nobody had been buried here for a long time.

Justin’s directions had led us down a long country road I’d never traveled before. A few hours before sunrise, we pulled into the overgrown cemetery. We found the spot where the ground had recently been dug up. Only a small bouquet of flowers indicated the place where Zoey now rested.

We both cried, each of us grieving a personal pain that no words could express. Then we sat against two headstones, facing one another, and talked.

“
I didn’t want to do it, Jez. I just knew I had to. I think I fucked up.” I shook my head when she offered me the bottle. The only way I’d escape this pain was to finally accept Arys’s darkness, but I wasn’t going to give in until I couldn’t take the resistance anymore.

“
No, Lex, you’re dealing with a lot. Needing some time to yourself is normal, healthy. Shaz is doing it, too. It’s a good thing. When you come back together, you’ll be strong enough to handle it.”

“
What if this is it? What if it’s too late to come back from this?” I rolled my head back against the cold stone and stared up at the twinkling stars.

Jez sipped champagne and followed my gaze. “No time for what ifs. Don’t force yourself to live in a moment that doesn’t exist yet. Just getting through this moment, right now, that’s hard enough.”

“
You’re amazing, you know that?” I was awestruck by Jez. She had lost more than I had. She sat near her lover’s grave and spoke encouraging words to me. It should have been the other way around.

“
Well, yeah.” She playfully rolled her eyes and grinned. The smile lacked genuine warmth though.

“
Are you ready to do this? Feel free to change your mind. I wouldn’t blame you.” I raised a brow expectantly.

“
Not a chance.”

“
Ready?”

Jez nodded. “Yeah. Can I just have a minute alone here?”

“
No problem.”

I pushed to my feet and walked through the long overgrown trail back to the road where I’d left the Charger. The power roiling about inside me caused my hair to float lightly, much like the effects of static. It wasn’t as erratic as it had been a few hours earlier, though it was still testing the boundaries of my control.

I paused halfway to the car. If I could gain even a little control, I could use Falon’s power when Jez and I stormed Lilah’s house. I wasn’t planning on a showdown; I wanted to talk to the bitch. If she knew that I possessed Veryl’s info on her, she might be forced to back down. Of course, I had to be ready for anything.

Taking a deep breath, I released it slowly and focused on a dead tree stump. I willed it to ignite, but not so much as a spark appeared.

That was odd. I expected at least a flicker of a flame. I tried again, projecting my intent through thought as I would with my own power. I just didn’t have that kind of ability with the borrowed force. Again, I tried to no avail.

“
Fuck,” I swore in sudden frustration and stomped my foot.

Immediately, the stump burst into flames. It climbed high into the sky, blindingly bright, then died down and went out. That was interesting. In The Wicked Kiss, the fire had seemed erratic. I couldn’t be sure, but Falon’s power seemed to react to my emotions. I’d have to test that further.

By the time Jez joined me at the car, I’d managed to ignite some brush on the side of the road and even float the Charger several feet off the ground. As good as my telekinetic ability to manipulate energy was, it wasn’t quite that good. The car was easily more than four thousand pounds. Being able to toss around something that big would certainly have its perks.

Less than an hour later, we rolled into the swanky neighborhood where Lilah was hiding. The houses were huge; some of them easily made mansion status. Most of the properties were fenced off, giving the impression that the occupants wanted little to do with outsiders.

“
Why do I get the feeling we’re about to be very surprised?” Jez mused, her gaze passing over the millionaire homes.

“
That’s not the plan,” I said with a soft laugh. “Lilah is the one about to be surprised.”

“
Here’s hoping.”

We passed the house I’d seen in the vampire’s thoughts, and my stomach tightened. I circled the block and parked several houses away. I debated on whether or not to bring the Dragon Claw. I was hoping to have a discussion, not a fight. Packing a weapon like that might tip the scales toward violence. In the end, I left the dagger in the trunk of the car. If it came down to a fight, my best defenses were the ones I carried inside me.

Jez tucked her favorite ash wood stake into her boot and gave me a grim smile. “Ready when you are.”

Willow wanted to accompany us. I’d asked him to keep an eye on Arys instead, to make sure he didn’t do anything too worrisome.

The house was as massive as any other in the neighborhood. A twenty-foot concrete wall surrounded the perimeter, and an iron gate blocked the driveway. I made no attempt to hide my approach.

We scaled the wall with no trouble. Jez gave me a boost and climbed up after me, her lithe, cat-like grace making it appear effortless. I paused, reaching out metaphysically to feel the area. Vampires, I could feel their telltale aura easily. Nothing else registered, but some creatures had the ability to cloak their presence. I was one of them, and so were most demons.

“
There could be just about anything in there,” I observed.

“
This should be fun then.” Jez punched me lightly in the arm. “Let’s go make this bitch sorry she ever met us.”

We dropped down to the grass below and waited. It was too quiet. I knew it couldn’t be this simple, and I was right.

Two seconds later, a pack of dogs came barreling around the back corner of the house.
Dogs
was hardly the right term. Beasts, monsters, things, all of those were a better fit.

“
Hellhounds,” gasped Jez. “I thought they were a myth.”

“
Just tell me we can kill them.” I was both horrified and mystified by the beasts. If I was a Hound of God and they were Hounds of Hell, then this might just be fun. My wolf tensed, ready for the fight.

“
I guess we’re about to find out.”

As the four ugly dogs came raging toward us, Jez and I stood side by side and braced for the attack. Each dog was huge, standing over waist high on all fours, easily weighing a few hundred pounds. Slobbering and snarling, they bared a mouthful of razor sharp fangs. Black with red eyes that glowed in the dark, they were dreadful things.

Though I was ready with fangs and claws, I didn’t plan to let the monsters close enough to use them. Sweeping a hand before me, I threw a psi ball that spread out in a haze of fire across the grass. It knocked three of the dogs back, but the fourth leapt over the flames and kept on coming.

Jez met it with a kick. The hound flew back but was up again immediately. I focused on launching him into the side of the house. Falon’s power ripped through me with force that left me shaking and my head pounding. The hound burst into flames. The high-pitched sound he made hurt my ears, but it was over quickly.

The fire I’d thrown at the other three had gone out, and they were on us before we could blink. I went down hard with one on top of me, fangs snapping dangerously close to my face. I got my arm between us and somehow managed to hold him off. Powerful hind legs kicked into my midsection, opening up a wound. Gritting my teeth, I shoved my power at the hound, and it flew backwards to land hard against the concrete wall. The crunch of breaking limbs was audible, and it didn’t get up.

The other two were on Jez, who was fighting hard. She slashed claws across the jugular of the hound fighting for her throat. Blood poured forth, bathing her in a crimson wave. I grabbed the other hound by the back legs and threw it. I followed up with another psi ball before it could recover.

When I was sure each hound was dead, I pulled Jez to her feet and looked her over. “Are you ok?”

“
Not a scratch on me,” she replied with a grin. “Yours looks superficial. Damn, that was a rush. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are more.”

I inspected the cut on my midsection. It was minor. I’d live.

We warily made our way up to the front door. Large white pillars stood off to either side. I expected something to leap out from behind them, but it never happened. I glanced at the doorbell.

“
Do we ring the bell or just burst inside like some action movie?” I returned Jez’s grin. Nothing about this was funny, but it was impossible not to get off a little on the excitement.

“
Hey, she only murdered people we care about for her own gain,” Jez said, heavy on the sarcasm. “No reason we can’t be civil.”

“
Alrighty, then.” With a shrug, I leaned on the doorbell longer than necessary. I gathered my power close, ready to use it. The pressure built fast thanks to the taint of fallen angel, which would not be easily held.

“
I swear,” I muttered. “If Falon opens this door I’m going to kick him in the damn-,”

The door cracked open, and I braced for whoever was on the other side. I wasn’t expecting a human. Thin and exceptionally pale, she stared at us with eyes the size of dinner plates. Stinking of fear and blood, she glanced nervously at someone out of sight before speaking.